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(272, 2, '2017-06-07 16:25:53', '2017-06-07 14:25:53', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>Overcoming The Fear of Rejection*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">No one likes to be rejected, especially by someone we care deeply about and that their opinion of us sometimes exceeds our own. In the dynamic of the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">H</span></b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) and <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>)</span></span></a> both partners feel rejected, but in different ways and for different reasons. This perpetual fear of rejection drives many couples’ dynamics and turns their <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">alliance into an unhealthy one</a>. Our sense of worth comes primarily from other people’s perception of us and the more important they are to us the more impact they have on us.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP Controls The HDP Sense of Worth</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Since the LDP controls sex in every way, shape and form, they tend to control how the HDP feels about themselves as well. Since most couples use <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\">other validated intimacy</a>, it is hard for the HDP to feel good about themselves and have the perception that they are desirable, when they are constantly rejected. When someone’s been rejected multiple times for sex, it\'s not uncommon to start thinking that there might be something wrong with them. When our sense of worth is based on what other people and most importantly our spouse thinks, then rejection is hard to deal with.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The doubt that the HDP feels about themselves makes them even less attractive. We\'ve all heard before that confidence is what makes someone attractive. Well, the rule still applies in long term committed relationships. So the HDP that has their self worth based on their spouses perception of them, rather than their own tend to be undesirable, because they act the part. When you don\'t feel confident; your way of being, of flirting and seducing demonstrates your lack thereof. HDP\'s start to want sex, not because they really truly have sexual desire for their partner, but because they want the other person to tell them their desirable. If you look at this situation more closely, the HDP is asking his LDP spouse to find them desirable and attractive when they can\'t even feel and see it for themselves.<b> It\'s a vicious cycle of undesirability</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kOVr8KgNX7Y/UzMfOFod4mI/AAAAAAAAASQ/vPX8uTPW4i0/s1600/yingyan.jpeg\"><img title=\"self-esteem\" src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kOVr8KgNX7Y/UzMfOFod4mI/AAAAAAAAASQ/vPX8uTPW4i0/s1600/yingyan.jpeg\" alt=\"have good sex, sexologist montreal. sexual desire\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Work on yourself, before you complain about your partner!</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Getting Out of This Rut</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This is where the hard work begins! In a relationship, where there probably isn\'t any <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a>, there is Normal Marital Sadism and you are faced with <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\">emotional gridlock</a>, the first thing that tends to come to mind is to call it quits and leave the relationship. Thing is...you\'ve put so much time and commitment in it that you don\'t just want to throw it all away. Also, you are going to face the same issues eventually in your next relationship anyway.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It\'s at this point that you need to work on your <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\">emotional balance</a>, if you want to get through this. First, you need to start feeling and acting in a desirable way. Stop the blaming and confront yourself about your own short-comings and insecurities. Put some effort into the relationship and notice where you have been slacking off. Reinvent yourself, be spontaneous and adventurous at how you are going to be with your partner and yourself. Get a life of your own, go out, try new things and start building your confidence through experiences other than with your spouse (non-sexual ones). It\'s important not to perceive this as taking a break or avoiding the issue. It\'s a time of self-reflection where you build yourself and get to know who you truly are and who you want to be. Motivate and inspire yourself, it makes a person attractive and desirable. Lastly, stop taking things so personally! Some of it might be more about your partner than yourself. If it is about you then take a stand and become a better person, by seeing it as constructive criticism, even when it\'s not said that way.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nRome wasn\'t built in a day and neither will your self-esteem and sense of <b>self-</b><b>worth</b>. You need to learn to tolerate pain, anxiety, fear and frustration to grow and become a mature adult in a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>READ NEXT CHAPTER</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b>I Don\'t Want Sex : </b>What Should I Do?</span></a></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Getting Yourself Together: Promotes Sexual Desire!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '53-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:25:53', '2017-06-07 14:25:53', '', 53, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/53-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(273, 2, '2017-06-07 16:27:07', '2017-06-07 14:27:07', '', 'funny love', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'funny-love', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:27:19', '2017-06-07 14:27:19', '', 53, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2014/03/funny-love.png', 0, 'attachment', 'image/png', 0),
(274, 2, '2017-10-25 20:57:35', '2017-10-25 18:57:35', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>How to Overcome The Issue?*</b></h2>\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sexual desire is defined as a sexual attraction or drive towards another person with whom we want to share real or fantasized sexual activities with. There are also many different types of sexual desire that one can express. Each one brings a dynamic to the couple and each partner may not share the same types of sexual desires or even the frequency to which they want sex with their spouse.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Rules of Couples</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">In every relationship, we find a <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) and a <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>). In other words, you always get one partner who wants more sex than the other one. These roles are interchangeable in a couple and varies during the relationship. Men and women can be in either roles and sexual orientation plays no effect on it. Normally at the beginning of a relationship, we don\'t really see any difference. As time goes by, we tend to pinpoint who initiates more often, who wants it more, who avoids or even pretends they like it. As a universal rule, the LDP is the one who controls sex, whether they want to or not. They control how, when, how often, and the why of having sex. They have this control because they are the person who wants it less, therefore they get to choose. Sometimes, this is where name calling begins between them:</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<ul type=\"disc\">\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You’re frigid!</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You never initiate.</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You want it all the time!</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I don\'t have time to build it, because you\'re always groping me</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">It\'s because you don\'t love me anymore</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I tried everything, but nothing seems to work</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your seeing someone else</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">…</li>\n</ul>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>We\'re in a Relationship, We Are Suppose to Have Sex</b></h2>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This dynamic is very frequent in couples who just don\'t know how to handle being rejected for sex. They think that after a while of being with a partner, that it sort of their partner\'s job or at least they own them some sex because they\'re a couple. Typically, the <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) will start initiating more often for sex and after being rejected a multitude of times they can then become even less desirable because they put all the blame on the partner. Some will go even further and stop putting any type of effort into seducing their lover when they want sex, yet still blame their spouse.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The HDP\'s Position</b></h4>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The HDP does this to protect himself from feeling the hurt of rejection. When we\'ve been rejected on numerous occasions for sex from our partner we start to doubt our desirability. We tend to choose to put less effort into flirting with our spouse, because when we give all that we\'ve got and they still turn us down, it hurts even more. So the standard outcome is to start asking for sex from the <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>) rather than creating sexual desire in them by being desirable ourselves.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP\'s Position</b></h4>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now at a first glance, we might think that the LDP has the better position right? They are satisfied and get the frequency of sex they want and they have the control. Which is what the HDP tells them frequently, sometimes. Not so fast! Neither position in the couple, really feels comfortable. The LDP constantly has to put their limits towards their partner and respect themselves even when sometimes being barraged with name calling. They can feel inadequate and afraid to lose their partner because of it. Sometimes, they don\'t like the sex they are having and don\'t want to hurt their partners feelings by telling them, so they try to avoid it. Most of the time, they don\'t feel they have control, because they are being bombarded by questions, accusations from their partner, which might lead them to offer <b>pity sex</b>.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"></h4>\n\n<hr />\n\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Pity sex</h4>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Most couples will not want to admit they have pity sex, but it\'s probably the most common in long-term relationships where partners haven\'t dealt properly with their HDP and LDP dynamics. An unworked sexual desire issue between spouses brings <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">alliance issues</a> into the couple. Let us look more deeply into the pity sex dynamic. It is defined as offering sex we do not want to our partner because we are afraid of losing them or we just want them to stop asking profusely for sex or to avoid another conflict about the situation. As you might imagine, pity sex is the worst type of sex you can offer and get in a relationship. It is neither fun nor pleasurable for either people. The LDP is rarely if not at all participating in this type of sexual activity, which the HDP obviously sees or feels. The LDP might even make such remarks as: «let\'s get this over with» and the like.</h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">What is even more surprising in this situation, is not only does the LDP offer such awful sex, the HDP accepts it. Their way of thinking is: «well...if I don\'t take this...I won\'t get any at all». This is where they\'re shooting themselves in the foot. Not only is accepting pity sex from a spouse a lack of respect to themselves, it\'s a lack of respect to their partner as well. Think about it for a second: Why should your partner put any effort into sex if you\'re willing to take anything that is given to you. This lack of respect of self, makes a person truly undesirable. Second, if the partner doesn\'t feel like they\'re respected because they are seen as a piece of meat their spouse just wants to have sex with, don\'t expect them to do it for very long or even enjoy sex. This dynamic also makes the LDP feel undesirable to themselves, and therefore lacks sexual desire, because they lack integrity.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\n</div>\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">READ THE NEXT CHAPTER</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Getting Yourself Together, Promotes Sexual Desire!: </span></b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Overcoming The Fear of Rejection</span></span></a>', 'Different Levels of Sexual Desire Between Partners in a Couple', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '54-autosave-v1', '', '', '2017-10-25 20:57:35', '2017-10-25 18:57:35', '', 54, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/54-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(427, 2, '2017-10-25 20:57:58', '2017-10-25 18:57:58', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>How to Overcome The Issue?*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sexual desire is defined as a sexual attraction or drive towards another person with whom we want to share real or fantasized sexual activities with. There are also many different types of sexual desire that one can express. Each one brings a dynamic to the couple and each partner may not share the same types of sexual desires or even the frequency to which they want sex with their spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Rules of Couples</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">In every relationship, we find a <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) and a <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>). In other words, you always get one partner who wants more sex than the other one. These roles are interchangeable in a couple and varies during the relationship. Men and women can be in either roles and sexual orientation plays no effect on it. Normally at the beginning of a relationship, we don\'t really see any difference. As time goes by, we tend to pinpoint who initiates more often, who wants it more, who avoids or even pretends they like it. As a universal rule, the LDP is the one who controls sex, whether they want to or not. They control how, when, how often, and the why of having sex. They have this control because they are the person who wants it less, therefore they get to choose. Sometimes, this is where name calling begins between them:</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul type=\"disc\">\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You’re frigid!</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You never initiate.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You want it all the time!</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I don\'t have time to build it, because you\'re always groping me</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">It\'s because you don\'t love me anymore</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I tried everything, but nothing seems to work</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your seeing someone else</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">…</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h2 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>We\'re in a Relationship, We Are Suppose to Have Sex</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This dynamic is very frequent in couples who just don\'t know how to handle being rejected for sex. They think that after a while of being with a partner, that it sort of their partner\'s job or at least they own them some sex because they\'re a couple. Typically, the <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) will start initiating more often for sex and after being rejected a multitude of times they can then become even less desirable because they put all the blame on the partner. Some will go even further and stop putting any type of effort into seducing their lover when they want sex, yet still blame their spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The HDP\'s Position</b></h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The HDP does this to protect himself from feeling the hurt of rejection. When we\'ve been rejected on numerous occasions for sex from our partner we start to doubt our desirability. We tend to choose to put less effort into flirting with our spouse, because when we give all that we\'ve got and they still turn us down, it hurts even more. So the standard outcome is to start asking for sex from the <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>) rather than creating sexual desire in them by being desirable ourselves.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP\'s Position</b></h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now at a first glance, we might think that the LDP has the better position right? They are satisfied and get the frequency of sex they want and they have the control. Which is what the HDP tells them frequently, sometimes. Not so fast! Neither position in the couple, really feels comfortable. The LDP constantly has to put their limits towards their partner and respect themselves even when sometimes being barraged with name calling. They can feel inadequate and afraid to lose their partner because of it. Sometimes, they don\'t like the sex they are having and don\'t want to hurt their partners\' feelings by telling them, so they try to avoid it. Most of the time, they don\'t feel they have control, because they are being bombarded by questions, accusations from their partner, which might lead them to offer <b>pity sex</b>.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"></h4>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Pity sex</h4>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Most couples will not want to admit they have pity sex, but it\'s probably the most common in long-term relationships where partners haven\'t dealt properly with their HDP and LDP dynamics. An unworked sexual desire issue between spouses brings <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">alliance issues</a> into the couple. Let us look more deeply into the pity sex dynamic. It is defined as offering sex we do not want to our partner because we are afraid of losing them or we just want them to stop asking profusely for sex or to avoid another conflict about the situation. As you might imagine, pity sex is the worst type of sex you can offer and get in a relationship. It is neither fun nor pleasurable for either people. The LDP is rarely if not at all participating in this type of sexual activity, which the HDP obviously sees or feels. The LDP might even make such remarks as: «let\'s get this over with» and the like.</p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">What is even more surprising in this situation, is not only does the LDP offer such awful sex, the HDP accepts it. Their way of thinking is: «well...if I don\'t take this...I won\'t get any at all». This is where they\'re shooting themselves in the foot. Not only is accepting pity sex from a spouse a lack of respect to themselves, it\'s a lack of respect to their partner as well. Think about it for a second: Why should your partner put any effort into sex if you\'re willing to take anything that is given to you. This lack of respect of self, makes a person truly undesirable. Second, if the partner doesn\'t feel like they\'re respected because they are seen as a piece of meat their spouse just wants to have sex with, don\'t expect them to do it for very long or even enjoy sex. This dynamic also makes the LDP feel undesirable to themselves, and therefore lacks sexual desire, because they lack integrity.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">READ THE NEXT CHAPTER</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Getting Yourself Together, Promotes Sexual Desire!: </span></b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Overcoming The Fear of Rejection</span></span></a>', 'Different Levels of Sexual Desire Between Partners in a Couple', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '54-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-25 20:57:58', '2017-10-25 18:57:58', '', 54, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/54-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(276, 2, '2017-06-07 16:35:26', '2017-06-07 14:35:26', '', 'sex', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'screen-shot-2017-02-01-at-1-56-51-pm', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:35:45', '2017-06-07 14:35:45', '', 54, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2014/03/Screen-Shot-2017-02-01-at-1.56.51-PM.png', 0, 'attachment', 'image/png', 0),
(416, 2, '2017-10-20 03:00:27', '2017-10-20 01:00:27', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>How to Overcome The Issue?*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sexual desire is defined as a sexual attraction or drive towards another person with whom we want to share real or fantasized sexual activities with. There are also many different types of sexual desire that one can express. Each one brings a dynamic to the couple and each partner may not share the same types of sexual desires or even the frequency to which they want sex with their spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Rules of Couples</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">In every relationship, we find a <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) and a <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>). In other words, you always get one partner who wants more sex than the other one. These roles are interchangeable in a couple and varies during the relationship. Men and women can be in either roles and sexual orientation plays no effect on it. Normally at the beginning of a relationship, we don\'t really see any difference. As time goes by, we tend to pinpoint who initiates more often, who wants it more, who avoids or even pretends they like it. As a universal rule, the LDP is the one who controls sex, whether they want to or not. They control how, when, how often, and the why of having sex. They have this control because they are the person who wants it less, therefore they get to choose. Sometimes, this is where name calling begins between them:</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul type=\"disc\">\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You’re frigid!</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You never initiate.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You want it all the time!</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I don\'t have time to build it, because you\'re always groping me</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">It\'s because you don\'t love me anymore</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I tried everything, but nothing seems to work</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your seeing someone else</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">…</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h2 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>We\'re in a Relationship, We Are Suppose to Have Sex</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This dynamic is very frequent in couples who just don\'t know how to handle being rejected for sex. They think that after a while of being with a partner, that it sort of their partner\'s job or at least they own them some sex because they\'re a couple. Typically, the <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) will start initiating more often for sex and after being rejected a multitude of times they can then become even less desirable because they put all the blame on the partner. Some will go even further and stop putting any type of effort into seducing their lover when they want sex, yet still blame their spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The HDP\'s Position</b></h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The HDP does this to protect himself from feeling the hurt of rejection. When we\'ve been rejected on numerous occasions for sex from our partner we start to doubt our desirability. We tend to choose to put less effort into flirting with our spouse, because when we give all that we\'ve got and they still turn us down, it hurts even more. So the standard outcome is to start asking for sex from the <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>) rather than creating sexual desire in them by being desirable ourselves.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP\'s Position</b></h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now at a first glance, we might think that the LDP has the better position right? They are satisfied and get the frequency of sex they want and they have the control. Which is what the HDP tells them frequently, sometimes. Not so fast! Neither position in the couple, really feels comfortable. The LDP constantly has to put their limits towards their partner and respect themselves even when sometimes being barraged with name calling. They can feel inadequate and afraid to lose their partner because of it. Sometimes, they don\'t like the sex they are having and don\'t want to hurt their partners feelings by telling them, so they try to avoid it. Most of the time, they don\'t feel they have control, because they are being bombarded by questions, accusations from their partner, which might lead them to offer <b>pity sex</b>.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\nMost couples will not want to admit they have pity sex, but it\'s probably the most common in long-term relationships where partners haven\'t dealt properly with their HDP and LDP dynamics. An unworked sexual desire issue between spouses brings <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">alliance issues</a> into the couple. Let us look more deeply into the pity sex dynamic. It is defined as offering sex we do not want to our partner because we are afraid of losing them or we just want them to stop asking profusely for sex or to avoid another conflict about the situation. As you might imagine, pity sex is the worst type of sex you can offer and get in a relationship. It is neither fun nor pleasurable for either people. The LDP is rarely if not at all participating in this type of sexual activity, which the HDP obviously sees or feels. The LDP might even make such remarks as: «let\'s get this over with» and the like.<b>Pity Sex</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">What is even more surprising in this situation, is not only does the LDP offer such awful sex, the HDP accepts it. Their way of thinking is: «well...if I don\'t take this...I won\'t get any at all». This is where they\'re shooting themselves in the foot. Not only is accepting pity sex from a spouse a lack of respect to themselves, it\'s a lack of respect to their partner as well. Think about it for a second: Why should your partner put any effort into sex if you\'re willing to take anything that is given to you. This lack of respect of self, makes a person truly undesirable. Second, if the partner doesn\'t feel like they\'re respected because they are seen as a piece of meat their spouse just wants to have sex with, don\'t expect them to do it for very long or even enjoy sex. This dynamic also makes the LDP feel undesirable to themselves, and therefore lacks sexual desire, because they lack integrity.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-krVOEbH1l_s/UzMeYa_LiDI/AAAAAAAAASE/gc6ItECsuQA/s1600/bad+sex+masturbation.jpg\"><img title=\"Bad sex\" src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-krVOEbH1l_s/UzMeYa_LiDI/AAAAAAAAASE/gc6ItECsuQA/s1600/bad+sex+masturbation.jpg\" alt=\"low desire issues, sexologist montreal, sex therapist\" width=\"240\" height=\"320\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Yes, if you want to keep having bad sex!!</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">READ THE NEXT CHAPTER</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Getting Yourself Together, Promotes Sexual Desire!: </span></b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Overcoming The Fear of Rejection</span></span></a>', 'Different Levels of Sexual Desire Between Partners in a Couple', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '54-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-20 03:00:27', '2017-10-20 01:00:27', '', 54, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/54-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(277, 2, '2020-10-12 02:57:11', '2020-10-12 00:57:11', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\n\n<hr />\n\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype,</a> <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a>, or <a href=\"http://zoom.us\">Zoom</a> as a program.</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\n<ol>\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other to the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\n</ol>\n</div>\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\n<div></div>\n<div>\n\n<hr />\n\n<b>\n</b><b>\n</b>\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\n<b> </b>\n\n<hr />\n\n<b>\n</b><b>\n</b><b>\n</b><b></b>\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\n</b><b>\n</b>\n\n</div>\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Method of payment: E-transfer Interac</h3>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay by email bank transfer</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"> This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 100$  at the following email address:</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\n\nYou can follow the procedure depending on your bank:\n\n<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\n\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\n\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\n\n&nbsp;\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You are required to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\n\n<hr />\n\n&nbsp;\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\n&nbsp;\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-autosave-v1', '', '', '2020-10-12 02:57:11', '2020-10-12 00:57:11', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(278, 2, '2017-06-07 16:39:24', '2017-06-07 14:39:24', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype</a> or <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a> as a program.</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other on the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">How do I get Skype?</h3>\r\n<div>It is possible to get Skype for free on your Mac or you PC by going <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/download-skype/skype-for-computer/\">here</a>. If you do not have a webcam, Skype can help you procure you one easily.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Is it safe?</h3>\r\n<div>The site is totally safe and remains confidential. The security of Skype it completely secure and you can get more information on it by going to their website: <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/security/\">http://www.skype.com/en/security/</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">What is Facetime?</h3>\r\n<div>Facetime is a program offered on Apple computers and is already installed when you purchased it. You can always <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">get it here </a>for a small fee. It works similar to Skype but normally has a better video quality, but you need an Apple computer</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b></b>\r\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"methodpayment\">Method of payment</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay either by a email bank transfer  (<b>Option 1</b>)<b> </b>or with Paypal (<b>Option 2</b>).</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 1</b>: This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 90$ or 70$ (student) at the following email address:</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\nYou can follow the procedure depending on your bank:\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 2: </b> You can pay via <a href=\"https://www.paypal.com/ca/webapps/mpp/home?locale.x=en_CA\">Paypal</a> with your credit card or with a Paypal account if you already have one.\r\n<table>\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td>Price</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td>Regular $78.27 CAD Student $60.89 CAD</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<img src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/scr/pixel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" /><span style=\"line-height: 24.2667px;\">a session of 50 minutes via webcam</span></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You will need to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<br style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\" />\r\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex-therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:39:24', '2017-06-07 14:39:24', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(280, 2, '2017-06-07 16:40:57', '2017-06-07 14:40:57', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype</a> or <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a> as a program.</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other on the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">How do I get Skype?</h3>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\nIt is possible to get Skype for free on your Mac or you PC by going <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/download-skype/skype-for-computer/\">here</a>. If you do not have a webcam, Skype can help you procure you one easily.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Is it safe?</h3>\r\n<div>The site is totally safe and remains confidential. The security of Skype it completely secure and you can get more information on it by going to their website: <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/security/\">http://www.skype.com/en/security/</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">What is Facetime?</h3>\r\n<div>Facetime is a program offered on Apple computers and is already installed when you purchased it. You can always <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">get it here </a>for a small fee. It works similar to Skype but normally has a better video quality, but you need an Apple computer</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b></b>\r\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"methodpayment\">Method of payment</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay either by email bank transfer  (<b>Option 1</b>)<b> </b>or with Paypal (<b>Option 2</b>).</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 1</b>: This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 90$ or 70$ (student) at the following email address:</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You can follow the procedure depending on your bank:<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<b>Option 2: </b> You can pay via <a href=\"https://www.paypal.com/ca/webapps/mpp/home?locale.x=en_CA\">Paypal</a> with your credit card or with a Paypal account if you already have one.\r\n<img src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/scr/pixel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" /><span style=\"line-height: 24.2667px;\">a session of 50 minutes via webca\r\nm</span>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You will need to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex-therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:40:57', '2017-06-07 14:40:57', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(279, 2, '2017-06-07 16:40:13', '2017-06-07 14:40:13', '', 'online consultation', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'online-consultation', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:40:23', '2017-06-07 14:40:23', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2014/02/online-consultation.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(281, 2, '2017-06-07 16:43:41', '2017-06-07 14:43:41', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype</a> or <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a> as a program.</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other on the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">How do I get Skype?</h3>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\nIt is possible to get Skype for free on your Mac or you PC by going <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/download-skype/skype-for-computer/\">here</a>. If you do not have a webcam, Skype can help you procure you one easily.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Is it safe?</h3>\r\n<div>The site is totally safe and remains confidential. The security of Skype it completely secure and you can get more information on it by going to their website: <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/security/\">http://www.skype.com/en/security/</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">What is Facetime?</h3>\r\n<div>Facetime is a program offered on Apple computers and is already installed when you purchased it. You can always <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">get it here </a>for a small fee. It works similar to Skype but normally has a better video quality, but you need an Apple computer</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b></b>\r\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"methodpayment\">Method of payment</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay either by email bank transfer  (<b>Option 1</b>)<b> </b>or with Paypal (<b>Option 2</b>).</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 1</b>: This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 90$ or 70$ (student) at the following email address:</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\nYou can follow the procedure depending on your bank:<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<b>Option 2: </b> You can pay via <a href=\"https://www.paypal.com/ca/webapps/mpp/home?locale.x=en_CA\">Paypal</a> with your credit card or with a Paypal account if you already have one.\r\n\r\n<form action=\"https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr\" method=\"post\" target=\"_top\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" />\r\n<input name=\"hosted_button_id\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"L6ZLWF32DPMRG\" />\r\n<input alt=\"PayPal - The safer, easier way to pay online!\" name=\"submit\" src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_buynow_LG.gif\" type=\"image\" />\r\n<img src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/fr_CA/i/scr/pixel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" /></form>a session of 50 minutes via webca\r\nm\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You will need to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex-therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:43:41', '2017-06-07 14:43:41', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(282, 2, '2017-06-07 16:44:09', '2017-06-07 14:44:09', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype</a> or <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a> as a program.</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other on the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">How do I get Skype?</h3>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\nIt is possible to get Skype for free on your Mac or you PC by going <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/download-skype/skype-for-computer/\">here</a>. If you do not have a webcam, Skype can help you procure you one easily.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Is it safe?</h3>\r\n<div>The site is totally safe and remains confidential. The security of Skype it completely secure and you can get more information on it by going to their website: <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/security/\">http://www.skype.com/en/security/</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">What is Facetime?</h3>\r\n<div>Facetime is a program offered on Apple computers and is already installed when you purchased it. You can always <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">get it here </a>for a small fee. It works similar to Skype but normally has a better video quality, but you need an Apple computer</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b></b>\r\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"methodpayment\">Method of payment</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay either by email bank transfer  (<b>Option 1</b>)<b> </b>or with Paypal (<b>Option 2</b>).</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 1</b>: This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 90$ or 70$ (student) at the following email address:</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\nYou can follow the procedure depending on your bank:<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<b>Option 2: </b> You can pay via <a href=\"https://www.paypal.com/ca/webapps/mpp/home?locale.x=en_CA\">Paypal</a> with your credit card or with a Paypal account if you already have one.\r\n\r\n<form action=\"https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr\" method=\"post\" target=\"_top\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" />\r\n<input name=\"hosted_button_id\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"L6ZLWF32DPMRG\" />\r\n<input alt=\"PayPal - The safer, easier way to pay online!\" name=\"submit\" src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_buynow_LG.gif\" type=\"image\" />\r\n<img src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/fr_CA/i/scr/pixel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" /></form>a session of 50 minutes via webcam\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You will need to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex-therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:44:09', '2017-06-07 14:44:09', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(283, 2, '2017-06-07 16:45:11', '2017-06-07 14:45:11', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype</a> or <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a> as a program.</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other on the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">How do I get Skype?</h3>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\nIt is possible to get Skype for free on your Mac or you PC by going <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/download-skype/skype-for-computer/\">here</a>. If you do not have a webcam, Skype can help you procure you one easily.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Is it safe?</h3>\r\n<div>The site is totally safe and remains confidential. The security of Skype it completely secure and you can get more information on it by going to their website: <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/security/\">http://www.skype.com/en/security/</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">What is Facetime?</h3>\r\n<div>Facetime is a program offered on Apple computers and is already installed when you purchased it. You can always <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">get it here </a>for a small fee. It works similar to Skype but normally has a better video quality, but you need an Apple computer</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b></b>\r\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"methodpayment\">Method of payment</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay either by email bank transfer  (<b>Option 1</b>)<b> </b>or with Paypal (<b>Option 2</b>).</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 1</b>: This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 90$ or 70$ (student) at the following email address:</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\nYou can follow the procedure depending on your bank:\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<b>Option 2: </b> You can pay via <a href=\"https://www.paypal.com/ca/webapps/mpp/home?locale.x=en_CA\">Paypal</a> with your credit card or with a Paypal account if you already have one.\r\n\r\n<form action=\"https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr\" method=\"post\" target=\"_top\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" />\r\n<input name=\"hosted_button_id\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"L6ZLWF32DPMRG\" />\r\n<input alt=\"PayPal - The safer, easier way to pay online!\" name=\"submit\" src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_buynow_LG.gif\" type=\"image\" />\r\n<img src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/fr_CA/i/scr/pixel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" /></form>a session of 50 minutes via webcam\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You will need to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex-therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:45:11', '2017-06-07 14:45:11', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(284, 2, '2017-06-07 16:45:41', '2017-06-07 14:45:41', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype</a> or <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a> as a program.</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other on the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">How do I get Skype?</h3>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\nIt is possible to get Skype for free on your Mac or you PC by going <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/download-skype/skype-for-computer/\">here</a>. If you do not have a webcam, Skype can help you procure you one easily.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Is it safe?</h3>\r\n<div>The site is totally safe and remains confidential. The security of Skype it completely secure and you can get more information on it by going to their website: <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/security/\">http://www.skype.com/en/security/</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">What is Facetime?</h3>\r\n<div>Facetime is a program offered on Apple computers and is already installed when you purchased it. You can always <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">get it here </a>for a small fee. It works similar to Skype but normally has a better video quality, but you need an Apple computer</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b></b>\r\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"methodpayment\">Method of payment</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay either by email bank transfer  (<b>Option 1</b>)<b> </b>or with Paypal (<b>Option 2</b>).</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 1</b>: This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 90$ or 70$ (student) at the following email address:</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\nYou can follow the procedure depending on your bank:\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<b>Option 2: </b> You can pay via <a href=\"https://www.paypal.com/ca/webapps/mpp/home?locale.x=en_CA\">Paypal</a> with your credit card or with a Paypal account if you already have one.\r\n\r\n<form action=\"https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr\" method=\"post\" target=\"_top\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" />\r\n<input name=\"hosted_button_id\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"L6ZLWF32DPMRG\" />\r\n<input alt=\"PayPal - The safer, easier way to pay online!\" name=\"submit\" src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_buynow_LG.gif\" type=\"image\" />\r\n<img src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/fr_CA/i/scr/pixel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" /></form>a session of 50 minutes via webcam\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You will need to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:45:41', '2017-06-07 14:45:41', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(285, 2, '2019-05-02 15:09:52', '2019-05-02 13:09:52', '<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>How does therapy work?</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The sessions are normally scheduled once every week, which allows gaining momentum in the therapy work you’ve begun.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The length of the therapy cannot be determined by your sexual, emotional or relationship difficulty, since every individual has a different degree of motivation, complexity and their dynamic is unique to themselves.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therapy sessions can either be done individually or as a couple.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is also possible to do therapy <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/02/procedure-for-a-webcam-session.html\">in the comfort of your home via webcam</a>.</div>\n<div></div>\n<div>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Typically, a sex therapy can last up to 10 to 15 sessions on a weekly basis. This can either be shorter or longer depending on the severity of the issue and your implication in the process. Frequency can be stretched out depending on the need, availability or financial resources of the person.</span></p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Sex therapy is similar to any other type of psychotherapy with a health professional. We explore in the first session the situation and access what are the underlying issues at hand and the objectives you want to achieve. We tend to go deeper into future sessions to really grasp and understand the issues that were targeted to eventually find solutions and remedy the situation.</span></p>\n\n</div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>First session</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The first session allows evaluating your reason for consultation, your objectives and expectations. With this information, the sextherapist &amp; psychotherapist can clarify the manner in which the subsequent sessions will proceed according to your individual and/or couple needs.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This session is also essential in determining if you are comfortable with and trust your sextherapist. It is important to choose your sextherapist according to their personality, their approach and interactions between you and them during this initial encounter.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is important to consider that therapy can be confrontational and uncomfortable at times and that it will allow you to progress in your process.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\"><img src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Following sessions</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your sex therapist will gather more detailed information concerning your sexual and/or relationship difficulty that brought you to consult in the first place. The goal is to determine and understand your dynamic and the reasons you are facing these difficulties. Following these hypotheses, you will be able to establish with the sex therapist your objectives and ways of overcoming your difficulties.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>After </b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Once the comprehension of the sexual problems is finished, the following sessions help you to achieve your goals by overcoming your limits. This step tends to be particularly difficult for some people and the results are determined by your motivation and resilience at tolerating the anxiety that is inevitable when it comes to change.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The last step</b></h3>\n&nbsp;\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This step consists of doing a summary of the results of the sex therapy. Before ending the therapy, the sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist ensures that you have integrated all the therapeutic gains that have been worked on so that you can independently deal with future issues autonomously. It is always possible to slowly space out the sessions at the end to facilitate the process.</div>', 'Therapeutic process with a sex therapist', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '56-autosave-v1', '', '', '2019-05-02 15:09:52', '2019-05-02 13:09:52', '', 56, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/56-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(288, 2, '2017-06-07 16:49:28', '2017-06-07 14:49:28', '<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>How does therapy work?</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The sessions are normally scheduled once every week, which allows gaining momentum in the therapy work you’ve begun.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The length of the therapy cannot be determined by your sexual, emotional or relationship difficulty, since every individual has a different degree of motivation, complexity and their dynamic unique to themselves.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therapy sessions can either be done individually or as a couple.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is also possible to do therapy <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/02/procedure-for-a-webcam-session.html\">in the comfort of your home via webcam</a></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>First session</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The first session allows to evaluate your reason of consultation, your objectives and expectations. With this information, the sexologist &amp; psychotherapist can clarify the manner in which the subsequent sessions will proceed according to your individual and/or couple needs.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This session is also essential in determining if you are comfortable with and trust your therapist. It is important to choose your sexologist according to his personality, his approach and interactions between you and him during this initial encounter.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is important to consider that therapy can be confrontational and uncomfortable at times and that it will allow you to progress in your process.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\"><img src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Following sessions</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your therapist will gather more detailed information concerning your sexual and/or relationship difficulty that brought you to consult in the first place. The goal is to determine and understand your dynamic and the reasons you are facing these difficulties. Following these hypotheses, you will be able to establish with the sex-therapist objectives and ways of overcoming your difficulties.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>After </b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Once the comprehension of the sexual problems is finished, the following sessions help you to achieve your goals by overcoming your limits. This step tends to be particularly difficult for some people and the results are determined by your motivation and resilience at tolerating anxiety that is inevitable when it comes to change.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The last step</b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This step consists of doing a summary of the results of the therapy. Before ending the therapy, the sexologist &amp; psychotherapist ensures that you have integrated all the therapeutic gains that have been worked on so that you can independently deal with future issues autonomously. It is always possible to slowly space out the sessions at the end to facilitate the process.</div>', 'Therapeutic process with a sex-therapist', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '56-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:49:28', '2017-06-07 14:49:28', '', 56, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/56-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(289, 2, '2017-06-07 16:50:08', '2017-06-07 14:50:08', '<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>How does therapy work?</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The sessions are normally scheduled once every week, which allows gaining momentum in the therapy work you’ve begun.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The length of the therapy cannot be determined by your sexual, emotional or relationship difficulty, since every individual has a different degree of motivation, complexity and their dynamic unique to themselves.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therapy sessions can either be done individually or as a couple.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is also possible to do therapy <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/02/procedure-for-a-webcam-session.html\">in the comfort of your home via webcam</a></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>First session</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The first session allows to evaluate your reason of consultation, your objectives and expectations. With this information, the sexologist &amp; psychotherapist can clarify the manner in which the subsequent sessions will proceed according to your individual and/or couple needs.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This session is also essential in determining if you are comfortable with and trust your therapist. It is important to choose your sexologist according to his personality, his approach and interactions between you and him during this initial encounter.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is important to consider that therapy can be confrontational and uncomfortable at times and that it will allow you to progress in your process.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\"><img src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Following sessions</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your therapist will gather more detailed information concerning your sexual and/or relationship difficulty that brought you to consult in the first place. The goal is to determine and understand your dynamic and the reasons you are facing these difficulties. Following these hypotheses, you will be able to establish with the sex-therapist objectives and ways of overcoming your difficulties.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>After </b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Once the comprehension of the sexual problems is finished, the following sessions help you to achieve your goals by overcoming your limits. This step tends to be particularly difficult for some people and the results are determined by your motivation and resilience at tolerating anxiety that is inevitable when it comes to change.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The last step</b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This step consists of doing a summary of the results of the therapy. Before ending the therapy, the sexologist &amp; psychotherapist ensures that you have integrated all the therapeutic gains that have been worked on so that you can independently deal with future issues autonomously. It is always possible to slowly space out the sessions at the end to facilitate the process.</div>', 'Therapeutic process with a sex therapist', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '56-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:50:08', '2017-06-07 14:50:08', '', 56, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/56-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(290, 2, '2017-06-07 18:33:32', '2017-06-07 16:33:32', '&nbsp;\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><i><b>The underlying issue in couples*</b></i></span></span></span></h4>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples fight and it\'s always going to be that way, it\'s inevitable. It\'s not the most fun thing to do with the love of our life. We would all prefer that we all get along and we live happily ever after. Unfortunately and fortunately that is not how it works. People can\'t agree on everything especially when it\'s truly important to who we are and how we act. Our sense of self or commonly know as our identity plays a huge role in our romantic relationships. We can\'t always agree to disagree with our partner, because sometimes you only have one choice, you have to choose and you need to put aside the other choice. Sacrifices are needed in relationships and these tend to create lots of arguments in relationships. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples have conflicts on a regular basis and that is totally fine. What really matters is how you deal with them. It\'s not rare to find partners in a battle on a specific subject which neither of them wants to be wrong about or wants to let go of their point of view of the situation. They are both emotionally attached to their perception of the situation and each contradicts the other ones. This is called <b>emotional gridlock! </b><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">The symptoms of this are the following:</span></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<ul>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\">Repetitive arguments</li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">quickly get frustrated about a topic or argument</span></span></li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Feelings of being misunderstood</span></span></li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Thinking that we are entirely right and their entirely wrong</span></span></li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Not reflecting on what the other is saying, but of our next argument</span></span></li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our only goal is to prove our point and be right</span></span></li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Ignoring the other person to hurt feelings</span></span></li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">and the list goes on!</span></span></li>\n</ul>\n\n<hr />\n\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UGEs5b3ZShk/UbvOb_ikoUI/AAAAAAAAAKw/b2LPBrlkK7M/s1600/iStock_000019759343XSmall.jpg\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UGEs5b3ZShk/UbvOb_ikoUI/AAAAAAAAAKw/b2LPBrlkK7M/s320/iStock_000019759343XSmall.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"212\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: xx-small;\">What emotional gridlock can feel like sometimes</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">Most will say that there is </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication, which is false</a></span></span><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. Partners understand each other very well in theses situations, as they\'ve been repeating each other over and over again. Each of them could repeat by heart what their partner\'s arguments word for word. </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They just don\'t agree with them</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. This is where the emotional gridlock plays a huge role. If one of them had to agree with the other, they would have to change who they are as a person or their perspective of themselves, which affects their sense of self. In other words, it\'s a battle of their integrity. </span></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They are also avoiding at the same time making a decision about their situation. They are facing what we call a </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">2 choice dilemma</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">: Having to choose between two opposing circumstances which obliges the loss of the advantages of the one that isn\'t chosen. So we can understand why each partner is holding on to their end of the blanket. </span></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>How Do We Get Out of The Emotional Gridlock</b></span></span></h3>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">This is where things get really hard for the couple and when at least <u>one </u>partner needs to have a strong <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">4 points of balance</a></span> to get pass the dilemma that the couple is facing. It requires a lot of maturity, a capacity to self-confront, to accept half-truths, to avoid holding a grudge, to grow and change as a person. It\'s important not to mistake this for a compromise or a lack of integrity, but a complete change in the dynamic of the couple. It only takes one partner to do it and that is why it\'s actually so hard. It leaves the one that does change completely vulnerable, as they are openly admitting they didn\'t have the entire truth and they are losing their choice in the dilemma. They went beyond their emotions and saw further than their own needs. They took a chance to grow as a person and they grasp it, even though it could have backfired on them. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Emotional gridlock is the battle of the wills of a couple, of each individual\'s integrity and sense of self (identity). It takes a lot of courage for a person to come out of that in a way that they are not losing who they are, but becoming someone better. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Productive Conflicts</b></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Romantic relationships have the capacity to bring the worse in people, but it also allows to bring the best in each partner as well. It\'s undeniable that staying with the same person for a long time is going to bring challenges. Each individual has choices that they can make. One of them is showing the best of themselves and growing in the process or they can stay stuck in their emotional gridlock and remain unsatisfied in their relationship. The choice seems obvious, but actually growing and redefining who you are is one of the hardest things a person can achieve in their lives. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The 4 Points of Balance Part 4</a></u></span></span>\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">\n</span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>', 'Emotional Gridlock', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '58-autosave-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 18:33:32', '2017-06-07 16:33:32', '', 58, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/58-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(292, 2, '2017-06-07 16:55:45', '2017-06-07 14:55:45', '&nbsp;\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><i><b>The underlying issue in couples*</b></i></span></span></span></h4>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples fight and it\'s always going to be that way, it\'s inevitable. It\'s not the most fun thing to do with the love of our life. We would all prefer that we all get along and we live happily ever after. Unfortunately and fortunately that is not how it works. People can\'t agree on everything especially when it\'s truly important to who we are and how we act. Our sense of self or commonly know as our identity plays a huge role in our romantic relationships. We can\'t always agree to disagree with our partner, because sometimes you only have one choice, you have to choose and you need to put aside the other choice. Sacrifices are needed in relationships and these tend to create lots of arguments in relationships. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples have conflicts on a regular basis and that is totally fine. What really matters is how you deal with them. It\'s not rare to find partners in a battle on a specific subject which neither of them wants to be wrong about or wants to let go of their point of view of the situation. They are both emotionally attached to their perception of the situation and each contradicts the other ones. This is called <b>emotional gridlock! </b><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">The symptoms of this are the following:</span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\">Repetitive arguments</li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">quickly get frustrated about a topic or argument</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Feelings of being misunderstood</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Thinking that we are entirely right and their entirely wrong</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Not reflecting on what the other is saying, but of our next argument</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our only goal is to prove our point and be right</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Ignoring the other person to hurt feelings</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">and the list goes on!</span></span></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UGEs5b3ZShk/UbvOb_ikoUI/AAAAAAAAAKw/b2LPBrlkK7M/s1600/iStock_000019759343XSmall.jpg\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UGEs5b3ZShk/UbvOb_ikoUI/AAAAAAAAAKw/b2LPBrlkK7M/s320/iStock_000019759343XSmall.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"212\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: xx-small;\">What emotional gridlock can feel like sometimes</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">Most will say that there is </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication, which is false</a></span></span><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. Partners understand each other very well in theses situations, as they\'ve been repeating each other over and over again. Each of them could repeat by heart what their partner\'s arguments word for word. </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They just don\'t agree with them</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. This is where the emotional gridlock plays a huge role. If one of them had to agree with the other, they would have to change who they are as a person or their perspective of themselves, which affects their sense of self. In other words, it\'s a battle of their integrity. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They are also avoiding at the same time making a decision about their situation. They are facing what we call a </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">2 choice dilemma</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">: Having to choose between two opposing circumstances which obliges the loss of the advantages of the one that isn\'t chosen. So we can understand why each partner is holding on to their end of the blanket. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>How Do We Get Out of The Emotional Gridlock</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">This is where things get really hard for the couple and when at least <u>one </u>partner needs to have a strong <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">4 points of balance</a></span> to get pass the dilemma that the couple is facing. It requires a lot of maturity, a capacity to self-confront, to accept half-truths, to avoid holding a grudge, to grow and change as a person. It\'s important not to mistake this for a compromise or a lack of integrity, but a complete change in the dynamic of the couple. It only takes one partner to do it and that is why it\'s actually so hard. It leaves the one that does change completely vulnerable, as they are openly admitting they didn\'t have the entire truth and they are losing their choice in the dilemma. They went beyond their emotions and saw further than their own needs. They took a chance to grow as a person and they grasp it, even though it could have backfired on them. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Emotional gridlock is the battle of the wills of a couple, of each individual\'s integrity and sense of self (identity). It takes a lot of courage for a person to come out of that in a way that they are not losing who they are, but becoming someone better. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Productive Conflicts</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Romantic relationships have the capacity to bring the worse in people, but it also allows to bring the best in each partner as well. It\'s undeniable that staying with the same person for a long time is going to bring challenges. Each individual has choices that they can make. One of them is showing the best of themselves and growing in the process or they can stay stuck in their emotional gridlock and remain unsatisfied in their relationship. The choice seems obvious, but actually growing and redefining who you are is one of the hardest things a person can achieve in their lives. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The 4 Points of Balance Part 4</a></u></span></span>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>', 'Emotional Gridlock', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '58-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:55:45', '2017-06-07 14:55:45', '', 58, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/58-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
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(293, 2, '2017-06-07 16:58:19', '2017-06-07 14:58:19', '', 'emotional conflict', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'screen-shot-2017-06-07-at-10-58-00-am', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:58:32', '2017-06-07 14:58:32', '', 58, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2013/06/Screen-Shot-2017-06-07-at-10.58.00-AM.png', 0, 'attachment', 'image/png', 0),
(294, 2, '2017-06-07 16:59:05', '2017-06-07 14:59:05', '&nbsp;\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><i><b>The underlying issue in couples*</b></i></span></span></span></h4>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples fight and it\'s always going to be that way, it\'s inevitable. It\'s not the most fun thing to do with the love of our life. We would all prefer that we all get along and we live happily ever after. Unfortunately and fortunately that is not how it works. People can\'t agree on everything especially when it\'s truly important to who we are and how we act. Our sense of self or commonly know as our identity plays a huge role in our romantic relationships. We can\'t always agree to disagree with our partner, because sometimes you only have one choice, you have to choose and you need to put aside the other choice. Sacrifices are needed in relationships and these tend to create lots of arguments in relationships. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples have conflicts on a regular basis and that is totally fine. What really matters is how you deal with them. It\'s not rare to find partners in a battle on a specific subject which neither of them wants to be wrong about or wants to let go of their point of view of the situation. They are both emotionally attached to their perception of the situation and each contradicts the other ones. This is called <b>emotional gridlock! </b><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">The symptoms of this are the following:</span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\">Repetitive arguments</li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">quickly get frustrated about a topic or argument</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Feelings of being misunderstood</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Thinking that we are entirely right and their entirely wrong</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Not reflecting on what the other is saying, but of our next argument</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our only goal is to prove our point and be right</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Ignoring the other person to hurt feelings</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">and the list goes on!</span></span></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UGEs5b3ZShk/UbvOb_ikoUI/AAAAAAAAAKw/b2LPBrlkK7M/s1600/iStock_000019759343XSmall.jpg\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UGEs5b3ZShk/UbvOb_ikoUI/AAAAAAAAAKw/b2LPBrlkK7M/s320/iStock_000019759343XSmall.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"212\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: xx-small;\">What emotional gridlock can feel like sometimes</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">Most will say that there is </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication, which is false</a></span></span><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. Partners understand each other very well in theses situations, as they\'ve been repeating each other over and over again. Each of them could repeat by heart what their partner\'s arguments word for word. </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They just don\'t agree with them</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. This is where the emotional gridlock plays a huge role. If one of them had to agree with the other, they would have to change who they are as a person or their perspective of themselves, which affects their sense of self. In other words, it\'s a battle of their integrity. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They are also avoiding at the same time making a decision about their situation. They are facing what we call a </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">2 choice dilemma</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">: Having to choose between two opposing circumstances which obliges the loss of the advantages of the one that isn\'t chosen. So we can understand why each partner is holding on to their end of the blanket. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>How Do We Get Out of The Emotional Gridlock</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">This is where things get really hard for the couple and when at least <u>one </u>partner needs to have a strong <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">4 points of balance</a></span> to get pass the dilemma that the couple is facing. It requires a lot of maturity, a capacity to self-confront, to accept half-truths, to avoid holding a grudge, to grow and change as a person. It\'s important not to mistake this for a compromise or a lack of integrity, but a complete change in the dynamic of the couple. It only takes one partner to do it and that is why it\'s actually so hard. It leaves the one that does change completely vulnerable, as they are openly admitting they didn\'t have the entire truth and they are losing their choice in the dilemma. They went beyond their emotions and saw further than their own needs. They took a chance to grow as a person and they grasp it, even though it could have backfired on them. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Emotional gridlock is the battle of the wills of a couple, of each individual\'s integrity and sense of self (identity). It takes a lot of courage for a person to come out of that in a way that they are not losing who they are, but becoming someone better. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Productive Conflicts</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Romantic relationships have the capacity to bring the worse in people, but it also allows to bring the best in each partner as well. It\'s undeniable that staying with the same person for a long time is going to bring challenges. Each individual has choices that they can make. One of them is showing the best of themselves and growing in the process or they can stay stuck in their emotional gridlock and remain unsatisfied in their relationship. The choice seems obvious, but actually growing and redefining who you are is one of the hardest things a person can achieve in their lives. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The 4 Points of Balance Part 4</a></u></span></span>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>', 'Emotional Gridlock', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '58-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:59:05', '2017-06-07 14:59:05', '', 58, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/58-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(295, 2, '2017-06-07 18:33:42', '2017-06-07 16:33:42', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\"> <span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><i><b>The underlying issue in couples*</b></i></span></span></span></h1>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples fight and it\'s always going to be that way, it\'s inevitable. It\'s not the most fun thing to do with the love of our life. We would all prefer that we all get along and we live happily ever after. Unfortunately and fortunately that is not how it works. People can\'t agree on everything especially when it\'s truly important to who we are and how we act. Our sense of self or commonly know as our identity plays a huge role in our romantic relationships. We can\'t always agree to disagree with our partner, because sometimes you only have one choice, you have to choose and you need to put aside the other choice. Sacrifices are needed in relationships and these tend to create lots of arguments in relationships. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples have conflicts on a regular basis and that is totally fine. What really matters is how you deal with them. It\'s not rare to find partners in a battle on a specific subject which neither of them wants to be wrong about or wants to let go of their point of view of the situation. They are both emotionally attached to their perception of the situation and each contradicts the other ones. This is called <b>emotional gridlock! </b><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">The symptoms of this are the following:</span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\">Repetitive arguments</li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">quickly get frustrated about a topic or argument</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Feelings of being misunderstood</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Thinking that we are entirely right and their entirely wrong</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Not reflecting on what the other is saying, but of our next argument</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our only goal is to prove our point and be right</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Ignoring the other person to hurt feelings</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">and the list goes on!</span></span></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UGEs5b3ZShk/UbvOb_ikoUI/AAAAAAAAAKw/b2LPBrlkK7M/s1600/iStock_000019759343XSmall.jpg\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UGEs5b3ZShk/UbvOb_ikoUI/AAAAAAAAAKw/b2LPBrlkK7M/s320/iStock_000019759343XSmall.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"212\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: xx-small;\">What emotional gridlock can feel like sometimes</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">Most will say that there is </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication, which is false</a></span></span><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. Partners understand each other very well in theses situations, as they\'ve been repeating each other over and over again. Each of them could repeat by heart what their partner\'s arguments word for word. </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They just don\'t agree with them</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. This is where the emotional gridlock plays a huge role. If one of them had to agree with the other, they would have to change who they are as a person or their perspective of themselves, which affects their sense of self. In other words, it\'s a battle of their integrity. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They are also avoiding at the same time making a decision about their situation. They are facing what we call a </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">2 choice dilemma</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">: Having to choose between two opposing circumstances which obliges the loss of the advantages of the one that isn\'t chosen. So we can understand why each partner is holding on to their end of the blanket. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>How Do We Get Out of The Emotional Gridlock</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">This is where things get really hard for the couple and when at least <u>one </u>partner needs to have a strong <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">4 points of balance</a></span> to get pass the dilemma that the couple is facing. It requires a lot of maturity, a capacity to self-confront, to accept half-truths, to avoid holding a grudge, to grow and change as a person. It\'s important not to mistake this for a compromise or a lack of integrity, but a complete change in the dynamic of the couple. It only takes one partner to do it and that is why it\'s actually so hard. It leaves the one that does change completely vulnerable, as they are openly admitting they didn\'t have the entire truth and they are losing their choice in the dilemma. They went beyond their emotions and saw further than their own needs. They took a chance to grow as a person and they grasp it, even though it could have backfired on them. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Emotional gridlock is the battle of the wills of a couple, of each individual\'s integrity and sense of self (identity). It takes a lot of courage for a person to come out of that in a way that they are not losing who they are, but becoming someone better. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Productive Conflicts</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Romantic relationships have the capacity to bring the worse in people, but it also allows to bring the best in each partner as well. It\'s undeniable that staying with the same person for a long time is going to bring challenges. Each individual has choices that they can make. One of them is showing the best of themselves and growing in the process or they can stay stuck in their emotional gridlock and remain unsatisfied in their relationship. The choice seems obvious, but actually growing and redefining who you are is one of the hardest things a person can achieve in their lives. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The 4 Points of Balance Part 4</a></u></span></span>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>', 'Emotional Gridlock', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '58-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 18:33:42', '2017-06-07 16:33:42', '', 58, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/58-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(385, 2, '2017-09-29 20:47:34', '2017-09-29 18:47:34', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\"> <span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><i><b>The underlying issue in couples*</b></i></span></span></span></h1>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples fight and it\'s always going to be that way, it\'s inevitable. It\'s not the most fun thing to do with the love of our life. We would all prefer that we all get along and we live happily ever after. Unfortunately and fortunately that is not how it works. People can\'t agree on everything especially when it\'s truly important to who we are and how we act. Our sense of self or commonly know as our identity plays a huge role in our romantic relationships. We can\'t always agree to disagree with our partner, because sometimes you only have one choice, you have to choose and you need to put aside the other choice. Sacrifices are needed in relationships and these tend to create lots of arguments in relationships. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples have conflicts on a regular basis and that is totally fine. What really matters is how you deal with them. It\'s not rare to find partners in a battle on a specific subject which neither of them wants to be wrong about or wants to let go of their point of view of the situation. They are both emotionally attached to their perception of the situation and each contradicts the other ones. This is called <b>emotional gridlock! </b><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">The symptoms of this are the following:</span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\">Repetitive arguments</li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">quickly get frustrated about a topic or argument</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Feelings of being misunderstood</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Thinking that we are entirely right and their entirely wrong</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Not reflecting on what the other is saying, but of our next argument</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our only goal is to prove our point and be right</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Ignoring the other person to hurt feelings</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">and the list goes on!</span></span></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">Most will say that there is </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication, which is false</a></span></span><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. Partners understand each other very well in theses situations, as they\'ve been repeating each other over and over again. Each of them could repeat by heart what their partner\'s arguments word for word. </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They just don\'t agree with them</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. This is where the emotional gridlock plays a huge role. If one of them had to agree with the other, they would have to change who they are as a person or their perspective of themselves, which affects their sense of self. In other words, it\'s a battle of their integrity. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They are also avoiding at the same time making a decision about their situation. They are facing what we call a </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">2 choice dilemma</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">: Having to choose between two opposing circumstances which obliges the loss of the advantages of the one that isn\'t chosen. So we can understand why each partner is holding on to their end of the blanket. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>How Do We Get Out of The Emotional Gridlock</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">This is where things get really hard for the couple and when at least <u>one </u>partner needs to have a strong <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">4 points of balance</a></span> to get pass the dilemma that the couple is facing. It requires a lot of maturity, a capacity to self-confront, to accept half-truths, to avoid holding a grudge, to grow and change as a person. It\'s important not to mistake this for a compromise or a lack of integrity, but a complete change in the dynamic of the couple. It only takes one partner to do it and that is why it\'s actually so hard. It leaves the one that does change completely vulnerable, as they are openly admitting they didn\'t have the entire truth and they are losing their choice in the dilemma. They went beyond their emotions and saw further than their own needs. They took a chance to grow as a person and they grasp it, even though it could have backfired on them. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Emotional gridlock is the battle of the wills of a couple, of each individual\'s integrity and sense of self (identity). It takes a lot of courage for a person to come out of that in a way that they are not losing who they are, but becoming someone better. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Productive Conflicts</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Romantic relationships have the capacity to bring the worse in people, but it also allows to bring the best in each partner as well. It\'s undeniable that staying with the same person for a long time is going to bring challenges. Each individual has choices that they can make. One of them is showing the best of themselves and growing in the process or they can stay stuck in their emotional gridlock and remain unsatisfied in their relationship. The choice seems obvious, but actually growing and redefining who you are is one of the hardest things a person can achieve in their lives. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The 4 Points of Balance Part 4</a></u></span></span>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>', 'Emotional Gridlock', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '58-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-09-29 20:47:34', '2017-09-29 18:47:34', '', 58, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/09/58-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
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(296, 2, '2017-06-07 21:05:23', '2017-06-07 19:05:23', '&nbsp;\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>The 4 Points of Balance*</b></span></span></h4>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">self-validated intimacy</a></span> is hard for everyone. It obliges us to maintain a <u>strong sense of self</u>, to <u>self-sooth</u>, have a <u>grounded responses</u> and a <u>meaningful endurance</u>. Each of these 4 points allows a person to maintain balance in the relationship so they grow as an individual and as a partner. When one of these fail, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">other validated intimacy</a> takes place and conflicts eventually ensue. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Solid flexible self</b></span></span></h3>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our sense of self, has a huge impact on our ability to self-disclose personal and intimate information to our partner. It is the way we perceive ourselves in our identity. Who am I? What am I like? What are my values and beliefs? How do I want to be treated? What am I looking for in a partner and in sex? </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Some people have overly flexible selves which means they constantly change who they are depending on the context they are faced with. This is where other validated intimacy comes into play. These types of people will adapt to others so they don\'t feel rejected. They won\'t express what they really think or feel not to bother, upset or start a conflict with others. They are centered towards pleasing other people. Hence, they don\'t have an identity of their own. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When it comes to sexuality, they won\'t discuss their sexual preferences, talk about sexual fantasies, show who they are sexually, because they don\'t really know or don\'t want other people to know. Quickly enough, sex becomes a routine and they won\'t open up on their possible sexual dissatisfaction. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">There is also the opposite of the continuum where people are rigid in the way they present themselves. They can\'t tolerate differences in their partners. They impose their way of thinking, acting and being. They perceive differences as a threat to their sense of self because it obliges them to reflect on themselves and possibly change their perceptions. This in itself is a huge difficulty to people who are rigid in their sense of self. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Someone who is balanced in this aspect has a good sense of who they are as individuals and are proud of who they are. At the same time they are capable of letting others in their world without feeling threatened. They have the capacity of self-reflection and confrontation and open up to differences and possibly change their perception of things. They are willing to explore new things and change and grow as a person. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Calm heart and calm mind</b></span></span></h3>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Faced with an intimate context it is not always easy to deal with all the emotions that we are feeling. Our bodies react in all different kinds of ways and our feelings can be hurt in the process. This brings people to have all kinds of thoughts in their mind, which aren\'t always the nicest things to say. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">For example, when someone isn\'t entirely satisfied with the sex they\'ve been having and tell their partner. For one, it can be hard to say those things to the person they love and cherish, because they know that it will hurt them. Secondly the other has to deal with the fact that their sexual competencies aren\'t as good as they thought. This has an impact on their sense of self which might bring the person to become rigid or flexible towards the other partner. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A person\'s capacity to self-sooth and calm themselves down allows them to tolerate the anxiety provoked during intense intimate moments with their partner. People who don\'t have that capacity either avoid intimacy all together so there won\'t be any conflicts or they become explosive when interacting with their partner, because they\'ve been hurt. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R3Fg20nzT2Q/UbvK0cCZofI/AAAAAAAAAKg/y_pZ5S0hVIk/s1600/tumblr_llfbvump5v1qd8987o1_500.jpg\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R3Fg20nzT2Q/UbvK0cCZofI/AAAAAAAAAKg/y_pZ5S0hVIk/s320/tumblr_llfbvump5v1qd8987o1_500.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"213\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Grounded responses</b></span></span></h3>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">In therapy, we hear many couples saying that their arguments turn in circles and never get resolved. It\'s not because there is <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication;</a></span><span style=\"color: black;\"> it\'s that the persons are not willing to agree with their partner. This leads to an </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">emotional gridlock</a> </span><span style=\"color: black;\">and the couple has unproductive arguments because they\'re avoiding the real issue. The more we become intimate with each other the more we realize that we have differences, which can be quite fundamental to someone\'s sense of self. </span></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When couples fight about sexuality, for instance the frequency of sex; they are faced with 2 choices: </span></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><b>Having sex or not having sex</b></span><span style=\"color: black;\">. One partner wants it the other one doesn\'t. This is where a decision needs to be made, which most couples stall or avoid making entirely. You cannot </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>have sex </u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">and </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>not have it </u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">at the same time. It\'s one or the other! This is where most people lose their grounded response, because they want so badly what THEY want, they say almost anything to get it, even though it makes no sense, they scream and shout at each other or completely ignore their partners to send them the message that they don\'t care. </span></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A <u>grounded response</u> is when a person takes the time to reflect on the situation before saying whatever goes through their minds. They were able to comfort themselves and are thinking of a <u>mature </u>response to give so that the conflict becomes a productive one. The person that has mastered this point of balance takes the time to listen to what the other has to say and gives a well reflected and grounded response to their partner. They are not seeking to be right, but to grow as a person in this dilemma and understand their partner better, while still maintaining their sense of self (Integrity).</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Meaningful Endurance</b></span></span></h3>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When faced with a conflict, partners have to decide if they are going to work it through or terminate the relationship because they are incompatible. Differences create strain between lovers, because it requires that we tolerate certain aspects that are not always pleasing to live with. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Depending on the type of dynamic that a couple has, some will avoid taboo subjects not to get into fights so not to threaten the relationship. There is a status quo that is established and nobody is willing to touch it, even though one or both partners are unhappy with how things are developing between them. For example, not telling a partner that sex is dull and needs a boost and enduring the lack of sexual satisfaction rather than dealing with the issue which entails getting out of our sexual comfort zone and become more intimate. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">The other possible reaction is that when faced with differences it immediately puts an end to the couple so that they don\'t have to face the uncomfortable interactions that would ensue if they were to deal with the sexually intimate issues. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating the anxiety that stems from self-validated intimacy is hard for women and men alike. There are times in long term relationships that are though and you just want to give up, pack your bags and go home. These times are when we test our limits, can learn to mature and grow as a person and as a couple. The anxiety of not knowing if you are going to get through this and that you may be <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">wasting your time and part of your life</a></span> trying to work things out can break many couples up. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">People who have meaningful endurance give it their best shot. They self-confront, self-sooth and act in a mature way, all the while tolerating the anxiety, uncomfortable and difficult times that every long term couple needs to face one day or the other. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\n</span></span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\n</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span>\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\">\n</span></div>\n</div>\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>READ MORE ON: <u>Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire</u></b></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u> </u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why It\'s Truly Hard to Commit to Our Relationships</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emotional Gridlock</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Lack of Sexual Desire is Good for Your Couple!</a></span></span></span></u></span></span></div>\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Couple’s Communication Issues or Unable to Tolerate Intimacy?</a></span></span></span></span></span></h3>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"> </span></span></span></span></div>', 'Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire Part 4', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '59-autosave-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 21:05:23', '2017-06-07 19:05:23', '', 59, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/59-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(297, 2, '2017-06-07 19:55:10', '2017-06-07 17:55:10', '&nbsp;\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>The 4 Points of Balance*</b></span></span></h4>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">self-validated intimacy</a></span> is hard for everyone. It obliges us to maintain a <u>strong sense of self</u>, to <u>self-sooth</u>, have <u>grounded responses</u> and a <u>meaningful endurance</u>. Each of these 4 points allow a person to maintain balance in the relationship so they grow as an individual and as a partner. When one of these fail, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">other validated intimacy</a> takes place and conflicts eventually ensue. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Solid flexible self</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our sense of self has a huge impact on our ability to self-disclose personal and intimate information to our partner. It is the way we perceive ourselves in our identity. Who am I? What am I like? What are my values and beliefs? How do I want to be treated? What am I looking for in a partner and in sex? </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Some people have overly flexible selves which means they constantly change who they are depending on the context they are faced with. This is where other validated intimacy comes into play. These types of people will adapt to others so they don\'t feel rejected. They won\'t express what they really think or feel not to bother, upset or start a conflict with others. They are centered towards pleasing other people. Hence, they don\'t have an identity of their own. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When it comes to sexuality, they won\'t discuss their sexual preferences, talk about sexual fantasies, show who they are sexually, because they don\'t really know or don\'t want other people to know. Quickly enough, sex becomes a routine and they won\'t open up on their possible sexual dissatisfaction. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">There is also the opposite of the continuum where people are rigid in the way they present themselves. They can\'t tolerate differences in their partners. They impose their way of thinking, acting and being. They perceive differences as a threat to their sense of self because it obliges them to reflect on themselves and possibly change their perceptions. This in itself is a huge difficulty to people who are rigid in their sense of self. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Someone who is balanced in this aspect has a good sense of who they are as individuals and are proud of who they are. At the same time they are capable of letting others in their world without feeling threatened. They have the capacity of self-reflection and confrontation and open up to differences and possibly change their perception of things. They are willing to explore new things and change and grow as a person. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Calm heart and calm mind</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Faced with an intimate context it is not always easy to deal with all the emotions that we are feeling. Our bodies react in all different kinds of ways and our feelings can be hurt in the process. This brings people to have all kinds of thoughts in their mind, which aren\'t always the nicest things to say. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">For example, when someone isn\'t entirely satisfied with the sex they\'ve being having and tell their partner. For one, it can be hard to say those things to the person they love and cherish, because they know that it will hurt them. Secondly the other has to deal with the fact that their sexual competencies aren\'t as good as they thought. This has an impact on their sense of self which might bring the person to become rigid or flexible towards the other partner. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A person\'s capacity to self-sooth and calm themselves down allows them to tolerate the anxiety provoked during intense intimate moments with their partner. People who don\'t have that capacity either avoid intimacy all together so there won\'t be any conflicts or they become explosive when interacting with their partner, because they\'ve been hurt. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R3Fg20nzT2Q/UbvK0cCZofI/AAAAAAAAAKg/y_pZ5S0hVIk/s1600/tumblr_llfbvump5v1qd8987o1_500.jpg\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R3Fg20nzT2Q/UbvK0cCZofI/AAAAAAAAAKg/y_pZ5S0hVIk/s320/tumblr_llfbvump5v1qd8987o1_500.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"213\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Grounded responses</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">In therapy, we hear many couples saying that their arguments turn in circles and never get resolved. It\'s not because there is <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication;</a></span><span style=\"color: black;\"> its that the persons are not willing to agree with their partner. This leads to an </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">emotional gridlock</a> </span><span style=\"color: black;\">and the couple have unproductive arguments because they\'re avoiding the real issue. The more we become intimate with each other the more we realize that we have differences, which can be quite fundamental to someones sense of self. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When couples fight about sexuality, for instance the frequency of sex; they are faced with 2 choices: </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><b>Having sex or not having sex</b></span><span style=\"color: black;\">. One partner wants it the other one doesn\'t. This is where a decision needs to be made, which most couple stall or avoid making entirely. You cannot </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>have sex</u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">and </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>not have it</u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">at the same time. It\'s one or the other! This is where most people lose their grounded response, because they want so badly what THEY want, they say almost anything to get it, even though it makes no sense, they scream and shout at each other or completely ignore their partners to send them the message that they don\'t care. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A <u>grounded response</u> is when a person takes the time to reflect on the situation before saying whatever goes through their minds. They were able to comfort themselves and are thinking of a <u>mature</u>response to give so that the conflict becomes a productive one. The person that has mastered this point of balance takes the time to listen to what the other has to say and gives a well reflected and grounded response to their partner. They are not seeking to be right, but to grow as a person in this dilemma and understand their partner better, while still maintaining there sense of self (Integrity).</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Meaningful Endurance</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When faced with a conflict, partners have to decide if they are going to work it through or terminate the relationship because they are incompatible. Differences create strain between lovers, because it requires that we tolerate certain aspects that are not always pleasing to live with. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Depending on the type of dynamic that a couple has, some will avoid taboo subjects not to get into fights so not to threaten the relationship. There is a status quo that is established and nobody is willing to touch it, even though one or both partners are unhappy with how things are developing between them. For example, not telling a partner that sex is dull and needs a boost and enduring the lack of sexual satisfaction rather than dealing with the issue which entails getting out of our sexual comfort zone and become more intimate. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">The other possible reaction is that when faced with differences it immediately puts an end to the couple so that they don\'t have to face the uncomfortable interactions that would ensue if they were to deal with the sexually intimate issues. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating the anxiety that stems from self-validated intimacy is hard for women and men alike. There are times in long term relationships that are though and you just want to give up, pack your bags and go home. These times are when we test our limits, can learn to mature and grow as a person and as a couple. The anxiety of not knowing if you are going to get through this and that you may be <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">wasting your time and part of your life</a></span> trying to work things out can break many couples up. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">People who have meaningful endurance give it there best shot. They self-confront, self-sooth and act in mature way, all the while tolerating the anxiety, uncomfortable and difficult times that every long term couple needs to face one day or the other. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\r\n</span></span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\r\n</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>READ MORE ON: <u>Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire</u></b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u> </u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why It\'s Truly Hard to Commit to Our Relationships</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emotional Gridlock</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Lack of Sexual Desire is Good for Your Couple!</a></span></span></span></u></span></span></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Couple’s Communication Issues or Unable to Tolerate Intimacy?</a></span></span></span></span></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"> </span></span></span></span></div>', 'Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire Part 4', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '59-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 19:55:10', '2017-06-07 17:55:10', '', 59, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/59-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(298, 2, '2017-06-07 20:01:11', '2017-06-07 18:01:11', '&nbsp;\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>The 4 Points of Balance*</b></span></span></h4>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">self-validated intimacy</a></span> is hard for everyone. It obliges us to maintain a <u>strong sense of self</u>, to <u>self-sooth</u>, have a <u>grounded responses</u> and a <u>meaningful endurance</u>. Each of these 4 points allows a person to maintain balance in the relationship so they grow as an individual and as a partner. When one of these fail, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">other validated intimacy</a> takes place and conflicts eventually ensue. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Solid flexible self</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our sense of self, has a huge impact on our ability to self-disclose personal and intimate information to our partner. It is the way we perceive ourselves in our identity. Who am I? What am I like? What are my values and beliefs? How do I want to be treated? What am I looking for in a partner and in sex? </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Some people have overly flexible selves which means they constantly change who they are depending on the context they are faced with. This is where other validated intimacy comes into play. These types of people will adapt to others so they don\'t feel rejected. They won\'t express what they really think or feel not to bother, upset or start a conflict with others. They are centered towards pleasing other people. Hence, they don\'t have an identity of their own. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When it comes to sexuality, they won\'t discuss their sexual preferences, talk about sexual fantasies, show who they are sexually, because they don\'t really know or don\'t want other people to know. Quickly enough, sex becomes a routine and they won\'t open up on their possible sexual dissatisfaction. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">There is also the opposite of the continuum where people are rigid in the way they present themselves. They can\'t tolerate differences in their partners. They impose their way of thinking, acting and being. They perceive differences as a threat to their sense of self because it obliges them to reflect on themselves and possibly change their perceptions. This in itself is a huge difficulty to people who are rigid in their sense of self. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Someone who is balanced in this aspect has a good sense of who they are as individuals and are proud of who they are. At the same time they are capable of letting others in their world without feeling threatened. They have the capacity of self-reflection and confrontation and open up to differences and possibly change their perception of things. They are willing to explore new things and change and grow as a person. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Calm heart and calm mind</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Faced with an intimate context it is not always easy to deal with all the emotions that we are feeling. Our bodies react in all different kinds of ways and our feelings can be hurt in the process. This brings people to have all kinds of thoughts in their mind, which aren\'t always the nicest things to say. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">For example, when someone isn\'t entirely satisfied with the sex they\'ve been having and tell their partner. For one, it can be hard to say those things to the person they love and cherish, because they know that it will hurt them. Secondly the other has to deal with the fact that their sexual competencies aren\'t as good as they thought. This has an impact on their sense of self which might bring the person to become rigid or flexible towards the other partner. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A person\'s capacity to self-sooth and calm themselves down allows them to tolerate the anxiety provoked during intense intimate moments with their partner. People who don\'t have that capacity either avoid intimacy all together so there won\'t be any conflicts or they become explosive when interacting with their partner, because they\'ve been hurt. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R3Fg20nzT2Q/UbvK0cCZofI/AAAAAAAAAKg/y_pZ5S0hVIk/s1600/tumblr_llfbvump5v1qd8987o1_500.jpg\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R3Fg20nzT2Q/UbvK0cCZofI/AAAAAAAAAKg/y_pZ5S0hVIk/s320/tumblr_llfbvump5v1qd8987o1_500.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"213\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Grounded responses</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">In therapy, we hear many couples saying that their arguments turn in circles and never get resolved. It\'s not because there is <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication;</a></span><span style=\"color: black;\"> it\'s that the persons are not willing to agree with their partner. This leads to an </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">emotional gridlock</a> </span><span style=\"color: black;\">and the couple has unproductive arguments because they\'re avoiding the real issue. The more we become intimate with each other the more we realize that we have differences, which can be quite fundamental to someone\'s sense of self. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When couples fight about sexuality, for instance the frequency of sex; they are faced with 2 choices: </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><b>Having sex or not having sex</b></span><span style=\"color: black;\">. One partner wants it the other one doesn\'t. This is where a decision needs to be made, which most couples stall or avoid making entirely. You cannot </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>have sex </u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">and </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>not have it </u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">at the same time. It\'s one or the other! This is where most people lose their grounded response, because they want so badly what THEY want, they say almost anything to get it, even though it makes no sense, they scream and shout at each other or completely ignore their partners to send them the message that they don\'t care. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A <u>grounded response</u> is when a person takes the time to reflect on the situation before saying whatever goes through their minds. They were able to comfort themselves and are thinking of a <u>mature </u>response to give so that the conflict becomes a productive one. The person that has mastered this point of balance takes the time to listen to what the other has to say and gives a well reflected and grounded response to their partner. They are not seeking to be right, but to grow as a person in this dilemma and understand their partner better, while still maintaining their sense of self (Integrity).</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Meaningful Endurance</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When faced with a conflict, partners have to decide if they are going to work it through or terminate the relationship because they are incompatible. Differences create strain between lovers, because it requires that we tolerate certain aspects that are not always pleasing to live with. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Depending on the type of dynamic that a couple has, some will avoid taboo subjects not to get into fights so not to threaten the relationship. There is a status quo that is established and nobody is willing to touch it, even though one or both partners are unhappy with how things are developing between them. For example, not telling a partner that sex is dull and needs a boost and enduring the lack of sexual satisfaction rather than dealing with the issue which entails getting out of our sexual comfort zone and become more intimate. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">The other possible reaction is that when faced with differences it immediately puts an end to the couple so that they don\'t have to face the uncomfortable interactions that would ensue if they were to deal with the sexually intimate issues. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating the anxiety that stems from self-validated intimacy is hard for women and men alike. There are times in long term relationships that are though and you just want to give up, pack your bags and go home. These times are when we test our limits, can learn to mature and grow as a person and as a couple. The anxiety of not knowing if you are going to get through this and that you may be <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">wasting your time and part of your life</a></span> trying to work things out can break many couples up. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">People who have meaningful endurance give it their best shot. They self-confront, self-sooth and act in a mature way, all the while tolerating the anxiety, uncomfortable and difficult times that every long term couple needs to face one day or the other. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\r\n</span></span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\r\n</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>READ MORE ON: <u>Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire</u></b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u> </u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why It\'s Truly Hard to Commit to Our Relationships</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emotional Gridlock</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Lack of Sexual Desire is Good for Your Couple!</a></span></span></span></u></span></span></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Couple’s Communication Issues or Unable to Tolerate Intimacy?</a></span></span></span></span></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"> </span></span></span></span></div>', 'Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire Part 4', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '59-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 20:01:11', '2017-06-07 18:01:11', '', 59, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/59-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(299, 2, '2017-06-07 20:51:16', '2017-06-07 18:51:16', '', 'stay calm sexual issues', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'stay-calm-sexual-issues', '', '', '2017-06-07 20:51:27', '2017-06-07 18:51:27', '', 59, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2013/06/stay-calm-sexual-issues.png', 0, 'attachment', 'image/png', 0),
(300, 2, '2017-06-07 21:06:23', '2017-06-07 19:06:23', '&nbsp;\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>The 4 Points of Balance*</b></span></span></h4>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">self-validated intimacy</a></span> is hard for everyone. It obliges us to maintain a <u>strong sense of self</u>, to <u>self-sooth</u>, have a <u>grounded responses</u> and a <u>meaningful endurance</u>. Each of these 4 points allows a person to maintain balance in the relationship so they grow as an individual and as a partner. When one of these fail, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">other validated intimacy</a> takes place and conflicts eventually ensue. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Solid flexible self</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our sense of self, has a huge impact on our ability to self-disclose personal and intimate information to our partner. It is the way we perceive ourselves in our identity. Who am I? What am I like? What are my values and beliefs? How do I want to be treated? What am I looking for in a partner and in sex? </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Some people have overly flexible selves which means they constantly change who they are depending on the context they are faced with. This is where other validated intimacy comes into play. These types of people will adapt to others so they don\'t feel rejected. They won\'t express what they really think or feel not to bother, upset or start a conflict with others. They are centered towards pleasing other people. Hence, they don\'t have an identity of their own. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When it comes to sexuality, they won\'t discuss their sexual preferences, talk about sexual fantasies, show who they are sexually, because they don\'t really know or don\'t want other people to know. Quickly enough, sex becomes a routine and they won\'t open up on their possible sexual dissatisfaction. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">There is also the opposite of the continuum where people are rigid in the way they present themselves. They can\'t tolerate differences in their partners. They impose their way of thinking, acting and being. They perceive differences as a threat to their sense of self because it obliges them to reflect on themselves and possibly change their perceptions. This in itself is a huge difficulty to people who are rigid in their sense of self. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Someone who is balanced in this aspect has a good sense of who they are as individuals and are proud of who they are. At the same time they are capable of letting others in their world without feeling threatened. They have the capacity of self-reflection and confrontation and open up to differences and possibly change their perception of things. They are willing to explore new things and change and grow as a person. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Calm heart and calm mind</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Faced with an intimate context it is not always easy to deal with all the emotions that we are feeling. Our bodies react in all different kinds of ways and our feelings can be hurt in the process. This brings people to have all kinds of thoughts in their mind, which aren\'t always the nicest things to say. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">For example, when someone isn\'t entirely satisfied with the sex they\'ve been having and tell their partner. For one, it can be hard to say those things to the person they love and cherish, because they know that it will hurt them. Secondly the other has to deal with the fact that their sexual competencies aren\'t as good as they thought. This has an impact on their sense of self which might bring the person to become rigid or flexible towards the other partner. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A person\'s capacity to self-sooth and calm themselves down allows them to tolerate the anxiety provoked during intense intimate moments with their partner. People who don\'t have that capacity either avoid intimacy all together so there won\'t be any conflicts or they become explosive when interacting with their partner, because they\'ve been hurt. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R3Fg20nzT2Q/UbvK0cCZofI/AAAAAAAAAKg/y_pZ5S0hVIk/s1600/tumblr_llfbvump5v1qd8987o1_500.jpg\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R3Fg20nzT2Q/UbvK0cCZofI/AAAAAAAAAKg/y_pZ5S0hVIk/s320/tumblr_llfbvump5v1qd8987o1_500.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"213\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Grounded responses</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">In therapy, we hear many couples saying that their arguments turn in circles and never get resolved. It\'s not because there is <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication;</a></span><span style=\"color: black;\"> it\'s that the persons are not willing to agree with their partner. This leads to an </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">emotional gridlock</a> </span><span style=\"color: black;\">and the couple has unproductive arguments because they\'re avoiding the real issue. The more we become intimate with each other the more we realize that we have differences, which can be quite fundamental to someone\'s sense of self. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When couples fight about sexuality, for instance the frequency of sex; they are faced with 2 choices: </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><b>Having sex or not having sex</b></span><span style=\"color: black;\">. One partner wants it the other one doesn\'t. This is where a decision needs to be made, which most couples stall or avoid making entirely. You cannot </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>have sex </u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">and </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>not have it </u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">at the same time. It\'s one or the other! This is where most people lose their grounded response, because they want so badly what THEY want, they say almost anything to get it, even though it makes no sense, they scream and shout at each other or completely ignore their partners to send them the message that they don\'t care. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A <u>grounded response</u> is when a person takes the time to reflect on the situation before saying whatever goes through their minds. They were able to comfort themselves and are thinking of a <u>mature </u>response to give so that the conflict becomes a productive one. The person that has mastered this point of balance takes the time to listen to what the other has to say and gives a well reflected and grounded response to their partner. They are not seeking to be right, but to grow as a person in this dilemma and understand their partner better, while still maintaining their sense of self (Integrity).</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Meaningful Endurance</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When faced with a conflict, partners have to decide if they are going to work it through or terminate the relationship because they are incompatible. Differences create strain between lovers, because it requires that we tolerate certain aspects that are not always pleasing to live with. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Depending on the type of dynamic that a couple has, some will avoid taboo subjects not to get into fights so not to threaten the relationship. There is a status quo that is established and nobody is willing to touch it, even though one or both partners are unhappy with how things are developing between them. For example, not telling a partner that sex is dull and needs a boost and enduring the lack of sexual satisfaction rather than dealing with the issue which entails getting out of our sexual comfort zone and become more intimate. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">The other possible reaction is that when faced with differences it immediately puts an end to the couple so that they don\'t have to face the uncomfortable interactions that would ensue if they were to deal with the sexually intimate issues. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating the anxiety that stems from self-validated intimacy is hard for women and men alike. There are times in long term relationships that are though and you just want to give up, pack your bags and go home. These times are when we test our limits, can learn to mature and grow as a person and as a couple. The anxiety of not knowing if you are going to get through this and that you may be <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">wasting your time and part of your life</a></span> trying to work things out can break many couples up. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">People who have meaningful endurance give it their best shot. They self-confront, self-sooth and act in a mature way, all the while tolerating the anxiety, uncomfortable and difficult times that every long term couple needs to face one day or the other. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\r\n</span></span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\r\n</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>READ MORE ON: <u>Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire</u></b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u> </u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why It\'s Truly Hard to Commit to Our Relationships</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emotional Gridlock</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Lack of Sexual Desire is Good for Your Couple!</a></span></span></span></u></span></span></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Couple’s Communication Issues or Unable to Tolerate Intimacy?</a></span></span></span></span></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"> </span></span></span></span></div>', 'Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire Part 4', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '59-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 21:06:23', '2017-06-07 19:06:23', '', 59, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/59-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
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(301, 2, '2017-06-07 21:54:13', '2017-06-07 19:54:13', '&nbsp;\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>The 4 Points of Balance*</b></span></span></h4>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">self-validated intimacy</a></span> is hard for everyone. It obliges us to maintain a <u>strong sense of self</u>, to <u>self-sooth</u>, have a <u>grounded responses</u> and a <u>meaningful endurance</u>. Each of these 4 points allows a person to maintain balance in the relationship so they grow as an individual and as a partner. When one of these fail, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">other validated intimacy</a> takes place and conflicts eventually ensue. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Solid flexible self</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our sense of self, has a huge impact on our ability to self-disclose personal and intimate information to our partner. It is the way we perceive ourselves in our identity. Who am I? What am I like? What are my values and beliefs? How do I want to be treated? What am I looking for in a partner and in sex? </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Some people have overly flexible selves which means they constantly change who they are depending on the context they are faced with. This is where other validated intimacy comes into play. These types of people will adapt to others so they don\'t feel rejected. They won\'t express what they really think or feel not to bother, upset or start a conflict with others. They are centered towards pleasing other people. Hence, they don\'t have an identity of their own. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When it comes to sexuality, they won\'t discuss their sexual preferences, talk about sexual fantasies, show who they are sexually, because they don\'t really know or don\'t want other people to know. Quickly enough, sex becomes a routine and they won\'t open up on their possible sexual dissatisfaction. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">There is also the opposite of the continuum where people are rigid in the way they present themselves. They can\'t tolerate differences in their partners. They impose their way of thinking, acting and being. They perceive differences as a threat to their sense of self because it obliges them to reflect on themselves and possibly change their perceptions. This in itself is a huge difficulty to people who are rigid in their sense of self. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Someone who is balanced in this aspect has a good sense of who they are as individuals and are proud of who they are. At the same time they are capable of letting others in their world without feeling threatened. They have the capacity of self-reflection and confrontation and open up to differences and possibly change their perception of things. They are willing to explore new things and change and grow as a person. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Calm heart and calm mind</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Faced with an intimate context it is not always easy to deal with all the emotions that we are feeling. Our bodies react in all different kinds of ways and our feelings can be hurt in the process. This brings people to have all kinds of thoughts in their mind, which aren\'t always the nicest things to say. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">For example, when someone isn\'t entirely satisfied with the sex they\'ve been having and tell their partner. For one, it can be hard to say those things to the person they love and cherish, because they know that it will hurt them. Secondly the other has to deal with the fact that their sexual competencies aren\'t as good as they thought. This has an impact on their sense of self which might bring the person to become rigid or flexible towards the other partner. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A person\'s capacity to self-sooth and calm themselves down allows them to tolerate the anxiety provoked during intense intimate moments with their partner. People who don\'t have that capacity either avoid intimacy all together so there won\'t be any conflicts or they become explosive when interacting with their partner, because they\'ve been hurt. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R3Fg20nzT2Q/UbvK0cCZofI/AAAAAAAAAKg/y_pZ5S0hVIk/s1600/tumblr_llfbvump5v1qd8987o1_500.jpg\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R3Fg20nzT2Q/UbvK0cCZofI/AAAAAAAAAKg/y_pZ5S0hVIk/s320/tumblr_llfbvump5v1qd8987o1_500.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"213\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Grounded responses</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">In therapy, we hear many couples saying that their arguments turn in circles and never get resolved. It\'s not because there is <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication;</a></span><span style=\"color: black;\"> it\'s that the persons are not willing to agree with their partner. This leads to an </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">emotional gridlock</a> </span><span style=\"color: black;\">and the couple has unproductive arguments because they\'re avoiding the real issue. The more we become intimate with each other the more we realize that we have differences, which can be quite fundamental to someone\'s sense of self. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When couples fight about sexuality, for instance the frequency of sex; they are faced with 2 choices: </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><b>Having sex or not having sex</b></span><span style=\"color: black;\">. One partner wants it the other one doesn\'t. This is where a decision needs to be made, which most couples stall or avoid making entirely. You cannot </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>have sex </u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">and </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>not have it </u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">at the same time. It\'s one or the other! This is where most people lose their grounded response, because they want so badly what THEY want, they say almost anything to get it, even though it makes no sense, they scream and shout at each other or completely ignore their partners to send them the message that they don\'t care. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A <u>grounded response</u> is when a person takes the time to reflect on the situation before saying whatever goes through their minds. They were able to comfort themselves and are thinking of a <u>mature </u>response to give so that the conflict becomes a productive one. The person that has mastered this point of balance takes the time to listen to what the other has to say and gives a well reflected and grounded response to their partner. They are not seeking to be right, but to grow as a person in this dilemma and understand their partner better, while still maintaining their sense of self (Integrity).</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Meaningful Endurance</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When faced with a conflict, partners have to decide if they are going to work it through or terminate the relationship because they are incompatible. Differences create strain between lovers, because it requires that we tolerate certain aspects that are not always pleasing to live with. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Depending on the type of dynamic that a couple has, some will avoid taboo subjects not to get into fights so not to threaten the relationship. There is a status quo that is established and nobody is willing to touch it, even though one or both partners are unhappy with how things are developing between them. For example, not telling a partner that sex is dull and needs a boost and enduring the lack of sexual satisfaction rather than dealing with the issue which entails getting out of our sexual comfort zone and become more intimate. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">The other possible reaction is that when faced with differences it immediately puts an end to the couple so that they don\'t have to face the uncomfortable interactions that would ensue if they were to deal with the sexually intimate issues. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating the anxiety that stems from self-validated intimacy is hard for women and men alike. There are times in long term relationships that are though and you just want to give up, pack your bags and go home. These times are when we test our limits, can learn to mature and grow as a person and as a couple. The anxiety of not knowing if you are going to get through this and that you may be <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">wasting your time and part of your life</a></span> trying to work things out can break many couples up. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">People who have meaningful endurance give it their best shot. They self-confront, self-sooth and act in a mature way, all the while tolerating the anxiety, uncomfortable and difficult times that every long term couple needs to face one day or the other. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\r\n</span></span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\r\n</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>READ MORE ON: <u>Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire</u></b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u> </u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why It\'s Truly Hard to Commit to Our Relationships</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emotional Gridlock</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Lack of Sexual Desire is Good for Your Couple!</a></span></span></span></u></span></span></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Couple’s Communication Issues or Unable to Tolerate Intimacy?</a></span></span></span></span></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"> </span></span></span></span></div>', 'Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire Part 4', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '59-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 21:54:13', '2017-06-07 19:54:13', '', 59, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/59-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(302, 2, '2017-06-08 01:05:02', '2017-06-07 23:05:02', '&nbsp;\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>How Intimacy Effects Our Sexual Desire*</b></span></span></h4>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b> </b></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When our relationship is based on <span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">other validated intimacy</a></span>, we inevitably hit an obstacle in our sexual maturity. If we are only willing to self-disclose a part of ourselves to our partner we\'re limiting the level of intimacy the couple can share. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Limiting our sexual maturity</b></span></span></h3>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sexual desire</a></span> in a long-term relationship can be affected by a number of elements in the dynamic of a couple. First and foremost sexual desire stays alive in couples who are capable of reinventing themselves, trying new things, experimenting sexual fantasies and introducing a different dynamic in their sex lives. It\'s also people who are not afraid to look silly, laugh and can tolerate sexual awkwardness. When our couple uses other validated intimacy, we\'re afraid to do any of those things because they might bring rejection or judgment on the part of the partner, which other validated couples avoid at all cost because that hurts.</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Avoid stagnation</b></span></span></h3>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Consequently, we find couples who have stagnated in their capacity to mature sexually and a routine is instated. Nothing kills sexual desire more than being able to predict every aspect of how we are going to have sex with someone. Sexual desire exudes when there is adventure, newness, surprise and strong emotions. Routine sex is good to make you feel comfortable and loved, but it lacks the capacity to excite and bring desire towards our partners. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Admire to desire</b></span></span></h3>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Another aspect that impacts sexual desire is our capacity to tolerate vulnerabilities in ourselves and in our partner. A component of sexual desire is admiration towards the other. If there is a lack thereof, then little desire can exist between two people. How can couples be vulnerable in front of each other by admitting their mistakes, showing their issues and faults without killing the admiration they have for each other? </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aF227lbZo3Q/UbvKE5cx8rI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/gJMR9g_Cciw/s1600/couple-intimacy-265x300.gif\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aF227lbZo3Q/UbvKE5cx8rI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/gJMR9g_Cciw/s1600/couple-intimacy-265x300.gif\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Admitting our limits takes a lot of personal strength which is admirable in itself, but there is still a step further people need to go through. After putting ourselves in that vulnerable state, it\'s important to learn from it and grow as a human being and a partner. When we witness our lover struggling at becoming a better person, we can take pride and admire being with such a man or woman. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Get your sex appeal on!</b></span></span></h3>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/relationship-patterns-and-seduction.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Seduction </a></span>is also an element that impacts sexual desire in couples. Most long-term couples tend to take for granted their partner after a while and they don\'t feel the need to seduce and flirt anymore. Seducing our partner is required if we want to keep the flames of passion between each other. Flirting allows the couple to have fun, laugh, play and sexualize their encounters, which grants the promise of sex in the near future. If we don\'t play the game, we can\'t expect to win the prize! </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">The downside of seducing our partner is that they may end up not wanting sex at the end, which can leave one partner frustrated or rejected at having put so much effort. People who <span style=\"background: transparent;\">cultivate </span>other validated intimacy will withdraw from flirting to avoid getting hurt again. Couples who are capable of validating themselves will try again and see it as a challenge to woo their partner next time. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Hence, intimacy is intricately related to the level of sexual desire that will be shared between partners. We need to heighten our intimacy by cultivating our sexual development, seducing our partner and growing as a person! </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n</div>\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>READ MORE  ON: <u>Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire</u></b></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The 4 Points of Balance Part 4</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why It\'s Truly Hard to Commit to Our Relationships</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emotional Gridlock</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Lack of Sexual Desire is Good for Your Couple!</a></span></span></span></u></span></span></div>\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Couple’s Communication Issues or Unable to Tolerate Intimacy?</a></span></span></span></span></span></h3>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>', 'Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire Part 3', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '60-autosave-v1', '', '', '2017-06-08 01:05:02', '2017-06-07 23:05:02', '', 60, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/60-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
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(303, 2, '2017-06-07 23:11:16', '2017-06-07 21:11:16', '&nbsp;\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>How Intimacy Effects Our Sexual Desire*</b></span></span></h4>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b> </b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When our relationship is based on <span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">other validated intimacy</a></span>, we inevitably hit an obstacle in our sexual maturity. If we are only willing to self-disclose a part of ourselves to our partner we\'re limiting the level of intimacy the couple can share. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Limiting our sexual maturity</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sexual desire</a></span> in a long-term relationship can be affected by a number of elements in the dynamic of a couple. First and foremost sexual desire stays alive in couples who are capable of reinventing themselves, trying new things, experimenting sexual fantasies and introducing a different dynamic in their sex lives. It\'s also people who are not afraid to look silly, laugh and can tolerate sexual awkwardness. When our couple uses other validated intimacy, we\'re afraid to do any of those things because they might bring rejection or judgment on the part of the partner, which other validated couples avoid at all cost because that hurts.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Avoid stagnation</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Consequently, we find couples who have stagnated in their capacity to mature sexually and a routine is instated. Nothing kills sexual desire more than being able to predict every aspect of how we are going to have sex with someone. Sexual desire exudes when there is adventure, newness, surprise and strong emotions. Routine sex is good to make you feel comfortable and loved, but it lacks the capacity to excite and bring desire towards our partners. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Admire to desire</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Another aspect that impacts sexual desire is our capacity to tolerate vulnerabilities in ourselves and in our partner. A component of sexual desire is admiration towards the other. If there is a lack thereof, then little desire can exist between two people. How can couples be vulnerable in front of each other by admitting their mistakes, showing their issues and faults without killing the admiration they have for each other? </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aF227lbZo3Q/UbvKE5cx8rI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/gJMR9g_Cciw/s1600/couple-intimacy-265x300.gif\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aF227lbZo3Q/UbvKE5cx8rI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/gJMR9g_Cciw/s1600/couple-intimacy-265x300.gif\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Admitting our limits takes a lot of personal strength which is admirable in itself, but there is still a step further people need to go through. After putting ourselves in that vulnerable state, it\'s important to learn from it and grow as a human being and a partner. When we witness our lover struggling at becoming a better person, we can take pride and admire being with such a man or woman. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Get your sex appeal on!</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/relationship-patterns-and-seduction.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Seduction </a></span>is also an element that impacts sexual desire in couples. Most long-term couples tend to take for granted their partner after a while and they don\'t feel the need to seduce and flirt anymore. Seducing our partner is required if we want to keep the flames of passion between each other. Flirting allows the couple to have fun, laugh, play and sexualize their encounters, which grants the promise of sex in the near future. If we don\'t play the game, we can\'t expect to win the prize! </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">The downside of seducing our partner is that they may end up not wanting sex at the end, which can leave one partner frustrated or rejected at having put so much effort. People who <span style=\"background: transparent;\">cultivate </span>other validated intimacy will withdraw from flirting to avoid getting hurt again. Couples who are capable of validating themselves will try again and see it as a challenge to woo their partner next time. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Hence, intimacy is intricately related to the level of sexual desire that will be shared between partners. We need to heighten our intimacy by cultivating our sexual development, seducing our partner and growing as a person! </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>READ MORE  ON: <u>Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire</u></b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The 4 Points of Balance Part 4</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why It\'s Truly Hard to Commit to Our Relationships</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emotional Gridlock</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Lack of Sexual Desire is Good for Your Couple!</a></span></span></span></u></span></span></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Couple’s Communication Issues or Unable to Tolerate Intimacy?</a></span></span></span></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>', 'Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire Part 3', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '60-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 23:11:16', '2017-06-07 21:11:16', '', 60, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/60-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(304, 2, '2017-06-08 01:05:38', '2017-06-07 23:05:38', '&nbsp;\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>How Intimacy Effects Our Sexual Desire*</b></span></span></h4>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b> </b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When our relationship is based on <span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">other validated intimacy</a></span>, we inevitably hit an obstacle in our sexual maturity. If we are only willing to self-disclose a part of ourselves to our partner we\'re limiting the level of intimacy the couple can share. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Limiting our sexual maturity</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sexual desire</a></span> in a long-term relationship can be affected by a number of elements in the dynamic of a couple. First and foremost sexual desire stays alive in couples who are capable of reinventing themselves, trying new things, experimenting sexual fantasies and introducing a different dynamic in their sex lives. It\'s also people who are not afraid to look silly, laugh and can tolerate sexual awkwardness. When our couple uses other validated intimacy, we\'re afraid to do any of those things because they might bring rejection or judgment on the part of the partner, which other validated couples avoid at all cost because that hurts.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Avoid stagnation</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Consequently, we find couples who have stagnated in their capacity to mature sexually and a routine is instated. Nothing kills sexual desire more than being able to predict every aspect of how we are going to have sex with someone. Sexual desire exudes when there is adventure, newness, surprise and strong emotions. Routine sex is good to make you feel comfortable and loved, but it lacks the capacity to excite and bring desire towards our partners. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Admire to desire</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Another aspect that impacts sexual desire is our capacity to tolerate vulnerabilities in ourselves and in our partner. A component of sexual desire is admiration towards the other. If there is a lack thereof, then little desire can exist between two people. How can couples be vulnerable in front of each other by admitting their mistakes, showing their issues and faults without killing the admiration they have for each other? </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aF227lbZo3Q/UbvKE5cx8rI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/gJMR9g_Cciw/s1600/couple-intimacy-265x300.gif\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aF227lbZo3Q/UbvKE5cx8rI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/gJMR9g_Cciw/s1600/couple-intimacy-265x300.gif\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Admitting our limits takes a lot of personal strength which is admirable in itself, but there is still a step further people need to go through. After putting ourselves in that vulnerable state, it\'s important to learn from it and grow as a human being and a partner. When we witness our lover struggling at becoming a better person, we can take pride and admire being with such a man or woman. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Get your sex appeal on!</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/relationship-patterns-and-seduction.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Seduction </a></span>is also an element that impacts sexual desire in couples. Most long-term couples tend to take for granted their partner after a while and they don\'t feel the need to seduce and flirt anymore. Seducing our partner is required if we want to keep the flames of passion between each other. Flirting allows the couple to have fun, laugh, play and sexualize their encounters, which grants the promise of sex in the near future. If we don\'t play the game, we can\'t expect to win the prize! </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">The downside of seducing our partner is that they may end up not wanting sex at the end, which can leave one partner frustrated or rejected at having put so much effort. People who <span style=\"background: transparent;\">cultivate </span>other validated intimacy will withdraw from flirting to avoid getting hurt again. Couples who are capable of validating themselves will try again and see it as a challenge to woo their partner next time. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Hence, intimacy is intricately related to the level of sexual desire that will be shared between partners. We need to heighten our intimacy by cultivating our sexual development, seducing our partner and growing as a person! </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>READ MORE  ON: <u>Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire</u></b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The 4 Points of Balance Part 4</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why It\'s Truly Hard to Commit to Our Relationships</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emotional Gridlock</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Lack of Sexual Desire is Good for Your Couple!</a></span></span></span></u></span></span></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Couple’s Communication Issues or Unable to Tolerate Intimacy?</a></span></span></span></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>', 'Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire Part 3', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '60-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-08 01:05:38', '2017-06-07 23:05:38', '', 60, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/60-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(305, 2, '2017-06-08 01:07:51', '2017-06-07 23:07:51', '', 'intimacy couple', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'dsvy9nrykrg-azrul-aziz', '', '', '2017-06-08 01:08:21', '2017-06-07 23:08:21', '', 60, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2013/06/dsvy9nrykrg-azrul-aziz.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(306, 2, '2017-06-08 01:09:34', '2017-06-07 23:09:34', '&nbsp;\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>How Intimacy Effects Our Sexual Desire*</b></span></span></h4>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b> </b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When our relationship is based on <span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">other validated intimacy</a></span>, we inevitably hit an obstacle in our sexual maturity. If we are only willing to self-disclose a part of ourselves to our partner we\'re limiting the level of intimacy the couple can share. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Limiting our sexual maturity</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sexual desire</a></span> in a long-term relationship can be affected by a number of elements in the dynamic of a couple. First and foremost sexual desire stays alive in couples who are capable of reinventing themselves, trying new things, experimenting sexual fantasies and introducing a different dynamic in their sex lives. It\'s also people who are not afraid to look silly, laugh and can tolerate sexual awkwardness. When our couple uses other validated intimacy, we\'re afraid to do any of those things because they might bring rejection or judgment on the part of the partner, which other validated couples avoid at all cost because that hurts.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Avoid stagnation</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Consequently, we find couples who have stagnated in their capacity to mature sexually and a routine is instated. Nothing kills sexual desire more than being able to predict every aspect of how we are going to have sex with someone. Sexual desire exudes when there is adventure, newness, surprise and strong emotions. Routine sex is good to make you feel comfortable and loved, but it lacks the capacity to excite and bring desire towards our partners. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Admire to desire</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Another aspect that impacts sexual desire is our capacity to tolerate vulnerabilities in ourselves and in our partner. A component of sexual desire is admiration towards the other. If there is a lack thereof, then little desire can exist between two people. How can couples be vulnerable in front of each other by admitting their mistakes, showing their issues and faults without killing the admiration they have for each other? </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aF227lbZo3Q/UbvKE5cx8rI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/gJMR9g_Cciw/s1600/couple-intimacy-265x300.gif\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aF227lbZo3Q/UbvKE5cx8rI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/gJMR9g_Cciw/s1600/couple-intimacy-265x300.gif\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Admitting our limits takes a lot of personal strength which is admirable in itself, but there is still a step further people need to go through. After putting ourselves in that vulnerable state, it\'s important to learn from it and grow as a human being and a partner. When we witness our lover struggling at becoming a better person, we can take pride and admire being with such a man or woman. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Get your sex appeal on!</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/relationship-patterns-and-seduction.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Seduction </a></span>is also an element that impacts sexual desire in couples. Most long-term couples tend to take for granted their partner after a while and they don\'t feel the need to seduce and flirt anymore. Seducing our partner is required if we want to keep the flames of passion between each other. Flirting allows the couple to have fun, laugh, play and sexualize their encounters, which grants the promise of sex in the near future. If we don\'t play the game, we can\'t expect to win the prize! </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">The downside of seducing our partner is that they may end up not wanting sex at the end, which can leave one partner frustrated or rejected at having put so much effort. People who <span style=\"background: transparent;\">cultivate </span>other validated intimacy will withdraw from flirting to avoid getting hurt again. Couples who are capable of validating themselves will try again and see it as a challenge to woo their partner next time. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Hence, intimacy is intricately related to the level of sexual desire that will be shared between partners. We need to heighten our intimacy by cultivating our sexual development, seducing our partner and growing as a person! </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>READ MORE  ON: <u>Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire</u></b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The 4 Points of Balance Part 4</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why It\'s Truly Hard to Commit to Our Relationships</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emotional Gridlock</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Lack of Sexual Desire is Good for Your Couple!</a></span></span></span></u></span></span></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Couple’s Communication Issues or Unable to Tolerate Intimacy?</a></span></span></span></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />\r\n	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />\r\n	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br />\r\n</style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; 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INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(386, 2, '2017-09-29 20:50:53', '2017-09-29 18:50:53', '&nbsp;\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>The 4 Points of Balance*</b></span></span></h4>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">self-validated intimacy</a></span> is hard for everyone. It obliges us to maintain a <u>strong sense of self</u>, to <u>self-sooth</u>, have a <u>grounded responses</u> and a <u>meaningful endurance</u>. Each of these 4 points allows a person to maintain balance in the relationship so they grow as an individual and as a partner. When one of these fail, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">other validated intimacy</a> takes place and conflicts eventually ensue. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Solid flexible self</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our sense of self, has a huge impact on our ability to self-disclose personal and intimate information to our partner. It is the way we perceive ourselves in our identity. Who am I? What am I like? What are my values and beliefs? How do I want to be treated? What am I looking for in a partner and in sex? </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Some people have overly flexible selves which means they constantly change who they are depending on the context they are faced with. This is where other validated intimacy comes into play. These types of people will adapt to others so they don\'t feel rejected. They won\'t express what they really think or feel not to bother, upset or start a conflict with others. They are centered towards pleasing other people. Hence, they don\'t have an identity of their own. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When it comes to sexuality, they won\'t discuss their sexual preferences, talk about sexual fantasies, show who they are sexually, because they don\'t really know or don\'t want other people to know. Quickly enough, sex becomes a routine and they won\'t open up on their possible sexual dissatisfaction. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">There is also the opposite of the continuum where people are rigid in the way they present themselves. They can\'t tolerate differences in their partners. They impose their way of thinking, acting and being. They perceive differences as a threat to their sense of self because it obliges them to reflect on themselves and possibly change their perceptions. This in itself is a huge difficulty to people who are rigid in their sense of self. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Someone who is balanced in this aspect has a good sense of who they are as individuals and are proud of who they are. At the same time they are capable of letting others in their world without feeling threatened. They have the capacity of self-reflection and confrontation and open up to differences and possibly change their perception of things. They are willing to explore new things and change and grow as a person. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Calm heart and calm mind</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Faced with an intimate context it is not always easy to deal with all the emotions that we are feeling. Our bodies react in all different kinds of ways and our feelings can be hurt in the process. This brings people to have all kinds of thoughts in their mind, which aren\'t always the nicest things to say. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">For example, when someone isn\'t entirely satisfied with the sex they\'ve been having and tell their partner. For one, it can be hard to say those things to the person they love and cherish, because they know that it will hurt them. Secondly the other has to deal with the fact that their sexual competencies aren\'t as good as they thought. This has an impact on their sense of self which might bring the person to become rigid or flexible towards the other partner. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A person\'s capacity to self-sooth and calm themselves down allows them to tolerate the anxiety provoked during intense intimate moments with their partner. People who don\'t have that capacity either avoid intimacy all together so there won\'t be any conflicts or they become explosive when interacting with their partner, because they\'ve been hurt. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Grounded responses</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">In therapy, we hear many couples saying that their arguments turn in circles and never get resolved. It\'s not because there is <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication;</a></span><span style=\"color: black;\"> it\'s that the persons are not willing to agree with their partner. This leads to an </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">emotional gridlock</a> </span><span style=\"color: black;\">and the couple has unproductive arguments because they\'re avoiding the real issue. The more we become intimate with each other the more we realize that we have differences, which can be quite fundamental to someone\'s sense of self. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When couples fight about sexuality, for instance the frequency of sex; they are faced with 2 choices: </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><b>Having sex or not having sex</b></span><span style=\"color: black;\">. One partner wants it the other one doesn\'t. This is where a decision needs to be made, which most couples stall or avoid making entirely. You cannot </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>have sex </u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">and </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>not have it </u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">at the same time. It\'s one or the other! This is where most people lose their grounded response, because they want so badly what THEY want, they say almost anything to get it, even though it makes no sense, they scream and shout at each other or completely ignore their partners to send them the message that they don\'t care. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A <u>grounded response</u> is when a person takes the time to reflect on the situation before saying whatever goes through their minds. They were able to comfort themselves and are thinking of a <u>mature </u>response to give so that the conflict becomes a productive one. The person that has mastered this point of balance takes the time to listen to what the other has to say and gives a well reflected and grounded response to their partner. They are not seeking to be right, but to grow as a person in this dilemma and understand their partner better, while still maintaining their sense of self (Integrity).</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Meaningful Endurance</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When faced with a conflict, partners have to decide if they are going to work it through or terminate the relationship because they are incompatible. Differences create strain between lovers, because it requires that we tolerate certain aspects that are not always pleasing to live with. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Depending on the type of dynamic that a couple has, some will avoid taboo subjects not to get into fights so not to threaten the relationship. There is a status quo that is established and nobody is willing to touch it, even though one or both partners are unhappy with how things are developing between them. For example, not telling a partner that sex is dull and needs a boost and enduring the lack of sexual satisfaction rather than dealing with the issue which entails getting out of our sexual comfort zone and become more intimate. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">The other possible reaction is that when faced with differences it immediately puts an end to the couple so that they don\'t have to face the uncomfortable interactions that would ensue if they were to deal with the sexually intimate issues. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating the anxiety that stems from self-validated intimacy is hard for women and men alike. There are times in long term relationships that are though and you just want to give up, pack your bags and go home. These times are when we test our limits, can learn to mature and grow as a person and as a couple. The anxiety of not knowing if you are going to get through this and that you may be <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">wasting your time and part of your life</a></span> trying to work things out can break many couples up. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">People who have meaningful endurance give it their best shot. They self-confront, self-sooth and act in a mature way, all the while tolerating the anxiety, uncomfortable and difficult times that every long term couple needs to face one day or the other. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\r\n</span></span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\r\n</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>READ MORE ON: <u>Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire</u></b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u> </u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why It\'s Truly Hard to Commit to Our Relationships</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emotional Gridlock</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Lack of Sexual Desire is Good for Your Couple!</a></span></span></span></u></span></span></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Couple’s Communication Issues or Unable to Tolerate Intimacy?</a></span></span></span></span></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"> </span></span></span></span></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />\r\n	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />\r\n	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br />\r\n</style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire Part 4', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '59-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-09-29 20:50:53', '2017-09-29 18:50:53', '', 59, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/09/59-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(307, 2, '2017-06-08 01:10:05', '2017-06-07 23:10:05', '&nbsp;\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>The 4 Points of Balance*</b></span></span></h4>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">self-validated intimacy</a></span> is hard for everyone. It obliges us to maintain a <u>strong sense of self</u>, to <u>self-sooth</u>, have a <u>grounded responses</u> and a <u>meaningful endurance</u>. Each of these 4 points allows a person to maintain balance in the relationship so they grow as an individual and as a partner. When one of these fail, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">other validated intimacy</a> takes place and conflicts eventually ensue. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Solid flexible self</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our sense of self, has a huge impact on our ability to self-disclose personal and intimate information to our partner. It is the way we perceive ourselves in our identity. Who am I? What am I like? What are my values and beliefs? How do I want to be treated? What am I looking for in a partner and in sex? </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Some people have overly flexible selves which means they constantly change who they are depending on the context they are faced with. This is where other validated intimacy comes into play. These types of people will adapt to others so they don\'t feel rejected. They won\'t express what they really think or feel not to bother, upset or start a conflict with others. They are centered towards pleasing other people. Hence, they don\'t have an identity of their own. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When it comes to sexuality, they won\'t discuss their sexual preferences, talk about sexual fantasies, show who they are sexually, because they don\'t really know or don\'t want other people to know. Quickly enough, sex becomes a routine and they won\'t open up on their possible sexual dissatisfaction. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">There is also the opposite of the continuum where people are rigid in the way they present themselves. They can\'t tolerate differences in their partners. They impose their way of thinking, acting and being. They perceive differences as a threat to their sense of self because it obliges them to reflect on themselves and possibly change their perceptions. This in itself is a huge difficulty to people who are rigid in their sense of self. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Someone who is balanced in this aspect has a good sense of who they are as individuals and are proud of who they are. At the same time they are capable of letting others in their world without feeling threatened. They have the capacity of self-reflection and confrontation and open up to differences and possibly change their perception of things. They are willing to explore new things and change and grow as a person. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Calm heart and calm mind</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Faced with an intimate context it is not always easy to deal with all the emotions that we are feeling. Our bodies react in all different kinds of ways and our feelings can be hurt in the process. This brings people to have all kinds of thoughts in their mind, which aren\'t always the nicest things to say. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">For example, when someone isn\'t entirely satisfied with the sex they\'ve been having and tell their partner. For one, it can be hard to say those things to the person they love and cherish, because they know that it will hurt them. Secondly the other has to deal with the fact that their sexual competencies aren\'t as good as they thought. This has an impact on their sense of self which might bring the person to become rigid or flexible towards the other partner. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A person\'s capacity to self-sooth and calm themselves down allows them to tolerate the anxiety provoked during intense intimate moments with their partner. People who don\'t have that capacity either avoid intimacy all together so there won\'t be any conflicts or they become explosive when interacting with their partner, because they\'ve been hurt. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R3Fg20nzT2Q/UbvK0cCZofI/AAAAAAAAAKg/y_pZ5S0hVIk/s1600/tumblr_llfbvump5v1qd8987o1_500.jpg\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R3Fg20nzT2Q/UbvK0cCZofI/AAAAAAAAAKg/y_pZ5S0hVIk/s320/tumblr_llfbvump5v1qd8987o1_500.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"213\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Grounded responses</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">In therapy, we hear many couples saying that their arguments turn in circles and never get resolved. It\'s not because there is <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication;</a></span><span style=\"color: black;\"> it\'s that the persons are not willing to agree with their partner. This leads to an </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">emotional gridlock</a> </span><span style=\"color: black;\">and the couple has unproductive arguments because they\'re avoiding the real issue. The more we become intimate with each other the more we realize that we have differences, which can be quite fundamental to someone\'s sense of self. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When couples fight about sexuality, for instance the frequency of sex; they are faced with 2 choices: </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><b>Having sex or not having sex</b></span><span style=\"color: black;\">. One partner wants it the other one doesn\'t. This is where a decision needs to be made, which most couples stall or avoid making entirely. You cannot </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>have sex </u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">and </span><span style=\"color: black;\"><u>not have it </u></span><span style=\"color: black;\">at the same time. It\'s one or the other! This is where most people lose their grounded response, because they want so badly what THEY want, they say almost anything to get it, even though it makes no sense, they scream and shout at each other or completely ignore their partners to send them the message that they don\'t care. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">A <u>grounded response</u> is when a person takes the time to reflect on the situation before saying whatever goes through their minds. They were able to comfort themselves and are thinking of a <u>mature </u>response to give so that the conflict becomes a productive one. The person that has mastered this point of balance takes the time to listen to what the other has to say and gives a well reflected and grounded response to their partner. They are not seeking to be right, but to grow as a person in this dilemma and understand their partner better, while still maintaining their sense of self (Integrity).</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Meaningful Endurance</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When faced with a conflict, partners have to decide if they are going to work it through or terminate the relationship because they are incompatible. Differences create strain between lovers, because it requires that we tolerate certain aspects that are not always pleasing to live with. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Depending on the type of dynamic that a couple has, some will avoid taboo subjects not to get into fights so not to threaten the relationship. There is a status quo that is established and nobody is willing to touch it, even though one or both partners are unhappy with how things are developing between them. For example, not telling a partner that sex is dull and needs a boost and enduring the lack of sexual satisfaction rather than dealing with the issue which entails getting out of our sexual comfort zone and become more intimate. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">The other possible reaction is that when faced with differences it immediately puts an end to the couple so that they don\'t have to face the uncomfortable interactions that would ensue if they were to deal with the sexually intimate issues. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Tolerating the anxiety that stems from self-validated intimacy is hard for women and men alike. There are times in long term relationships that are though and you just want to give up, pack your bags and go home. These times are when we test our limits, can learn to mature and grow as a person and as a couple. The anxiety of not knowing if you are going to get through this and that you may be <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">wasting your time and part of your life</a></span> trying to work things out can break many couples up. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">People who have meaningful endurance give it their best shot. They self-confront, self-sooth and act in a mature way, all the while tolerating the anxiety, uncomfortable and difficult times that every long term couple needs to face one day or the other. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\r\n</span></span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">\r\n</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>READ MORE ON: <u>Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire</u></b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u> </u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why It\'s Truly Hard to Commit to Our Relationships</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emotional Gridlock</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Lack of Sexual Desire is Good for Your Couple!</a></span></span></span></u></span></span></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Couple’s Communication Issues or Unable to Tolerate Intimacy?</a></span></span></span></span></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"> </span></span></span></span></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<link href=\"//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-10_7.css\" rel=\"stylesheet\" type=\"text/css\">\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }\r\n	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.\r\n	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */\r\n</style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\">\r\n<form action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" target=\"_blank\" novalidate>\r\n    <div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n	<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\">\r\n	<label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address  <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n	<input type=\"email\" value=\"\" name=\"EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" id=\"mce-EMAIL\">\r\n</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\">\r\n	<label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n	<input type=\"text\" value=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" class=\"\" id=\"mce-FNAME\">\r\n</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\">\r\n	<label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n	<input type=\"text\" value=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" class=\"\" id=\"mce-LNAME\">\r\n</div>\r\n	<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\">\r\n		<div class=\"response\" id=\"mce-error-response\" style=\"display:none\"></div>\r\n		<div class=\"response\" id=\"mce-success-response\" style=\"display:none\"></div>\r\n	</div>    <!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n    <div style=\"position: absolute; 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