<h1>What gets your turn on during sex?</h1>
If you consult a <strong>sex therapist psychotherapist</strong>, chances are you are going to get that question asked. It might seem intrusive, intimidating, uncomfortable to answer this to someone you have barely known for a couple of hours. A lot of the times, we aren't quite sure what to answer or know what the "right" answer that our sex therapist wants to hear so be considered normal.

It is often what I hear in my office: "Well..euh! Not abnormal..euh. You know the traditional, typical things, but nothing too boring. Being afraid of being judge about our sexual fantasies and preferences is a common thing in individuals. We fear what others might think about what gets us turned on.

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<h2>Why even ask the question?</h2>
Sexual preferences say quite a lot about a person and their sexuality. It shows how you love and want to be loved. It gives a peek at some of your insecurities and emotional scars. It demonstrates your strengths and your difficulties in your sexuality as well as resistance. It gives hints on the sexual education you received while growing up. Everything that would put a person at ease to answer the question..right? Obviously, it is not meant to judge negatively a person but to point out where you might need help to have a more fulfilling sex life.

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<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>" Tell me how you make love and I will tell you how you were loved!"</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">-Ester Perel</p>


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<p style="text-align: left;">By itself, a sexual fantasy doesn't say much about a person. What is significant is how you contextualize the situation and what gets you specifically turned on. The <strong>sex therapist</strong> psychotherapist will give remarks and reflect certain observations that could potentially be detrimental to your sexual pleasure and satisfaction. Sexual fantasies and preferences are constructed on our sexual experiences and relationship dynamics we've had in the past. We tend to erotize our emotional wounds and triumphs. Our sexual imagination is an area where we have total control over and get freely explore all of our sexuality, without danger. A space that no one has access to unless we give it to them.</p>
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<h3 style="text-align: left;">Should we share our sexual fantasies with our partner?</h3>
<p style="text-align: left;">Even among <strong>sex therapist, </strong>we don't all agree on the answer to that question. Some will suggest keeping it a secret to instill mystery into the relationship. Others will suggest to only divulge the ones you are comfortable with your partner knowing.</p>

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 	<li style="text-align: left;">Can we really be honest and fully authentic if we refuse to disclose our sexual fantasies to our partner?</li>
 	<li style="text-align: left;">Can we really say that our partner truly knows us sexually if we hide of refrain from showing part of our sexuality?</li>
 	<li style="text-align: left;">What purpose does keeping these <strong>sexual fantasies</strong> to ourselves really do?</li>
 	<li style="text-align: left;">Could we potentially harm a relationship and our sex life if we do divulge the precious information?</li>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>"A person who fully accepts and can assert freely their sexuality in all of its forms will prefer to be rejected than to live a life without being truly known"</strong></p>


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<p style="text-align: left;">It is quite obvious that divulging our sexual fantasies can bring about a bundle of emotions as previously mentioned. Human beings have 2 fundamental desires that are opposites. We want to be known and share our most inner thoughts and feelings but we also want to be accepted and part of a group. Both of these desires can be congruent in certain aspects, but a lot of the times especially with fantasies it comes with a risk of not being accepted and loved. We want so much to share with our spouse who we are, but the risk of rejection is too great.</p>

<h2 style="text-align: left;">Intimacy at is most profound</h2>
Sharing a sexual fantasy is a moment of intimacy. Intimacy here is defined as person self-disclosing where our partner discovers a new information about us. When we disclose, we are always taking a risk that the other will appreciate us less, will reject us or refuse to accept this part of us.  A person who fully accepts and can assert freely their sexuality in all of its forms will prefer to be rejected than to live a life without being truly known!
<h3>The image that we project onto others about ourselves</h3>
To feel accepted, we filter information that we offer to be seen in a positive light. We hide our faults or parts of our sexuality that create shame.
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