INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(245, 2, '2017-06-07 02:26:21', '2017-06-07 00:26:21', '<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\">\r\n<h2><i style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;\"><u><b>Do you know your sexual needs?</b></u></i></h2>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\">\r\n<h3><i style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 21px;\"><u><b>Part I</b></u></i></h3>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><i><u><b> </b></u></i></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Sexual desire is one of the most complex and mysterious aspects of human sexuality. The evolution of sexual desire in a person and in couples is a process that can be separated in many steps and it does not respect a linear path. This process is unique for everyone depending on their experiences, their values and perceptions of sexuality. This article will explore different types of sexual desires and their possible varieties in individuals and couples</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\">\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Categories of sexual desire</b></span></h3>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<h4><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u>Physiological:</u></span></h4>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u> </u></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> <u>Sexual desire can be physiological,</u> which consist of a cocktail of hormones and sensory stimuli (visual, touch, hearing, smell, taste) that give us that urge to have sexual activities. This category of sexual desire is often perceived as animalistic and based on hormones and it calls upon our basic instincts of reproduction and of searching for physical pleasure. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> We can actually separate this category in 2 distinct types. The first one is called hygienic, which is when we feel a sexual tension in the area of the genitals that needs to be released by sexual activity such as masturbation or sexual intercourse so that we may feel pleasure following this release. This sexual desire can be created by an accumulation of stress and is transformed into muscular tension in the waist area that needs to be liberated or relaxed. This type of desire is more common in men, but it is also found in many women. It creates a need or desire to liberate the muscular tensions because of the discomfort. This desire doesn\'t require an emotional or relational aspect to it. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> The second type is created by the change in the levels of hormones that are secreted in the body to <span style=\"background-color: white;\">fulfil</span>our instinct of reproduction. This desire is often in cycles in relation to ovulation in women. Men on the other hand, have a daily cycle of hormones, which make it harder to pinpoint due to the small length of time between them. </span>\r\n<span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />\r\n	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />\r\n	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br />\r\n</style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<h4><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u>Emotional :</u></span></h4>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u> </u></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> Another category is constructed through emotions. This category is more complex than the last as it has many aspects that come into play. It\'s important not to mix this category with the sexual desire based on relationships, which is a category in itself. The difference between the physiological and emotional categories it that their is an emotional component that <b>isn\'t</b> <b>necessarily</b> <b>focused</b>towards another person. For example, one of the types of sexual desire in the emotional category is the desire motivated to have children. This desire is not based solely on the purpose of procreation, but rather on the emotional aspect of wanting a child of our own. This sexual desire tends to disappear once the family has been formed. It is different from the relational category as it doesn\'t pertain to the relationship to the partner necessarily. It is more common in women and they can tend to lose their sexual desire entirely, once they\'ve had the babies they wanted. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> Another type in this category is the <u>desire for penetration or being penetrated</u>. This sexual desire is motivated by a the need for sexual activities where penetration is present and a central focus of sex. The sensations are strongly related and focused by the desire to penetrate or be penetrated and satisfaction will not be achieved if there is lack thereof. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> We can also find a type of sexual <u>desire that is based on the need to fulfil emotional needs of affection</u>, but that is transformed into sexual arousal. This need is met when we make love in a romantic, tender and loving way. Touches are more soft, slow and sensual and we kiss slowly with intent. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> Finally, the <u>erotic or carnal sexual desire</u> is characterized by a sexual and emotional intensity where there is a profound liberation of inhibitions and of letting ourselves go entirely to our pleasure. Theses sexual activities are filled with creativity, newness and a certain ferocity that brings partners in a torrid sexual exchange and sensuality. Often shared with a partner that we\'ve known for quite a while, some are only capable of feeling this type of sexual desire with strangers in one night stands. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<h4><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u>Nota Bene</u></span></h4>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u> </u></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> It is possible that theses multiple categories and types of sexual desire are combined together and they are not exclusive from one another. Each one brings a different dynamic and approach to sexual activities and the attitudes are variable according to the person. Sexual desire can be influenced by a variety of elements such as anxiety, sexual preferences, our <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">Modes of Sexual Arousal (MSA),</span> our needs at the present moment or the relationship we have with our sexual partner. There is no major difference between genders when it comes to different types and categories of sexual desire. Finally, the relationships component brings us to our last category of sexual desire. Read the rest...</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Read the next article :</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/different-types-of-sexual-desire-part-ii.html\">Complexity of Our Relationship and The Influence on Our Sexual Desire</a> </b></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Want to learn even more more? Visit our webseries page on <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/webvideo_sexuality_sensuality_erotic/\">Sensual &amp; Erotic Education</a></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like theses? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div>\r\n<div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<link href=\"//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-10_7.css\" rel=\"stylesheet\" type=\"text/css\">\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }\r\n	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.\r\n	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */\r\n</style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\">\r\n<form action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" target=\"_blank\" novalidate>\r\n    <div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n	<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\">\r\n	<label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address  <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n	<input type=\"email\" value=\"\" name=\"EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" id=\"mce-EMAIL\">\r\n</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\">\r\n	<label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n	<input type=\"text\" value=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" class=\"\" id=\"mce-FNAME\">\r\n</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\">\r\n	<label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n	<input type=\"text\" value=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" class=\"\" id=\"mce-LNAME\">\r\n</div>\r\n	<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\">\r\n		<div class=\"response\" id=\"mce-error-response\" style=\"display:none\"></div>\r\n		<div class=\"response\" id=\"mce-success-response\" style=\"display:none\"></div>\r\n	</div>    <!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n    <div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><input type=\"text\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" tabindex=\"-1\" value=\"\"></div>\r\n    <div class=\"clear\"><input type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" name=\"subscribe\" id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\"></div>\r\n    </div>\r\n</form>\r\n</div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n \r\n', 'Different Types of Sexual Desire', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '37-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 02:26:21', '2017-06-07 00:26:21', '', 37, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/37-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(246, 2, '2017-06-07 02:28:09', '2017-06-07 00:28:09', '', 'couple noir-blanc', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'couple-noir-blanc', '', '', '2017-06-07 02:28:35', '2017-06-07 00:28:35', '', 37, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2015/03/couple-noir-blanc.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(248, 2, '2017-06-07 03:13:39', '2017-06-07 01:13:39', '<h2 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\"><b style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;\">Gender roles are changing</b></h2>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">There is a misconception that women either don\'t like sex or aren\'t really interested in doing it. We portray women as liking sex because it has an emotional component to it and they can feel more connected to their partner. As much as gender roles are changing, women who actually demonstrate and say they like sex because they feel sexual pleasure are openly or secretly branded as being nymphomaniacs or worse «sluts». Girls will seldom brag to their friends about their masturbation sessions as boys will do in their teenage years. Yet, they masturbate just as much. They want to know as much about sex as the boys but will hide their curiosity or desires to avoid being stigmatized. </span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">There is guilt associated with female sexuality and a double standard, even if it isn\'t openly said these days. Men are portrayed as the sexual beings who are always ready and want it all the time in a heterosexual relationship. If the roles are reversed, men tend to feel threatened by their female partner\'s sexuality and feel less manly. Most of the time, they won\'t admit feeling diminished because that would be showing their vulnerability, which makes them feel even less like a man. </span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Protecting yourself and your partner\'s ego</b></span></h3>\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Women pick up on these dynamics and what they rather end up doing is being disinterested in sex rather than showing their own eroticism to their partners. They protect men\'s egos so that they (women) don\'t get branded with being a nymphomaniac. So we perpetuate the myth that men are the sexually charged gender in our societies. While in fact women\'s sexuality has been repressed for so many generations they don\'t even realize their full sexual potential.</span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">This tends to create a <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\"><b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (HDP) and <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (LDP)</a></span> dynamic and creates conflicts in long-term relationships. Now, not all women are more sexual then men, but it is a truth in certain relationships that is highly ignored in today\'s relationships and should be addressed more often. </span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Why women don\'t have sexual desire?</b></span></h3>\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Typically, when couples consult a sex-therapist for differences in sexual desire, we assume the woman is the <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\">LDP (Low DesirePartner)</a>.</span> Most of the time, when that is the case, it\'s not because she doesn\'t like sex...she doesn\'t like it with her partner. She\'s actually <b>bored with sex</b>, because her level of eroticism is more developed than his and she\'s afraid to show it. Either she\'s avoiding being judged by him or she doesn\'t want to hurt his feelings by emasculating him. This demonstrates a <span style=\"color: #3d85c6;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\">lack of intimacy</a></span> in their relationship, where neither partner is willing to face the hard truth about their sexuality. This limitation on the perception of masculinity and femininity creates many sexual difficulties that could be avoided by having a larger view of these gender roles. </span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Why do men lose sexual desire?</b></span></h3>\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> You might be surprised to hear, but fifty percent (50%) of the time in therapy, the man is the one who is the <b>LDP</b>. When this happens, it is not that he is bored as women tend to be, but feels threatened by his partner\'s sexuality and eroticism. When he picks up after awhile that she has more desire, more initiative, more creativity and sexual <i><u><b>huffmp </b></u></i><span style=\"background-color: white;\">than him</span>, he loses his feelings of being a man. This creates a lack of desire in men because he doesn\'t feel up to the challenge to please his partner and therefore gets demotivated to have sex. </span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> Men are thought and are perceived as being the ones who educate women on their bodies and sexuality. They are the ones that lead and get their desires fulfilled, which makes them feel competent as men. They get a sense of pride out of playing that role, but when they don\'t have those aspects to hold on to, they don\'t feel good about themselves. </span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Man up! Woman up!</b></span></h3>\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> As an adult, it is time to grow up and mature in our sexuality and capacity to be truly intimate with our partner. Sex should be pleasurable, fun, playful and enjoyable. When it stops being that way, it is time to reflect on your sexual maturity and deal with your shortcomings. If you feel threaten or intimidated by your partner\'s eroticism and sexuality see it as a challenge to overcome rather than an obstacle that you want to avoid. Bring yourself to push your personal limits and get your funk on! </span></div>\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\n<div>\n<div>\n<h2></h2>\n<div></div>\n</div>\n</div>\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Women should not feel ashamed about sex and should demand what they sexually desire. Sex is one of the most beautiful and extraordinary ways you can connect with a person and feel loved. It is also a wonderful activity to share pleasure and reach ecstasy through our minds and bodies. Passing up that opportunity to protect your partner or from what other people might think of you isn\'t worth it, considering what you are losing for yourself. </span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Men need to acknowledge their limitations and try to surpass them rather than avoid them. Sex is not a competition or a performance, but a shared activity that requires you take care of yourself and your partner to enjoy the moment. NOT TO IMPRESS SOMEONE!</span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n<h4><span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">Want to learn more?</span></h4>\n<span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/webvideo_sexuality_sensuality_erotic/\">Watch</a> the Sensual &amp; Erotic Education webseries</span>\n<span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">\n</span><span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">\n</span><span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">\n</span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">\n</span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">\n</span>\n\n</div>\n&nbsp;\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\nLearn more about the author\n\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like theses? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\n<div></div>\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"></div>', 'Women\'s fierce sexuality', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '38-autosave-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 03:13:39', '2017-06-07 01:13:39', '', 38, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/38-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(249, 2, '2017-06-07 02:30:52', '2017-06-07 00:30:52', '', 'women sexuality', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'women-sexuality', '', '', '2017-06-07 02:31:05', '2017-06-07 00:31:05', '', 38, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2015/03/women-sexuality.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(397, 2, '2017-09-30 00:15:37', '2017-09-29 22:15:37', '<h2 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\"><b style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;\">Gender roles are changing</b></h2>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">There is a misconception that women either don\'t like sex or aren\'t really interested in doing it. We portray women as liking sex because it has an emotional component to it and they can feel more connected to their partner. As much as gender roles are changing, women who actually demonstrate and say they like sex because they feel sexual pleasure are openly or secretly branded as being nymphomaniacs or worse «sluts». Girls will seldom brag to their friends about their masturbation sessions as boys will do in their teenage years. Yet, they masturbate just as much. They want to know as much about sex as the boys but will hide their curiosity or desires to avoid being stigmatized. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">There is guilt associated with female sexuality and a double standard, even if it isn\'t openly said these days. Men are portrayed as the sexual beings who are always ready and want it all the time in a heterosexual relationship. If the roles are reversed, men tend to feel threatened by their female partner\'s sexuality and feel less manly. Most of the time, they won\'t admit feeling diminished because that would be showing their vulnerability, which makes them feel even less like a man. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Protecting yourself and your partner\'s ego</b></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Women pick up on these dynamics and what they rather end up doing is being disinterested in sex rather than showing their own eroticism to their partners. They protect men\'s egos so that they (women) don\'t get branded with being a nymphomaniac. So we perpetuate the myth that men are the sexually charged gender in our societies. While in fact women\'s sexuality has been repressed for so many generations they don\'t even realize their full sexual potential.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">This tends to create a <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\"><b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (HDP) and <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (LDP)</a></span> dynamic and creates conflicts in long-term relationships. Now, not all women are more sexual then men, but it is a truth in certain relationships that is highly ignored in today\'s relationships and should be addressed more often. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Why women don\'t have sexual desire?</b></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Typically, when couples consult a sex-therapist for differences in sexual desire, we assume the woman is the <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\">LDP (Low DesirePartner)</a>.</span> Most of the time, when that is the case, it\'s not because she doesn\'t like sex...she doesn\'t like it with her partner. She\'s actually <b>bored with sex</b>, because her level of eroticism is more developed than his and she\'s afraid to show it. Either she\'s avoiding being judged by him or she doesn\'t want to hurt his feelings by emasculating him. This demonstrates a <span style=\"color: #3d85c6;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\">lack of intimacy</a></span> in their relationship, where neither partner is willing to face the hard truth about their sexuality. This limitation on the perception of masculinity and femininity creates many sexual difficulties that could be avoided by having a larger view of these gender roles. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Why do men lose sexual desire?</b></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> You might be surprised to hear, but fifty percent (50%) of the time in therapy, the man is the one who is the <b>LDP</b>. When this happens, it is not that he is bored as women tend to be, but feels threatened by his partner\'s sexuality and eroticism. When he picks up after awhile that she has more desire, more initiative, more creativity and sexual <i><u><b>huffmp </b></u></i><span style=\"background-color: white;\">than him</span>, he loses his feelings of being a man. This creates a lack of desire in men because he doesn\'t feel up to the challenge to please his partner and therefore gets demotivated to have sex. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> Men are thought and are perceived as being the ones who educate women on their bodies and sexuality. They are the ones that lead and get their desires fulfilled, which makes them feel competent as men. They get a sense of pride out of playing that role, but when they don\'t have those aspects to hold on to, they don\'t feel good about themselves. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Man up! Woman up!</b></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> As an adult, it is time to grow up and mature in our sexuality and capacity to be truly intimate with our partner. Sex should be pleasurable, fun, playful and enjoyable. When it stops being that way, it is time to reflect on your sexual maturity and deal with your shortcomings. If you feel threaten or intimidated by your partner\'s eroticism and sexuality see it as a challenge to overcome rather than an obstacle that you want to avoid. Bring yourself to push your personal limits and get your funk on! </span></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Women should not feel ashamed about sex and should demand what they sexually desire. Sex is one of the most beautiful and extraordinary ways you can connect with a person and feel loved. It is also a wonderful activity to share pleasure and reach ecstasy through our minds and bodies. Passing up that opportunity to protect your partner or from what other people might think of you isn\'t worth it, considering what you are losing for yourself. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Men need to acknowledge their limitations and try to surpass them rather than avoid them. Sex is not a competition or a performance, but a shared activity that requires you take care of yourself and your partner to enjoy the moment. NOT TO IMPRESS SOMEONE!</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<h4><span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">Want to learn more?</span></h4>\r\n<span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/webvideo_sexuality_sensuality_erotic/\">Watch</a> the Sensual &amp; Erotic Education webseries</span>\r\n<span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">\r\n</span>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like theses? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />\r\n	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />\r\n	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br />\r\n</style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Women\'s fierce sexuality', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '38-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-09-30 00:15:37', '2017-09-29 22:15:37', '', 38, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/09/38-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(251, 2, '2017-06-07 03:13:44', '2017-06-07 01:13:44', '<h2 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\"><b style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;\">Gender roles are changing</b></h2>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">There is a misconception that women either don\'t like sex or aren\'t really interested in doing it. We portray women as liking sex because it has an emotional component to it and they can feel more connected to their partner. As much as gender roles are changing, women who actually demonstrate and say they like sex because they feel sexual pleasure are openly or secretly branded as being nymphomaniacs or worse «sluts». Girls will seldom brag to their friends about their masturbation sessions as boys will do in their teenage years. Yet, they masturbate just as much. They want to know as much about sex as the boys but will hide their curiosity or desires to avoid being stigmatized. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">There is guilt associated with female sexuality and a double standard, even if it isn\'t openly said these days. Men are portrayed as the sexual beings who are always ready and want it all the time in a heterosexual relationship. If the roles are reversed, men tend to feel threatened by their female partner\'s sexuality and feel less manly. Most of the time, they won\'t admit feeling diminished because that would be showing their vulnerability, which makes them feel even less like a man. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Protecting yourself and your partner\'s ego</b></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Women pick up on these dynamics and what they rather end up doing is being disinterested in sex rather than showing their own eroticism to their partners. They protect men\'s egos so that they (women) don\'t get branded with being a nymphomaniac. So we perpetuate the myth that men are the sexually charged gender in our societies. While in fact women\'s sexuality has been repressed for so many generations they don\'t even realize their full sexual potential.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">This tends to create a <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\"><b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (HDP) and <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (LDP)</a></span> dynamic and creates conflicts in long-term relationships. Now, not all women are more sexual then men, but it is a truth in certain relationships that is highly ignored in today\'s relationships and should be addressed more often. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Why women don\'t have sexual desire?</b></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Typically, when couples consult a sex-therapist for differences in sexual desire, we assume the woman is the <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\">LDP (Low DesirePartner)</a>.</span> Most of the time, when that is the case, it\'s not because she doesn\'t like sex...she doesn\'t like it with her partner. She\'s actually <b>bored with sex</b>, because her level of eroticism is more developed than his and she\'s afraid to show it. Either she\'s avoiding being judged by him or she doesn\'t want to hurt his feelings by emasculating him. This demonstrates a <span style=\"color: #3d85c6;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\">lack of intimacy</a></span> in their relationship, where neither partner is willing to face the hard truth about their sexuality. This limitation on the perception of masculinity and femininity creates many sexual difficulties that could be avoided by having a larger view of these gender roles. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Why do men lose sexual desire?</b></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> You might be surprised to hear, but fifty percent (50%) of the time in therapy, the man is the one who is the <b>LDP</b>. When this happens, it is not that he is bored as women tend to be, but feels threatened by his partner\'s sexuality and eroticism. When he picks up after awhile that she has more desire, more initiative, more creativity and sexual <i><u><b>huffmp </b></u></i><span style=\"background-color: white;\">than him</span>, he loses his feelings of being a man. This creates a lack of desire in men because he doesn\'t feel up to the challenge to please his partner and therefore gets demotivated to have sex. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> Men are thought and are perceived as being the ones who educate women on their bodies and sexuality. They are the ones that lead and get their desires fulfilled, which makes them feel competent as men. They get a sense of pride out of playing that role, but when they don\'t have those aspects to hold on to, they don\'t feel good about themselves. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Man up! Woman up!</b></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> As an adult, it is time to grow up and mature in our sexuality and capacity to be truly intimate with our partner. Sex should be pleasurable, fun, playful and enjoyable. When it stops being that way, it is time to reflect on your sexual maturity and deal with your shortcomings. If you feel threaten or intimidated by your partner\'s eroticism and sexuality see it as a challenge to overcome rather than an obstacle that you want to avoid. Bring yourself to push your personal limits and get your funk on! </span></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div>\r\n<div>\r\n<h2></h2>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Women should not feel ashamed about sex and should demand what they sexually desire. Sex is one of the most beautiful and extraordinary ways you can connect with a person and feel loved. It is also a wonderful activity to share pleasure and reach ecstasy through our minds and bodies. Passing up that opportunity to protect your partner or from what other people might think of you isn\'t worth it, considering what you are losing for yourself. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Men need to acknowledge their limitations and try to surpass them rather than avoid them. Sex is not a competition or a performance, but a shared activity that requires you take care of yourself and your partner to enjoy the moment. NOT TO IMPRESS SOMEONE!</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<h4><span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">Want to learn more?</span></h4>\r\n<span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/webvideo_sexuality_sensuality_erotic/\">Watch</a> the Sensual &amp; Erotic Education webseries</span>\r\n<span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-size: 21.3333339691162px;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">\r\n</span>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like theses? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<link href=\"//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-10_7.css\" rel=\"stylesheet\" type=\"text/css\">\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }\r\n	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.\r\n	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */\r\n</style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\">\r\n<form action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" target=\"_blank\" novalidate>\r\n    <div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n	<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\">\r\n	<label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address  <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n	<input type=\"email\" value=\"\" name=\"EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" id=\"mce-EMAIL\">\r\n</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\">\r\n	<label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n	<input type=\"text\" value=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" class=\"\" id=\"mce-FNAME\">\r\n</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\">\r\n	<label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n	<input type=\"text\" value=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" class=\"\" id=\"mce-LNAME\">\r\n</div>\r\n	<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\">\r\n		<div class=\"response\" id=\"mce-error-response\" style=\"display:none\"></div>\r\n		<div class=\"response\" id=\"mce-success-response\" style=\"display:none\"></div>\r\n	</div>    <!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n    <div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><input type=\"text\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" tabindex=\"-1\" value=\"\"></div>\r\n    <div class=\"clear\"><input type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" name=\"subscribe\" id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\"></div>\r\n    </div>\r\n</form>\r\n</div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n \r\n', 'Women\'s fierce sexuality', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '38-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 03:13:44', '2017-06-07 01:13:44', '', 38, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/38-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(371, 2, '2017-07-19 19:09:18', '2017-07-19 17:09:18', '<h1> Are you emotionally intelligent?</h1>\r\nHave you ever heard of emotional intelligence? You most likely are if you are capable of reading other people\'s emotions. Some people are just way better at it than others. This capacity is required if you want to have any type of profound or <strong>intimate moment</strong> with another person. It is required if you want to flirt or initiate sex with a partner. Without some form of emotional intelligence, our conversations would be completely rational and robotic, which is not the case for most people. Emotional intelligence is your capacity to <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-lack-of-communication.html\"><strong>mind-map</strong></a> a person and know their desires, intentions and emotions through their tone of voice, body language and facial expressions.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>The bad side of emotional intelligence</h2>\r\nUnfortunately, emotional intelligence isn\'t always a good thing to have. If you use it with bad intentions, you can really hurt someone else. People who are highly intelligent when it comes to emotions can easily detect other people\'s weak spots and use it against them. You either know a person like that or you are a person like that or both. Which one is it for you? Have you ever been really mean to someone by using their insecurities against them? Do you know someone who does do that? Politicians, therapist, lawyers, police interrogators, narcissist, salesmen and others excel at reading others. Some use their emotional intelligence to help others and maintain healthy relationships. While others use it to their advantage to the detriment of the person they are using it against.\r\n<h3>Emotional intelligence in a couple</h3>\r\nWe all have some form of emotional intelligence and we use it in our sex lives and romantic relationships with our spouse. Our emotional intelligence tends to be especially used when we are fighting or in a conflict with them. It allows us to understand how they feel when we say something that might be hurtful or nasty to them. They evaluate you and you evaluate them constantly while you are talking or arguing together. You can either use it to resolve the conflict and find a solution that works best for both or try to get your way and out-smart your lover. How do you use your emotional intelligence?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>What is emotional maturity, then?</h2>\r\nEmotional maturity is a choice, not a capacity. Either you choose to be mature or you don\'t. Emotional maturity is using your emotional intelligence to be a nice person. It is also your capacity to manage your own emotions without blaming others for them but owning your emotions. Only you get to decide how you express your emotions, not your spouse. We cannot control our emotions as they come as a reflex, but how you manage and express them is a choice you constantly make. If you are mad, you could punch someone in the face to alleviate the anger. You can also decide to verbally yell at your spouse or in a calm matter name what makes you angry.\r\n\r\nEmotional maturity, in a couple, is taking the time to consider your spouse\'s feelings and your own and acting in a manner that will help the situation and eventually solve it. Emotionally immature adults tend to victimize themselves and blame their partner for how they make them feel. They justify their actions by the action of the other. If both are doing the same, this can go in circles for quite a while. Let\'s give an example:\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A gives a snide remark to Spouse B, because they didn\'t do XYZ and they feel unimportant because of it.</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B yells out to the other to get off their backs.</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A critiques Spouse B of being self-centered and selfish all the time</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B critiques Spouse A of always criticizing them</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A bring out an old emotional wound of Spouse B in a deliberate manner to hurt them</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B brings back an old fight, completely changing the initial subject at hand</li>\r\n 	<li>Rince and repeat for 30 minutes to an hour</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\nThis can go on and on and on, while nothing gets resolved. Both partners in this situation are emotionally intelligent, but neither is emotionally mature. It would only take one of them to show some maturity and restraint themselves from trying to bring the other one down or try to win the argument to calm things down. How would you have reacted in a similar situation in your relationship? Would you have participated in staking up the emotional wounds and attacks to each other or would you have brought yourself to be a mature adult and decide to let go of winning the argument by trying to understand what was really going on in this context?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4> How to increase our emotional maturity?</h4>\r\nWhen you are faced with a conflict try to act in a <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\"><strong>collaborative manner</strong></a>. If you feel that what you are saying or doing isn\'t helping the dialogue:\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Take a step back and breathe</li>\r\n 	<li>Reflect on what the other is trying to tell you</li>\r\n 	<li>Add something that will make the conversation progress and not digress</li>\r\n 	<li>Remain calm and listen to each other</li>\r\n 	<li>Try not to argue or poke holes in what they are saying</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t change the subject, bring up old wounds or be mean to each other</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t be selfish and see yourself as the victim</li>\r\n 	<li>Avoid trying to WIN the argument, you\'ll both be losers at the end anyway if you do that</li>\r\n 	<li>Be respectful and apologize when you feel that you were in the wrong</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t pout or act like a child, be a mature adult</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois-278x300.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form --></div>\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Emotional intelligence and emotional maturity', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '359-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-07-19 19:09:18', '2017-07-19 17:09:18', '', 359, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/07/359-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(253, 2, '2017-06-07 03:38:11', '2017-06-07 01:38:11', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 18.0pt;\">Normal Marital Sadism (NMS)*</span></b></h2>\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Learning to hate our partners</span></b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     We don’t really anticipate that one day we will take pleasure out of hurting someone we love. We want even less to admit to it. For most people &amp; couples, their reflex is to deny immediately any form of dishonesty and heartaches we cause to each other. What possible reason could justify such behaviour towards a person we have chosen to live the rest of our lives with? The answer is NONE! That is the reason why we don’t want to admit it, especially to our partner. </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Normal Marital Sadism</span></b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">      </span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Sadism is defined as deliberately hurting someone, by feeling pleasure or gaining a sense of satisfaction out of it. In long-term relationships (married or not), this phenomenon is more wide spread than we would like to admit to ourselves. For this reason, it is why we consider it “normal” to do marital sadism. But what is defined as normal doesn’t necessarily mean that it is healthy, but in this situation it means widespread. <b>N</b>ormal <b>M</b>arital <b>S</b>adism (<b>NMS</b>) is a form of particular violence that is subtle between two partners, which contrary to popular belief actually love each other, but also hate each other. </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Love &amp; Hate: Same continuum, just different extremities</span></b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Romantic relationships would be way simpler if we could always feel good and feel love for our partner. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case! There will always be parts of our partner that we will truly detest. We aren’t perfect and we aren’t the same as our partner on every aspect. These differences create important conflicts, that are hard to overcome, which make us feel hate towards our lover. The way we deal with this ambivalence between the love and hate we feel towards our partner determines greatly how our relationship will develop. </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-y3fvACCQuh8/U0cBy8qGQWI/AAAAAAAAAUE/A5PXgQoCZbM/s1600/Couple_relationship_conflict_arguments_Make_up_sex.jpg\"><img title=\"couples\" src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-y3fvACCQuh8/U0cBy8qGQWI/AAAAAAAAAUE/A5PXgQoCZbM/s1600/Couple_relationship_conflict_arguments_Make_up_sex.jpg\" alt=\"couple conflict, couple fighting, couple therapy\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Sometimes we aren\'t at our best with our partner</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">To deal with theses contradictory emotions in a healthy way, it is necessary to have a good </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional balance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. This balance allows us to live better with the fact that we can sometimes hate our partner very profoundly, but also that are partner hates us. The second part is normally the hardest for most people, because it impacts our self-esteem and our sense of self (identity). When the most important person in our lives hate a part of who we are, it can be difficult to deal with the emotions that this rejection creates. It is a difficult reality to accept for someone who doesn’t have a very high self-esteem.</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">How Does All This Operate Between Partners?</span></b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     The more we know our partner, the more we are capable of hurting them, because we’ve had access to their insecurities along the many years. Generally between partners, we sooth and help each other through our hardships and limits. The thing is, the game is played differently when we are in an important conflict with them. Especially when the couple has sexual difficulties, which is where most people feel very vulnerable. When we don’t have a </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">solid-flexible self</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> and a </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">capacity to self-sooth</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">, we can easily feel attacked by our partner, because we take things personally. This tends to create a reflex for vengeance to downplay are hurt feelings and anxiety. Henceforth, the vicious cycle of Normal Marital Sadism begins:</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;\"></div>\n<ol>\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">One of the partners feels hurt or emotionally injured</span></li>\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: 7pt;\"> </span></span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">In return, they attack to feel better about themselves</span></li>\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: 7pt;\"> </span></span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">The other partner feels hurt and attacks back</span></li>\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: 7pt;\"> </span></span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">Repeat step 1-2-3</span></li>\n</ol>\n\n<hr />\n\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"margin-left: 0cm; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Let’s give a more concrete example to illustrate the point. A woman has more sexual desire than her lesbian partner since the beginning of the relationship. After many attempts to initiate sex and being refused multiple times, she starts feeling reject and unloved. The partner that has more desire starts feeling less desirable each time she initiates sex. One night where she tries once more, she gets rejected AGAIN. Unable to deal with the rejection any longer says to her partner that she has a problem and needs to deal with it and says she is frigid. The partner with less desire attacks back by saying that she is the one obsessed with sex and needs to control her sexual urges. We can all imagine where this story is going. Obviously, gender and sexual orientation can be interchangeable in this situation, as every couple dynamic faces these issues. </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">A variety of more subtle examples can be found in couples where a partner deliberately irritates the other and gains satisfaction out of it (E.G.: not changing the toilet paper roll, spending an important sum without talking about it to our partner, ignoring or being sulky, sighing of irritation, giving a look of disapproval, etc.). All these behaviours aren’t done in an innocent way, even though we tend to act that way. We are trying to get a reaction out of our partner and when we get caught, we pretend that we didn’t know or that we forgot.</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">To Admit It or Not to, That is the Question?</span></b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">      </span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">We would need to be crazy to admit that we do Normal Marital Sadism (<b>NMS</b>) to our partner. What would be the advantages of doing such a thing? Actually, it becomes a question of integrity and loyalty that allows us to build a <span style=\"color: #8db3e2;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a></span> and work on our </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">points of emotional balance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. It also allows us to get past our </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional gridlocks</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> in our relationship. Admitting our <b>NMS </b>to our spouse allows our partner to know who we truly are (the good and the bad) and have </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">self-validated intimacy</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. How can you justify being loved or loving someone, when you only present parts of who you are and not the whole you?</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Most people won’t even admit to themselves that they do <b>NMS, </b>because they don’t want to admit being so mean and having such an ugly side of their personality. That would also deteriorate their self-image and self-esteem even more. They won’t want to be truthful to their partner’s about it so that the person who is the most significant in their lives doesn’t rejects them. </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Take the time to reflect on the next sentence and understand what it means for you and your couple:</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">“<b>Admitting the worse in us, brings the best in us, because the worse in us cannot even admit its own existence!”- David Schnarch</b></span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\n</span>\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\n</div>\n<span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\n</span>\n\n</div>\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><u><span lang=\"FR\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Other related articles: </span></u></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><u><span lang=\"FR\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></u></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Emotional Gridlock:</span></b></a><b> </b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">The Underlying Issues in Couples</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; 0 0 1 39 219 le sexolgue 1 1 257 14.0 &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; Normal 0 21 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE &lt;![endif]--><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 10]&gt;&lt;![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <!--EndFragment--></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\">Series of articles on sexual intimacy</a></span></b></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b> </b></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; 0 0 1 27 151 le sexolgue 1 1 177 14.0 &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; Normal 0 21 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE &lt;![endif]--><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 10]&gt;&lt;![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <!--EndFragment--></div>\n<div style=\"background: white;\"><b><span style=\"color: black; text-decoration: none;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\">Different Levels of Sexual Desire Between Partners in a Couple</a> </span></b></div>\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\n\n<style type=\"text/css\">\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\n</label>\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\n</div>\n</form></div>\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Unhealthy Couple Dynamics', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '49-autosave-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 03:38:11', '2017-06-07 01:38:11', '', 49, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/49-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(254, 2, '2017-06-07 03:36:36', '2017-06-07 01:36:36', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 18.0pt;\">Normal Marital Sadism (NMS)*</span></b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Learning to hate our partners</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     We don’t really anticipate that one day we will take pleasure out of hurting someone we love. We want even less to admit to it. For most people &amp; couples, their reflex is to deny immediately any form of dishonesty and heartaches we cause to each other. What possible reason could justify such behaviour towards a person we have chosen to live the rest of our lives with? The answer is NONE! That is the reason why we don’t want to admit it, especially to our partner. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Normal Marital Sadism</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">      </span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Sadism is defined as deliberately hurting someone, by feeling pleasure or gaining a sense of satisfaction out of it. In long-term relationships (married or not), this phenomenon is more wide spread than we would like to admit to ourselves. For this reason, it is why we consider it “normal” to do marital sadism. But what is defined as normal doesn’t necessarily mean that it is healthy, but in this situation it means widespread. <b>N</b>ormal <b>M</b>arital <b>S</b>adism (<b>NMS</b>) is a form of particular violence that is subtle between two partners, which contrary to popular belief actually love each other, but also hate each other. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Love &amp; Hate: Same continuum, just different extremities</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Romantic relationships would be way simpler if we could always feel good and feel love for our partner. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case! There will always be parts of our partner that we will truly detest. We aren’t perfect and we aren’t the same as our partner on every aspect. These differences create important conflicts, that are hard to overcome, which make us feel hate towards our lover. The way we deal with this ambivalence between the love and hate we feel towards our partner determines greatly how our relationship will develop. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-y3fvACCQuh8/U0cBy8qGQWI/AAAAAAAAAUE/A5PXgQoCZbM/s1600/Couple_relationship_conflict_arguments_Make_up_sex.jpg\"><img title=\"couples\" src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-y3fvACCQuh8/U0cBy8qGQWI/AAAAAAAAAUE/A5PXgQoCZbM/s1600/Couple_relationship_conflict_arguments_Make_up_sex.jpg\" alt=\"couple conflict, couple fighting, couple therapy\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Sometimes we aren\'t at our best with our partner</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">To deal with theses contradictory emotions in a healthy way, it is necessary to have a good </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional balance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. This balance allows us to live better with the fact that we can sometimes hate our partner very profoundly, but also that are partner hates us. The second part is normally the hardest for most people, because it impacts our self-esteem and our sense of self (identity). When the most important person in our lives hate a part of who we are, it can be difficult to deal with the emotions that this rejection creates. It is a difficult reality to accept for someone who doesn’t have a very high self-esteem.</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">How Does All This Operate Between Partners?</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     The more we know our partner, the more we are capable of hurting them, because we’ve had access to their insecurities along the many years. Generally between partners, we sooth and help each other through our hardships and limits. The thing is, the game is played differently when we are in an important conflict with them. Especially when the couple has sexual difficulties, which is where most people feel very vulnerable. When we don’t have a </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">solid-flexible self</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> and a </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">capacity to self-sooth</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">, we can easily feel attacked by our partner, because we take things personally. This tends to create a reflex for vengeance to downplay are hurt feelings and anxiety. Henceforth, the vicious cycle of Normal Marital Sadism begins:</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;\"></div>\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">One of the partners feels hurt or emotionally injured</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: 7pt;\"> </span></span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">In return, they attack to feel better about themselves</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: 7pt;\"> </span></span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">The other partner feels hurt and attacks back</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: 7pt;\"> </span></span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">Repeat step 1-2-3</span></li>\r\n</ol>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin-left: 0cm; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Let’s give a more concrete example to illustrate the point. A woman has more sexual desire than her lesbian partner since the beginning of the relationship. After many attempts to initiate sex and being refused multiple times, she starts feeling reject and unloved. The partner that has more desire starts feeling less desirable each time she initiates sex. One night where she tries once more, she gets rejected AGAIN. Unable to deal with the rejection any longer says to her partner that she has a problem and needs to deal with it and says she is frigid. The partner with less desire attacks back by saying that she is the one obsessed with sex and needs to control her sexual urges. We can all imagine where this story is going. Obviously, gender and sexual orientation can be interchangeable in this situation, as every couple dynamic faces these issues. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">A variety of more subtle examples can be found in couples where a partner deliberately irritates the other and gains satisfaction out of it (E.G.: not changing the toilet paper roll, spending an important sum without talking about it to our partner, ignoring or being sulky, sighing of irritation, giving a look of disapproval, etc.). All these behaviours aren’t done in an innocent way, even though we tend to act that way. We are trying to get a reaction out of our partner and when we get caught, we pretend that we didn’t know or that we forgot.</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">To Admit It or Not to, That is the Question?</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">      </span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">We would need to be crazy to admit that we do Normal Marital Sadism (<b>NMS</b>) to our partner. What would be the advantages of doing such a thing? Actually, it becomes a question of integrity and loyalty that allows us to build a <span style=\"color: #8db3e2;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a></span> and work on our </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">points of emotional balance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. It also allows us to get past our </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional gridlocks</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> in our relationship. Admitting our <b>NMS </b>to our spouse allows our partner to know who we truly are (the good and the bad) and have </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">self-validated intimacy</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. How can you justify being loved or loving someone, when you only present parts of who you are and not the whole you?</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Most people won’t even admit to themselves that they do <b>NMS, </b>because they don’t want to admit being so mean and having such an ugly side of their personality. That would also deteriorate their self-image and self-esteem even more. They won’t want to be truthful to their partner’s about it so that the person who is the most significant in their lives doesn’t rejects them. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Take the time to reflect on the next sentence and understand what it means for you and your couple:</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">“<b>Admitting the worse in us, brings the best in us, because the worse in us cannot even admit its own existence!”- David Schnarch</b></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><u><span lang=\"FR\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Other related articles: </span></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><u><span lang=\"FR\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Emotional Gridlock:</span></b></a><b> </b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">The Underlying Issues in Couples</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; 0 0 1 39 219 le sexolgue 1 1 257 14.0 &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; Normal 0 21 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE &lt;![endif]--><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 10]&gt;&lt;![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <!--EndFragment--></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\">Series of articles on sexual intimacy</a></span></b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b> </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; 0 0 1 27 151 le sexolgue 1 1 177 14.0 &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; Normal 0 21 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE &lt;![endif]--><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 10]&gt;&lt;![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <!--EndFragment--></div>\r\n<div style=\"background: white;\"><b><span style=\"color: black; text-decoration: none;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\">Different Levels of Sexual Desire Between Partners in a Couple</a> </span></b></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />\r\n	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />\r\n	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br />\r\n</style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Unhealthy Couple Dynamics', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '49-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 03:36:36', '2017-06-07 01:36:36', '', 49, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/49-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(255, 2, '2017-06-07 03:38:17', '2017-06-07 01:38:17', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 18.0pt;\">Normal Marital Sadism (NMS)*</span></b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Learning to hate our partners</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     We don’t really anticipate that one day we will take pleasure out of hurting someone we love. We want even less to admit to it. For most people &amp; couples, their reflex is to deny immediately any form of dishonesty and heartaches we cause to each other. What possible reason could justify such behaviour towards a person we have chosen to live the rest of our lives with? The answer is NONE! That is the reason why we don’t want to admit it, especially to our partner. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Normal Marital Sadism</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">      </span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Sadism is defined as deliberately hurting someone, by feeling pleasure or gaining a sense of satisfaction out of it. In long-term relationships (married or not), this phenomenon is more wide spread than we would like to admit to ourselves. For this reason, it is why we consider it “normal” to do marital sadism. But what is defined as normal doesn’t necessarily mean that it is healthy, but in this situation it means widespread. <b>N</b>ormal <b>M</b>arital <b>S</b>adism (<b>NMS</b>) is a form of particular violence that is subtle between two partners, which contrary to popular belief actually love each other, but also hate each other. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Love &amp; Hate: Same continuum, just different extremities</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Romantic relationships would be way simpler if we could always feel good and feel love for our partner. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case! There will always be parts of our partner that we will truly detest. We aren’t perfect and we aren’t the same as our partner on every aspect. These differences create important conflicts, that are hard to overcome, which make us feel hate towards our lover. The way we deal with this ambivalence between the love and hate we feel towards our partner determines greatly how our relationship will develop. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-y3fvACCQuh8/U0cBy8qGQWI/AAAAAAAAAUE/A5PXgQoCZbM/s1600/Couple_relationship_conflict_arguments_Make_up_sex.jpg\"><img title=\"couples\" src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-y3fvACCQuh8/U0cBy8qGQWI/AAAAAAAAAUE/A5PXgQoCZbM/s1600/Couple_relationship_conflict_arguments_Make_up_sex.jpg\" alt=\"couple conflict, couple fighting, couple therapy\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Sometimes we aren\'t at our best with our partner</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">To deal with theses contradictory emotions in a healthy way, it is necessary to have a good </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional balance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. This balance allows us to live better with the fact that we can sometimes hate our partner very profoundly, but also that are partner hates us. The second part is normally the hardest for most people, because it impacts our self-esteem and our sense of self (identity). When the most important person in our lives hate a part of who we are, it can be difficult to deal with the emotions that this rejection creates. It is a difficult reality to accept for someone who doesn’t have a very high self-esteem.</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">How Does All This Operate Between Partners?</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     The more we know our partner, the more we are capable of hurting them, because we’ve had access to their insecurities along the many years. Generally between partners, we sooth and help each other through our hardships and limits. The thing is, the game is played differently when we are in an important conflict with them. Especially when the couple has sexual difficulties, which is where most people feel very vulnerable. When we don’t have a </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">solid-flexible self</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> and a </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">capacity to self-sooth</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">, we can easily feel attacked by our partner, because we take things personally. This tends to create a reflex for vengeance to downplay are hurt feelings and anxiety. Henceforth, the vicious cycle of Normal Marital Sadism begins:</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;\"></div>\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">One of the partners feels hurt or emotionally injured</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: 7pt;\"> </span></span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">In return, they attack to feel better about themselves</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: 7pt;\"> </span></span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">The other partner feels hurt and attacks back</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: 7pt;\"> </span></span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">Repeat step 1-2-3</span></li>\r\n</ol>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin-left: 0cm; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Let’s give a more concrete example to illustrate the point. A woman has more sexual desire than her lesbian partner since the beginning of the relationship. After many attempts to initiate sex and being refused multiple times, she starts feeling reject and unloved. The partner that has more desire starts feeling less desirable each time she initiates sex. One night where she tries once more, she gets rejected AGAIN. Unable to deal with the rejection any longer says to her partner that she has a problem and needs to deal with it and says she is frigid. The partner with less desire attacks back by saying that she is the one obsessed with sex and needs to control her sexual urges. We can all imagine where this story is going. Obviously, gender and sexual orientation can be interchangeable in this situation, as every couple dynamic faces these issues. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">A variety of more subtle examples can be found in couples where a partner deliberately irritates the other and gains satisfaction out of it (E.G.: not changing the toilet paper roll, spending an important sum without talking about it to our partner, ignoring or being sulky, sighing of irritation, giving a look of disapproval, etc.). All these behaviours aren’t done in an innocent way, even though we tend to act that way. We are trying to get a reaction out of our partner and when we get caught, we pretend that we didn’t know or that we forgot.</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">To Admit It or Not to, That is the Question?</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">      </span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">We would need to be crazy to admit that we do Normal Marital Sadism (<b>NMS</b>) to our partner. What would be the advantages of doing such a thing? Actually, it becomes a question of integrity and loyalty that allows us to build a <span style=\"color: #8db3e2;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a></span> and work on our </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">points of emotional balance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. It also allows us to get past our </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional gridlocks</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> in our relationship. Admitting our <b>NMS </b>to our spouse allows our partner to know who we truly are (the good and the bad) and have </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">self-validated intimacy</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. How can you justify being loved or loving someone, when you only present parts of who you are and not the whole you?</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Most people won’t even admit to themselves that they do <b>NMS, </b>because they don’t want to admit being so mean and having such an ugly side of their personality. That would also deteriorate their self-image and self-esteem even more. They won’t want to be truthful to their partner’s about it so that the person who is the most significant in their lives doesn’t rejects them. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Take the time to reflect on the next sentence and understand what it means for you and your couple:</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">“<b>Admitting the worse in us, brings the best in us, because the worse in us cannot even admit its own existence!”- David Schnarch</b></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><u><span lang=\"FR\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Other related articles: </span></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><u><span lang=\"FR\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Emotional Gridlock:</span></b></a><b> </b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">The Underlying Issues in Couples</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; 0 0 1 39 219 le sexolgue 1 1 257 14.0 &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; Normal 0 21 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE &lt;![endif]--><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 10]&gt;&lt;![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <!--EndFragment--></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\">Series of articles on sexual intimacy</a></span></b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b> </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; 0 0 1 27 151 le sexolgue 1 1 177 14.0 &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; Normal 0 21 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE &lt;![endif]--><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 10]&gt;&lt;![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <!--EndFragment--></div>\r\n<div style=\"background: white;\"><b><span style=\"color: black; text-decoration: none;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\">Different Levels of Sexual Desire Between Partners in a Couple</a> </span></b></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Unhealthy Couple Dynamics', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '49-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 03:38:17', '2017-06-07 01:38:17', '', 49, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/49-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(413, 2, '2017-10-20 02:59:59', '2017-10-20 00:59:59', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 18.0pt;\">Normal Marital Sadism (NMS)*</span></b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Learning to hate our partners</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     We don’t really anticipate that one day we will take pleasure out of hurting someone we love. We want even less to admit to it. For most people &amp; couples, their reflex is to deny immediately any form of dishonesty and heartaches we cause to each other. What possible reason could justify such behaviour towards a person we have chosen to live the rest of our lives with? The answer is NONE! That is the reason why we don’t want to admit it, especially to our partner. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Normal Marital Sadism</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">      </span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Sadism is defined as deliberately hurting someone, by feeling pleasure or gaining a sense of satisfaction out of it. In long-term relationships (married or not), this phenomenon is more wide spread than we would like to admit to ourselves. For this reason, it is why we consider it “normal” to do marital sadism. But what is defined as normal doesn’t necessarily mean that it is healthy, but in this situation it means widespread. <b>N</b>ormal <b>M</b>arital <b>S</b>adism (<b>NMS</b>) is a form of particular violence that is subtle between two partners, which contrary to popular belief actually love each other, but also hate each other. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Love &amp; Hate: Same continuum, just different extremities</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Romantic relationships would be way simpler if we could always feel good and feel love for our partner. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case! There will always be parts of our partner that we will truly detest. We aren’t perfect and we aren’t the same as our partner on every aspect. These differences create important conflicts, that are hard to overcome, which make us feel hate towards our lover. The way we deal with this ambivalence between the love and hate we feel towards our partner determines greatly how our relationship will develop. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\nTo deal with theses contradictory emotions in a healthy way, it is necessary to have a good </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional balance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. This balance allows us to live better with the fact that we can sometimes hate our partner very profoundly, but also that are partner hates us. The second part is normally the hardest for most people, because it impacts our self-esteem and our sense of self (identity). When the most important person in our lives hate a part of who we are, it can be difficult to deal with the emotions that this rejection creates. It is a difficult reality to accept for someone who doesn’t have a very high self-esteem.</span></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">How Does All This Operate Between Partners?</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     The more we know our partner, the more we are capable of hurting them, because we’ve had access to their insecurities along the many years. Generally between partners, we sooth and help each other through our hardships and limits. The thing is, the game is played differently when we are in an important conflict with them. Especially when the couple has sexual difficulties, which is where most people feel very vulnerable. When we don’t have a </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">solid-flexible self</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> and a </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">capacity to self-sooth</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">, we can easily feel attacked by our partner, because we take things personally. This tends to create a reflex for vengeance to downplay are hurt feelings and anxiety. Henceforth, the vicious cycle of Normal Marital Sadism begins:</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;\"></div>\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">One of the partners feels hurt or emotionally injured</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: 7pt;\"> </span></span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">In return, they attack to feel better about themselves</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: 7pt;\"> </span></span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">The other partner feels hurt and attacks back</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: 7pt;\"> </span></span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">Repeat step 1-2-3</span></li>\r\n</ol>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin-left: 0cm; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Let’s give a more concrete example to illustrate the point. A woman has more sexual desire than her lesbian partner since the beginning of the relationship. After many attempts to initiate sex and being refused multiple times, she starts feeling reject and unloved. The partner that has more desire starts feeling less desirable each time she initiates sex. One night where she tries once more, she gets rejected AGAIN. Unable to deal with the rejection any longer says to her partner that she has a problem and needs to deal with it and says she is frigid. The partner with less desire attacks back by saying that she is the one obsessed with sex and needs to control her sexual urges. We can all imagine where this story is going. Obviously, gender and sexual orientation can be interchangeable in this situation, as every couple dynamic faces these issues. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">A variety of more subtle examples can be found in couples where a partner deliberately irritates the other and gains satisfaction out of it (E.G.: not changing the toilet paper roll, spending an important sum without talking about it to our partner, ignoring or being sulky, sighing of irritation, giving a look of disapproval, etc.). All these behaviours aren’t done in an innocent way, even though we tend to act that way. We are trying to get a reaction out of our partner and when we get caught, we pretend that we didn’t know or that we forgot.</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">To Admit It or Not to, That is the Question?</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">      </span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">We would need to be crazy to admit that we do Normal Marital Sadism (<b>NMS</b>) to our partner. What would be the advantages of doing such a thing? Actually, it becomes a question of integrity and loyalty that allows us to build a <span style=\"color: #8db3e2;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a></span> and work on our </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">points of emotional balance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. It also allows us to get past our </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional gridlocks</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> in our relationship. Admitting our <b>NMS </b>to our spouse allows our partner to know who we truly are (the good and the bad) and have </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">self-validated intimacy</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. How can you justify being loved or loving someone, when you only present parts of who you are and not the whole you?</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Most people won’t even admit to themselves that they do <b>NMS, </b>because they don’t want to admit being so mean and having such an ugly side of their personality. That would also deteriorate their self-image and self-esteem even more. They won’t want to be truthful to their partner’s about it so that the person who is the most significant in their lives doesn’t rejects them. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Take the time to reflect on the next sentence and understand what it means for you and your couple:</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">“<b>Admitting the worse in us, brings the best in us, because the worse in us cannot even admit its own existence!”- David Schnarch</b></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><u><span lang=\"FR\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Other related articles: </span></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><u><span lang=\"FR\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Emotional Gridlock:</span></b></a><b> </b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">The Underlying Issues in Couples</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; 0 0 1 39 219 le sexolgue 1 1 257 14.0 &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; Normal 0 21 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE &lt;![endif]--><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 10]&gt;&lt;![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <!--EndFragment--></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\">Series of articles on sexual intimacy</a></span></b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b> </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; 0 0 1 27 151 le sexolgue 1 1 177 14.0 &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; Normal 0 21 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE &lt;![endif]--><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; &lt;![endif]--> <!-- [if gte mso 10]&gt;&lt;![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <!--EndFragment--></div>\r\n<div style=\"background: white;\"><b><span style=\"color: black; text-decoration: none;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\">Different Levels of Sexual Desire Between Partners in a Couple</a> </span></b></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Unhealthy Couple Dynamics', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '49-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-20 02:59:59', '2017-10-20 00:59:59', '', 49, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/49-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(256, 2, '2017-06-07 03:45:54', '2017-06-07 01:45:54', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">How to Construct and Maintain it</span></b></h2>\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Once you’ve figured your </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">type of alliance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">, it is important to understand that it <b>only takes one partner</b> to change it so that it becomes collaborative.</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">What Is a Collaborative Alliance?</span></b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">      A collaborative alliance works out and reinforces our </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">4 points of balance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. This type of alliance requires that you see your couple as a team and that you are prepared to confront yourself and your partner when the time comes when they are not holding up to the collaborative alliance. It is the capacity for each individual to evaluate and self-criticize by taking your responsibility by promoting honesty with yourself and to your partner. </span></div>\n<div></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Ingredients to a Good Collaborative Alliance</span></b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;\"></div>\n<ul>\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"> </span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">Taking the time to self-confront about our implication in the dynamic of the couple and your sexuality</span></li>\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Not to distort the truth or retain information to manipulate our partner</span></li>\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Being completely honest with our partner, even if it is at our disadvantage or difficult</span></li>\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Maintain the alliance even though our partner is not</span></li>\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Not letting our emotions take the best of us and focusing on what needs to be done</span></li>\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Reconstructing the alliance is more important than the fact that you lost it</span></li>\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Understand the reasons why and when we lose the alliance</span></li>\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Confront our partner when they have dropped the alliance, by remaining open to our contribution to the loss of it</span></li>\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">A collaborative alliance tests your integrity</span></li>\n</ul>\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y4gAkXvUhd0/Uz34caF_oUI/AAAAAAAAATw/hcH8FrVJeZk/s1600/People-Sitting-Hugging-Black-Couple.jpg\"><img title=\"love and sex\" src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y4gAkXvUhd0/Uz34caF_oUI/AAAAAAAAATw/hcH8FrVJeZk/s1600/People-Sitting-Hugging-Black-Couple.jpg\" alt=\"happy couples, couple therapy, couples therapist\" width=\"320\" height=\"292\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Collaborative alliances are for emotionally mature individuals</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     A collaborative alliance is not a reflex most people will have in a conflict, because it isn’t always advantageous and comfortable to maintain it. Although, it does show our capacity to remain loyal and our level of integrity towards our partner and ourselves. It is based on a profound friendship that obliges us to become better people and become a better partner. It allows us to surpass our biggest obstacles and build a strong foundation for a couple. </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     It is hard to keep a collaborative alliance, because it requires us to question ourselves at a profound level (</span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">solid-flexible self</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">). This reflection can cause an identity crisis where we must redefine ourselves without losing our integrity. It obliges us to make very difficult decisions that determine the nature of our relationship and our future with our spouse. A collaborative alliance throws us in a very uncomfortable zone where it is necessary to confront the question of: do we want to be in this relationship. </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Collaborative alliance and our sex lives</span></b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">      It is also present or absent from our sex life. If a person is paying attention to other things during sex and remains in that state, this person has dropped the alliance. If the other partner ignores the missing connexion, it is possible that they have a collusive alliance to avoid getting into a conflict or maybe there wasn’t even an alliance to begin with. </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     In a collaborative alliance, we are ready to push our level of sexual maturity to develop our erotism and maximize the intimacy we share with our partner. One dares more in sexual behaviours, because we consider our couple and our sex life to be more important than our limitations and difficulties. We take a decision to be more mature sexually and truly enjoy what sex we can have with our lover. We value ourselves and inhibitions fall to make room for our most erotic self and reach our full potential. </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Our emotions make us lose our collaborative alliance</span></b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     To often we let ourselves drop the alliance due to our emotions. When we feel discomfort, uncomfortable, nervous, many will just to cope out and go into one of the </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">other types of alliances</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. We can let our emotions dictate our behaviours and the future of our relationships. If we were to always base our decisions on our emotions, we wouldn’t go very far in life, because at every bad emotion we might feel, we would come back to our original place. We must learn to self-sooth our emotions and face our limits to be able to reach our full capacity.</span>\n<span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\n</span>\n\n<hr />\n\n<span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\n</span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\n</span>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sexologist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\n</div>\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><u><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Also read:</span></u></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Normal Marital Sadism: </span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Learn How to Hate Your Lover</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Emotional Gridlock:</span></b></a><b> </b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">The Underlying Issues in Couples</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Series of articles on sexual intimacy</span></b></a></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;', 'Construct a healthier couple’s dynamic', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '50-autosave-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 03:45:54', '2017-06-07 01:45:54', '', 50, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/50-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(258, 2, '2017-06-07 03:48:36', '2017-06-07 01:48:36', '', 'collaborative alliance', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'collaborative-alliance', '', '', '2017-06-07 03:48:49', '2017-06-07 01:48:49', '', 50, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2014/04/collaborative-alliance.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(259, 2, '2017-06-07 03:56:16', '2017-06-07 01:56:16', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 18.0pt;\">How they affect your love and sex life?*</span></b></h2>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">We would all like to believe that romantic relationships and sexuality come naturally to couples who are mature and sane. Of course, we tolerate certain conflicts &amp; bumps that are inevitable. Although, how do we get through a conflict that just doesn’t seem to be resolved? What are the elements that help people move forward in their relationship that we all will need to face in our couple? </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Effective communication techniques won’t help!</span></b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">The </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">lack of communication</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"> is rarely the cause of the problems in couples who face </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional gridlock</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">. Relationships, which are based on passion, romantic love and attachment, are generally short-lived. The key ingredient in a long-term relationship is having a collaborative alliance, which implies integrity and loyalty. Loyalty in the face of adversity needs to be dealt with a good </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional balance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"> from the members of the couple.</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">This balance is found through knowing ourselves, being assertive, our capacity to self-sooth, offer grounded responses and have meaningful endurance when it comes to tolerating our insecurities &amp; anxieties.</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Different types of alliances</span></b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">To maintain a collaborative alliance, you need to build your </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">4 points of balance.</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> Without these points, couples form other types of alliances, which are detrimental to personal growth and happiness in the couple.</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     We can have a <u>collusive alliance</u> between members of a couple who have decided to avoid direct conflict by ignoring them. These couples will present themselves in therapy with sexual difficulties, but will say they have no other issues. They describe themselves as having good communication, but they won’t understand why they have sexual difficulties (typically with sexual desire)</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     These couples are neither honest with their partner than with themselves. They haven’t developed the capacity to confront their partners nor themselves when it comes the time to do it. This lack of loyalty and of integrity kills sexual desire in the couple and since no one wants to admit their faults and short-comings, the conflict persists. The best way to describe these types of couples is that they have this implicit understanding between each other that important conflicts should be avoided at all cost because neither is capable of dealing with the possible consequences. </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Couples with <u>combative alliance</u> do exist, as well. These people like to have conflicts and they eat it for breakfast. It is actually their way of being in a relationship with their lovers. They will fight in front of their friends without thinking of any of the repercussions. The thing with this type of alliance is that they hardly if ever confront themselves. They will constantly blame their partner, but will never look at their own insecurities that contribute to the couple’s dynamic. Their biggest fear is to admit that they were wrong in front of their spouse and put themselves in a vulnerable position. They constantly repeat to themselves: “If I admit my short-comings, hardships, anxieties; my partner will use them against me in the future!”</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8HgLiw3YEXA/UzhYcdn_N1I/AAAAAAAAATE/CvSSS8csS7A/s1600/3359964-88845-conflict-and-emotional-stress-in-young-people-couple-relationship-outdoors.jpg\"><img title=\"couple fighting\" src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8HgLiw3YEXA/UzhYcdn_N1I/AAAAAAAAATE/CvSSS8csS7A/s1600/3359964-88845-conflict-and-emotional-stress-in-young-people-couple-relationship-outdoors.jpg\" alt=\"couple therapy, couple fights\" width=\"320\" height=\"212\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Partner\'s don\'t always agree...and don\'t always handle it well</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     Other couples have <u>no alliance</u> what so ever. The couple’s dogma consists of personally attacking the other and defending themselves at all cost. There are no limits as to how far one can go to hurt their partner’s egos. As we like to say: “the gloves are off”. We find in these couples a high level of <b><span style=\"color: #8db3e2;\">N</span></b><span style=\"color: #8db3e2;\">ormal <b>M</b>arital <b>S</b>adism (<b>NMS</b>).</span> These couple have very big fights where the threat of separation is used regularly, without ever coming to terms. We could think that these people don’t have any love or importance for each other. Things is, we can’t always judge a book by its cover. It’s actually because of the importance that they hold between each other, that they are capable of hurting one another on an emotional level. We are rarely hurt by people we don’t care about.  </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">A couple can have more than one alliance or lack thereof. It all depends on the subject or context the couple is facing. Partners can have a combative alliance on how to raise the kids, a collusive alliance on sexual issues and no alliance on house cleaning and finances. An alliance can also be collusive one day for sex, then combative the other. In other words, alliances are fluid and interchangeable in time and between partners. One partner may actually try to have a collusive one while the other is giving a combative one. </span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Before reading the next chapter on how to build a collaborative alliance, take the time to recognize what type of alliances you have in your relationships and which ones do you reinforce with your own behaviour. Evaluate within which context and subjects you change your alliance. How do you react when your lover offers you a collaborative alliance? Do you take it or do you try to switch it to another one?</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\n</span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\n</span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\n</span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\n</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\n</div>\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><u><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">NEXT CHAPTER</span></u></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/04/construct-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Collaborative Alliance : </a></span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How to Construct and Maintain It.</a> (coming soon)</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">ALSO READ:</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Normal Marital Sadism: </span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Learn How to Hate Your Lover (Coming soon)</span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Emotional Gridlock:</span></b></a><b> </b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">The Underlying Issues in Couples</span>\n<span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\n</span></div>\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n\n&nbsp;\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Series of articles on sexual intimacy</span></b></a></div>', 'Unhealthy Relationship Patterns', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '51-autosave-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 03:56:16', '2017-06-07 01:56:16', '', 51, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/51-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(261, 2, '2017-06-07 03:58:10', '2017-06-07 01:58:10', '', 'young couple', 'Young couple ', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', '200382019-003', '', '', '2017-06-07 03:58:46', '2017-06-07 01:58:46', '', 51, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2014/03/sexual-performance-3.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(262, 2, '2017-06-07 03:59:52', '2017-06-07 01:59:52', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 18.0pt;\">How they affect your love and sex life?*</span></b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">We would all like to believe that romantic relationships and sexuality come naturally to couples who are mature and sane. Of course, we tolerate certain conflicts &amp; bumps that are inevitable. Although, how do we get through a conflict that just doesn’t seem to be resolved? What are the elements that help people move forward in their relationship that we all will need to face in our couple? </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Effective communication techniques won’t help!</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">The </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">lack of communication</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"> is rarely the cause of the problems in couples who face </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional gridlock</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">. Relationships, which are based on passion, romantic love and attachment, are generally short-lived. The key ingredient in a long-term relationship is having a collaborative alliance, which implies integrity and loyalty. Loyalty in the face of adversity needs to be dealt with a good </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional balance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"> from the members of the couple.</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">This balance is found through knowing ourselves, being assertive, our capacity to self-sooth, offer grounded responses and have meaningful endurance when it comes to tolerating our insecurities &amp; anxieties.</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Different types of alliances</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">To maintain a collaborative alliance, you need to build your </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">4 points of balance.</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> Without these points, couples form other types of alliances, which are detrimental to personal growth and happiness in the couple.</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     We can have a <u>collusive alliance</u> between members of a couple who have decided to avoid direct conflict by ignoring them. These couples will present themselves in therapy with sexual difficulties, but will say they have no other issues. They describe themselves as having good communication, but they won’t understand why they have sexual difficulties (typically with sexual desire)</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     These couples are neither honest with their partner than with themselves. They haven’t developed the capacity to confront their partners nor themselves when it comes the time to do it. This lack of loyalty and of integrity kills sexual desire in the couple and since no one wants to admit their faults and short-comings, the conflict persists. The best way to describe these types of couples is that they have this implicit understanding between each other that important conflicts should be avoided at all cost because neither is capable of dealing with the possible consequences. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Couples with <u>combative alliance</u> do exist, as well. These people like to have conflicts and they eat it for breakfast. It is actually their way of being in a relationship with their lovers. They will fight in front of their friends without thinking of any of the repercussions. The thing with this type of alliance is that they hardly if ever confront themselves. They will constantly blame their partner, but will never look at their own insecurities that contribute to the couple’s dynamic. Their biggest fear is to admit that they were wrong in front of their spouse and put themselves in a vulnerable position. They constantly repeat to themselves: “If I admit my short-comings, hardships, anxieties; my partner will use them against me in the future!”</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8HgLiw3YEXA/UzhYcdn_N1I/AAAAAAAAATE/CvSSS8csS7A/s1600/3359964-88845-conflict-and-emotional-stress-in-young-people-couple-relationship-outdoors.jpg\"><img title=\"couple fighting\" src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8HgLiw3YEXA/UzhYcdn_N1I/AAAAAAAAATE/CvSSS8csS7A/s1600/3359964-88845-conflict-and-emotional-stress-in-young-people-couple-relationship-outdoors.jpg\" alt=\"couple therapy, couple fights\" width=\"320\" height=\"212\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Partner\'s don\'t always agree...and don\'t always handle it well</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     Other couples have <u>no alliance</u> what so ever. The couple’s dogma consists of personally attacking the other and defending themselves at all cost. There are no limits as to how far one can go to hurt their partner’s egos. As we like to say: “the gloves are off”. We find in these couples a high level of <b><span style=\"color: #8db3e2;\">N</span></b><span style=\"color: #8db3e2;\">ormal <b>M</b>arital <b>S</b>adism (<b>NMS</b>).</span> These couple have very big fights where the threat of separation is used regularly, without ever coming to terms. We could think that these people don’t have any love or importance for each other. Things is, we can’t always judge a book by its cover. It’s actually because of the importance that they hold between each other, that they are capable of hurting one another on an emotional level. We are rarely hurt by people we don’t care about.  </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">A couple can have more than one alliance or lack thereof. It all depends on the subject or context the couple is facing. Partners can have a combative alliance on how to raise the kids, a collusive alliance on sexual issues and no alliance on house cleaning and finances. An alliance can also be collusive one day for sex, then combative the other. In other words, alliances are fluid and interchangeable in time and between partners. One partner may actually try to have a collusive one while the other is giving a combative one. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Before reading the next chapter on how to build a collaborative alliance, take the time to recognize what type of alliances you have in your relationships and which ones do you reinforce with your own behaviour. Evaluate within which context and subjects you change your alliance. How do you react when your lover offers you a collaborative alliance? Do you take it or do you try to switch it to another one?</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><u><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">NEXT CHAPTER</span></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/04/construct-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Collaborative Alliance : </a></span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How to Construct and Maintain It.</a> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">ALSO READ:</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\">Normal Marital Sadism</a>: </span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Learn How to Hate Your Lover </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Emotional Gridlock:</span></b></a><b> </b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">The Underlying Issues in Couples</span>\r\n<span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Series of articles on sexual intimacy</span></b></a></div>', 'Unhealthy Relationship Patterns', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '51-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 03:59:52', '2017-06-07 01:59:52', '', 51, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/51-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(384, 2, '2017-09-29 20:39:32', '2017-09-29 18:39:32', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 18.0pt;\">How they affect your love and sex life?*</span></b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">We would all like to believe that romantic relationships and sexuality come naturally to couples who are mature and sane. Of course, we tolerate certain conflicts &amp; bumps that are inevitable. Although, how do we get through a conflict that just doesn’t seem to be resolved? What are the elements that help people move forward in their relationship that we all will need to face in our couple? </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Effective communication techniques won’t help!</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">The </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">lack of communication</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"> is rarely the cause of the problems in couples who face </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional gridlock</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">. Relationships, which are based on passion, romantic love and attachment, are generally short-lived. The key ingredient in a long-term relationship is having a collaborative alliance, which implies integrity and loyalty. Loyalty in the face of adversity needs to be dealt with a good </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">emotional balance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"> from the members of the couple.</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">This balance is found through knowing ourselves, being assertive, our capacity to self-sooth, offer grounded responses and have meaningful endurance when it comes to tolerating our insecurities &amp; anxieties.</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Different types of alliances</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">To maintain a collaborative alliance, you need to build your </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">4 points of balance.</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"> Without these points, couples form other types of alliances, which are detrimental to personal growth and happiness in the couple.</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     We can have a <u>collusive alliance</u> between members of a couple who have decided to avoid direct conflict by ignoring them. These couples will present themselves in therapy with sexual difficulties, but will say they have no other issues. They describe themselves as having good communication, but they won’t understand why they have sexual difficulties (typically with sexual desire)</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     These couples are neither honest with their partner than with themselves. They haven’t developed the capacity to confront their partners nor themselves when it comes the time to do it. This lack of loyalty and of integrity kills sexual desire in the couple and since no one wants to admit their faults and short-comings, the conflict persists. The best way to describe these types of couples is that they have this implicit understanding between each other that important conflicts should be avoided at all cost because neither is capable of dealing with the possible consequences. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Couples with <u>combative alliance</u> do exist, as well. These people like to have conflicts and they eat it for breakfast. It is actually their way of being in a relationship with their lovers. They will fight in front of their friends without thinking of any of the repercussions. The thing with this type of alliance is that they hardly if ever confront themselves. They will constantly blame their partner, but will never look at their own insecurities that contribute to the couple’s dynamic. Their biggest fear is to admit that they were wrong in front of their spouse and put themselves in a vulnerable position. They constantly repeat to themselves: “If I admit my short-comings, hardships, anxieties; my partner will use them against me in the future!”</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\nOther couples have <u>no alliance</u> what so ever. The couple’s dogma consists of personally attacking the other and defending themselves at all cost. There are no limits as to how far one can go to hurt their partner’s egos. As we like to say: “the gloves are off”. We find in these couples a high level of <b><span style=\"color: #8db3e2;\">N</span></b><span style=\"color: #8db3e2;\">ormal <b>M</b>arital <b>S</b>adism (<b>NMS</b>).</span> These couple have very big fights where the threat of separation is used regularly, without ever coming to terms. We could think that these people don’t have any love or importance for each other. Things is, we can’t always judge a book by its cover. It’s actually because of the importance that they hold between each other, that they are capable of hurting one another on an emotional level. We are rarely hurt by people we don’t care about.  </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">A couple can have more than one alliance or lack thereof. It all depends on the subject or context the couple is facing. Partners can have a combative alliance on how to raise the kids, a collusive alliance on sexual issues and no alliance on house cleaning and finances. An alliance can also be collusive one day for sex, then combative the other. In other words, alliances are fluid and interchangeable in time and between partners. One partner may actually try to have a collusive one while the other is giving a combative one. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Before reading the next chapter on how to build a collaborative alliance, take the time to recognize what type of alliances you have in your relationships and which ones do you reinforce with your own behaviour. Evaluate within which context and subjects you change your alliance. How do you react when your lover offers you a collaborative alliance? Do you take it or do you try to switch it to another one?</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><u><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">NEXT CHAPTER</span></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/04/construct-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Collaborative Alliance : </a></span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How to Construct and Maintain It.</a> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">ALSO READ:</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\">Normal Marital Sadism</a>: </span></b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Learn How to Hate Your Lover </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Emotional Gridlock:</span></b></a><b> </b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">The Underlying Issues in Couples</span>\r\n<span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Series of articles on sexual intimacy</span></b></a></div>', 'Unhealthy Relationship Patterns', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '51-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-09-29 20:39:32', '2017-09-29 18:39:32', '', 51, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/09/51-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(263, 2, '2017-06-07 04:10:27', '2017-06-07 02:10:27', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>What Should I Do?*</b></h2>\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">As we\'ve discussed in the previous <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">articles before</span></a>, neither the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\"><b><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">H</span></b><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>)</span>,</a> nor the <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>) have a better position in the dynamic of the couple. We tend to hear couples saying that they have the bad reputation in the couple and they wished that their lover would better understand them. Thing is, both parties are dealing with the same things, just in a different ways.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP\'s Catch 22!</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The LDP is stuck in a very similar outcome than the HDP, where they don\'t necessarily want the sex they are being offered for whatever reason, yet they don\'t want their partner to leave them. They know full well that if they don\'t give out here and there, their partner will eventually get tired of the lack of sex and leave. Since they don\'t want that, they offer once and a while what we call <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">pity sex</span></a>. Not only is it the worst thing to do in a relationship, where there is a discrepancy between the sexual desire of the partners, it makes the LDP feel like crap about themselves. As much as pity sex tends to get their partner\'s off their backs for a while, they\'ll come on knocking for more soon enough. This is where the LDP can\'t hold on to themselves and loses their integrity.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Lose Your Self-Respect and Integrity: Lose Your Sexual Desire</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now, you must be thinking what does self-respect and integrity have to do with sexual desire. Unlike what most people think, long lasting sexual desire in a committed relationship isn\'t entirely based on how desirable our partner is. <b>It\'s also based on what we think and perceive of ourselves</b>, which is something LDP\'s tend not to have in high quantity. When someone offers their body to their lover for sex without enjoying it much or even at all, they tend to think less and less of themselves. They realize that they are willing to go pretty low to avoid a break up or a conflict. This doesn\'t make people feel particularly desirable, which by contrast doesn\'t make them feel sexual desire for others.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Refusing Crappy Sex Is Offering The Possibility of Great Sex</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">A lot of LDP\'s actually have a lot of sexual desire bubbling underneath that facade of disinterest. The thing is, they don\'t want to do it with their partner. Sex might have been good at the beginning of the relationship, but like all sex lives it starts getting repetitive and boring after a while. It\'s predictable, planned (especially if you have kids) and monotone. It takes more effort each time to get turned on and we skip the passionate parts to just get down to business. Most LDP\'s will start to feel this before the HDP partner\'s but they won\'t say anything about it to avoid hurt feelings. Sometimes it\'s to avoid putting the effort into their sex lives for themselves. Some LDP\'s have a very wild sexual imagination, but have never really shared it with their partner out of fear of being rejected, seen as perverted, judged, etc.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therefore, they don\'t get the sex they want and eventually and inevitably lose most if not all their sexual desire. Since they\'re in an <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">other validated intimacy dynamic</span></a>, just like their HDP counter parts, they only self-disclose what they think or know will be accepted by their spouse in bed.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bIN0R1d4lWM/UzTMLANO9MI/AAAAAAAAASg/qF3aO96eRaE/s1600/pity+sex.jpg\"><img title=\"Crappy sex\" src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bIN0R1d4lWM/UzTMLANO9MI/AAAAAAAAASg/qF3aO96eRaE/s1600/pity+sex.jpg\" alt=\"bad sex life, sexual desire low, sexologist\" width=\"320\" height=\"256\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Offer or accept crappy sex...you get what you asked for!</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Standing Up On Your Own Two Feet</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">So you feel you have little if no self-respect and integrity for accepting pity sex for so long. You want better sex, but don\'t know what or if your partner will even want what you have to offer? You are afraid to hurt their feelings and make things worst. Well you are <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">exactly where you should be!</span></a> This is the opportunity to grow up and mature and face your insecurities and doubts about yourself. Now, why would you want to do that? Well...dealing with them will actually give you your self-esteem, self-respect, integrity and feelings of being desirable back so that sexual desire feels more natural to you.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">First off, stop offering and giving pity sex. Second start being more assertive in what you want in sex or find out what your sexual preferences are, if you don\'t know what they are. Refrain from avoiding your spouse’s sexual advances and get in the game of seduction with them. Or at least have the balls or ovaries (depending on the case) to tell them you’re not in that mood right now and offer some other type of couples activity. Try to think before you say «NO» to them and really reflect on why you want to say it. Is it just automatic? Are you avoiding your own sexual insecurities? Maybe you don\'t like intimacy and prefer not to deal with the uncomfortableness of being truly seen by someone?</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Changing a couple\'s sexual dynamic is hard work and requires putting effort into it by confronting ourselves. We need to learn to <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">self-sooth and give grounded responses</span></a><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">.</span></span> It only takes one person to transform a relationship, but it\'s far better when done in a <span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a>.</span></span></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">François Renaud M.A.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sex therapist and psychotherapist in Montreal</a></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\n</div>\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">DID YOU LIKE THESE READINGS, then you\'ll like:</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</span></a></u></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</span></a></u></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</span></a></u></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><u><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">Become emotionally balanced = being desirable Part 4</span></span></span></a></u></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>', 'I don\'t Want Sex', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '52-autosave-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 04:10:27', '2017-06-07 02:10:27', '', 52, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/52-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(268, 2, '2017-06-07 04:10:58', '2017-06-07 02:10:58', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>What Should I Do?*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">As we\'ve discussed in the previous <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">articles before</span></a>, neither the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\"><b><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">H</span></b><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>)</span>,</a> nor the <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>) have a better position in the dynamic of the couple. We tend to hear couples saying that they have the bad reputation in the couple and they wished that their lover would better understand them. Thing is, both parties are dealing with the same things, just in a different ways.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP\'s Catch 22!</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The LDP is stuck in a very similar outcome than the HDP, where they don\'t necessarily want the sex they are being offered for whatever reason, yet they don\'t want their partner to leave them. They know full well that if they don\'t give out here and there, their partner will eventually get tired of the lack of sex and leave. Since they don\'t want that, they offer once and a while what we call <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">pity sex</span></a>. Not only is it the worst thing to do in a relationship, where there is a discrepancy between the sexual desire of the partners, it makes the LDP feel like crap about themselves. As much as pity sex tends to get their partner\'s off their backs for a while, they\'ll come on knocking for more soon enough. This is where the LDP can\'t hold on to themselves and loses their integrity.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Lose Your Self-Respect and Integrity: Lose Your Sexual Desire</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now, you must be thinking what does self-respect and integrity have to do with sexual desire. Unlike what most people think, long lasting sexual desire in a committed relationship isn\'t entirely based on how desirable our partner is. <b>It\'s also based on what we think and perceive of ourselves</b>, which is something LDP\'s tend not to have in high quantity. When someone offers their body to their lover for sex without enjoying it much or even at all, they tend to think less and less of themselves. They realize that they are willing to go pretty low to avoid a break up or a conflict. This doesn\'t make people feel particularly desirable, which by contrast doesn\'t make them feel sexual desire for others.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Refusing Crappy Sex Is Offering The Possibility of Great Sex</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">A lot of LDP\'s actually have a lot of sexual desire bubbling underneath that facade of disinterest. The thing is, they don\'t want to do it with their partner. Sex might have been good at the beginning of the relationship, but like all sex lives it starts getting repetitive and boring after a while. It\'s predictable, planned (especially if you have kids) and monotone. It takes more effort each time to get turned on and we skip the passionate parts to just get down to business. Most LDP\'s will start to feel this before the HDP partner\'s but they won\'t say anything about it to avoid hurt feelings. Sometimes it\'s to avoid putting the effort into their sex lives for themselves. Some LDP\'s have a very wild sexual imagination, but have never really shared it with their partner out of fear of being rejected, seen as perverted, judged, etc.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therefore, they don\'t get the sex they want and eventually and inevitably lose most if not all their sexual desire. Since they\'re in an <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">other validated intimacy dynamic</span></a>, just like their HDP counter parts, they only self-disclose what they think or know will be accepted by their spouse in bed.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bIN0R1d4lWM/UzTMLANO9MI/AAAAAAAAASg/qF3aO96eRaE/s1600/pity+sex.jpg\"><img title=\"Crappy sex\" src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bIN0R1d4lWM/UzTMLANO9MI/AAAAAAAAASg/qF3aO96eRaE/s1600/pity+sex.jpg\" alt=\"bad sex life, sexual desire low, sexologist\" width=\"320\" height=\"256\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Offer or accept crappy sex...you get what you asked for!</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Standing Up On Your Own Two Feet</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">So you feel you have little if no self-respect and integrity for accepting pity sex for so long. You want better sex, but don\'t know what or if your partner will even want what you have to offer? You are afraid to hurt their feelings and make things worst. Well you are <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">exactly where you should be!</span></a> This is the opportunity to grow up and mature and face your insecurities and doubts about yourself. Now, why would you want to do that? Well...dealing with them will actually give you your self-esteem, self-respect, integrity and feelings of being desirable back so that sexual desire feels more natural to you.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">First off, stop offering and giving pity sex. Second start being more assertive in what you want in sex or find out what your sexual preferences are, if you don\'t know what they are. Refrain from avoiding your spouse’s sexual advances and get in the game of seduction with them. Or at least have the balls or ovaries (depending on the case) to tell them you’re not in that mood right now and offer some other type of couples activity. Try to think before you say «NO» to them and really reflect on why you want to say it. Is it just automatic? Are you avoiding your own sexual insecurities? Maybe you don\'t like intimacy and prefer not to deal with the uncomfortableness of being truly seen by someone?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Changing a couple\'s sexual dynamic is hard work and requires putting effort into it by confronting ourselves. We need to learn to <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">self-sooth and give grounded responses</span></a><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">.</span></span> It only takes one person to transform a relationship, but it\'s far better when done in a <span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a>.</span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">François Renaud M.A.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sex therapist and psychotherapist in Montreal</a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">DID YOU LIKE THESE READINGS, then you\'ll like:</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">Become emotionally balanced = being desirable Part 4</span></span></span></a></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>', 'I don\'t Want Sex', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '52-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 04:10:58', '2017-06-07 02:10:58', '', 52, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/52-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(265, 2, '2017-06-07 04:07:04', '2017-06-07 02:07:04', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>What Should I Do?*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">As we\'ve discussed in the previous <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">articles before</span></a>, neither the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\"><b><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">H</span></b><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>)</span>,</a> nor the <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>) have a better position in the dynamic of the couple. We tend to hear couples saying that they have the bad reputation in the couple and they wished that their lover would better understand them. Thing is, both parties are dealing with the same things, just in a different ways.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP\'s Catch 22!</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The LDP is stuck in a very similar outcome than the HDP, where they don\'t necessarily want the sex they are being offered for whatever reason, yet they don\'t want their partner to leave them. They know full well that if they don\'t give out here and there, their partner will eventually get tired of the lack of sex and leave. Since they don\'t want that, they offer once and a while what we call <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">pity sex</span></a>. Not only is it the worst thing to do in a relationship, where there is a discrepancy between the sexual desire of the partners, it makes the LDP feel like crap about themselves. As much as pity sex tends to get their partner\'s off their backs for a while, they\'ll come on knocking for more soon enough. This is where the LDP can\'t hold on to themselves and loses their integrity.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Lose Your Self-Respect and Integrity: Lose Your Sexual Desire</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now, you must be thinking what does self-respect and integrity have to do with sexual desire. Unlike what most people think, long lasting sexual desire in a committed relationship isn\'t entirely based on how desirable our partner is. <b>It\'s also based on what we think and perceive of ourselves</b>, which is something LDP\'s tend not to have in high quantity. When someone offers their body to their lover for sex without enjoying it much or even at all, they tend to think less and less of themselves. They realize that they are willing to go pretty low to avoid a break up or a conflict. This doesn\'t make people feel particularly desirable, which by contrast doesn\'t make them feel sexual desire for others.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Refusing Crappy Sex Is Offering The Possibility of Great Sex</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">A lot of LDP\'s actually have a lot of sexual desire bubbling underneath that facade of disinterest. The thing is, they don\'t want to do it with their partner. Sex might have been good at the beginning of the relationship, but like all sex lives it starts getting repetitive and boring after a while. It\'s predictable, planned (especially if you have kids) and monotone. It takes more effort each time to get turned on and we skip the passionate parts to just get down to business. Most LDP\'s will start to feel this before the HDP partner\'s but they won\'t say anything about it to avoid hurt feelings. Sometimes it\'s to avoid putting the effort into their sex lives for themselves. Some LDP\'s have a very wild sexual imagination, but have never really shared it with their partner out of fear of being rejected, seen as perverted, judged, etc.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therefore, they don\'t get the sex they want and eventually and inevitably lose most if not all their sexual desire. Since they\'re in an <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">other validated intimacy dynamic</span></a>, just like their HDP counter parts, they only self-disclose what they think or know will be accepted by their spouse in bed.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bIN0R1d4lWM/UzTMLANO9MI/AAAAAAAAASg/qF3aO96eRaE/s1600/pity+sex.jpg\"><img title=\"Crappy sex\" src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bIN0R1d4lWM/UzTMLANO9MI/AAAAAAAAASg/qF3aO96eRaE/s1600/pity+sex.jpg\" alt=\"bad sex life, sexual desire low, sexologist\" width=\"320\" height=\"256\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Offer or accept crappy sex...you get what you asked for!</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Standing Up On Your Own Two Feet</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">So you feel you have little if no self-respect and integrity for accepting pity sex for so long. You want better sex, but don\'t know what or if your partner will even want what you have to offer? You are afraid to hurt their feelings and make things worst. Well you are <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">exactly where you should be!</span></a> This is the opportunity to grow up and mature and face your insecurities and doubts about yourself. Now, why would you want to do that? Well...dealing with them will actually give you your self-esteem, self-respect, integrity and feelings of being desirable back so that sexual desire feels more natural to you.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">First off, stop offering and giving pity sex. Second start being more assertive in what you want in sex or find out what your sexual preferences are, if you don\'t know what they are. Refrain from avoiding your spouse’s sexual advances and get in the game of seduction with them. Or at least have the balls or ovaries (depending on the case) to tell them you’re not in that mood right now and offer some other type of couples activity. Try to think before you say «NO» to them and really reflect on why you want to say it. Is it just automatic? Are you avoiding your own sexual insecurities? Maybe you don\'t like intimacy and prefer not to deal with the uncomfortableness of being truly seen by someone?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Changing a couple\'s sexual dynamic is hard work and requires putting effort into it by confronting ourselves. We need to learn to <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">self-sooth and give grounded responses</span></a><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">.</span></span> It only takes one person to transform a relationship, but it\'s far better when done in a <span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a>.</span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">François Renaud M.A.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sexologist and psychotherapist in Montreal</a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">DID YOU LIKE THESE READINGS, then you\'ll like:</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><u><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">Become emotionally balanced = being desirable Part 4</span></span></span></a></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>', 'I don\'t Want Sex', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '52-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 04:07:04', '2017-06-07 02:07:04', '', 52, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/52-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(402, 2, '2017-10-15 16:48:47', '2017-10-15 14:48:47', '', 'sexual issues', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'stocksnap_2w0l5ienxq-min', '', '', '2017-10-15 16:49:09', '2017-10-15 14:49:09', '', 19, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/StockSnap_2W0L5IENXQ-min.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(403, 2, '2017-10-16 18:26:10', '2017-10-16 16:26:10', '', 'couple fighting', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'silhouette-2480321_1280', '', '', '2017-10-16 18:27:06', '2017-10-16 16:27:06', '', 24, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/08/silhouette-2480321_1280.png', 0, 'attachment', 'image/png', 0),
(267, 2, '2017-06-07 04:09:20', '2017-06-07 02:09:20', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>What Should I Do?*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">As we\'ve discussed in the previous <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">articles before</span></a>, neither the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\"><b><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">H</span></b><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>)</span>,</a> nor the <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>) have a better position in the dynamic of the couple. We tend to hear couples saying that they have the bad reputation in the couple and they wished that their lover would better understand them. Thing is, both parties are dealing with the same things, just in a different ways.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP\'s Catch 22!</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The LDP is stuck in a very similar outcome than the HDP, where they don\'t necessarily want the sex they are being offered for whatever reason, yet they don\'t want their partner to leave them. They know full well that if they don\'t give out here and there, their partner will eventually get tired of the lack of sex and leave. Since they don\'t want that, they offer once and a while what we call <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">pity sex</span></a>. Not only is it the worst thing to do in a relationship, where there is a discrepancy between the sexual desire of the partners, it makes the LDP feel like crap about themselves. As much as pity sex tends to get their partner\'s off their backs for a while, they\'ll come on knocking for more soon enough. This is where the LDP can\'t hold on to themselves and loses their integrity.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Lose Your Self-Respect and Integrity: Lose Your Sexual Desire</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now, you must be thinking what does self-respect and integrity have to do with sexual desire. Unlike what most people think, long lasting sexual desire in a committed relationship isn\'t entirely based on how desirable our partner is. <b>It\'s also based on what we think and perceive of ourselves</b>, which is something LDP\'s tend not to have in high quantity. When someone offers their body to their lover for sex without enjoying it much or even at all, they tend to think less and less of themselves. They realize that they are willing to go pretty low to avoid a break up or a conflict. This doesn\'t make people feel particularly desirable, which by contrast doesn\'t make them feel sexual desire for others.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Refusing Crappy Sex Is Offering The Possibility of Great Sex</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">A lot of LDP\'s actually have a lot of sexual desire bubbling underneath that facade of disinterest. The thing is, they don\'t want to do it with their partner. Sex might have been good at the beginning of the relationship, but like all sex lives it starts getting repetitive and boring after a while. It\'s predictable, planned (especially if you have kids) and monotone. It takes more effort each time to get turned on and we skip the passionate parts to just get down to business. Most LDP\'s will start to feel this before the HDP partner\'s but they won\'t say anything about it to avoid hurt feelings. Sometimes it\'s to avoid putting the effort into their sex lives for themselves. Some LDP\'s have a very wild sexual imagination, but have never really shared it with their partner out of fear of being rejected, seen as perverted, judged, etc.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therefore, they don\'t get the sex they want and eventually and inevitably lose most if not all their sexual desire. Since they\'re in an <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">other validated intimacy dynamic</span></a>, just like their HDP counter parts, they only self-disclose what they think or know will be accepted by their spouse in bed.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bIN0R1d4lWM/UzTMLANO9MI/AAAAAAAAASg/qF3aO96eRaE/s1600/pity+sex.jpg\"><img title=\"Crappy sex\" src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bIN0R1d4lWM/UzTMLANO9MI/AAAAAAAAASg/qF3aO96eRaE/s1600/pity+sex.jpg\" alt=\"bad sex life, sexual desire low, sexologist\" width=\"320\" height=\"256\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Offer or accept crappy sex...you get what you asked for!</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Standing Up On Your Own Two Feet</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">So you feel you have little if no self-respect and integrity for accepting pity sex for so long. You want better sex, but don\'t know what or if your partner will even want what you have to offer? You are afraid to hurt their feelings and make things worst. Well you are <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">exactly where you should be!</span></a> This is the opportunity to grow up and mature and face your insecurities and doubts about yourself. Now, why would you want to do that? Well...dealing with them will actually give you your self-esteem, self-respect, integrity and feelings of being desirable back so that sexual desire feels more natural to you.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">First off, stop offering and giving pity sex. Second start being more assertive in what you want in sex or find out what your sexual preferences are, if you don\'t know what they are. Refrain from avoiding your spouse’s sexual advances and get in the game of seduction with them. Or at least have the balls or ovaries (depending on the case) to tell them you’re not in that mood right now and offer some other type of couples activity. Try to think before you say «NO» to them and really reflect on why you want to say it. Is it just automatic? Are you avoiding your own sexual insecurities? Maybe you don\'t like intimacy and prefer not to deal with the uncomfortableness of being truly seen by someone?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Changing a couple\'s sexual dynamic is hard work and requires putting effort into it by confronting ourselves. We need to learn to <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">self-sooth and give grounded responses</span></a><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">.</span></span> It only takes one person to transform a relationship, but it\'s far better when done in a <span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a>.</span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">François Renaud M.A.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sex therapist and psychotherapist in Montreal</a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">DID YOU LIKE THESE READINGS, then you\'ll like:</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><u><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">Become emotionally balanced = being desirable Part 4</span></span></span></a></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>', 'I don\'t Want Sex', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '52-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 04:09:20', '2017-06-07 02:09:20', '', 52, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/52-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(269, 2, '2017-06-07 04:12:09', '2017-06-07 02:12:09', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>What Should I Do?*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">As we\'ve discussed in the previous <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">articles before</span></a>, neither the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\"><b><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">H</span></b><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>)</span>,</a> nor the <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>) have a better position in the dynamic of the couple. We tend to hear couples saying that they have the bad reputation in the couple and they wished that their lover would better understand them. Thing is, both parties are dealing with the same things, just in a different ways.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP\'s Catch 22!</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The LDP is stuck in a very similar outcome than the HDP, where they don\'t necessarily want the sex they are being offered for whatever reason, yet they don\'t want their partner to leave them. They know full well that if they don\'t give out here and there, their partner will eventually get tired of the lack of sex and leave. Since they don\'t want that, they offer once and a while what we call <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">pity sex</span></a>. Not only is it the worst thing to do in a relationship, where there is a discrepancy between the sexual desire of the partners, it makes the LDP feel like crap about themselves. As much as pity sex tends to get their partner\'s off their backs for a while, they\'ll come on knocking for more soon enough. This is where the LDP can\'t hold on to themselves and loses their integrity.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Lose Your Self-Respect and Integrity: Lose Your Sexual Desire</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now, you must be thinking what does self-respect and integrity have to do with sexual desire. Unlike what most people think, long lasting sexual desire in a committed relationship isn\'t entirely based on how desirable our partner is. <b>It\'s also based on what we think and perceive of ourselves</b>, which is something LDP\'s tend not to have in high quantity. When someone offers their body to their lover for sex without enjoying it much or even at all, they tend to think less and less of themselves. They realize that they are willing to go pretty low to avoid a break up or a conflict. This doesn\'t make people feel particularly desirable, which by contrast doesn\'t make them feel sexual desire for others.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Refusing Crappy Sex Is Offering The Possibility of Great Sex</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">A lot of LDP\'s actually have a lot of sexual desire bubbling underneath that facade of disinterest. The thing is, they don\'t want to do it with their partner. Sex might have been good at the beginning of the relationship, but like all sex lives it starts getting repetitive and boring after a while. It\'s predictable, planned (especially if you have kids) and monotone. It takes more effort each time to get turned on and we skip the passionate parts to just get down to business. Most LDP\'s will start to feel this before the HDP partner\'s but they won\'t say anything about it to avoid hurt feelings. Sometimes it\'s to avoid putting the effort into their sex lives for themselves. Some LDP\'s have a very wild sexual imagination, but have never really shared it with their partner out of fear of being rejected, seen as perverted, judged, etc.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therefore, they don\'t get the sex they want and eventually and inevitably lose most if not all their sexual desire. Since they\'re in an <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">other validated intimacy dynamic</span></a>, just like their HDP counter parts, they only self-disclose what they think or know will be accepted by their spouse in bed.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bIN0R1d4lWM/UzTMLANO9MI/AAAAAAAAASg/qF3aO96eRaE/s1600/pity+sex.jpg\"><img title=\"Crappy sex\" src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bIN0R1d4lWM/UzTMLANO9MI/AAAAAAAAASg/qF3aO96eRaE/s1600/pity+sex.jpg\" alt=\"bad sex life, sexual desire low, sexologist\" width=\"320\" height=\"256\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Offer or accept crappy sex...you get what you asked for!</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Standing Up On Your Own Two Feet</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">So you feel you have little if no self-respect and integrity for accepting pity sex for so long. You want better sex, but don\'t know what or if your partner will even want what you have to offer? You are afraid to hurt their feelings and make things worst. Well you are <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">exactly where you should be!</span></a> This is the opportunity to grow up and mature and face your insecurities and doubts about yourself. Now, why would you want to do that? Well...dealing with them will actually give you your self-esteem, self-respect, integrity and feelings of being desirable back so that sexual desire feels more natural to you.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">First off, stop offering and giving pity sex. Second start being more assertive in what you want in sex or find out what your sexual preferences are, if you don\'t know what they are. Refrain from avoiding your spouse’s sexual advances and get in the game of seduction with them. Or at least have the balls or ovaries (depending on the case) to tell them you’re not in that mood right now and offer some other type of couples activity. Try to think before you say «NO» to them and really reflect on why you want to say it. Is it just automatic? Are you avoiding your own sexual insecurities? Maybe you don\'t like intimacy and prefer not to deal with the uncomfortableness of being truly seen by someone?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Changing a couple\'s sexual dynamic is hard work and requires putting effort into it by confronting ourselves. We need to learn to <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">self-sooth and give grounded responses</span></a><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">.</span></span> It only takes one person to transform a relationship, but it\'s far better when done in a <span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a>.</span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">François Renaud M.A.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sex therapist and psychotherapist in Montreal</a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></span>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">DID YOU LIKE THESE READINGS, then you\'ll like:</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">Become emotionally balanced = being desirable Part 4</span></span></span></a></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>', 'I don\'t Want Sex', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '52-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 04:12:09', '2017-06-07 02:12:09', '', 52, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/52-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(383, 2, '2017-09-29 20:38:11', '2017-09-29 18:38:11', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>What Should I Do?*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">As we\'ve discussed in the previous <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">articles before</span></a>, neither the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\"><b><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">H</span></b><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>)</span>,</a> nor the <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>) have a better position in the dynamic of the couple. We tend to hear couples saying that they have the bad reputation in the couple and they wished that their lover would better understand them. Thing is, both parties are dealing with the same things, just in a different ways.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP\'s Catch 22!</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The LDP is stuck in a very similar outcome than the HDP, where they don\'t necessarily want the sex they are being offered for whatever reason, yet they don\'t want their partner to leave them. They know full well that if they don\'t give out here and there, their partner will eventually get tired of the lack of sex and leave. Since they don\'t want that, they offer once and a while what we call <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">pity sex</span></a>. Not only is it the worst thing to do in a relationship, where there is a discrepancy between the sexual desire of the partners, it makes the LDP feel like crap about themselves. As much as pity sex tends to get their partner\'s off their backs for a while, they\'ll come on knocking for more soon enough. This is where the LDP can\'t hold on to themselves and loses their integrity.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Lose Your Self-Respect and Integrity: Lose Your Sexual Desire</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now, you must be thinking what does self-respect and integrity have to do with sexual desire. Unlike what most people think, long lasting sexual desire in a committed relationship isn\'t entirely based on how desirable our partner is. <b>It\'s also based on what we think and perceive of ourselves</b>, which is something LDP\'s tend not to have in high quantity. When someone offers their body to their lover for sex without enjoying it much or even at all, they tend to think less and less of themselves. They realize that they are willing to go pretty low to avoid a break up or a conflict. This doesn\'t make people feel particularly desirable, which by contrast doesn\'t make them feel sexual desire for others.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Refusing Crappy Sex Is Offering The Possibility of Great Sex</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">A lot of LDP\'s actually have a lot of sexual desire bubbling underneath that facade of disinterest. The thing is, they don\'t want to do it with their partner. Sex might have been good at the beginning of the relationship, but like all sex lives it starts getting repetitive and boring after a while. It\'s predictable, planned (especially if you have kids) and monotone. It takes more effort each time to get turned on and we skip the passionate parts to just get down to business. Most LDP\'s will start to feel this before the HDP partner\'s but they won\'t say anything about it to avoid hurt feelings. Sometimes it\'s to avoid putting the effort into their sex lives for themselves. Some LDP\'s have a very wild sexual imagination, but have never really shared it with their partner out of fear of being rejected, seen as perverted, judged, etc.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therefore, they don\'t get the sex they want and eventually and inevitably lose most if not all their sexual desire. Since they\'re in an <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">other validated intimacy dynamic</span></a>, just like their HDP counter parts, they only self-disclose what they think or know will be accepted by their spouse in bed.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Standing Up On Your Own Two Feet</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">So you feel you have little if no self-respect and integrity for accepting pity sex for so long. You want better sex, but don\'t know what or if your partner will even want what you have to offer? You are afraid to hurt their feelings and make things worst. Well you are <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">exactly where you should be!</span></a> This is the opportunity to grow up and mature and face your insecurities and doubts about yourself. Now, why would you want to do that? Well...dealing with them will actually give you your self-esteem, self-respect, integrity and feelings of being desirable back so that sexual desire feels more natural to you.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">First off, stop offering and giving pity sex. Second start being more assertive in what you want in sex or find out what your sexual preferences are, if you don\'t know what they are. Refrain from avoiding your spouse’s sexual advances and get in the game of seduction with them. Or at least have the balls or ovaries (depending on the case) to tell them you’re not in that mood right now and offer some other type of couples activity. Try to think before you say «NO» to them and really reflect on why you want to say it. Is it just automatic? Are you avoiding your own sexual insecurities? Maybe you don\'t like intimacy and prefer not to deal with the uncomfortableness of being truly seen by someone?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Changing a couple\'s sexual dynamic is hard work and requires putting effort into it by confronting ourselves. We need to learn to <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">self-sooth and give grounded responses</span></a><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">.</span></span> It only takes one person to transform a relationship, but it\'s far better when done in a <span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a>.</span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">François Renaud M.A.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sex therapist and psychotherapist in Montreal</a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\">\r\n\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></span>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\"> </span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">DID YOU LIKE THESE READINGS, then you\'ll like:</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><u><a style=\"text-decoration: none;\" href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</span></a></u></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 24.26666831970215px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"background-color: white; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">Become emotionally balanced = being desirable Part 4</span></span></span></a></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>', 'I don\'t Want Sex', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '52-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-09-29 20:38:11', '2017-09-29 18:38:11', '', 52, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/09/52-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(270, 2, '2017-06-07 16:24:41', '2017-06-07 14:24:41', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>Overcoming The Fear of Rejection*</b></h2>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">No one likes to be rejected, especially by someone we care deeply about and that their opinion of us sometimes exceeds our own. In the dynamic of the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">H</span></b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) and <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>)</span></span></a> both partners feel rejected, but in different ways and for different reasons. This perpetual fear of rejection drives many couples’ dynamics and turns their <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">alliance into an unhealthy one</a>. Our sense of worth comes primarily from other people’s perception of us and the more important they are to us the more impact they have on us.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP Controls The HDP Sense of Worth</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Since the LDP controls sex in every way, shape and form, they tend to control how the HDP feels about themselves as well. Since most couples use <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\">other validated intimacy</a>, it is hard for the HDP to feel good about themselves and have the perception that they are desirable, when they are constantly rejected. When someone’s been rejected multiple times for sex, it\'s not uncommon to start thinking that there might be something wrong with them. When our sense of worth is based on what other people and most importantly our spouse thinks, then rejection is hard to deal with.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The doubt that the HDP feels about themselves makes them even less attractive. We\'ve all heard before that confidence is what makes someone attractive. Well, the rule still applies in long term committed relationships. So the HDP that has their self worth based on their spouses perception of them, rather than their own tend to be undesirable, because they act the part. When you don\'t feel confident; your way of being, of flirting and seducing demonstrates your lack thereof. HDP\'s start to want sex, not because they really truly have sexual desire for their partner, but because they want the other person to tell them their desirable. If you look at this situation more closely, the HDP is asking his LDP spouse to find them desirable and attractive when they can\'t even feel and see it for themselves.<b> It\'s a vicious cycle of undesirability</b></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kOVr8KgNX7Y/UzMfOFod4mI/AAAAAAAAASQ/vPX8uTPW4i0/s1600/yingyan.jpeg\"><img title=\"self-esteem\" src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kOVr8KgNX7Y/UzMfOFod4mI/AAAAAAAAASQ/vPX8uTPW4i0/s1600/yingyan.jpeg\" alt=\"have good sex, sexologist montreal. sexual desire\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Work on yourself, before you complain about your partner!</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Getting Out of This Rut</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This is where the hard work begins! In a relationship, where there probably isn\'t any <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a>, there is Normal Marital Sadism and you are faced with <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\">emotional gridlock</a>, the first thing that tends to come to mind is to call it quits and leave the relationship. Thing is...you\'ve put so much time and commitment in it that you don\'t just want to throw it all away. Also, you are going to face the same issues eventually in your next relationship anyway.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It\'s at this point that you need to work on your <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\">emotional balance</a>, if you want to get through this. First, you need to start feeling and acting in a desirable way. Stop the blaming and confront yourself about your own short-comings and insecurities. Put some effort into the relationship and notice where you have been slacking off. Reinvent yourself, be spontaneous and adventurous at how you are going to be with your partner and yourself. Get a life of your own, go out, try new things and start building your confidence through experiences other than with your spouse (non-sexual ones). It\'s important not to perceive this as taking a break or avoiding the issue. It\'s a time of self-reflection where you build yourself and get to know who you truly are and who you want to be. Motivate and inspire yourself, it makes a person attractive and desirable. Lastly, stop taking things so personally! Some of it might be more about your partner than yourself. If it is about you then take a stand and become a better person, by seeing it as constructive criticism, even when it\'s not said that way.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Rome wasn\'t built in a day and neither will your self-esteem and sense of <b>self-</b><b>worth</b>. You need to learn to tolerate pain, anxiety, fear and frustration to grow and become a mature adult in a healthy relationship.\n\n\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\n</div>\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>READ NEXT CHAPTER</b></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b>I Don\'t Want Sex : </b>What Should I Do?</span></a></div>', 'Getting Yourself Together: Promotes Sexual Desire!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '53-autosave-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:24:41', '2017-06-07 14:24:41', '', 53, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/53-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(271, 2, '2017-06-07 16:25:28', '2017-06-07 14:25:28', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>Overcoming The Fear of Rejection*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">No one likes to be rejected, especially by someone we care deeply about and that their opinion of us sometimes exceeds our own. In the dynamic of the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">H</span></b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) and <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>)</span></span></a> both partners feel rejected, but in different ways and for different reasons. This perpetual fear of rejection drives many couples’ dynamics and turns their <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">alliance into an unhealthy one</a>. Our sense of worth comes primarily from other people’s perception of us and the more important they are to us the more impact they have on us.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP Controls The HDP Sense of Worth</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Since the LDP controls sex in every way, shape and form, they tend to control how the HDP feels about themselves as well. Since most couples use <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\">other validated intimacy</a>, it is hard for the HDP to feel good about themselves and have the perception that they are desirable, when they are constantly rejected. When someone’s been rejected multiple times for sex, it\'s not uncommon to start thinking that there might be something wrong with them. When our sense of worth is based on what other people and most importantly our spouse thinks, then rejection is hard to deal with.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The doubt that the HDP feels about themselves makes them even less attractive. We\'ve all heard before that confidence is what makes someone attractive. Well, the rule still applies in long term committed relationships. So the HDP that has their self worth based on their spouses perception of them, rather than their own tend to be undesirable, because they act the part. When you don\'t feel confident; your way of being, of flirting and seducing demonstrates your lack thereof. HDP\'s start to want sex, not because they really truly have sexual desire for their partner, but because they want the other person to tell them their desirable. If you look at this situation more closely, the HDP is asking his LDP spouse to find them desirable and attractive when they can\'t even feel and see it for themselves.<b> It\'s a vicious cycle of undesirability</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kOVr8KgNX7Y/UzMfOFod4mI/AAAAAAAAASQ/vPX8uTPW4i0/s1600/yingyan.jpeg\"><img title=\"self-esteem\" src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kOVr8KgNX7Y/UzMfOFod4mI/AAAAAAAAASQ/vPX8uTPW4i0/s1600/yingyan.jpeg\" alt=\"have good sex, sexologist montreal. sexual desire\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Work on yourself, before you complain about your partner!</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Getting Out of This Rut</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This is where the hard work begins! In a relationship, where there probably isn\'t any <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a>, there is Normal Marital Sadism and you are faced with <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\">emotional gridlock</a>, the first thing that tends to come to mind is to call it quits and leave the relationship. Thing is...you\'ve put so much time and commitment in it that you don\'t just want to throw it all away. Also, you are going to face the same issues eventually in your next relationship anyway.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It\'s at this point that you need to work on your <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\">emotional balance</a>, if you want to get through this. First, you need to start feeling and acting in a desirable way. Stop the blaming and confront yourself about your own short-comings and insecurities. Put some effort into the relationship and notice where you have been slacking off. Reinvent yourself, be spontaneous and adventurous at how you are going to be with your partner and yourself. Get a life of your own, go out, try new things and start building your confidence through experiences other than with your spouse (non-sexual ones). It\'s important not to perceive this as taking a break or avoiding the issue. It\'s a time of self-reflection where you build yourself and get to know who you truly are and who you want to be. Motivate and inspire yourself, it makes a person attractive and desirable. Lastly, stop taking things so personally! Some of it might be more about your partner than yourself. If it is about you then take a stand and become a better person, by seeing it as constructive criticism, even when it\'s not said that way.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nRome wasn\'t built in a day and neither will your self-esteem and sense of <b>self-</b><b>worth</b>. You need to learn to tolerate pain, anxiety, fear and frustration to grow and become a mature adult in a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>READ NEXT CHAPTER</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b>I Don\'t Want Sex : </b>What Should I Do?</span></a></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />\r\n	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />\r\n	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br />\r\n</style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Getting Yourself Together: Promotes Sexual Desire!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '53-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:25:28', '2017-06-07 14:25:28', '', 53, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/53-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(272, 2, '2017-06-07 16:25:53', '2017-06-07 14:25:53', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>Overcoming The Fear of Rejection*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">No one likes to be rejected, especially by someone we care deeply about and that their opinion of us sometimes exceeds our own. In the dynamic of the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">H</span></b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) and <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>)</span></span></a> both partners feel rejected, but in different ways and for different reasons. This perpetual fear of rejection drives many couples’ dynamics and turns their <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">alliance into an unhealthy one</a>. Our sense of worth comes primarily from other people’s perception of us and the more important they are to us the more impact they have on us.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP Controls The HDP Sense of Worth</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Since the LDP controls sex in every way, shape and form, they tend to control how the HDP feels about themselves as well. Since most couples use <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\">other validated intimacy</a>, it is hard for the HDP to feel good about themselves and have the perception that they are desirable, when they are constantly rejected. When someone’s been rejected multiple times for sex, it\'s not uncommon to start thinking that there might be something wrong with them. When our sense of worth is based on what other people and most importantly our spouse thinks, then rejection is hard to deal with.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The doubt that the HDP feels about themselves makes them even less attractive. We\'ve all heard before that confidence is what makes someone attractive. Well, the rule still applies in long term committed relationships. So the HDP that has their self worth based on their spouses perception of them, rather than their own tend to be undesirable, because they act the part. When you don\'t feel confident; your way of being, of flirting and seducing demonstrates your lack thereof. HDP\'s start to want sex, not because they really truly have sexual desire for their partner, but because they want the other person to tell them their desirable. If you look at this situation more closely, the HDP is asking his LDP spouse to find them desirable and attractive when they can\'t even feel and see it for themselves.<b> It\'s a vicious cycle of undesirability</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kOVr8KgNX7Y/UzMfOFod4mI/AAAAAAAAASQ/vPX8uTPW4i0/s1600/yingyan.jpeg\"><img title=\"self-esteem\" src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kOVr8KgNX7Y/UzMfOFod4mI/AAAAAAAAASQ/vPX8uTPW4i0/s1600/yingyan.jpeg\" alt=\"have good sex, sexologist montreal. sexual desire\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Work on yourself, before you complain about your partner!</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Getting Out of This Rut</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This is where the hard work begins! In a relationship, where there probably isn\'t any <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a>, there is Normal Marital Sadism and you are faced with <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\">emotional gridlock</a>, the first thing that tends to come to mind is to call it quits and leave the relationship. Thing is...you\'ve put so much time and commitment in it that you don\'t just want to throw it all away. Also, you are going to face the same issues eventually in your next relationship anyway.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It\'s at this point that you need to work on your <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\">emotional balance</a>, if you want to get through this. First, you need to start feeling and acting in a desirable way. Stop the blaming and confront yourself about your own short-comings and insecurities. Put some effort into the relationship and notice where you have been slacking off. Reinvent yourself, be spontaneous and adventurous at how you are going to be with your partner and yourself. Get a life of your own, go out, try new things and start building your confidence through experiences other than with your spouse (non-sexual ones). It\'s important not to perceive this as taking a break or avoiding the issue. It\'s a time of self-reflection where you build yourself and get to know who you truly are and who you want to be. Motivate and inspire yourself, it makes a person attractive and desirable. Lastly, stop taking things so personally! Some of it might be more about your partner than yourself. If it is about you then take a stand and become a better person, by seeing it as constructive criticism, even when it\'s not said that way.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nRome wasn\'t built in a day and neither will your self-esteem and sense of <b>self-</b><b>worth</b>. You need to learn to tolerate pain, anxiety, fear and frustration to grow and become a mature adult in a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>READ NEXT CHAPTER</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b>I Don\'t Want Sex : </b>What Should I Do?</span></a></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Getting Yourself Together: Promotes Sexual Desire!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '53-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:25:53', '2017-06-07 14:25:53', '', 53, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/53-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(273, 2, '2017-06-07 16:27:07', '2017-06-07 14:27:07', '', 'funny love', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'funny-love', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:27:19', '2017-06-07 14:27:19', '', 53, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2014/03/funny-love.png', 0, 'attachment', 'image/png', 0),
(274, 2, '2017-10-25 20:57:35', '2017-10-25 18:57:35', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>How to Overcome The Issue?*</b></h2>\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sexual desire is defined as a sexual attraction or drive towards another person with whom we want to share real or fantasized sexual activities with. There are also many different types of sexual desire that one can express. Each one brings a dynamic to the couple and each partner may not share the same types of sexual desires or even the frequency to which they want sex with their spouse.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Rules of Couples</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">In every relationship, we find a <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) and a <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>). In other words, you always get one partner who wants more sex than the other one. These roles are interchangeable in a couple and varies during the relationship. Men and women can be in either roles and sexual orientation plays no effect on it. Normally at the beginning of a relationship, we don\'t really see any difference. As time goes by, we tend to pinpoint who initiates more often, who wants it more, who avoids or even pretends they like it. As a universal rule, the LDP is the one who controls sex, whether they want to or not. They control how, when, how often, and the why of having sex. They have this control because they are the person who wants it less, therefore they get to choose. Sometimes, this is where name calling begins between them:</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<ul type=\"disc\">\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You’re frigid!</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You never initiate.</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You want it all the time!</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I don\'t have time to build it, because you\'re always groping me</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">It\'s because you don\'t love me anymore</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I tried everything, but nothing seems to work</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your seeing someone else</li>\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">…</li>\n</ul>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>We\'re in a Relationship, We Are Suppose to Have Sex</b></h2>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This dynamic is very frequent in couples who just don\'t know how to handle being rejected for sex. They think that after a while of being with a partner, that it sort of their partner\'s job or at least they own them some sex because they\'re a couple. Typically, the <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) will start initiating more often for sex and after being rejected a multitude of times they can then become even less desirable because they put all the blame on the partner. Some will go even further and stop putting any type of effort into seducing their lover when they want sex, yet still blame their spouse.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The HDP\'s Position</b></h4>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The HDP does this to protect himself from feeling the hurt of rejection. When we\'ve been rejected on numerous occasions for sex from our partner we start to doubt our desirability. We tend to choose to put less effort into flirting with our spouse, because when we give all that we\'ve got and they still turn us down, it hurts even more. So the standard outcome is to start asking for sex from the <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>) rather than creating sexual desire in them by being desirable ourselves.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP\'s Position</b></h4>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now at a first glance, we might think that the LDP has the better position right? They are satisfied and get the frequency of sex they want and they have the control. Which is what the HDP tells them frequently, sometimes. Not so fast! Neither position in the couple, really feels comfortable. The LDP constantly has to put their limits towards their partner and respect themselves even when sometimes being barraged with name calling. They can feel inadequate and afraid to lose their partner because of it. Sometimes, they don\'t like the sex they are having and don\'t want to hurt their partners feelings by telling them, so they try to avoid it. Most of the time, they don\'t feel they have control, because they are being bombarded by questions, accusations from their partner, which might lead them to offer <b>pity sex</b>.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"></h4>\n\n<hr />\n\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Pity sex</h4>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Most couples will not want to admit they have pity sex, but it\'s probably the most common in long-term relationships where partners haven\'t dealt properly with their HDP and LDP dynamics. An unworked sexual desire issue between spouses brings <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">alliance issues</a> into the couple. Let us look more deeply into the pity sex dynamic. It is defined as offering sex we do not want to our partner because we are afraid of losing them or we just want them to stop asking profusely for sex or to avoid another conflict about the situation. As you might imagine, pity sex is the worst type of sex you can offer and get in a relationship. It is neither fun nor pleasurable for either people. The LDP is rarely if not at all participating in this type of sexual activity, which the HDP obviously sees or feels. The LDP might even make such remarks as: «let\'s get this over with» and the like.</h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">What is even more surprising in this situation, is not only does the LDP offer such awful sex, the HDP accepts it. Their way of thinking is: «well...if I don\'t take this...I won\'t get any at all». This is where they\'re shooting themselves in the foot. Not only is accepting pity sex from a spouse a lack of respect to themselves, it\'s a lack of respect to their partner as well. Think about it for a second: Why should your partner put any effort into sex if you\'re willing to take anything that is given to you. This lack of respect of self, makes a person truly undesirable. Second, if the partner doesn\'t feel like they\'re respected because they are seen as a piece of meat their spouse just wants to have sex with, don\'t expect them to do it for very long or even enjoy sex. This dynamic also makes the LDP feel undesirable to themselves, and therefore lacks sexual desire, because they lack integrity.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\n</div>\n</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">READ THE NEXT CHAPTER</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Getting Yourself Together, Promotes Sexual Desire!: </span></b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Overcoming The Fear of Rejection</span></span></a>', 'Different Levels of Sexual Desire Between Partners in a Couple', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '54-autosave-v1', '', '', '2017-10-25 20:57:35', '2017-10-25 18:57:35', '', 54, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/54-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(427, 2, '2017-10-25 20:57:58', '2017-10-25 18:57:58', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>How to Overcome The Issue?*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sexual desire is defined as a sexual attraction or drive towards another person with whom we want to share real or fantasized sexual activities with. There are also many different types of sexual desire that one can express. Each one brings a dynamic to the couple and each partner may not share the same types of sexual desires or even the frequency to which they want sex with their spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Rules of Couples</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">In every relationship, we find a <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) and a <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>). In other words, you always get one partner who wants more sex than the other one. These roles are interchangeable in a couple and varies during the relationship. Men and women can be in either roles and sexual orientation plays no effect on it. Normally at the beginning of a relationship, we don\'t really see any difference. As time goes by, we tend to pinpoint who initiates more often, who wants it more, who avoids or even pretends they like it. As a universal rule, the LDP is the one who controls sex, whether they want to or not. They control how, when, how often, and the why of having sex. They have this control because they are the person who wants it less, therefore they get to choose. Sometimes, this is where name calling begins between them:</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul type=\"disc\">\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You’re frigid!</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You never initiate.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You want it all the time!</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I don\'t have time to build it, because you\'re always groping me</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">It\'s because you don\'t love me anymore</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I tried everything, but nothing seems to work</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your seeing someone else</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">…</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h2 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>We\'re in a Relationship, We Are Suppose to Have Sex</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This dynamic is very frequent in couples who just don\'t know how to handle being rejected for sex. They think that after a while of being with a partner, that it sort of their partner\'s job or at least they own them some sex because they\'re a couple. Typically, the <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) will start initiating more often for sex and after being rejected a multitude of times they can then become even less desirable because they put all the blame on the partner. Some will go even further and stop putting any type of effort into seducing their lover when they want sex, yet still blame their spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The HDP\'s Position</b></h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The HDP does this to protect himself from feeling the hurt of rejection. When we\'ve been rejected on numerous occasions for sex from our partner we start to doubt our desirability. We tend to choose to put less effort into flirting with our spouse, because when we give all that we\'ve got and they still turn us down, it hurts even more. So the standard outcome is to start asking for sex from the <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>) rather than creating sexual desire in them by being desirable ourselves.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP\'s Position</b></h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now at a first glance, we might think that the LDP has the better position right? They are satisfied and get the frequency of sex they want and they have the control. Which is what the HDP tells them frequently, sometimes. Not so fast! Neither position in the couple, really feels comfortable. The LDP constantly has to put their limits towards their partner and respect themselves even when sometimes being barraged with name calling. They can feel inadequate and afraid to lose their partner because of it. Sometimes, they don\'t like the sex they are having and don\'t want to hurt their partners\' feelings by telling them, so they try to avoid it. Most of the time, they don\'t feel they have control, because they are being bombarded by questions, accusations from their partner, which might lead them to offer <b>pity sex</b>.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"></h4>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Pity sex</h4>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Most couples will not want to admit they have pity sex, but it\'s probably the most common in long-term relationships where partners haven\'t dealt properly with their HDP and LDP dynamics. An unworked sexual desire issue between spouses brings <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">alliance issues</a> into the couple. Let us look more deeply into the pity sex dynamic. It is defined as offering sex we do not want to our partner because we are afraid of losing them or we just want them to stop asking profusely for sex or to avoid another conflict about the situation. As you might imagine, pity sex is the worst type of sex you can offer and get in a relationship. It is neither fun nor pleasurable for either people. The LDP is rarely if not at all participating in this type of sexual activity, which the HDP obviously sees or feels. The LDP might even make such remarks as: «let\'s get this over with» and the like.</p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">What is even more surprising in this situation, is not only does the LDP offer such awful sex, the HDP accepts it. Their way of thinking is: «well...if I don\'t take this...I won\'t get any at all». This is where they\'re shooting themselves in the foot. Not only is accepting pity sex from a spouse a lack of respect to themselves, it\'s a lack of respect to their partner as well. Think about it for a second: Why should your partner put any effort into sex if you\'re willing to take anything that is given to you. This lack of respect of self, makes a person truly undesirable. Second, if the partner doesn\'t feel like they\'re respected because they are seen as a piece of meat their spouse just wants to have sex with, don\'t expect them to do it for very long or even enjoy sex. This dynamic also makes the LDP feel undesirable to themselves, and therefore lacks sexual desire, because they lack integrity.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">READ THE NEXT CHAPTER</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Getting Yourself Together, Promotes Sexual Desire!: </span></b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Overcoming The Fear of Rejection</span></span></a>', 'Different Levels of Sexual Desire Between Partners in a Couple', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '54-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-25 20:57:58', '2017-10-25 18:57:58', '', 54, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/54-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(276, 2, '2017-06-07 16:35:26', '2017-06-07 14:35:26', '', 'sex', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'screen-shot-2017-02-01-at-1-56-51-pm', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:35:45', '2017-06-07 14:35:45', '', 54, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2014/03/Screen-Shot-2017-02-01-at-1.56.51-PM.png', 0, 'attachment', 'image/png', 0),
(416, 2, '2017-10-20 03:00:27', '2017-10-20 01:00:27', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>How to Overcome The Issue?*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sexual desire is defined as a sexual attraction or drive towards another person with whom we want to share real or fantasized sexual activities with. There are also many different types of sexual desire that one can express. Each one brings a dynamic to the couple and each partner may not share the same types of sexual desires or even the frequency to which they want sex with their spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Rules of Couples</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">In every relationship, we find a <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) and a <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>). In other words, you always get one partner who wants more sex than the other one. These roles are interchangeable in a couple and varies during the relationship. Men and women can be in either roles and sexual orientation plays no effect on it. Normally at the beginning of a relationship, we don\'t really see any difference. As time goes by, we tend to pinpoint who initiates more often, who wants it more, who avoids or even pretends they like it. As a universal rule, the LDP is the one who controls sex, whether they want to or not. They control how, when, how often, and the why of having sex. They have this control because they are the person who wants it less, therefore they get to choose. Sometimes, this is where name calling begins between them:</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul type=\"disc\">\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You’re frigid!</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You never initiate.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You want it all the time!</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I don\'t have time to build it, because you\'re always groping me</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">It\'s because you don\'t love me anymore</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I tried everything, but nothing seems to work</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your seeing someone else</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">…</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h2 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>We\'re in a Relationship, We Are Suppose to Have Sex</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This dynamic is very frequent in couples who just don\'t know how to handle being rejected for sex. They think that after a while of being with a partner, that it sort of their partner\'s job or at least they own them some sex because they\'re a couple. Typically, the <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) will start initiating more often for sex and after being rejected a multitude of times they can then become even less desirable because they put all the blame on the partner. Some will go even further and stop putting any type of effort into seducing their lover when they want sex, yet still blame their spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The HDP\'s Position</b></h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The HDP does this to protect himself from feeling the hurt of rejection. When we\'ve been rejected on numerous occasions for sex from our partner we start to doubt our desirability. We tend to choose to put less effort into flirting with our spouse, because when we give all that we\'ve got and they still turn us down, it hurts even more. So the standard outcome is to start asking for sex from the <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>) rather than creating sexual desire in them by being desirable ourselves.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP\'s Position</b></h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now at a first glance, we might think that the LDP has the better position right? They are satisfied and get the frequency of sex they want and they have the control. Which is what the HDP tells them frequently, sometimes. Not so fast! Neither position in the couple, really feels comfortable. The LDP constantly has to put their limits towards their partner and respect themselves even when sometimes being barraged with name calling. They can feel inadequate and afraid to lose their partner because of it. Sometimes, they don\'t like the sex they are having and don\'t want to hurt their partners feelings by telling them, so they try to avoid it. Most of the time, they don\'t feel they have control, because they are being bombarded by questions, accusations from their partner, which might lead them to offer <b>pity sex</b>.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\nMost couples will not want to admit they have pity sex, but it\'s probably the most common in long-term relationships where partners haven\'t dealt properly with their HDP and LDP dynamics. An unworked sexual desire issue between spouses brings <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">alliance issues</a> into the couple. Let us look more deeply into the pity sex dynamic. It is defined as offering sex we do not want to our partner because we are afraid of losing them or we just want them to stop asking profusely for sex or to avoid another conflict about the situation. As you might imagine, pity sex is the worst type of sex you can offer and get in a relationship. It is neither fun nor pleasurable for either people. The LDP is rarely if not at all participating in this type of sexual activity, which the HDP obviously sees or feels. The LDP might even make such remarks as: «let\'s get this over with» and the like.<b>Pity Sex</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">What is even more surprising in this situation, is not only does the LDP offer such awful sex, the HDP accepts it. Their way of thinking is: «well...if I don\'t take this...I won\'t get any at all». This is where they\'re shooting themselves in the foot. Not only is accepting pity sex from a spouse a lack of respect to themselves, it\'s a lack of respect to their partner as well. Think about it for a second: Why should your partner put any effort into sex if you\'re willing to take anything that is given to you. This lack of respect of self, makes a person truly undesirable. Second, if the partner doesn\'t feel like they\'re respected because they are seen as a piece of meat their spouse just wants to have sex with, don\'t expect them to do it for very long or even enjoy sex. This dynamic also makes the LDP feel undesirable to themselves, and therefore lacks sexual desire, because they lack integrity.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-krVOEbH1l_s/UzMeYa_LiDI/AAAAAAAAASE/gc6ItECsuQA/s1600/bad+sex+masturbation.jpg\"><img title=\"Bad sex\" src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-krVOEbH1l_s/UzMeYa_LiDI/AAAAAAAAASE/gc6ItECsuQA/s1600/bad+sex+masturbation.jpg\" alt=\"low desire issues, sexologist montreal, sex therapist\" width=\"240\" height=\"320\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">Yes, if you want to keep having bad sex!!</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">READ THE NEXT CHAPTER</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Getting Yourself Together, Promotes Sexual Desire!: </span></b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Overcoming The Fear of Rejection</span></span></a>', 'Different Levels of Sexual Desire Between Partners in a Couple', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '54-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-20 03:00:27', '2017-10-20 01:00:27', '', 54, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/54-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(277, 2, '2020-10-12 02:57:11', '2020-10-12 00:57:11', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\n\n<hr />\n\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype,</a> <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a>, or <a href=\"http://zoom.us\">Zoom</a> as a program.</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\n<ol>\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other to the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\n</ol>\n</div>\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\n<div></div>\n<div>\n\n<hr />\n\n<b>\n</b><b>\n</b>\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\n<b> </b>\n\n<hr />\n\n<b>\n</b><b>\n</b><b>\n</b><b></b>\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\n</b><b>\n</b>\n\n</div>\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Method of payment: E-transfer Interac</h3>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay by email bank transfer</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"> This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 100$  at the following email address:</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\n\nYou can follow the procedure depending on your bank:\n\n<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\n\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\n\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\n\n&nbsp;\n\n</div>\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You are required to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\n\n<hr />\n\n&nbsp;\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\n&nbsp;\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-autosave-v1', '', '', '2020-10-12 02:57:11', '2020-10-12 00:57:11', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(278, 2, '2017-06-07 16:39:24', '2017-06-07 14:39:24', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype</a> or <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a> as a program.</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other on the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">How do I get Skype?</h3>\r\n<div>It is possible to get Skype for free on your Mac or you PC by going <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/download-skype/skype-for-computer/\">here</a>. If you do not have a webcam, Skype can help you procure you one easily.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Is it safe?</h3>\r\n<div>The site is totally safe and remains confidential. The security of Skype it completely secure and you can get more information on it by going to their website: <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/security/\">http://www.skype.com/en/security/</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">What is Facetime?</h3>\r\n<div>Facetime is a program offered on Apple computers and is already installed when you purchased it. You can always <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">get it here </a>for a small fee. It works similar to Skype but normally has a better video quality, but you need an Apple computer</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b></b>\r\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"methodpayment\">Method of payment</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay either by a email bank transfer  (<b>Option 1</b>)<b> </b>or with Paypal (<b>Option 2</b>).</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 1</b>: This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 90$ or 70$ (student) at the following email address:</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\nYou can follow the procedure depending on your bank:\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 2: </b> You can pay via <a href=\"https://www.paypal.com/ca/webapps/mpp/home?locale.x=en_CA\">Paypal</a> with your credit card or with a Paypal account if you already have one.\r\n<table>\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td>Price</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td>Regular $78.27 CAD Student $60.89 CAD</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<img src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/scr/pixel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" /><span style=\"line-height: 24.2667px;\">a session of 50 minutes via webcam</span></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You will need to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<br style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\" />\r\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex-therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:39:24', '2017-06-07 14:39:24', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(280, 2, '2017-06-07 16:40:57', '2017-06-07 14:40:57', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype</a> or <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a> as a program.</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other on the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">How do I get Skype?</h3>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\nIt is possible to get Skype for free on your Mac or you PC by going <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/download-skype/skype-for-computer/\">here</a>. If you do not have a webcam, Skype can help you procure you one easily.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Is it safe?</h3>\r\n<div>The site is totally safe and remains confidential. The security of Skype it completely secure and you can get more information on it by going to their website: <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/security/\">http://www.skype.com/en/security/</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">What is Facetime?</h3>\r\n<div>Facetime is a program offered on Apple computers and is already installed when you purchased it. You can always <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">get it here </a>for a small fee. It works similar to Skype but normally has a better video quality, but you need an Apple computer</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b></b>\r\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"methodpayment\">Method of payment</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay either by email bank transfer  (<b>Option 1</b>)<b> </b>or with Paypal (<b>Option 2</b>).</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 1</b>: This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 90$ or 70$ (student) at the following email address:</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You can follow the procedure depending on your bank:<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<b>Option 2: </b> You can pay via <a href=\"https://www.paypal.com/ca/webapps/mpp/home?locale.x=en_CA\">Paypal</a> with your credit card or with a Paypal account if you already have one.\r\n<img src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/scr/pixel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" /><span style=\"line-height: 24.2667px;\">a session of 50 minutes via webca\r\nm</span>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You will need to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex-therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:40:57', '2017-06-07 14:40:57', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(279, 2, '2017-06-07 16:40:13', '2017-06-07 14:40:13', '', 'online consultation', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'online-consultation', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:40:23', '2017-06-07 14:40:23', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2014/02/online-consultation.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(281, 2, '2017-06-07 16:43:41', '2017-06-07 14:43:41', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype</a> or <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a> as a program.</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other on the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">How do I get Skype?</h3>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\nIt is possible to get Skype for free on your Mac or you PC by going <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/download-skype/skype-for-computer/\">here</a>. If you do not have a webcam, Skype can help you procure you one easily.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Is it safe?</h3>\r\n<div>The site is totally safe and remains confidential. The security of Skype it completely secure and you can get more information on it by going to their website: <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/security/\">http://www.skype.com/en/security/</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">What is Facetime?</h3>\r\n<div>Facetime is a program offered on Apple computers and is already installed when you purchased it. You can always <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">get it here </a>for a small fee. It works similar to Skype but normally has a better video quality, but you need an Apple computer</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b></b>\r\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"methodpayment\">Method of payment</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay either by email bank transfer  (<b>Option 1</b>)<b> </b>or with Paypal (<b>Option 2</b>).</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 1</b>: This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 90$ or 70$ (student) at the following email address:</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\nYou can follow the procedure depending on your bank:<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<b>Option 2: </b> You can pay via <a href=\"https://www.paypal.com/ca/webapps/mpp/home?locale.x=en_CA\">Paypal</a> with your credit card or with a Paypal account if you already have one.\r\n\r\n<form action=\"https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr\" method=\"post\" target=\"_top\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" />\r\n<input name=\"hosted_button_id\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"L6ZLWF32DPMRG\" />\r\n<input alt=\"PayPal - The safer, easier way to pay online!\" name=\"submit\" src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_buynow_LG.gif\" type=\"image\" />\r\n<img src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/fr_CA/i/scr/pixel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" /></form>a session of 50 minutes via webca\r\nm\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You will need to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex-therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:43:41', '2017-06-07 14:43:41', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(282, 2, '2017-06-07 16:44:09', '2017-06-07 14:44:09', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype</a> or <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a> as a program.</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other on the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">How do I get Skype?</h3>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\nIt is possible to get Skype for free on your Mac or you PC by going <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/download-skype/skype-for-computer/\">here</a>. If you do not have a webcam, Skype can help you procure you one easily.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Is it safe?</h3>\r\n<div>The site is totally safe and remains confidential. The security of Skype it completely secure and you can get more information on it by going to their website: <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/security/\">http://www.skype.com/en/security/</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">What is Facetime?</h3>\r\n<div>Facetime is a program offered on Apple computers and is already installed when you purchased it. You can always <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">get it here </a>for a small fee. It works similar to Skype but normally has a better video quality, but you need an Apple computer</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b></b>\r\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"methodpayment\">Method of payment</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay either by email bank transfer  (<b>Option 1</b>)<b> </b>or with Paypal (<b>Option 2</b>).</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 1</b>: This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 90$ or 70$ (student) at the following email address:</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\nYou can follow the procedure depending on your bank:<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<b>Option 2: </b> You can pay via <a href=\"https://www.paypal.com/ca/webapps/mpp/home?locale.x=en_CA\">Paypal</a> with your credit card or with a Paypal account if you already have one.\r\n\r\n<form action=\"https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr\" method=\"post\" target=\"_top\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" />\r\n<input name=\"hosted_button_id\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"L6ZLWF32DPMRG\" />\r\n<input alt=\"PayPal - The safer, easier way to pay online!\" name=\"submit\" src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_buynow_LG.gif\" type=\"image\" />\r\n<img src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/fr_CA/i/scr/pixel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" /></form>a session of 50 minutes via webcam\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You will need to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex-therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:44:09', '2017-06-07 14:44:09', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(283, 2, '2017-06-07 16:45:11', '2017-06-07 14:45:11', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype</a> or <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a> as a program.</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other on the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">How do I get Skype?</h3>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\nIt is possible to get Skype for free on your Mac or you PC by going <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/download-skype/skype-for-computer/\">here</a>. If you do not have a webcam, Skype can help you procure you one easily.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Is it safe?</h3>\r\n<div>The site is totally safe and remains confidential. The security of Skype it completely secure and you can get more information on it by going to their website: <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/security/\">http://www.skype.com/en/security/</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">What is Facetime?</h3>\r\n<div>Facetime is a program offered on Apple computers and is already installed when you purchased it. You can always <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">get it here </a>for a small fee. It works similar to Skype but normally has a better video quality, but you need an Apple computer</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b></b>\r\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"methodpayment\">Method of payment</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay either by email bank transfer  (<b>Option 1</b>)<b> </b>or with Paypal (<b>Option 2</b>).</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 1</b>: This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 90$ or 70$ (student) at the following email address:</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\nYou can follow the procedure depending on your bank:\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<b>Option 2: </b> You can pay via <a href=\"https://www.paypal.com/ca/webapps/mpp/home?locale.x=en_CA\">Paypal</a> with your credit card or with a Paypal account if you already have one.\r\n\r\n<form action=\"https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr\" method=\"post\" target=\"_top\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" />\r\n<input name=\"hosted_button_id\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"L6ZLWF32DPMRG\" />\r\n<input alt=\"PayPal - The safer, easier way to pay online!\" name=\"submit\" src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_buynow_LG.gif\" type=\"image\" />\r\n<img src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/fr_CA/i/scr/pixel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" /></form>a session of 50 minutes via webcam\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You will need to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex-therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:45:11', '2017-06-07 14:45:11', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(284, 2, '2017-06-07 16:45:41', '2017-06-07 14:45:41', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype</a> or <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a> as a program.</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other on the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">How do I get Skype?</h3>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\nIt is possible to get Skype for free on your Mac or you PC by going <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/download-skype/skype-for-computer/\">here</a>. If you do not have a webcam, Skype can help you procure you one easily.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Is it safe?</h3>\r\n<div>The site is totally safe and remains confidential. The security of Skype it completely secure and you can get more information on it by going to their website: <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/security/\">http://www.skype.com/en/security/</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">What is Facetime?</h3>\r\n<div>Facetime is a program offered on Apple computers and is already installed when you purchased it. You can always <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">get it here </a>for a small fee. It works similar to Skype but normally has a better video quality, but you need an Apple computer</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b></b>\r\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"methodpayment\">Method of payment</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay either by email bank transfer  (<b>Option 1</b>)<b> </b>or with Paypal (<b>Option 2</b>).</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"><b>Option 1</b>: This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 90$ or 70$ (student) at the following email address:</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\nYou can follow the procedure depending on your bank:\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<b>Option 2: </b> You can pay via <a href=\"https://www.paypal.com/ca/webapps/mpp/home?locale.x=en_CA\">Paypal</a> with your credit card or with a Paypal account if you already have one.\r\n\r\n<form action=\"https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr\" method=\"post\" target=\"_top\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" />\r\n<input name=\"hosted_button_id\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"L6ZLWF32DPMRG\" />\r\n<input alt=\"PayPal - The safer, easier way to pay online!\" name=\"submit\" src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_buynow_LG.gif\" type=\"image\" />\r\n<img src=\"https://www.paypalobjects.com/fr_CA/i/scr/pixel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" border=\"0\" /></form>a session of 50 minutes via webcam\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You will need to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:45:41', '2017-06-07 14:45:41', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/55-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(285, 2, '2019-05-02 15:09:52', '2019-05-02 13:09:52', '<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>How does therapy work?</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The sessions are normally scheduled once every week, which allows gaining momentum in the therapy work you’ve begun.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The length of the therapy cannot be determined by your sexual, emotional or relationship difficulty, since every individual has a different degree of motivation, complexity and their dynamic is unique to themselves.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therapy sessions can either be done individually or as a couple.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is also possible to do therapy <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/02/procedure-for-a-webcam-session.html\">in the comfort of your home via webcam</a>.</div>\n<div></div>\n<div>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Typically, a sex therapy can last up to 10 to 15 sessions on a weekly basis. This can either be shorter or longer depending on the severity of the issue and your implication in the process. Frequency can be stretched out depending on the need, availability or financial resources of the person.</span></p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Sex therapy is similar to any other type of psychotherapy with a health professional. We explore in the first session the situation and access what are the underlying issues at hand and the objectives you want to achieve. We tend to go deeper into future sessions to really grasp and understand the issues that were targeted to eventually find solutions and remedy the situation.</span></p>\n\n</div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>First session</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The first session allows evaluating your reason for consultation, your objectives and expectations. With this information, the sextherapist &amp; psychotherapist can clarify the manner in which the subsequent sessions will proceed according to your individual and/or couple needs.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This session is also essential in determining if you are comfortable with and trust your sextherapist. It is important to choose your sextherapist according to their personality, their approach and interactions between you and them during this initial encounter.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is important to consider that therapy can be confrontational and uncomfortable at times and that it will allow you to progress in your process.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\"><img src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Following sessions</b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your sex therapist will gather more detailed information concerning your sexual and/or relationship difficulty that brought you to consult in the first place. The goal is to determine and understand your dynamic and the reasons you are facing these difficulties. Following these hypotheses, you will be able to establish with the sex therapist your objectives and ways of overcoming your difficulties.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>After </b></h3>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Once the comprehension of the sexual problems is finished, the following sessions help you to achieve your goals by overcoming your limits. This step tends to be particularly difficult for some people and the results are determined by your motivation and resilience at tolerating the anxiety that is inevitable when it comes to change.</div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The last step</b></h3>\n&nbsp;\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This step consists of doing a summary of the results of the sex therapy. Before ending the therapy, the sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist ensures that you have integrated all the therapeutic gains that have been worked on so that you can independently deal with future issues autonomously. It is always possible to slowly space out the sessions at the end to facilitate the process.</div>', 'Therapeutic process with a sex therapist', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '56-autosave-v1', '', '', '2019-05-02 15:09:52', '2019-05-02 13:09:52', '', 56, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/56-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(288, 2, '2017-06-07 16:49:28', '2017-06-07 14:49:28', '<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>How does therapy work?</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The sessions are normally scheduled once every week, which allows gaining momentum in the therapy work you’ve begun.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The length of the therapy cannot be determined by your sexual, emotional or relationship difficulty, since every individual has a different degree of motivation, complexity and their dynamic unique to themselves.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therapy sessions can either be done individually or as a couple.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is also possible to do therapy <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/02/procedure-for-a-webcam-session.html\">in the comfort of your home via webcam</a></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>First session</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The first session allows to evaluate your reason of consultation, your objectives and expectations. With this information, the sexologist &amp; psychotherapist can clarify the manner in which the subsequent sessions will proceed according to your individual and/or couple needs.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This session is also essential in determining if you are comfortable with and trust your therapist. It is important to choose your sexologist according to his personality, his approach and interactions between you and him during this initial encounter.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is important to consider that therapy can be confrontational and uncomfortable at times and that it will allow you to progress in your process.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\"><img src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Following sessions</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your therapist will gather more detailed information concerning your sexual and/or relationship difficulty that brought you to consult in the first place. The goal is to determine and understand your dynamic and the reasons you are facing these difficulties. Following these hypotheses, you will be able to establish with the sex-therapist objectives and ways of overcoming your difficulties.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>After </b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Once the comprehension of the sexual problems is finished, the following sessions help you to achieve your goals by overcoming your limits. This step tends to be particularly difficult for some people and the results are determined by your motivation and resilience at tolerating anxiety that is inevitable when it comes to change.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The last step</b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This step consists of doing a summary of the results of the therapy. Before ending the therapy, the sexologist &amp; psychotherapist ensures that you have integrated all the therapeutic gains that have been worked on so that you can independently deal with future issues autonomously. It is always possible to slowly space out the sessions at the end to facilitate the process.</div>', 'Therapeutic process with a sex-therapist', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '56-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:49:28', '2017-06-07 14:49:28', '', 56, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/56-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(289, 2, '2017-06-07 16:50:08', '2017-06-07 14:50:08', '<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>How does therapy work?</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The sessions are normally scheduled once every week, which allows gaining momentum in the therapy work you’ve begun.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The length of the therapy cannot be determined by your sexual, emotional or relationship difficulty, since every individual has a different degree of motivation, complexity and their dynamic unique to themselves.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therapy sessions can either be done individually or as a couple.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is also possible to do therapy <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/02/procedure-for-a-webcam-session.html\">in the comfort of your home via webcam</a></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>First session</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The first session allows to evaluate your reason of consultation, your objectives and expectations. With this information, the sexologist &amp; psychotherapist can clarify the manner in which the subsequent sessions will proceed according to your individual and/or couple needs.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This session is also essential in determining if you are comfortable with and trust your therapist. It is important to choose your sexologist according to his personality, his approach and interactions between you and him during this initial encounter.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is important to consider that therapy can be confrontational and uncomfortable at times and that it will allow you to progress in your process.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\"><img src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Following sessions</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your therapist will gather more detailed information concerning your sexual and/or relationship difficulty that brought you to consult in the first place. The goal is to determine and understand your dynamic and the reasons you are facing these difficulties. Following these hypotheses, you will be able to establish with the sex-therapist objectives and ways of overcoming your difficulties.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>After </b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Once the comprehension of the sexual problems is finished, the following sessions help you to achieve your goals by overcoming your limits. This step tends to be particularly difficult for some people and the results are determined by your motivation and resilience at tolerating anxiety that is inevitable when it comes to change.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The last step</b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This step consists of doing a summary of the results of the therapy. Before ending the therapy, the sexologist &amp; psychotherapist ensures that you have integrated all the therapeutic gains that have been worked on so that you can independently deal with future issues autonomously. It is always possible to slowly space out the sessions at the end to facilitate the process.</div>', 'Therapeutic process with a sex therapist', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '56-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:50:08', '2017-06-07 14:50:08', '', 56, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/56-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(290, 2, '2017-06-07 18:33:32', '2017-06-07 16:33:32', '&nbsp;\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><i><b>The underlying issue in couples*</b></i></span></span></span></h4>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples fight and it\'s always going to be that way, it\'s inevitable. It\'s not the most fun thing to do with the love of our life. We would all prefer that we all get along and we live happily ever after. Unfortunately and fortunately that is not how it works. People can\'t agree on everything especially when it\'s truly important to who we are and how we act. Our sense of self or commonly know as our identity plays a huge role in our romantic relationships. We can\'t always agree to disagree with our partner, because sometimes you only have one choice, you have to choose and you need to put aside the other choice. Sacrifices are needed in relationships and these tend to create lots of arguments in relationships. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples have conflicts on a regular basis and that is totally fine. What really matters is how you deal with them. It\'s not rare to find partners in a battle on a specific subject which neither of them wants to be wrong about or wants to let go of their point of view of the situation. They are both emotionally attached to their perception of the situation and each contradicts the other ones. This is called <b>emotional gridlock! </b><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">The symptoms of this are the following:</span></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<ul>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\">Repetitive arguments</li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">quickly get frustrated about a topic or argument</span></span></li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Feelings of being misunderstood</span></span></li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Thinking that we are entirely right and their entirely wrong</span></span></li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Not reflecting on what the other is saying, but of our next argument</span></span></li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our only goal is to prove our point and be right</span></span></li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Ignoring the other person to hurt feelings</span></span></li>\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">and the list goes on!</span></span></li>\n</ul>\n\n<hr />\n\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UGEs5b3ZShk/UbvOb_ikoUI/AAAAAAAAAKw/b2LPBrlkK7M/s1600/iStock_000019759343XSmall.jpg\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UGEs5b3ZShk/UbvOb_ikoUI/AAAAAAAAAKw/b2LPBrlkK7M/s320/iStock_000019759343XSmall.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"212\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: xx-small;\">What emotional gridlock can feel like sometimes</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">Most will say that there is </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication, which is false</a></span></span><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. Partners understand each other very well in theses situations, as they\'ve been repeating each other over and over again. Each of them could repeat by heart what their partner\'s arguments word for word. </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They just don\'t agree with them</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. This is where the emotional gridlock plays a huge role. If one of them had to agree with the other, they would have to change who they are as a person or their perspective of themselves, which affects their sense of self. In other words, it\'s a battle of their integrity. </span></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They are also avoiding at the same time making a decision about their situation. They are facing what we call a </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">2 choice dilemma</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">: Having to choose between two opposing circumstances which obliges the loss of the advantages of the one that isn\'t chosen. So we can understand why each partner is holding on to their end of the blanket. </span></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>How Do We Get Out of The Emotional Gridlock</b></span></span></h3>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">This is where things get really hard for the couple and when at least <u>one </u>partner needs to have a strong <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">4 points of balance</a></span> to get pass the dilemma that the couple is facing. It requires a lot of maturity, a capacity to self-confront, to accept half-truths, to avoid holding a grudge, to grow and change as a person. It\'s important not to mistake this for a compromise or a lack of integrity, but a complete change in the dynamic of the couple. It only takes one partner to do it and that is why it\'s actually so hard. It leaves the one that does change completely vulnerable, as they are openly admitting they didn\'t have the entire truth and they are losing their choice in the dilemma. They went beyond their emotions and saw further than their own needs. They took a chance to grow as a person and they grasp it, even though it could have backfired on them. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Emotional gridlock is the battle of the wills of a couple, of each individual\'s integrity and sense of self (identity). It takes a lot of courage for a person to come out of that in a way that they are not losing who they are, but becoming someone better. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Productive Conflicts</b></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Romantic relationships have the capacity to bring the worse in people, but it also allows to bring the best in each partner as well. It\'s undeniable that staying with the same person for a long time is going to bring challenges. Each individual has choices that they can make. One of them is showing the best of themselves and growing in the process or they can stay stuck in their emotional gridlock and remain unsatisfied in their relationship. The choice seems obvious, but actually growing and redefining who you are is one of the hardest things a person can achieve in their lives. </span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\n\n<hr />\n\n</div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The 4 Points of Balance Part 4</a></u></span></span>\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">\n</span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>', 'Emotional Gridlock', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '58-autosave-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 18:33:32', '2017-06-07 16:33:32', '', 58, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/58-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(292, 2, '2017-06-07 16:55:45', '2017-06-07 14:55:45', '&nbsp;\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><i><b>The underlying issue in couples*</b></i></span></span></span></h4>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples fight and it\'s always going to be that way, it\'s inevitable. It\'s not the most fun thing to do with the love of our life. We would all prefer that we all get along and we live happily ever after. Unfortunately and fortunately that is not how it works. People can\'t agree on everything especially when it\'s truly important to who we are and how we act. Our sense of self or commonly know as our identity plays a huge role in our romantic relationships. We can\'t always agree to disagree with our partner, because sometimes you only have one choice, you have to choose and you need to put aside the other choice. Sacrifices are needed in relationships and these tend to create lots of arguments in relationships. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Couples have conflicts on a regular basis and that is totally fine. What really matters is how you deal with them. It\'s not rare to find partners in a battle on a specific subject which neither of them wants to be wrong about or wants to let go of their point of view of the situation. They are both emotionally attached to their perception of the situation and each contradicts the other ones. This is called <b>emotional gridlock! </b><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">The symptoms of this are the following:</span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\">Repetitive arguments</li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">quickly get frustrated about a topic or argument</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Feelings of being misunderstood</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Thinking that we are entirely right and their entirely wrong</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Not reflecting on what the other is saying, but of our next argument</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Our only goal is to prove our point and be right</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Ignoring the other person to hurt feelings</span></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">and the list goes on!</span></span></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UGEs5b3ZShk/UbvOb_ikoUI/AAAAAAAAAKw/b2LPBrlkK7M/s1600/iStock_000019759343XSmall.jpg\"><img src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UGEs5b3ZShk/UbvOb_ikoUI/AAAAAAAAAKw/b2LPBrlkK7M/s320/iStock_000019759343XSmall.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"212\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: xx-small;\">What emotional gridlock can feel like sometimes</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"> </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">Most will say that there is </span><span style=\"color: blue;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">missing or lacking communication, which is false</a></span></span><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. Partners understand each other very well in theses situations, as they\'ve been repeating each other over and over again. Each of them could repeat by heart what their partner\'s arguments word for word. </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They just don\'t agree with them</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">. This is where the emotional gridlock plays a huge role. If one of them had to agree with the other, they would have to change who they are as a person or their perspective of themselves, which affects their sense of self. In other words, it\'s a battle of their integrity. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">They are also avoiding at the same time making a decision about their situation. They are facing what we call a </span><u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">2 choice dilemma</span></u><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">: Having to choose between two opposing circumstances which obliges the loss of the advantages of the one that isn\'t chosen. So we can understand why each partner is holding on to their end of the blanket. </span></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>How Do We Get Out of The Emotional Gridlock</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">This is where things get really hard for the couple and when at least <u>one </u>partner needs to have a strong <span style=\"color: blue;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">4 points of balance</a></span> to get pass the dilemma that the couple is facing. It requires a lot of maturity, a capacity to self-confront, to accept half-truths, to avoid holding a grudge, to grow and change as a person. It\'s important not to mistake this for a compromise or a lack of integrity, but a complete change in the dynamic of the couple. It only takes one partner to do it and that is why it\'s actually so hard. It leaves the one that does change completely vulnerable, as they are openly admitting they didn\'t have the entire truth and they are losing their choice in the dilemma. They went beyond their emotions and saw further than their own needs. They took a chance to grow as a person and they grasp it, even though it could have backfired on them. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Emotional gridlock is the battle of the wills of a couple, of each individual\'s integrity and sense of self (identity). It takes a lot of courage for a person to come out of that in a way that they are not losing who they are, but becoming someone better. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Productive Conflicts</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Romantic relationships have the capacity to bring the worse in people, but it also allows to bring the best in each partner as well. It\'s undeniable that staying with the same person for a long time is going to bring challenges. Each individual has choices that they can make. One of them is showing the best of themselves and growing in the process or they can stay stuck in their emotional gridlock and remain unsatisfied in their relationship. The choice seems obvious, but actually growing and redefining who you are is one of the hardest things a person can achieve in their lives. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How Intimacy Affects Sexual Desire Part 3</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The 4 Points of Balance Part 4</a></u></span></span>\r\n<span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>', 'Emotional Gridlock', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '58-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-07 16:55:45', '2017-06-07 14:55:45', '', 58, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/58-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
