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(2, 4, '2017-04-18 00:31:00', '2017-04-17 22:31:00', 'Voici un exemple de page. Elle est différente d’un article de blog, en cela qu’elle restera à la même place, et s’affichera dans le menu de navigation de votre site (en fonction de votre thème). La plupart des gens commencent par écrire une page « À Propos » qui les présente aux visiteurs potentiels du site. Vous pourriez y écrire quelque chose de ce tenant :\n\n<blockquote>Bonjour ! Je suis un mécanicien qui aspire à devenir un acteur, et voici mon blog. J’habite à Bordeaux, j’ai un super chien baptisé Russell, et j’aime la vodka-ananas (ainsi que regarder la pluie tomber).</blockquote>\n\n...ou bien quelque chose comme ça :\n\n<blockquote>La société 123 Machin Truc a été créée en 1971, et n’a cessé de proposer au public des machins-trucs de qualité depuis lors. Située à Saint-Remy-en-Bouzemont-Saint-Genest-et-Isson, 123 Machin Truc emploie 2 000 personnes, et fabrique toutes sortes de bidules super pour la communauté bouzemontoise.</blockquote>\n\nÉtant donné que vous êtes un nouvel utilisateur de WordPress, vous devriez vous rendre sur votre <a href=\"http://lesexologue.agence360.co/wp-admin/\">Tableau de bord</a> pour effacer la présente page, et créer de nouvelles pages avec votre propre contenu. Amusez-vous bien !', 'Page d&rsquo;exemple', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'open', '', 'page-d-exemple', '', '', '2017-04-18 00:31:00', '2017-04-17 22:31:00', '', 0, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.lesexologue.agence360.co/?page_id=2', 0, 'page', '', 0),
(5, 1, '2017-04-18 02:56:09', '2017-04-18 00:56:09', '/*\nVous pouvez ajouter du CSS personnalisé ici.\n\nCliquez sur l’icône d’aide ci-dessus pour en savoir plus.\n*/\n\n.main-content span a,.main-content a span,div.content-wrap a{\ncolor:#e58c59 !important;\n}\n\n.main-content span a:hover, div.content-wrap a:hover {\ncolor:#orange!important;\nfont-weight:bold !important;\n}\n\n.member-links{\n	display:none;\n}\n', 'noo-yogi', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'noo-yogi', '', '', '2017-05-15 06:41:50', '2017-05-15 04:41:50', '', 0, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2017/04/18/noo-yogi/', 0, 'custom_css', '', 0),
(6, 1, '2017-04-18 02:56:09', '2017-04-18 00:56:09', '/*\nVous pouvez ajouter du CSS personnalisé ici.\n\nCliquez sur l’icône d’aide ci-dessus pour en savoir plus.\n*/\n\n.main-content span a,.main-content a span,div.content-wrap a{\ncolor:#e58c59 !important;\n}\n\n.main-content span a:hover, div.content-wrap a:hover {\ncolor:#orange!important;\nfont-weight:bold !important;\n}\n\n', 'noo-yogi', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '5-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-04-18 02:56:09', '2017-04-18 00:56:09', '', 5, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2017/04/18/5-revision-v1/', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(19, 1, '2016-11-06 17:32:00', '2016-11-06 16:32:00', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">Tools to have a satisfying sex life</span></h2>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>Typical reaction to sexual problems</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Most couple therapies will focus to a certain degree on giving the tools to react productively to a sexual difficulty. A lot of the times, the couple comes in with one of them being the \"patient\" and the other will be tagging along. Sometimes, the partners agree on those positions initially given and other times it is a point of conflict between them.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Who really has a problem?</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Frequently the person who tags along during the therapy has strongly reacted to the problem by feeling culpable and blame themselves for it. For example, a man will have difficulty with his erection and the partner will think that they are either unattractive or incompetent in bed. This puts pressure on the partner to reassure their spouse\'s low self-esteem. Inevitably, this creates performance anxiety for the next sexual encounter which diminishes sexual arousal and pleasure, thus perpetuating a vicious cycle.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The person who tags along can also have frustration towards the designated \"patient\". If one partner has lower sexual desire than the other, this builds up over time as their sexual needs are not met as they wish. Often, the initial reaction of blaming oneself turns towards the other when the situation doesn\'t change. <b>Unfortunately, these negative reactions only hinder the issue further down more difficulties.</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Co-constructing a sexual problem</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>When couples perceive sexual issues as sporadic and temporary in time, this can reduce the factors that maintain the problem in the first place.  </b>A defeatist attitude or dramatizing the sexual difficulty generally increases the problem. The partners don\'t see each other as collaborating but combative.  One\'s behavior creates a bad reaction in the other, especially in emotionally fused couples.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">For many people, sexuality is an aspect of their life where they are fragile and vulnerable. When there is a sexual issue that doesn\'t rub their ego the right way by feeling incompetent and less desirable; it generates a reaction that threatens the well-being of the relationship.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>How do you feel when your partner isn\'t as sexually aroused as you want them to be?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>How do you react when the other refuses your sexual advances?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>Do you believe that sex should be natural and simple?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/Keep-2Bcalm-2Band-2Bsex.png\"><img src=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/Keep-2Bcalm-2Band-2Bsex-257x300.png\" width=\"274\" height=\"320\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>How do you perceive sexual issues in a relationship?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>How important do you consider sexuality when evaluating the satisfaction of your relationship?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>Do you consider yourself responsible for your partner\'s sexual pleasure?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>Who is responsible for YOUR sexual pleasure during sex?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>The answers that you give to the questions above strongly correlate with your reaction to sexual difficulties. People who take sexual problems as a personal attack or blame the other for the issue only fuel the problem.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>Productively managing sexual difficulties</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li>We try to understand OUR part of responsibility in the issue, without taking all the blame or devaluing ourselves.</li>\r\n 	<li>We ask questions to our partner about their perception and how they feel about the situation.</li>\r\n 	<li>We manage our emotions and reflect on what the other person tells us.</li>\r\n 	<li>We maintain an open and HONEST discussion about the issue.</li>\r\n 	<li>We collaborate together rather than attack each other in our insecurities and fears.</li>\r\n 	<li>We talk about it with lightness and humour by seeing it as an opportunity to make our relationship and sexuality better.</li>\r\n 	<li>We consult a health care professional such as a sexologist &amp; psychotherapist when we aren\'t capable of dealing with the issue ourselves.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois-278x300.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Sexual issues: How to manage', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'sexual-issues-how-to-manage', '', '', '2017-10-15 17:00:57', '2017-10-15 15:00:57', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(181, 2, '2017-05-25 19:23:43', '2017-05-25 17:23:43', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">Tools to have a satisfying sex life</span></h2>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>Typical reaction to sexual problems</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Most couple therapies will focus to a certain degree on giving the tools to react productively to a sexual difficulty. A lot of the times, the couple comes in with one of them being the \"patient\" and the other will be tagging along. Sometimes, the partners agree on those positions initially given and other times it is a point of conflict between them.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Who really has a problem?</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Frequently the person who tags along during the therapy has strongly reacted to the problem by feeling culpable and blame themselves for it. For example, a man will have difficulty with his erection and the partner will think that they are either unattractive or incompetent in bed. This puts pressure on the partner to reassure their spouse\'s low self-esteem. Inevitably, this creates performance anxiety for the next sexual encounter which diminishes sexual arousal and pleasure, thus perpetuating a vicious cycle.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The person who tags along can also have frustration towards the designated \"patient\". If one partner has lower sexual desire than the other, this builds up over time as their sexual needs are not met as they wish. Often, the initial reaction of blaming oneself turns towards the other when the situation doesn\'t change. <b>Unfortunately, these negative reactions only hinder the issue further down more difficulties.</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Co-constructing a sexual problem</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>When couples perceive sexual issues as sporadic and temporary in time, this can reduce the factors that maintain the problem in the first place.  </b>A defeatist attitude or dramatizing the sexual difficulty generally increases the problem. The partners don\'t see each other as collaborating but combative.  One\'s behavior creates a bad reaction in the other, especially in emotionally fused couples.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">For many people, sexuality is an aspect of their life where they are fragile and vulnerable. When there is a sexual issue that doesn\'t rub their ego the right way by feeling incompetent and less desirable; it generates a reaction that threatens the well-being of the relationship.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>How do you feel when your partner isn\'t as sexually aroused as you want them to be?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>How do you react when the other refuses your sexual advances?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>Do you believe that sex should be natural and simple?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/Keep-2Bcalm-2Band-2Bsex.png\"><img src=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/Keep-2Bcalm-2Band-2Bsex-257x300.png\" width=\"274\" height=\"320\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>How do you perceive sexual issues in a relationship?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>How important do you consider sexuality when evaluating the satisfaction of your relationship?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>Do you consider yourself responsible for your partner\'s sexual pleasure?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>Who is responsible for YOUR sexual pleasure during sex?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>The answers that you give to the questions above strongly correlate with your reaction to sexual difficulties. People who take sexual problems as a personal attack or blame the other for the issue only fuel the problem.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>Productively managing sexual difficulties</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li>We try to understand OUR part of responsibility in the issue, without taking all the blame or devaluing ourselves.</li>\r\n 	<li>We ask questions to our partner about their perception and how they feel about the situation.</li>\r\n 	<li>We manage our emotions and reflect on what the other person tells us.</li>\r\n 	<li>We maintain an open and HONEST discussion about the issue.</li>\r\n 	<li>We collaborate together rather than attack each other in our insecurities and fears.</li>\r\n 	<li>We talk about it with lightness and humour by seeing it as an opportunity to make our relationship and sexuality better.</li>\r\n 	<li>We consult a health care professional such as a sexologist &amp; psychotherapist when we aren\'t capable of dealing with the issue ourselves.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois-278x300.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->&nbsp;\r\n<div>\r\n<div>\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div>* indicates required</div>\r\n<div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address * </label></div>\r\n<div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label></div>\r\n<div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>', 'Sexual issues: How to manage', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '19-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-05-25 19:23:43', '2017-05-25 17:23:43', '', 19, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/05/19-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(71, 1, '2016-11-06 17:32:00', '2016-11-06 16:32:00', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">Tools to have a satisfying&nbsp;sex life</span></h2><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h3>Typical reaction to sexual problems</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Most couple therapies will focus to a certain degree on giving the tools to react productively to a sexual difficulty. A lot of the times, the couple comes in with one of them being the \"patient\" and the other will be tagging along. Sometimes, the partners agree on those positions initially given and other times it is a point of conflict between them.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Who really has a problem?</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Frequently&nbsp;the person who tags along during the therapy has strongly reacted to the problem by feeling culpable and blame themselves for it. For example, a man will have difficulty with his erection and the partner will think that they are either unattractive or incompetent in bed. This puts pressure on the partner to reassure their spouse\'s low self-esteem. Inevitably, this creates performance anxiety for the next sexual encounter which diminishes sexual arousal and pleasure, thus perpetuating&nbsp;a vicious cycle.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">The person who tags along can also have frustration towards the designated \"patient\". If one partner has lower sexual desire than the other, this builds up over time as their sexual needs are not met as they wish. Often, the initial reaction of blaming oneself turns towards the other when the situation doesn\'t change. <b>Unfortunately, these negative reactions only hinder the issue further down more difficulties.</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Co-constructing a sexual problem</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><b>When couples perceive sexual issues as sporadic and temporary in time, this can reduce the factors that maintain the problem in the first place. &nbsp;</b>A defeatist attitude or dramatizing the sexual difficulty generally&nbsp;increases the problem. The partners&nbsp;don\'t see each other as collaborating but combative. &nbsp;One\'s behavior creates a bad reaction in the other, especially in emotionally fused couples.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">For many people, sexuality is an aspect of their life where they are fragile and vulnerable. When there is a sexual issue that doesn\'t rub their ego the right way by feeling incompetent and less desirable; it generates a reaction that threatens the well-being of the relationship.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><ul><li><b>How do you feel when your partner isn\'t as sexually aroused as you want them to be?</b></li></ul><b><br /></b><br /><ul><li><b>How do you react when the other refuses your sexual advances?</b></li></ul><b><br /></b><br /><ul><li><b>Do you believe that sex should be natural and simple?</b></li></ul></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iUrqA6ltF3o/WCDHzpCWeWI/AAAAAAAABBo/9oVPlt7eVHo8gIypKHBSjRsO8axvE-NbgCLcB/s1600/Keep%2Bcalm%2Band%2Bsex.png\" style=\"margin-left: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"320\" src=\"https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iUrqA6ltF3o/WCDHzpCWeWI/AAAAAAAABBo/9oVPlt7eVHo8gIypKHBSjRsO8axvE-NbgCLcB/s320/Keep%2Bcalm%2Band%2Bsex.png\" width=\"274\" /></a></div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><ul><li><b>How do you perceive sexual issues in a relationship?</b></li></ul><b><br /></b><br /><ul><li><b>How important do you consider sexuality when evaluating the satisfaction of your relationship?</b></li></ul><b><br /></b><br /><ul><li><b>Do you consider yourself responsible for your partner\'s sexual pleasure?</b></li></ul><b><br /></b><br /><ul><li><b>Who is responsible for YOUR sexual pleasure during sex?</b></li></ul><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>The answers that you give to the questions above strongly&nbsp;correlate with your reaction to sexual difficulties. People who take sexual problems as a personal attack or blame the other for the issue only fuel the problem.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h3>Productively managing sexual difficulties</h3><div><br /></div><div><ol><li>We try to understand OUR part of responsibility in the issue, without taking all the blame or devaluing ourselves.</li><li>We ask questions to our partner about their perception and how they feel about the situation.</li><li>We manage our emotions and reflect on what the other person tells us.</li><li>We maintain an open and HONEST discussion about the issue.</li><li>We collaborate together rather than attack each other in our insecurities and fears.</li><li>We talk about it with lightness and humour by seeing it as an opportunity to make our relationship and sexuality better.</li><li>We consult a health care professional such as a sexologist &amp; psychotherapist when we aren\'t capable of dealing with the issue ourselves.</li></ol><div><br /></div></div></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\" style=\"clear: left;float: left;margin-bottom: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Learn more about the author<br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->  <br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div> <!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>', 'Sexual issues: How to manage', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '19-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-11-06 17:32:00', '2016-11-06 16:32:00', '', 19, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2016/11/19-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(20, 1, '2016-09-30 20:57:00', '2016-09-30 18:57:00', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">Sexual presence anxiety</span></h2>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>Getting out of a sexual routine</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">We often talk about sexual performance when it comes to having good or bad sex. Many people desperately search to be <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/sexual-performance-will-destroy-your-sexual-satisfaction.html\">sexually performing in bed so that they can get their ego\'s rubbed</a> the right way. They want their partner\'s to notice how good they are and leave their mark. Others will find this dynamic to be unfulfilling and transition towards more of a sexual presence to <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\">avoid the sexual routine.</a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">From performance to sexual presence...not so easy</h4>\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">When people realize the advantages of letting go of being performing sexually and becoming more present with their partner during sex, they inevitably find it natural to progress to the next step. <b>Although, this task isn\'t as easy as one would want it to be. Our old tendencies are hard to push aside. </b>We are educated at a young age to perform in sex and many aspects of our lives. We want to have results that are quantifiable such as a number of orgasms, a score between 1 and 10, the frequency of sexual relationships, the number of partners, the length of the penis, duration of sex, the amount of lubrification, the percentage of penis rigidity.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>How do you define your sexual satisfaction?</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b> </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b> </b></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>Sexual presence isn\'t clear cut</b></h4>\r\n<div><b> </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sexual performance is based on techniques, sexual positions and quantifiable aspects of sex. Sexual presence is more fluid and organic. It feels completely different than the sex you\'ve had so far. Each person experiences and feels sexual presence differently. It is not an esoteric kind of sex, but more of a new mindset. Although, some people find this kind of sexual experience through esoteric means. <b>We must learn to manage that there are no manual or directions to becoming sexually present. </b>This is the difficult part for most people as we are used to being told how to do things. It is more of a personal journey than something you must do in a certain way. It is changing our intentions when having sex.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This can make most people feel sexually incompetent when we try to have more sexually present sex. Who wants to feel that way at 30 or 40 or even 50 years old? It is actually quite similar to the first time we have sex and we have no idea what we are doing. We are stressed out and in unknown territory. Why would we want to have sex where we feel sexually inadequate?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Getting past our insecurities</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sexual presence brings us face to face with what we have wanted to avoid in sex for a long time, which is our vulnerability and our insecurities. <b>We often talk about how sex must be comfortable and easy going to be satisfied. </b>This isn\'t false, but we do have to feel some type of unease if we eventually want to grow and mature in our sex life and achieve a more fulfilling and joyful sex.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nBy confronting our insecurities that make us vulnerable with our partner\'s, we eventually succeed at getting past them. We learn to experience our sexuality in a different manner that changes our dynamic during sex. <b>Once we get a taste of sexual presence, we realize how anxious and uneasy we were during sex when we were trying to perform.</b> Most of the time, people that come to therapy never want to go back to that type of sex.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-de7Z5f0gLdo/V87pQnHDfhI/AAAAAAAAA-g/77Q4KkZbV_86aBMROTzUXmwkfAwrbVlqACLcB/s1600/two%2Bidiots.jpg\"><img src=\"https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-de7Z5f0gLdo/V87pQnHDfhI/AAAAAAAAA-g/77Q4KkZbV_86aBMROTzUXmwkfAwrbVlqACLcB/s320/two%2Bidiots.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"320\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">How do I become sexually present?</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">If you were paying attention, there is no way <u><b>TO DO</b></u> sexual presence but more of a way of <b><u>BEING</u></b>. There are things you can experiment with to start experiencing it. Such as looking your partner in the eyes for prolong periods of time while having sex. Really taking the time to enjoy touching and being touched rather than just trying to give each other orgasms. Putting your pleasure first and letting your partner handle their own. This allows for both partners to eliminate the stress of having to sexually please the other person, while still enjoying seeing the other person enjoy themselves during sex.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Another obstacle with having sexual presence is that it creates and intense and profound connexion with our partner. <b>This is where our difficulty with sexual presence anxiety comes into play. </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Sexual presence anxiety</h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The sexual intensity that we feel with sexual presence is for most difficult to tolerate at first, as we are not used to it. It takes a couple of tries before we are completely comfortable with being connected to this degree. <b>It creates more attachment towards our partner which can be exhilarating, but also very scary. It is scary because the more a person becomes important to us, the more we have to lose when we inevitably end the relationship either because of major disagreements or one of the partner\'s death. </b>It is, therefore, easier to just keep the emotional distance with our partner and focalise on <b>sexual performance. </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Will you risk it?</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sexual performance is a natural step in sexuality that we all go through. We experience sex the first time with that in mind and it allows to build some form of sexual confidence. We have to keep in mind though that it has its limits and it will inevitably lead to sexual insatisfactions if we stay in this dynamic in the long run. It eventually loses its initial attraction and doesn\'t make sense after many years with a partner. Sexual presence is the next step in our sexuality that we often forget but will catch up with us often after sexual difficulties in our relationship and sex.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is now up to you to decide if you desire to explore this new option that is available. It is important to know that sexual presence requires working on one\'s self and our relationship. <b>It will make you feel strong emotions that can be enjoyable or unpleasant about yourself and your spouse. </b>We must acquire a certain dose of patience to fully enjoy sexual presence. Do not hesitate to consult a <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist</a> if you need help achieving your new sex life.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Increase sexual satisfaction', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'increase-sexual-satisfaction', '', '\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html', '2017-06-06 00:40:49', '2017-06-05 22:40:49', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0);
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(73, 1, '2016-09-30 20:57:00', '2016-09-30 18:57:00', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">Sexual presence anxiety</span></h2><div><br /></div><h3>Getting out of a sexual routine</h3><div><br /></div><div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">We often talk about sexual performance when it comes to having good or bad sex. Many people desperately search to be <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/sexual-performance-destroy-sex.html\">sexually performing in bed so that they can get their ego\'s rubbed</a> the right way. They want their partner\'s to notice how good they are and leave their mark. Others will find this dynamic to be unfulfilling&nbsp;and transition towards more of a sexual presence to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-sexual-routine.html\">avoid the sexual routine.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div></div><div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">From performance to sexual presence...not so easy</h4></div><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">When people realize the advantages of letting go of being performing sexually and becoming more present with their partner during sex, they inevitably find it natural to progress to the next step. <b>Although, this task isn\'t as easy as one would want it to be. Our old tendencies are hard to push aside. </b>We are educated at a young age to perform in sex and many aspects of our lives. We want to have results&nbsp;that are quantifiable such as a number of orgasms, a score between 1 and 10, the&nbsp;frequency of sexual relationships, the number of partners, the length of the penis, duration of sex, the amount of lubrification, the percentage of penis rigidity.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><b>How do you define your sexual satisfaction?</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><b><br /></b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><b><br /></b></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\"><b>Sexual presence isn\'t clear cut</b></h4><div><b><br /></b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sexual performance is based on techniques, sexual positions and quantifiable aspects of sex. Sexual presence is more fluid and organic. It feels completely different than the sex you\'ve had so far. Each person experiences and feels sexual presence differently. It is not an esoteric kind of sex, but more of a new mindset. Although, some people find this kind of sexual experience through esoteric means. <b>We must learn to manage that there are no manual&nbsp;or directions to becoming sexually present. </b>This is the difficult part for most people as we are used to being told how to do things. It is more of a personal journey than something you must do in a certain way. It is changing our intentions when having sex.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">This can make most people feel sexually incompetent when we try to have more sexually present sex. Who wants to feel that way at 30 or 40 or even 50 years old? It is actually quite similar to the first time we have sex and we have no idea what we are doing. We are stressed out and in unknown territory. Why would we want to have sex where we feel sexually inadequate?</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\">Getting past our insecurities</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sexual presence brings us face to face with what we have wanted to avoid in sex for a long time, which is our vulnerability and our insecurities. <b>We often talk about how sex must be comfortable and easy going to be satisfied. </b>This isn\'t false, but we do have to feel some type of unease if we eventually want to grow and mature in our sex life and achieve a more fulfilling and joyful sex.</div><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">By confronting our insecurities that make us vulnerable with our partner\'s, we eventually succeed at getting past them. We learn to experience our sexuality in a different manner that changes our dynamic during sex. <b>Once we get a taste of sexual presence, we realize how anxious and uneasy we were during sex when we were trying to perform.</b> Most of the time, people that come to therapy never want to go back to that type of sex.<br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-de7Z5f0gLdo/V87pQnHDfhI/AAAAAAAAA-g/77Q4KkZbV_86aBMROTzUXmwkfAwrbVlqACLcB/s1600/two%2Bidiots.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"320\" src=\"https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-de7Z5f0gLdo/V87pQnHDfhI/AAAAAAAAA-g/77Q4KkZbV_86aBMROTzUXmwkfAwrbVlqACLcB/s320/two%2Bidiots.jpg\" width=\"320\" /></a></div><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">How do I become sexually present?</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">If you were paying attention, there is no way <u><b>TO DO</b></u>&nbsp;sexual presence but more of a way of <b><u>BEING</u></b>. There are things you can experiment with to start experiencing it. Such as looking your partner in the eyes for prolong periods of time while having sex. Really taking the time to enjoy touching and being touched rather than just trying to give each other orgasms. Putting your pleasure first and letting your partner handle their own. This allows for both partners to eliminate the stress of having to sexually please the other person, while still enjoying seeing the other person enjoy themselves during sex.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Another obstacle with having sexual presence is that it creates and intense and profound connexion with our partner. <b>This is where our difficulty with sexual presence anxiety comes into play.&nbsp;</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Sexual presence anxiety</h4><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">The sexual intensity that we feel with sexual presence is for most difficult to tolerate at first, as we are not used to it. It takes a couple of tries before we are completely comfortable with being connected to this degree. <b>It creates more attachment towards our partner which can be exhilarating, but also very scary. It is scary because the more a person becomes important to us, the more we have to lose when we inevitably end the relationship either because of major disagreements or one of the partner\'s death. </b>It is, therefore, easier to just keep the emotional distance with our partner and focalise on <b>sexual performance.&nbsp;</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\">Will you risk it?</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sexual performance is a natural step in sexuality that we all go through. We experience sex the first time with that in mind and it allows to build some form of sexual confidence. We have to keep in mind though that it has its limits and it will inevitably lead to sexual insatisfactions if we stay in this dynamic in the long run. It eventually loses its initial attraction and doesn\'t make sense after many years with a partner. Sexual presence is the next step in our sexuality that we often forget but will catch up with us often after sexual difficulties in our relationship and sex.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">It is now up to you to decide if you desire to explore this new option that is available. It is important to know that sexual presence requires working on one\'s self and our relationship. <b>It will make you feel strong emotions that can be enjoyable or unpleasant about yourself and your spouse. </b>We must acquire a certain dose of patience to fully enjoy sexual presence. Do not hesitate to consult a <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\">sexologist &amp; psychotherapist</a> if you need help achieving your new sex life.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\" style=\"clear: left;float: left;margin-bottom: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Learn more about the author<br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->  <br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div> <!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>', 'Increase sexual satisfaction', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '20-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-09-30 20:57:00', '2016-09-30 18:57:00', '', 20, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2016/09/20-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(21, 1, '2016-08-23 21:57:00', '2016-08-23 19:57:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">Break down the barriers that ruin sex</span></h2>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>Technically boring</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">We all want to be sexually good in bed. We want to prove to our sexual partner\'s that we are good and to know that they want more sex with us. We perpetuate this idea in the media, with our friends and even in our families with jokes and quotes about sex. One of the worst insults is being told that we suck in bed...or wherever else you enjoy doing it.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sexual performance, though, brings its load of baggage as it creates sexual boredom through routine sex. Since we want to please others so much in sex, we won\'t really change our techniques that we know work. When something works in sex, we tend to use it abusively to the point where even if it doesn\'t work, we still go at it the same way.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">That, my friends, is when sex becomes too technical and mechanical which brings redundancy and platitudes. Sex becomes a chore that we must accomplish rather than a game between two sexual charged up people. <b>We exchange orgasms where both partners masturbate into each other to find some semblance of sexual satisfaction.</b> Do you recognize yourself?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Getting rid of orgasms</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Orgasms are absolutely GREAT! (As Tony the tiger used to say). They are exhilarating and explosive in our bodies. But if we put it into perspective they last between 6 to 8 seconds in length, sometimes more but very infrequently. <b>We have socially constructed orgasms as the epitome of sexuality and the last HOURRA before the end. </b>To the point where it has become for many the only criteria to determine if sex was good or not. No orgasm, no fun, no sexual satisfaction!</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-obPap2E3rD4/V7tUo0eDh8I/AAAAAAAAA90/YCIAlIgrnlsqApuVzGm_Qc6A50SUVP1IgCLcB/s1600/sexual%2Bperformance%2Borgasm.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-obPap2E3rD4/V7tUo0eDh8I/AAAAAAAAA90/YCIAlIgrnlsqApuVzGm_Qc6A50SUVP1IgCLcB/s400/sexual%2Bperformance%2Borgasm.jpg\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">You have found the orgasm button! Still having fun pressing the same one over 277 times?</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">If we consider that a sexual activity lasts between 5 to 20 minutes from the beginning to the end, including flirting and all of it. Is it really fair to judge your sexual satisfaction on merely 8 seconds of intense bodily sensations? <b>The other 292 to 192 seconds must not have been that enjoyable if you answered yes to the last question. </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Fewer orgasms, more satisfaction</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">What if we changed the sexual paradigm of having the most orgasms possible to obtaining the most sexual pleasure. <b>We would already be making sex better. A lot of people confuse the two as one and the same. That orgasm equals pleasure and vice versa. </b>Which seems like a narrow-minded way of perceiving sex. Orgasms are just a bodily function of sex that demonstrates your physical capacity to stimulation.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">We put sometimes so much effort into getting or giving an orgasm that we don\'t even take notice at all the sexual pleasure that we can offer ourselves DURING sex. <b>That is also why orgasms take so much importance in our relationships. It becomes the only point where we do have some semblance of fun during sex or masturbation.</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Next time you have sex or masturbate, try to be conscience about what you are thinking and focusing on while you are doing it.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Where are your thoughts going during sex with a partner or yourself?</li>\r\n 	<li>What do you think about or focus on?</li>\r\n 	<li>What emotions do you feel?</li>\r\n 	<li>Where is your focus and what do you do with it?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>What importance does your sexual pleasure take?</li>\r\n 	<li>Are you connected to the various sensations of your body?</li>\r\n 	<li>How do you react when your sexual arousal diminishes (less lubrification or loss of erection)?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>What importance does you partner\'s pleasure take?</li>\r\n 	<li>Are you sometimes too focused on theirs rather than yours?</li>\r\n 	<li>Do you feel selfish if you do think of yours?</li>\r\n 	<li>Is there\'s more important than yours?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>What happens and how do you feel if your partner doesn\'t get an orgasm?</li>\r\n 	<li>Do you need to have penetration to consider that you had sex or for it to be considered complete?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h4>We do not give orgasms to our partner...we give them to ourselves</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>We like to tell ourselves that we give orgasms to our partner. The more we do, the better we feel about ourselves. It validates that we are good sexual partners and we feel sexually competent as well as confident, but only temporarily. <b>More often than not, we are looking to get our egos rubbed the right way during sex rather than our genitals. </b>In reality, we do not give our partner\'s an orgasm, but we accompany them towards it. Although, that doesn\'t help our ego to see things that way, when we aren\'t the ones actually giving them.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\nLike most people, women as much as men, we find ourselves in a sexual performance where we want to prove to ourselves that we are sexually capable. <b>When everything works properly (reaching an orgasm), we are reassured and our sexual ego is flattered.  </b>So most people will put much of their focus on reaching and giving orgasms to be reassured. When it becomes more difficult or even impossible as it often happens in a relationship, we start to doubt our sexual competency or blame the other for it when our own self-esteem isn\'t very strong.\r\n\r\nSo, rather than take pleasure during sex with our partner, we focus our attention on being performing. When that becomes too difficult, we start feeling incompetent sexually and it starts getting worse from there. <b>We feel anxious and apprehend having sex rather than anticipate having pleasure. </b>We fear failure and our anxiety grows to the point of creating sexual difficulties such as loss of erection, lack of lubrification, anorgasmia, pain during penetration, loss of libido, etc.)\r\n\r\n<b>Sometimes, we are still functional, but it doesn\'t mean our insecurities are not there. There are camouflaged by our \"sexual success\" (reaching orgasm). More often than not, people are very anxious during sex without even realizing it. </b>\r\n<b>\r\n</b> <b>\r\n</b>\r\n<h3><b>Rub my ego and I will rub yours!</b></h3>\r\n</div>\r\n<div><b> </b></div>\r\n<div>As I was saying earlier, we prefer our egos be rubbed than our genitals. Since we want our ego\'s to be rubbed, we want to rub our partner\'s ego as well. Therefore, not only do we have to deal with our own sexual insecurities, we also need to watch out for our sexual lover\'s insecurities. Issh! Doesn\'t sound like sex is that fun anymore now does it? Unfortunately, that is the case for most people. All this happens because we are in a <b>paradigm of sexual performance</b>.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>Signs you are in a sexual performance dynamic:</div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Have you ever thought that your sexual arousal took too much time and you were afraid that the other person would be bored?</li>\r\n 	<li>Have you ever reassured your partner about their lack of erection or lubrification or lack of orgasm?</li>\r\n 	<li>Have you ever read books, articles or watched videos on sexual techniques? What were the reasons for it?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Do you sometimes feel useless when receiving oral sex or feel that you need to offer it right after?</li>\r\n 	<li>Do you feel that your partner doesn\'t really enjoy oral sex and they are just doing it to please you?</li>\r\n 	<li>Have you ever done it for that reason?</li>\r\n 	<li>Have you ever stopped oral sex because you were feeling guilty that it was taking too long and your partner was bored?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Do you <b>desperately</b> seek the G-spot or highly erogenous zones to increase sexual arousal as quickly as possible?</li>\r\n 	<li>Do you continue having sex when you are <b>physically uncomfortable</b> with your fingers, mouth or during penetration to give or obtain an orgasm?</li>\r\n 	<li>Are you preoccupied with the length or the frequency of your sexual relationships?</li>\r\n 	<li>Is the number of sexual partners you\'ve had ever been a concern or important to you?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Do you always do the same sexual positions to ensure that you can obtain or give an orgasm to your partner?</li>\r\n 	<li>Do you fear ejaculating too quickly or lose your erection or not lubricate enough during sex?</li>\r\n 	<li>Are entirely comfortable with your nudity in any sexual position, lighting or the face you do during sex?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3>Sex without sexual performance anxiety</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>Do you recognise yourself with the different subjects of this article? Would you like to move on to the next step in your sex life? Do you want more satisfying sex that doesn\'t necessarily involve just more orgasms?</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li> Focus more on being sexually present with your partner and focus more on sexual pleasure rather than arousal</li>\r\n 	<li>Put aside your ego and have fun with your partner</li>\r\n 	<li>Take the time so savour all the different sensations during sex, and not just the last 8 seconds of orgasm</li>\r\n 	<li>Look your partner more often and longer in the eyes and take notice when you are touching or being touched</li>\r\n 	<li>Let your partner deal with their own sexual insecurities, without ignoring them, but knowing they are there.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h4>DID YOU LIKE THIS ARTICLE? SHARE IT ON FACEBOOK AND TWITTER!</h4>\r\n<div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\">Previous article</h3>\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Getting stuck in a sexual routine: Where did my libido go?</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\">Related articles</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-lack-of-communication.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">There is no such thing as a lack of communication: Honey...I just don\'t understand you</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pretending to have communication issues: Types of mind-mapping</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/getting-beyond-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Getting beyond communication issues: How mind-mapping makes your relationship and sex better </a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Sexual Performance Will Destroy Your Sexual Satisfaction', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'sexual-performance-will-destroy-your-sexual-satisfaction', '', '', '2017-06-06 00:42:48', '2017-06-05 22:42:48', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 1),
(75, 1, '2016-08-23 21:57:00', '2016-08-23 19:57:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">Break down the barriers that ruin sex</span></h2><div><span style=\"font-size: x-large\"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div><h3>Technically boring</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">We all want to be sexually good in bed. We want to prove to our sexual partner\'s that we are good and to know that they want more sex with us. We perpetuate this idea in the media, with our friends and even in our families with jokes and quotes about sex. One of the worst insults is being told that we suck in bed...or wherever else you enjoy doing it.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sexual performance, though, brings its&nbsp;load of baggage as it creates sexual boredom through routine sex. Since we want to please others so much in sex, we won\'t really change our techniques that we know work. When something works in sex, we tend to use it abusively to the point where even if it doesn\'t work, we still go at it the same way.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">That, my friends, is when sex becomes too technical and mechanical which brings redundancy&nbsp;and platitudes. Sex becomes a chore that we must accomplish rather than a game between two sexual charged up people. <b>We exchange orgasms where both partners masturbate into each other to find some semblance of sexual satisfaction.</b> Do you recognize yourself?</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: justify\">Getting rid of orgasms</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Orgasms&nbsp;are absolutely GREAT! (As Tony the tiger used to say). They are exhilarating and explosive in our bodies. But if we put it into perspective they last between 6 to 8 seconds in length,&nbsp;sometimes more but very infrequently. <b>We have socially constructed orgasms as the epitome of sexuality and the last HOURRA before the end. </b>To the point where it has become for many the only criteria to determine if sex was good or not. No orgasm, no fun, no sexual satisfaction!</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;text-align: center\"><tbody><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-obPap2E3rD4/V7tUo0eDh8I/AAAAAAAAA90/YCIAlIgrnlsqApuVzGm_Qc6A50SUVP1IgCLcB/s1600/sexual%2Bperformance%2Borgasm.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"225\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-obPap2E3rD4/V7tUo0eDh8I/AAAAAAAAA90/YCIAlIgrnlsqApuVzGm_Qc6A50SUVP1IgCLcB/s400/sexual%2Bperformance%2Borgasm.jpg\" width=\"400\" /></a></td></tr><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\">You have found the orgasm button! Still having fun pressing the same one over 277 times?</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\">If we consider that a sexual activity lasts between 5 to 20 minutes from the beginning to the end, including flirting and all of it. Is it really fair to judge your sexual satisfaction on merely 8 seconds of intense bodily sensations? <b>The other 292 to 192 seconds must not have been that enjoyable if you answered yes to the last question.&nbsp;</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\">Fewer orgasms, more satisfaction</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">What if we changed the sexual paradigm of having the most orgasms possible to obtaining the most sexual pleasure. <b>We would already be making sex better. A lot of people confuse the two as one and the same. That orgasm equals pleasure and vice versa. </b>Which seems like a narrow-minded way of perceiving sex. Orgasms are just a bodily function of sex that demonstrates your physical capacity to stimulation.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">We put sometimes so much effort into getting or giving an orgasm that we don\'t even take notice at all the sexual pleasure that we can offer ourselves DURING sex. <b>That is also why orgasms take so much importance in our relationships. It becomes the only point where we do have some semblance of fun during sex or masturbation.</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Next time you have sex or masturbate, try to be conscience about what you are thinking and focusing on while you are doing it.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><ul><li>Where are your thoughts going during sex with a partner or yourself?</li><li>What do you think about or focus on?</li><li>What emotions do you feel?</li><li>Where is your focus and what do you do with it?</li></ul><div><br /></div><div><ul><li>What importance does your sexual pleasure take?</li><li>Are you connected to the various sensations of your body?</li><li>How do you react when your sexual arousal diminishes (less lubrification or loss of erection)?</li></ul><div><br /></div><ul><li>What importance does you partner\'s pleasure take?</li><li>Are you sometimes too focused on theirs rather than yours?</li><li>Do you feel selfish if you do think of yours?</li><li>Is there\'s more important than yours?&nbsp;</li></ul></div></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><ul><li>What happens and how do you feel if your partner doesn\'t get an orgasm?</li><li>Do you need to have penetration to consider that you had sex or for it to be considered complete?</li></ul><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h4>We do not give orgasms to our partner...we give them to ourselves</h4><div><br /></div><div>We like to tell ourselves that we give orgasms to our partner. The more we do, the better we feel about ourselves. It validates that we are good sexual partners and we feel sexually competent as well as confident, but only temporarily. <b>More often than not, we are looking to get our egos rubbed the right way during sex rather than our genitals. </b>In reality, we do not give our partner\'s an orgasm, but we accompany them towards it. Although, that doesn\'t help our ego to see things that way, when we aren\'t the ones actually giving them.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>Like most people, women as much as men, we find ourselves in a sexual performance where we want to prove to ourselves that we are sexually capable. <b>When everything works properly (reaching an orgasm), we are reassured and our sexual ego is flattered. &nbsp;</b>So most people will put much of their focus on reaching and giving orgasms to be reassured. When it becomes more difficult or even impossible as it often happens in a relationship, we start to doubt our sexual competency or blame the other for it when our own self-esteem isn\'t very strong.<br /><br />So, rather than take pleasure during sex with our partner, we focus our attention on being performing. When that becomes too difficult, we start feeling incompetent sexually and it starts getting worse from there. <b>We feel anxious and apprehend having sex rather than anticipate having pleasure. </b>We fear failure and our anxiety grows to the point of creating sexual difficulties such as loss of erection, lack of lubrification, anorgasmia, pain during penetration, loss of libido, etc.)<br /><br /><b>Sometimes, we are still functional, but it doesn\'t mean our insecurities are not there. There are camouflaged by our \"sexual success\" (reaching orgasm). More often than not, people are very anxious during sex without even realizing it.&nbsp;</b><br /><b><br /></b> <b><br /></b><br /><h3><b>Rub my ego and I will rub yours!</b></h3></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>As I was saying earlier, we prefer our egos be rubbed than our genitals. Since we want our ego\'s to be rubbed, we want to rub our partner\'s ego as well. Therefore, not only do we have to deal with our own sexual insecurities, we also need to watch out for our sexual lover\'s insecurities. Issh! Doesn\'t sound like sex is that fun anymore now does it? Unfortunately, that is the case for most people. All this happens because we are in a <b>paradigm of sexual performance</b>.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>Signs you are in a sexual performance dynamic:</div><div><br /></div><div><ul><li>Have you ever thought that your sexual arousal took too much time and you were afraid that the other person would be bored?</li><li>Have you ever reassured your partner about their lack of erection or lubrification or lack of orgasm?</li><li>Have you ever read books, articles or watched videos on sexual techniques? What were the reasons for it?</li></ul><div><br /></div></div><div><ul><li>Do you sometimes feel useless when receiving oral sex or feel that you need to offer it right after?</li><li>Do you feel that your partner doesn\'t really enjoy oral sex and they are just doing it to please you?</li><li>Have you ever done it for that reason?</li><li>Have you ever stopped oral sex because you were feeling guilty that it was taking too long and your partner was bored?</li></ul><div><br /></div></div><div><ul><li>Do you <b>desperately</b> seek the G-spot or highly erogenous zones to increase sexual arousal as quickly as possible?</li><li>Do you continue having sex when you are <b>physically uncomfortable</b> with your fingers, mouth or during penetration to give or obtain an orgasm?</li><li>Are you preoccupied with the length or the frequency of your sexual relationships?</li><li>Is the number of sexual partners you\'ve had ever been a concern or important to you?</li></ul><div><br /></div></div><div><ul><li>Do you always do the same sexual positions to ensure that you can obtain or give an orgasm to your partner?</li><li>Do you fear ejaculating too quickly or lose your erection or not lubricate enough&nbsp;during sex?</li><li>Are entirely comfortable with your nudity in any sexual position, lighting&nbsp;or the face you do during sex?</li></ul><div><br /></div></div><h3>Sex without sexual performance anxiety</h3><div><br /></div><div>Do you recognize yourself with the different subjects of this article? Would you like to move on to the next step in your sex life? Do you want more satisfying sex that doesn\'t necessarily involve just more orgasms?</div><div><br /></div><div><br /><ol><li>&nbsp;Focus more on being sexually present with your partner and focus more on sexual pleasure rather than arousal</li><li>Put aside your ego and have fun with your partner</li><li>Take the time so savor all the different sensations during sex, and not just the last 8 seconds of orgasm</li><li>Look your partner more often and longer in the eyes and take notice when you are touching or being touched</li><li>Let your partner deal with their own sexual insecurities, without ignoring them, but knowing they are there.&nbsp;</li></ol><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h4>DID YOU LIKE THIS ARTICLE? SHARE IT ON FACEBOOK AND TWITTER!</h4><div><br /><h3 style=\"text-align: center\">Previous article</h3></div><div><br /></div><div><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-sexual-routine.html\" target=\"_blank\">Getting stuck in a sexual routine: Where did my libido go?</a></div><div><br /></div></div><div><br /></div></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><h3 style=\"text-align: center\">Related articles</h3><div><br /></div><div><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/lack-of-communication.html\" target=\"_blank\">There is no such thing as a lack of communication: Honey...I just don\'t understand you</a></div><div><br /></div><div><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\">Pretending to have communication issues: Types of mind-mapping</a><br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.com/2016/08/getting-beyond-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\">Getting beyond communication issues: How mind-mapping makes your relationship and sex better&nbsp;</a></div></div><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\" style=\"clear: left;float: left;margin-bottom: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Learn more about the author<br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Want more articles like these? 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(22, 1, '2016-08-08 19:49:00', '2016-08-08 17:49:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">How Mind-Mapping Makes Your Relationship and Sex Better</span></h2>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"> </span></div>\r\n<h3>False communication issues</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">In another article, we discussed <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-lack-of-communication.html\">how couples create false communication issues</a> so they could fight about that rather than the real issues in their relationship. We also discussed how we are able to do that with t<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\">he different types of mind-mapping abilities</a> that we have. We are now going to explain how we can use mind-mapping to resolves conflicts quicker and better as well as have better sex with your lover.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Dealing with the real issues</h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now that you realized that you can mind-map and that you and your partner both use it in your relationship. It is time to start being more honest with yourself and with them. <b>This requires skills that are not thought in a class but are experienced by <u><i>being</i></u> in a relationship</b>. When we fight with our partner we are naturally threatened on two fronts. Losing ourselves or losing each other. This dilemma is what perpetuates people to argue for days on end because they cannot tolerate either of those two options.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">  It is a push and pull dynamic of protecting our self and the relationship. We want to come on top and not be too damaged but also make sure that our partner still loves us afterward. <b>Sometimes, we know what we are doing is wrong, we just don\'t want to allow our partner to use it against us.</b> Which they most likely have done in the past. We want to keep the upper hand.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">How vulnerable can you be?</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">No one likes to be vulnerable and most perceive it as being weak. We also tend to culturally associate it with women, which could not be further away from the truth.<b> All human beings feel vulnerability, and we all try to feel it as less as possible. Women nor men are more prone to it  or want it. We might encourage women to express their feelings more, but not their vulnerability.</b> This is also an important difference most people mistake as being the same thing.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Vulnerability in the sense of being profoundly intimate with another person, requires a strong sense of who we are as a person (self-esteem in other words). It is our capacity to know who we are and being able to fully divulge that which we are proud of and that which we are not. <b>It takes courage, not weakness to show our most inner \"self\". </b>It also takes strength to be able to stand tall when the person you love the most uses your own vulnerability against you, which unfortunately happens too often.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Tolerating your partner\'s vulnerability</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is not just a question of being vulnerable, it also has to do with seeing your partner vulnerable (a.k.a. not what you want them to be). When people open up about who they are, it makes people uneasy and questions themselves. It reflects your own vulnerability whether you wanted to or not. <b>So when a partner brings things up that we were not ready or wanted to hear, we want them to backtrack</b>. Mind-mapping abilities come into play at this point. When someone is vulnerable, our mind-mapping abilities are at full capacity. We are mind-mapping our partner and ourselves. We might want to mind-mask ourselves or implement a false belief into our partner to eject from the situation.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ooPIo7gNRso/V6i5y8pLXKI/AAAAAAAAA74/sFrtLPY82m0GGtR5y8LucuQgsfAd3zZbgCLcB/s1600/connection%2Brelatiionship.jpg\"><img src=\"https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ooPIo7gNRso/V6i5y8pLXKI/AAAAAAAAA74/sFrtLPY82m0GGtR5y8LucuQgsfAd3zZbgCLcB/s400/connection%2Brelatiionship.jpg\" width=\"400\" height=\"205\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Calming yourself down</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Vulnerability isn\'t fun to live through and we would rather be doing anything else at that moment. <b>Learning to calm ourselves down during those moments is when you can truly connect with your partner. </b>You see them and they see you and as much as it can bring people closer it can also push them away. <b>We are overwhelmed by the intensity of the connexion we have and we want to stay in it as much as we want to push away. </b>We are utterly naked in this confined space with each other and it makes us human and fragile yet strong all at the same time.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Learning to tolerate the discomfort changes your \"self\" to a degree that communication skills will never achieve. You must mind-track yourself and your partner as well as avoid mind-masking. When you feel the emotions come up, try to let them be. Sometimes we will feel a knot in our stomach we want to suppress or we want to push down the tingling ball we feel in our throat. Through hardship comes a deep understanding of ourselves and accepting who we are and our partner for being themselves.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Moving from conflict towards intimacy</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">When we let mind-mapping be part of our relationship, we allow for connection with the other person and we fight differently and about different things. <b>Being vulnerable in a conflict makes us desirable to our partner. If we can acknowledge that it took courage to do it, we can admire the resilience and strength it took.  It can even encourage the other to do the same.</b> Mutual respect for self and our lover starts growing and this is what creates sexual desire in a relationship and meaningful sex.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Best sex of your life</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Mind-mapping sex makes the best kind of sex. You let yourself be completely connected with one another and you are not putting energy into hiding yourself by mind-masking. You are just letting yourself go completely and utterly to the moment with your partner. Nobody needs to hide and you are letting each other feel fully all the intensity and (sexual) emotions that come with having a sexual RELATIONSHIP.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">You are not just exchanging orgasms or masturbating into each other like most people do when having sexual activities. You are looking at each other in the eyes and you take the time to feel every inch of skin you are exploring at that moment. You want to be seen and to see the other as who you are at your core. There is nothing more liberating than mind-mapping sex!</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">More than just gooey emotions</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Let\'s not mistake this only for lovey dovey sex, which can be absolutely great to have. The type of sex we are talking about is sexually charged up and passionate. It is not just an emotional connexion, but a sexual one. You can have this connexion in a one night stand if you want. It only requires that you let yourself be vulnerable with a complete stranger. Although, a more deep and profound connexion can be built upon in a long term relationship. It tends to give it more significance, therefore, allows it to be more intense in nature.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nDID YOU LIKE THIS ARTICLE? SHARE WITH OTHERS ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK!\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\">Related articles</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-lack-of-communication.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">There is no such thing as a lack of communication: Honey...I just don\'t understand you</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pretending to have communication issues: Types of mind-mapping</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? 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(77, 1, '2016-08-08 19:49:00', '2016-08-08 17:49:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">How Mind-Mapping Makes Your Relationship and Sex Better</span></h2><div><span style=\"font-size: x-large\"><br /></span></div><h3>False communication issues</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">In another article, we discussed <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/lack-of-communication.html\">how couples create false communication issues</a> so they could fight about that rather than the real issues in their relationship. We also discussed how we are able to do that with t<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\">he different types of mind-mapping abilities</a>&nbsp;that we have. We are now going to explain how we can use mind-mapping to resolves conflicts quicker and better as well as have better sex with your lover.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\">Dealing with the real issues</h3><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Now that you realized that you can mind-map and that you and your partner both use it in your relationship. It is time to start being more honest with yourself and with them. <b>This requires skills that are not thought in a class&nbsp;but are experienced by <u><i>being</i></u> in a relationship</b>. When we fight with our partner we are naturally threatened on two fronts. Losing ourselves or losing each other. This dilemma is what perpetuates people to argue for days on end because they cannot tolerate either of those two options.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">&nbsp; It is a push and pull dynamic of protecting our self and the relationship. We want to come on top and not be too damaged but also make sure that our partner still loves us afterward. <b>Sometimes, we know what we are doing is wrong, we just don\'t want to allow our partner to use it against us.</b> Which they most likely have done in the past. We want to keep the upper hand.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">How vulnerable can you be?</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">No one likes to be vulnerable and most perceive it as being weak. We also tend to culturally associate it with women, which could not be further away from the truth.<b>&nbsp;All human beings feel vulnerability, and we all try to feel it as less as possible. Women nor men are more prone to it &nbsp;or want it. We might encourage women to express their feelings more, but not their&nbsp;vulnerability.</b> This is also an important difference most people mistake as being the same thing.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Vulnerability in the sense of being profoundly intimate with another person, requires a strong sense of who we are as a person (self-esteem in other words). It is our capacity to know who we are and being able to fully divulge that which we are proud of and that which we are not. <b>It takes courage, not weakness to show our most inner \"self\". </b>It also takes strength to be able to stand tall when the person you love the most uses your own vulnerability against you, which unfortunately happens too often.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Tolerating your partner\'s vulnerability</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">It is not just a question of being vulnerable, it also has to do with seeing your partner vulnerable (a.k.a. not what you want them to be). When people open up about who they are, it makes people uneasy and question themselves. It reflects your own vulnerability whether you wanted to or not. <b>So when a partner brings things up that we were not ready or wanted to hear, we want them to backtrack</b>. Mind-mapping abilities come into play at this point. When someone is vulnerable, our mind-mapping abilities are at full capacity. We are mind-mapping our partner and ourselves. We might want to mind-mask ourselves or implement a false belief into our partner to eject from the situation.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ooPIo7gNRso/V6i5y8pLXKI/AAAAAAAAA74/sFrtLPY82m0GGtR5y8LucuQgsfAd3zZbgCLcB/s1600/connection%2Brelatiionship.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"205\" src=\"https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ooPIo7gNRso/V6i5y8pLXKI/AAAAAAAAA74/sFrtLPY82m0GGtR5y8LucuQgsfAd3zZbgCLcB/s400/connection%2Brelatiionship.jpg\" width=\"400\" /></a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Calming yourself down</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Vulnerability isn\'t fun to live through and we would rather be doing anything else at that moment. <b>Learning to calm ourselves down during those moments is when you can truly connect with your partner. </b>You see them and they see you and as much as it can bring people closer it can also push them away. <b>We are overwhelmed by the intensity of the connexion we have and we want to stay in it as much as we want to push away. </b>We are utterly naked in this confined space with each other and it makes us human and fragile yet strong all at the same time.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Learning to tolerate the discomfort changes your \"self\" to a degree that communication skills will never achieve. You must mind-track yourself and your partner as well as avoid mind-masking. When you feel the emotions come up, try to let them be. Sometimes we will feel a knot in our stomach we want to suppress or we want to push down the tingling ball we feel in our throat. Through hardship comes a&nbsp;deep understanding of ourselves and accepting who we are and our partner for being themselves.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\">Moving from conflict towards intimacy</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">When we let mind-mapping be part of our relationship, we allow for connection with the other person and we fight differently and about different things. <b>Being vulnerable in a conflict makes us desirable to our partner. If we can acknowledge that it took courage to do it, we can admire the resilience and strength it took. &nbsp;It can even encourage the other to do the same.</b> Mutual respect for self and our lover starts growing and this is what creates sexual desire in a relationship and meaningful sex.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Best sex of your life</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Mind-mapping sex makes the best kind of sex. You let yourself be completely connected with one another and you are not putting energy into hiding yourself by mind-masking. You are just letting yourself go completely and utterly to the moment with your partner. Nobody needs to hide and you&nbsp;are letting each other feel fully all the intensity and (sexual) emotions that come with having a sexual RELATIONSHIP.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">You are not just exchanging orgasms or masturbating into each other like most people do when having sexual activities. You are looking at each other in the eyes and you take the time to feel every inch of skin you are exploring at that moment. You want to be seen and to see the other as who you are at your core. There is nothing more liberating than mind-mapping sex!</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">More than just gooey emotions</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Let\'s not mistake this&nbsp;only for lovey dovey sex, which can be absolutely great to have. The type of sex we are talking about is sexually charged up and passionate. It is not just an emotional connexion, but a sexual one. You can have this connexion in a one night stand if you want. It only requires that you let yourself be vulnerable with a complete stranger. Although, a more deep and profound connexion can be built upon in a long term relationship. It tends to give it more significance, therefore, allows it to be more intense in nature.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br />DID YOU LIKE THIS ARTICLE? SHARE WITH OTHERS ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK!<br /><br /><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><h3 style=\"text-align: center\">Related articles</h3><div><br /></div><div><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/lack-of-communication.html\" target=\"_blank\">There is no such thing as a lack of communication: Honey...I just don\'t understand you</a></div><div><br /></div><div><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\">Pretending to have communication issues: Types of mind-mapping</a><br /><br /><br /></div></div><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\" style=\"clear: left;float: left;margin-bottom: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Learn more about the author<br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->  <br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div> <!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>', 'Getting Beyond Communication Issues', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '22-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-08-08 19:49:00', '2016-08-08 17:49:00', '', 22, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2016/08/22-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(23, 1, '2016-08-06 04:17:00', '2016-08-06 02:17:00', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">Types of Mind-Mapping</span></h2>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"> </span></div>\r\n<h3>Lack of Communication: A Pretend Fairytale</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">In another article,  I described that <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-lack-of-communication.html\">there is no such thing as a lack of communication in a couple</a> and that we have the ability to mind-map each other. This segment will go deeper into the different types of mind-mapping abilities we are capable of.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Quick Recap: What is Mind-Mapping?</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Mind-mapping is our ability to understand other people\'s intentions and desires as well as moods and emotions through their body language, their attitudes and their tone of voice. <b>Most people pretend they don\'t have this ability</b> because it allows us to get what we want and be less vulnerable in our relationships. It also permits to argue about \"nonexistent communication issues\" rather than the real problems in the relationship, therefore avoiding break-ups. Mind-mapping also plays a crucial role in sex and how we go about having it with our spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Types of Mind-Mapping Abilities</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">There are 4 different types of mind-mapping that we can use in social interactions. Each one requires the last to be able to do the next one. Therefore, there is a hierarchal element to using mind-mapping. Not everyone can use all 4 of them, but you or your partner might also be pretending you can\'t do it. We\'ve mostly described the first one which is <b>mind-tracking</b>.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Mind-Tracking: I See You!</h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">We are constantly looking out for other people\'s motives and intentions when they speak or behave. This is how we can finish people\'s thoughts and know where they are going before they finish their train of thought. We analyse our partner\'s body language such as where they are looking, how their hands and legs are open or closed, what posture they are taking. This is the basics of mind-mapping that everyone has. <b>This is how you detect if someone is being truthful or lying or misdirecting the conversation. This allows for empathy and understanding of our spouse\'s emotions as well.</b> It allows you to know when your partner says: \"I\'m fine...\". And you know that it isn\'t true.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">One might think that if we are all able to do this, then wouldn\'t relationships be easy and people would just get along. Why would couples argue so much if we can understand each other so well? <b>The answer is that we don\'t always like what we understand from each other. Sometimes it\'s because we don\'t like being vulnerable or that our lover knows things we want to hide.</b> But if we can mind-track, how can we hide things from each other, you say? This is where <b>mind-masking </b>comes into play and complicates things a little bit.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Mind-Masking: You Can\'t See Me!</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Mind-masking is developed when we learn it from other people, mostly family dynamics. We understand at a young age that there are things we can do, say and think, but other times we cannot. We learn in most societies and social interactions that vulnerability is a flaw that we must hide. Mind-masking allows partners to lie to each other without the other person knowing they are. <b>It also works when we want to pretend that we are not having <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\">pity sex</a> (sex to avoid conflicts or hurting partner). Mind-masking is commonly known as the poker face!</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This ability to mind-mask from others who are tracking us is a deceptive behaviour that we use to avoid conflicts that are getting too intense or when we want to get away with something we did. <b>We\'ve all done it before. You do something that has crossed the line and you know your partner won\'t like it. So you play dumb and pretend you didn\'t know it would bother them.</b> A classic example is one partner isn\'t feeling well, but they don\'t want to talk about it so they put on a happy face. They pretend to have an orgasm or they hide their frustration or disappointment from their spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">A typical mind-masking behaviour when it comes to sex is when a partner starts to flirt with the other and they pretend not to understand what the other wants: To have sex. This leads us to the third mind-mapping ability which is <b>false belief implanting.</b></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div><b> </b></div>\r\n<div><b> </b></div>\r\n<div><b> </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div><b> </b></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>False Belief Implanting: You Think you can see me!</b></h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">I know, I know, this is getting confusing and a bit diseasing. Most likely you are following me because you have the abilities that are being discussed in this article. <b>You\'ve either done it yourself before or you are thinking of ways your partner has been doing similar things. Now if you can think of situations where your partner has mind-masked, then you are also able to do it and most likely have done it in the past.</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">False belief implanting is pretty self-explanatory. It\'s when you can make your spouse think something is true when it isn\'t. Such as you not being able to mind-track or mind-mask them.<b> You implement the idea and they believe you. It now becomes part of your relationship dynamic, such as pretending you both don\'t understand each other or that you have \"communication issues\". </b> Men who have the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/12/nice-guy-syndrome.html#video2\">nice guy syndrome</a> are very good as implementing the idea that they are nice when it reality they are not. Women do it all the time as well. Whether you\'re a heterosexual, homosexual, transsexual or lesbian couple, you will most likely find false belief implanting dynamics.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">So many times in therapy, I have a couple where <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\">one of the partners has a lower sexual desire than their spouse.</a> They have sex even when they don\'t have the desire for it because they don\'t want to say no again just to have their partner get angry for the 77th time about their sexual desires not being met.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\">The partner with the higher sexual desire </a>will blatantly lie in the therapy session saying they didn\'t know that the other wasn\'t that into it. <b>Only to have them confess minutes or sessions later, depending on how long they want to keep the false belief implanted, that they knew this all along.</b> They justify their actions by explaining they wouldn\'t have gotten what they wanted otherwise.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The next mind-mapping ability is the most twisted of them all. So much so that it actually has the name for it: <b>Mind-twisting</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b> </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b> </b></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>Mind-Twisting: You\'ll Wish You Didn\'t See Me!</b></h4>\r\n<div><b> </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Still intrigued, are we? How far have you and your spouse fallen into to the downward cycle of <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\">Normal Marital Sadism</a>? There are people who will go far to keep the upper hand in their relationship. <b>Who will manipulate to the point where they must crush or make their partner\'s feel bad about themselves so they don\'t have to own up to their mistakes and faults. </b>This may sound scary, but unfortunately and frequently long term couples do fall prey to the temptation of mind-twisting.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Mind-twisting requires all three previous mind-mapping abilities to be able to pull it off. You must mind-track your partner, mind-mask yourself and implant the false belief into the other person. The twisting part comes when you are able to conclude the conflict by making your spouse believe that it was all their fault in the first place when in reality your the one who is in the wrongdoing.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now, this type of behaviour cannot be solved by communication skills. No amount of sentences starting with \"I\" will save this relationship from self-imploding. Fortunately, there are ways you can get out of this. <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Therapy with a trained professional such as a sex therapist and psychotherapist</a> can help you. <b>It will require lots of self-confrontation and a hard look at the status of your relationship and your spouse. This is no small feat and will shatter your perception of your relationship. </b>This will test your capacity to hold onto yourself and strengthen your <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\">emotional balance</a> and create a <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\">collaborative alliance </a>with your partner rather than having <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\">no alliance</a>. This will push your limits which you didn\'t know existed to bring yourself and your lover to another level in your relationship.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b> </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Will you take the plunge?</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Ending note</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Mind-mapping doesn\'t seem like a very useful ability to help couples in their relationships. It can seem as though it creates mistrust and cruel behaviours between people who at the basis are supposed to love each other. That is all true! But mind-mapping is also the way we are capable of connecting on a deeper more profound level with our partner. It <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">makes sex way better</a> than just exchanging orgasms with another person.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<b>It is all a matter of how we decide we want to use mind-mapping. Do we want to be vulnerable and connected with each other or do we want to protect our ego and vanity? </b>You can only choose one of those two options, which is why so many couples hurt each other through mind-mapping rather than connect with one another.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\">Want to know more?</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/getting-beyond-communication-issues.html\">Getting beyond communication issues: How mind-mapping makes your relationship and sex better</a></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\">Previous article</h3>\r\n<div><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/getting-beyond-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">There is no such thing as a lack of communication: Honey...I just don\'t understand you</a></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\">Recommended articles</h3>\r\n</div>\r\n<div><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\"> </a></div>\r\n<div><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\">Getting stuck in a sexual routine: Where did my libido go?</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>', 'Pretending to Have Communication Issues', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'pretending-to-have-communication-issues', '', 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/getting-beyond-communication-issues.html\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-lack-of-communication.html\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html', '2017-10-16 18:34:49', '2017-10-16 16:34:49', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 2);
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(203, 2, '2017-06-06 00:50:44', '2017-06-05 22:50:44', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">Types of Mind-Mapping</span></h2>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"> </span></div>\r\n<h3>Lack of Communication: A Pretend Fairytale</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">In another article,  I described that <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-lack-of-communication.html\">there is no such thing as a lack of communication in a couple</a> and that we have the ability to mind-map each other. This segment will go deeper into the different types of mind-mapping abilities we are capable of.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Quick Recap: What is Mind-Mapping?</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Mind-mapping is our ability to understand other people\'s intentions and desires as well as moods and emotions through their body language, their attitudes and their tone of voice. <b>Most people pretend they don\'t have this ability</b> because it allows us to get what we want and be less vulnerable in our relationships. It also permits to argue about \"nonexistent communication issues\" rather than the real problems in the relationship, therefore avoiding break-ups. Mind-mapping also plays a crucial role in sex and how we go about having it with our spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Types of Mind-Mapping Abilities</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">There are 4 different types of mind-mapping that we can use in social interactions. Each one requires the last to be able to do the next one. Therefore, there is a hierarchal element to using mind-mapping. Not everyone can use all 4 of them, but you or your partner might also be pretending you can\'t do it. We\'ve mostly described the first one which is <b>mind-tracking</b>.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Mind-Tracking: I See You!</h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">We are constantly looking out for other people\'s motives and intentions when they speak or behave. This is how we can finish people\'s thoughts and know where they are going before they finish their train of thought. We analyse our partner\'s body language such as where they are looking, how their hands and legs are open or closed, what posture they are taking. This is the basics of mind-mapping that everyone has. <b>This is how you detect if someone is being truthful or lying or misdirecting the conversation. This allows for empathy and understanding of our spouse\'s emotions as well.</b> It allows you to know when your partner says: \"I\'m fine...\". And you know that it isn\'t true.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">One might think that if we are all able to do this, then wouldn\'t relationships be easy and people would just get along. Why would couples argue so much if we can understand each other so well? <b>The answer is that we don\'t always like what we understand from each other. Sometimes it\'s because we don\'t like being vulnerable or that our lover knows things we want to hide.</b> But if we can mind-track, how can we hide things from each other, you say? This is where <b>mind-masking </b>comes into play and complicates things a little bit.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Mind-Masking: You Can\'t See Me!</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Mind-masking is developed when we learn it from other people, mostly family dynamics. We understand at a young age that there are things we can do, say and think, but other times we cannot. We learn in most societies and social interactions that vulnerability is a flaw that we must hide. Mind-masking allows partners to lie to each other without the other person knowing they are. <b>It also works when we want to pretend that we are not having <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\">pity sex</a> (sex to avoid conflicts or hurting partner). Mind-masking is commonly known as the poker face!</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This ability to mind-mask from others who are tracking us is a deceptive behaviour that we use to avoid conflicts that are getting too intense or when we want to get away with something we did. <b>We\'ve all done it before. You do something that has crossed the line and you know your partner won\'t like it. So you play dumb and pretend you didn\'t know it would bother them.</b> A classic example is one partner isn\'t feeling well, but they don\'t want to talk about it so they put on a happy face. They pretend to have an orgasm or they hide their frustration or disappointment from their spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">A typical mind-masking behaviour when it comes to sex is when a partner starts to flirt with the other and they pretend not to understand what the other wants: To have sex. This leads us to the third mind-mapping ability which is <b>false belief implanting.</b></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div><b> </b></div>\r\n<div><b> </b></div>\r\n<div><b> </b></div>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yDw4VACA_EM/V6U-44THUJI/AAAAAAAAA7I/Jdv5hh6UC2s08AGdLffFmOM3T8968yWNQCLcB/s1600/mind-mapping.jpg\"><img title=\"mind-mapping couples\" src=\"https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yDw4VACA_EM/V6U-44THUJI/AAAAAAAAA7I/Jdv5hh6UC2s08AGdLffFmOM3T8968yWNQCLcB/s320/mind-mapping.jpg\" alt=\"couple therapy, communication issues, sex therapist\" width=\"320\" height=\"201\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\">How much mind-mapping abilities do you have?</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div><b> </b></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>False Belief Implanting: You Think you can see me!</b></h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">I know, I know, this is getting confusing and a bit diseasing. Most likely you are following me because you have the abilities that are being discussed in this article. <b>You\'ve either done it yourself before or you are thinking of ways your partner has been doing similar things. Now if you can think of situations where your partner has mind-masked, then you are also able to do it and most likely have done it in the past.</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">False belief implanting is pretty self-explanatory. It\'s when you can make your spouse think something is true when it isn\'t. Such as you not being able to mind-track or mind-mask them.<b> You implement the idea and they believe you. It now becomes part of your relationship dynamic, such as pretending you both don\'t understand each other or that you have \"communication issues\". </b> Men who have the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/12/nice-guy-syndrome.html#video2\">nice guy syndrome</a> are very good as implementing the idea that they are nice when it reality they are not. Women do it all the time as well. Whether you\'re a heterosexual, homosexual, transsexual or lesbian couple, you will most likely find false belief implanting dynamics.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">So many times in therapy, I have a couple where <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\">one of the partners has a lower sexual desire than their spouse.</a> They have sex even when they don\'t have the desire for it because they don\'t want to say no again just to have their partner get angry for the 77th time about their sexual desires not being met.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\">The partner with the higher sexual desire </a>will blatantly lie in the therapy session saying they didn\'t know that the other wasn\'t that into it. <b>Only to have them confess minutes or sessions later, depending on how long they want to keep the false belief implanted, that they knew this all along.</b> They justify their actions by explaining they wouldn\'t have gotten what they wanted otherwise.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The next mind-mapping ability is the most twisted of them all. So much so that it actually has the name for it: <b>Mind-twisting</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b> </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b> </b></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>Mind-Twisting: You\'ll Wish You Didn\'t See Me!</b></h4>\r\n<div><b> </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Still intrigued, are we? How far have you and your spouse fallen into to the downward cycle of <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\">Normal Marital Sadism</a>? There are people who will go far to keep the upper hand in their relationship. <b>Who will manipulate to the point where they must crush or make their partner\'s feel bad about themselves so they don\'t have to own up to their mistakes and faults. </b>This may sound scary, but unfortunately and frequently long term couples do fall prey to the temptation of mind-twisting.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Mind-twisting requires all three previous mind-mapping abilities to be able to pull it off. You must mind-track your partner, mind-mask yourself and implant the false belief into the other person. The twisting part comes when you are able to conclude the conflict by making your spouse believe that it was all their fault in the first place when in reality your the one who is in the wrongdoing.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now, this type of behaviour cannot be solved by communication skills. No amount of sentences starting with \"I\" will save this relationship from self-imploding. Fortunately, there are ways you can get out of this. <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Therapy with a trained professional such as a sex therapist and psychotherapist</a> can help you. <b>It will require lots of self-confrontation and a hard look at the status of your relationship and your spouse. This is no small feat and will shatter your perception of your relationship. </b>This will test your capacity to hold onto yourself and strengthen your <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\">emotional balance</a> and create a <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\">collaborative alliance </a>with your partner rather than having <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\">no alliance</a>. This will push your limits which you didn\'t know existed to bring yourself and your lover to another level in your relationship.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b> </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Will you take the plunge?</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Ending note</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Mind-mapping doesn\'t seem like a very useful ability to help couples in their relationships. It can seem as though it creates mistrust and cruel behaviours between people who at the basis are supposed to love each other. That is all true! But mind-mapping is also the way we are capable of connecting on a deeper more profound level with our partner. It <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">makes sex way better</a> than just exchanging orgasms with another person.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>It is all a matter of how we decide we want to use mind-mapping. Do we want to be vulnerable and connected with each other or do we want to protect our ego and vanity? </b>You can only choose one of those two options, which is why so many couples hurt each other through mind-mapping rather than connect with one another.\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\">Want to know more?</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/getting-beyond-communication-issues.html\">Getting beyond communication issues: How mind-mapping makes your relationship and sex better</a></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\">Previous article</h3>\r\n<div><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/getting-beyond-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">There is no such thing as a lack of communication: Honey...I just don\'t understand you</a></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div>\r\n<div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\">Recommended articles</h3>\r\n</div>\r\n<div><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\"> </a></div>\r\n<div><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\">Getting stuck in a sexual routine: Where did my libido go?</a></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>', 'Pretending to Have Communication Issues', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '23-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-06 00:50:44', '2017-06-05 22:50:44', '', 23, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/23-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(79, 1, '2016-08-06 04:17:00', '2016-08-06 02:17:00', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">Types of Mind-Mapping</span></h2><div><span style=\"font-size: x-large\"><br /></span></div><div><span style=\"font-size: x-large\"><br /></span></div><h3>Lack of Communication: A Pretend Fairytale</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">In another article, &nbsp;I described&nbsp;&nbsp;that <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/lack-of-communication.html\">there is no such thing as a lack of communication in a couple</a> and that we have the ability to mind-map each other. This segment will go deeper into the different types of mind-mapping abilities we are capable of. &nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Quick Recap: What is Mind-Mapping?</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Mind-mapping is our ability to understand other people\'s intentions and desires as well as moods and emotions through their body language, their attitudes and their tone of voice. <b>Most people pretend they don\'t have this ability</b> because it allows us to get what we want and be less vulnerable in our relationships. It also permits to argue about \"nonexistent communication issues\" rather than the real problems in the relationship, therefore avoiding break-ups. Mind-mapping also plays a crucial role in sex and how we go about having it with our spouse.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\">Types of Mind-Mapping Abilities</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">There are 4 different types of mind-mapping that we can use in social interactions. Each one requires the last to be able to do the next one. Therefore, there is a hierarchal element to using mind-mapping. Not everyone can use all 4 of them, but you or your partner might also be pretending you can\'t do it. We\'ve mostly described the first one which is <b>mind-tracking</b>.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Mind-Tracking: I See You!</h4><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">We are constantly looking out for other people\'s motives and intentions when they speak or behave. This is how we can finish people\'s thoughts and know where they are going before they finish their train of thought. We analyze our partner\'s body language such as where they are looking, how their hands and legs are open or closed, what posture they are taking. This is the basics of mind-mapping that everyone has. <b>This is how you detect if someone is being truthful or lying or misdirecting the conversation. This allows for empathy and understanding of our spouse\'s emotions as well.</b> It allows you to know when your partner says: \"I\'m fine...\". And you know that it isn\'t true.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">One might think that if we are all able to do this, then wouldn\'t relationships be easy and people would just get along. Why would couples argue so much if we can understand each other so well? <b>The answer is that we don\'t always like what we understand from each other. Sometimes it\'s because we don\'t like being vulnerable or that our lover knows things we want to hide.</b> But if we can mind-track, how can we hide things from each other, you say? This is where <b>mind-masking </b>comes into play and complicates things a little bit.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Mind-Masking: You Can\'t See Me!</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Mind-masking is developed when we learn it from other people, mostly family dynamics. We understand at a young age that there are things we can do, say and think, but other times we cannot. We learn in most societies and social interactions that vulnerability is a flaw that we must hide. Mind-masking allows partners to lie to each other without&nbsp;the other person knowing they are. <b>It also works when we want to pretend that we are not having <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\">pity sex</a> (sex to avoid conflicts or hurting partner). Mind-masking is commonly known as the poker face!</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">This ability to mind-mask from others who are tracking us is a deceptive behaviour that we use to avoid conflicts that are getting too intense or when we want to get away with something we did. <b>We\'ve all done it before. You do something that has crossed the line and you know your partner won\'t like it. So you play dumb and pretend you didn\'t know it would bother them.</b> A classic example is one partner isn\'t feeling well, but they don\'t want to talk about it so they put on a happy face. They pretend to have an orgasm or they hide their frustration or disappointment from their spouse.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">A typical mind-masking behaviour when it comes to sex is when a partner starts to flirt with the other and they pretend not to understand what the other wants: To have sex. This leads us to the third mind-mapping ability which is <b>false belief implanting.</b></div></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;text-align: center\"><tbody><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yDw4VACA_EM/V6U-44THUJI/AAAAAAAAA7I/Jdv5hh6UC2s08AGdLffFmOM3T8968yWNQCLcB/s1600/mind-mapping.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto\"><img alt=\"couple therapy, communication issues, sex therapist\" border=\"0\" height=\"201\" src=\"https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yDw4VACA_EM/V6U-44THUJI/AAAAAAAAA7I/Jdv5hh6UC2s08AGdLffFmOM3T8968yWNQCLcB/s320/mind-mapping.jpg\" title=\"mind-mapping couples\" width=\"320\" /></a></td></tr><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\">How much mind-mapping abilities do you have?</td></tr></tbody></table><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><br /></div><div><b><br /></b></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\"><b>False Belief Implanting: You Think you can see me!</b></h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">I know, I know, this is getting confusing and a bit diseasing. Most likely you are following me because you have the abilities that are being discussed in this article. <b>You\'ve either done it yourself before or you are thinking of ways your partner has been doing similar things. Now if you can think of situations where your partner has mind-masked, then you are also able to do it and most likely have done it in the past.</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">False belief implanting is pretty self-explanatory. It\'s when you can make your spouse think something is true when it isn\'t. Such as you not being able to mind-track or mind-mask them.<b> You implement the idea and they believe you. It now becomes part of your relationship dynamic, such as pretending you both don\'t understand each other or that you have \"communication issues\". </b>&nbsp;Men who have the <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/12/nice-guy-syndrome.html#video2\">nice guy syndrome</a> are very good as implementing the idea that they are nice, when it reality they are not. Women do it all the time as well. Whether you\'re a heterosexual, homosexual, transsexual or lesbian couple, you will most likely find false belief implanting dynamics.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">So many times in therapy, I have a couple where <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\">one of the partners has a lower sexual desire than their spouse.</a> They have sex even when they don\'t have the desire for it&nbsp;because they don\'t want to say no again just to have their partner get angry for the 77th time about their sexual desires not being met.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/03/highsexualdesire.html\">The partner with the higher sexual desire </a>will blatantly lie in the therapy session saying they didn\'t know that the other wasn\'t that into it. <b>Only to have them confess minutes or sessions later, depending on how long they want&nbsp;to keep the false belief implanted, that they knew this all along.</b> They justify their actions by explaining they wouldn\'t have gotten what they wanted otherwise.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">The next mind-mapping ability is the most twisted of them all. So much so that it actually has the name for it: <b>Mind-twisting</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><b><br /></b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><b><br /></b></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\"><b>Mind-Twisting: You\'ll Wish You Didn\'t See Me!</b></h4><div><b><br /></b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Still intrigued, are we? How far have you and your spouse fallen into to the downward cycle of <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\">Normal Marital Sadism</a>? There are people who will go far to keep the upper hand in their relationship. <b>Who will manipulate to the point where they must crush or make their partner\'s feel bad about themselves so they don\'t have to own up to their mistakes and faults. </b>This may sound scary, but unfortunately and frequently long term couples do fall prey to the temptation of mind-twisting.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Mind-twisting requires all three previous mind-mapping abilities to be able to pull it off. You must mind-track your partner, mind-mask yourself and implant the false belief into the other person. The twisting part comes when you are able to conclude the conflict by making your spouse believe that it was all their fault in the first place when in reality your the one who is in the wrongdoing.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Now this type of behaviour cannot be solved by communication skills. No amount of sentences starting with \"I\" will save this relationship from self-imploding. Fortunately, there are ways you can get out of this. <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-sex-therapist.html\" target=\"_blank\">Therapy with a trained professional such as a sex therapist and psychotherapist</a> can help you. <b>It will require lots of self-confrontation and a hard look at the status of your relationship and your spouse. This is no small feat and will shatter your perception of your relationship. </b>This will test your capacity to hold onto yourself and strengthen your <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\">emotional balance</a>&nbsp;and create a <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/04/construct-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\">collaborative alliance </a>with your partner rather than having <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\">no alliance</a>. This will push your limits which you didn\'t know existed to bring yourself and your lover to another level in your relationship.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><b><br /></b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><b>Will you take the plunge?</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\">Ending note</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Mind-mapping doesn\'t seem like a very useful ability to help couples in their relationships. It can seem as though it creates mistrust and cruel behaviours between people who at the basis are supposed to love each other. That is all true! But mind-mapping is also the way we are capable of connecting on a deeper more profound level with our partner. It <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-sexual-routine.html\" target=\"_blank\">makes sex way better</a> than just exchanging orgasms with another person.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><b>It is all a matter of how we decide we want to use mind-mapping. Do we want to be vulnerable and connected with each other or do we want to protect our ego and vanity? </b>You can only choose one of those two options, which is why so many couples hurt each other through mind-mapping rather than connect with one another.<br /><br /><br /><br /><h3 style=\"text-align: center\">Want to know more?</h3><div><br /></div><div><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/getting-beyond-communication-issues.html\">Getting beyond communication issues: How mind-mapping makes your relationship and sex better</a></div><br /><br /><h3 style=\"text-align: center\">Previous article</h3><div><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/getting-beyond-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\">There is no such thing as a lack of communication: Honey...I just don\'t understand you</a></div></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\" style=\"clear: left;float: left;margin-bottom: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Learn more about the author<br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><br /><div></div><div></div></div></div><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div><br /><br /><h3 style=\"text-align: center\">Recommended articles</h3></div><div><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-sexual-routine.html\"><br /></a></div><div><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-sexual-routine.html\">Getting stuck in a sexual routine: Where did my libido go?</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>', 'Pretending to Have Communication Issues', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '23-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-08-06 04:17:00', '2016-08-06 02:17:00', '', 23, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2016/08/23-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(24, 1, '2016-08-03 20:54:00', '2016-08-03 18:54:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">Honey...I just don\'t understand you!</span></h2>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>Everyone says it, nobody gets its!</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">How many times have you said or heard couples or even therapists saying how communication in a relationship is key? A million times I suppose. <b>What if I told you communication is rarely if not ever the problem people face in relationships. </b>Would you be surprised? Confused? Intrigued? Angry?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Saying it isn\'t the problem</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">People have no issues communicating what they want,  even if they don\'t verbally say it out loud. Have you ever heard that communication passes mainly by body language and not verbal words? Communication without body language would be bland, boring and barely comprehensible.  Well, our capacity to read each other through body language is our ability to <b>mind-map each other</b>.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is a skill we all develop at the age of four years old in a spontaneous manner and it becomes mature at the age of eleven. It is our primal instincts to interpret and understand other people through body language, their tone of voice and their attitudes.  So even if your partner isn\'t verbally saying things, <b>you are still strongly capable of determining what their desires or intentions might be. </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now, I am not saying we can mind read, but we have a lot of clues as to our spouse\'s moods of the moment. If we didn\'t have this skill, we would never have sex, flirting would be absolutely impossible and you would never be able to have any type of connection with other people.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Here are a couple of examples you might relate to:</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">1) Your spouse comes back from work and you feel that they are upset. Just image how that would look like without them even saying a word.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">2) Your partner is feeling flirtatious and they would like to have sex with you. Again, without saying anything, they are able to transmit to you their intentions and desires. What does that look to you if you picture it?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">3) You are at a family dinner and they say something embarrassing or inappropriate and you want to communicate to them to quit it, without saying a peep. How would you go along doing it?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Are you starting to catch my drift? Well, that is also your capacity to mind-map. We also have an ability to predict where people are going with what they are saying, even though it is written down. <b>Now I could give you some bogus explanation on human evolution and how it was used to save our butts from predators, but that is not important. </b>What is significant is that you have the ability to mind-map.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">So what am I suppose to do with this mind-mapping ability you say?</h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is pretty simple. STOP PRETENDING YOU DON\'T HAVE IT! So many couples come into my office saying that they don\'t understand each other and they lack communication skills or that they don\'t communicate. <b>That\'s when I have to refrain myself from having a little smile knowing full well that it isn\'t the case, yet they want to implement that idea in the therapy</b>. That is another mind-mapping ability called <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">implanting false beliefs.</a> Which we will get to in another article.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nMost people don\'t want their spouse to know that they can actually mind-map them. It allows them to pretend they don\'t know what the other wants or that they don\'t understand them when in reality they do. This serves many purposes in relationships that tend to be destructive. <b>When we pretend that we don\'t understand our partner\'s desires and intentions it gives us excuses to avoid doing things that we don\'t want to do.</b> Like having sex! Being nice or emotionally available for them.\r\n\r\nHave you ever kissed your partner wanting to show them you wanted to heat things up and get funky? Then only to receive those duck kisses that let you hang dry (the situation can also be reversed). That is when the partner later says: I didn\'t understand that you wanted sex, it wasn\'t clear! This allows avoiding the <b>\"I don\'t want sex with you\"</b> discussion and putting the blame on the other person for not communicating properly what they wanted. <b>If you had to choose between telling your partner you don\'t desire them or arguing about how you both communicate. Which one would you choose? Most people would take the latter option.</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>Mind-mapping also plays a huge role during sex. This sets the mood and tone of your sexual relationship that you are about to have. The way you kiss, touch and what you do will be determined by mind-mapping. Rethink about your last sexual encounter. <b>How did you know when to move on from kissing to touching genitals? How did you know it was time to penetrate or have oral sex? Have you ever felt that your partner wasn\'t that into it or really was hot for you? If you are capable of understanding the flow and movement of sexual activities, then you can mind-map. </b>Not that anyone doesn\'t have the ability anyways! Now, are you still going to pretend that your spouse and yourself don\'t communicate well?</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"> Understanding, just disagreeing</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>When people come in therapy saying they have \"communication issues\"; what they are really saying is: I don\'t agree with you and I want you to change your mind ASAP. Sometimes, they want the therapist to change their lover\'s mind. It is easier saying that we don\'t understand each other when in reality we perceive things differently from our spouse. <b>We have difficulty in our relationships when we are faced with a partner who doesn\'t want the same things as us.</b> We can take it personally and feel unimportant to them. It can break our perception of who they are as a person. It doesn\'t validate our point of view, which obliges us to confront them. It confronts us to make tough life decisions that we may not want to deal with.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Can we not agree to disagree?</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>Nope, you may not! When it comes to negotiating our values, our principles, and our integrity, we cannot agree to disagree. <b>You are faced with constant dilemmas in a relationship where you have to choose between what you want and what your partner wants which more often than not, will not necessarily be the same.</b> You cannot have sex and not have it at the same time. You cannot spend money and save it for later. You cannot clean the house and not clean it. You cannot go to your in-laws at the same time that you stay at home.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>When we tend to disagree on numerous things in relationships, that\'s when the infamous \"communication issues\" start to arise. Sex, cleaning, in-laws, money and educating the kids are the general subjects we argue the most about. Others are also possible. They touch our most profound values and integrity, which no one wants to lose.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">How to get out of this never-ending cycle?</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>Like I said earlier: \"STOP PRETENDING YOU DON\'T HAVE MIND-MAPPING ABILITIES\". <b>This will allow you and your partner to stop arguing about something that doesn\'t exist and discuss the real issues at hand.</b> Be honest about what you want and the fact that you know what your partner wants, but that you just don\'t want to give it to them. This will end the none sense bickering about the \"I already told you this before\" and the \"how come you still don\'t understand\". <b>Take into consideration that you are not the only one who has made sacrifices in the relationship.</b> That all your needs and desires will not and cannot all be answered. Stop avoiding the hard truths of your relationship and have the conversation with your partner. You will only appreciate each other more for being fully honest about who you are and what you want.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>This can lead you to separation, but mostly it makes you a better person by being more understanding which tends to bring people closer not further apart. Knowing you can mind-map and that you are being mind-map changes the game in a relationship. It is up to you to decide how you want to play from now on.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<u>Did you like this article? Don\'t hesitate to share it on FACEBOOK &amp; TWITTER</u>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Next article</h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: start;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\r\n</a><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pretending to have communication issues: Types of mind-mapping</a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: start;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: start;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/getting-beyond-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Getting Beyond Communication Issues: How Mind-Mapping Makes Your Relationship and Sex Better</a></div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"></h4>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Recommended articles:</h4>\r\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\">Unhealthy couple dynamics: Normal Marital Sadism</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\">Emotional Gridlock: Underlying issues in relationships</a>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>', 'There is no such thing as a lack of communication', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-lack-of-communication', '', 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/getting-beyond-communication-issues.html', '2017-10-16 18:27:26', '2017-10-16 16:27:26', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 3);
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(81, 1, '2016-08-03 20:54:00', '2016-08-03 18:54:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">Honey...I just don\'t understand you!</span></h2><div><br /></div><h3>Everyone says it, nobody gets its!</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">How many times have you said or heard couples or even therapists saying how communication in a relationship is key? A million times I suppose. <b>What if I told you communication is rarely if not ever the problem people face in relationships. </b>Would you be surprised? Confused? Intrigued? Angry?</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Saying it isn\'t the problem</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">People have no issues communicating what they want, &nbsp;even if they don\'t verbally say it out loud. Have you ever heard that communication passes mainly by body language and not verbal words? Communication without body language would be bland, boring and barely comprehensible. &nbsp;Well, our capacity to read each other through body language is our ability to <b>mind-map each other</b>.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">It is a skill we all develop at the age of four years old in a spontaneous manner and it becomes mature at the age of eleven. It is our primal instincts to interpret and understand other people through body language, their tone of voice and their attitudes. &nbsp;So even if your partner isn\'t verbally saying things, <b>you are still strongly capable of determining what their desires or intentions might be.&nbsp;</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Now, I am not saying we can mind read, but we have a lot of clues as to our spouse\'s moods of the moment. If we didn\'t have this skill, we would never have sex, flirting would be absolutely impossible and you would never be able to have any type of connection with other people.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><b>Here are a couple of examples you might relate to:</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">1) Your spouse comes back from work and you feel that they are upset. Just image how that would look like without them even saying a word.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">2) Your partner is feeling flirtatious and they would like to have sex with you. Again, without saying anything, they are able to transmit to you their intentions and desires. What does that look to you if you picture it?</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">3) You are at a family dinner and they say something embarrassing&nbsp;or inappropriate and you want to communicate to them to quit it, without saying a peep. How would you go along doing it?</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Are you starting to catch my drift? Well, that is also your capacity to mind-map. We also have an ability to predict where people are going with what they are saying, even though it is written down. <b>Now I could give you some bogus explanation on human evolution and how it was used to save our butts from predators, but that is not important. </b>What is significant is that you have the ability to mind-map.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\">So what am I suppose to do with this mind-mapping ability you say?</h3><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">It is pretty simple. STOP PRETENDING YOU DON\'T HAVE IT! So many couples come into my office saying that they don\'t understand each other and they lack communication skills or that they don\'t communicate. <b>That\'s when I have to refrain myself from having a little smile knowing full well that it isn\'t the case, yet they want to implement that idea in the therapy</b>. That is another mind-mapping ability called <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\">implanting false beliefs.</a> Which we will get to in another article.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Most people don\'t want their spouse to know that they can actually mind-map them. It allows them to pretend they don\'t know what the other wants or that they don\'t understand them&nbsp;when in reality they do. This serves many purposes in relationships that tend to be destructive. <b>When we pretend that we don\'t understand our partner\'s desires and intentions it gives us excuses to avoid doing things that we don\'t want to do.</b> Like having sex! Being nice or emotionally available for them.<br /><br />Have you ever kissed your partner wanting to show them you wanted to heat things up and get funky? Then only to receive those duck kisses that let you hang dry (the situation can also be reversed). That is when the partner later says: I didn\'t understand that you wanted sex, it wasn\'t clear! This allows avoiding the <b>\"I don\'t want sex with you\"</b> discussion and putting the blame on the other person for not communicating properly what they wanted. <b>If you had to choose between telling your partner you don\'t desire them or arguing about how you both communicate. Which one would you choose? Most people would take the latter option.</b><br /><br /><br /><table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;text-align: center\"><tbody><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-weI0x4zsb4o/V6PrcfzPK9I/AAAAAAAAA6w/HGUB9bu7C0cytBNso4qdvqRTyoAW_xQDgCLcB/s1600/communicaton%2Bissues.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto\"><img alt=\"couple therapist, sex therapist, communication issues\" border=\"0\" height=\"212\" src=\"https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-weI0x4zsb4o/V6PrcfzPK9I/AAAAAAAAA6w/HGUB9bu7C0cytBNso4qdvqRTyoAW_xQDgCLcB/s320/communicaton%2Bissues.jpg\" title=\"communication issues\" width=\"320\" /></a></td></tr><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\">Oooh, the irony. Pretending you can\'t hear the person with the ear without the can!</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><br /><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Sex and mind-mapping</h4><div><br /></div><div>Mind-mapping also plays a huge role during sex. This sets the mood and tone of your sexual relationship that you are about to have. The way you kiss, touch and what you do will be determined by mind-mapping. Rethink about your last sexual encounter. <b>How did you know when to move on from kissing to touching genitals? How did you know it was time to penetrate or have oral sex? Have you ever felt that your partner wasn\'t that into it or really was hot for you? If you are capable of understanding the flow and movement of sexual activities, then you can mind-map. </b>Not that anyone doesn\'t have the ability anyways! Now are you still going to pretend that your spouse and yourself don\'t communicate well?</div><br /><br /><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\">&nbsp;Understanding, just disagreeing</h3><div><br /></div><div>When people come in therapy saying they have \"communication issues\"; what they are really saying is: I don\'t agree with you and I want you to change your mind ASAP. Sometimes, they want the therapist to change their lover\'s mind. It is easier saying that we don\'t understand each other when in reality we perceive things differently from our spouse. <b>We have difficulty in our relationships when we are faced with a partner who doesn\'t want the same things as us.</b> We can take it personally and feel unimportant to them. It can break our&nbsp;perception of who they are as a person. It doesn\'t validate our point of view, which obliges us to confront them. It confronts us to making tough life decisions that we may not want to deal with.</div><div><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Can we not agree to disagree?</h4><div><br /></div><div>Nope, you may not! When it comes to negotiating our values, our principles, and our integrity, we cannot agree to disagree. <b>You are faced with constant dilemmas in a relationship where you have to choose between what you want and what your partner wants which more often than not, will not necessarily be the same.</b> You cannot have sex and not have it at the same time. You cannot spend money and save it for later. You cannot clean the house and not clean it. You cannot go to your in-laws at the same time that you stay at home.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>When we tend to disagree on numerous things in relationships, that\'s when the infamous \"communication issues\" start to arise. Sex, cleaning, in-laws, money and educating the kids are the general subjects we argue the most about. Others are also possible. They touch our most profound values and integrity, which no one wants to lose.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">How to get out of this never-ending cycle?</h4><div><br /></div><div>Like I said earlier: \"STOP PRETENDING YOU DON\'T HAVE MIND-MAPPING ABILITIES\". <b>This will allow you and your partner to stop arguing about something that doesn\'t exist and discuss the real issues at hand.</b> Be honest about what you want and the fact that you know what your partner wants, but that you just don\'t want to give it to them. This will end the none sense bickering about the \"I already told you this before\" and the \"how come you still don\'t understand\". <b>Take into consideration that you are not the only one who has made sacrifices in the relationship.</b> That all your needs and desires will not and cannot all be answered. Stop avoiding the hard truths of your relationship and have the conversation with your partner. You will only appreciate each other more for being fully honest about who you are and what you want.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>This can lead you to separation, but mostly it makes you a better person by being more understanding which tends to bring people closer not further apart. Knowing you can mind-map and that you are being mind-map changes the game in a relationship. It is up to you to decide how you want to play from now on.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><u>Did you like this article? Don\'t hesitate to share it on FACEBOOK &amp; TWITTER</u><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br class=\"Apple-interchange-newline\" /><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Next article</h4><div style=\"text-align: start\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\"><br /></a><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\">Pretending to have communication issues: Types of mind-mapping</a></div><div style=\"text-align: start\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: start\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/08/getting-beyond-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\">Getting Beyond Communication Issues: How Mind-Mapping Makes Your Relationship and Sex Better</a></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\" style=\"clear: left;float: left;margin-bottom: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Learn more about the author<br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->  <br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label>  </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>  </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>  </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div> <!--End mc_embed_signup--></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\"><br /></h4><br /><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Recommended articles:</h4><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\">Unhealthy couple dynamics: Normal Marital Sadism</a><br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\">Emotional Gridlock: Underlying issues in relationships</a><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div>', 'There is no such thing as a lack of communication', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '24-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-08-03 20:54:00', '2016-08-03 18:54:00', '', 24, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2016/08/24-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(25, 1, '2016-07-13 21:49:00', '2016-07-13 19:49:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"> Where did my libido go?</span></h2>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>The routine that kills!</h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">We all know it, sexual routine tends to kill desire. After a few years, we get tired of having sex with the same person, the same way &amp; being able to predict the next move from your partner. We all know the mantra: \"We must add variety to our sex life if we want to continue having it\"</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">What does it mean to add variety to our sex life?</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Yeah...that isn\'t very clear for a lot of people. Do we have to buy sex toys or do Christian Grey stuff (50 shades of Grey)? Buy a Kama Sutra book and stretch before sex? Do we change rooms? Do it in public or get out the whipped cream? And what if you don\'t want to do any of those things? Are we doomed to never have sex again?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nWe can certainly do some of those things to get our genitals going a bit in the bedroom. Although,  that is like turning the TV on its side and watching a movie for the 250th time...we can all understand that it is the same film on the screen. <b>We know the ending, the surprises, the jokes and the explosions before they even happen. Nothing surprises us or gives us real joy for what is coming next.</b>\r\n\r\nChanging rooms or adding sexual positions to your repertoire or integrating sex toys to your sex life will not make it more passionate and enjoyable. It can bring a bit of variety, but it will not last long over time if it is the only thing you do to add variety.\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">So, what are we suppose to do?</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>Too many times in my office, I see couples who throw themselves at changing things rapidly in their sexual behaviour, that has little to no significance in depth. They want quick and effective solutions without the effort on their part. <b>But, isn\'t that where you would want to put some effort? Isn\'t it important to give importance and time to your partner if you don\'t want to take them for granted? Would you not want them to take care of you, your relationship and your sexuality together?</b></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">But, sex and desire are supposed to be natural!</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>Well, not really actually! There is nothing natural about sex. We are not born \"<a href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkFfK-mh1kQ\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sex Bombs</a>\" (as Tom Jones used to say), we become one. <b>Think about your first sexual relationship. Were you confident, charming, competent, natural and seductive the first time? Did you know how to kiss properly in your teen years? Probably not!</b> Our first times are awkward, embarrassing, full of uncertainties and insecurities. Over time, we become better at it and gain confidence. Eventually, we hit the wall of sexual incompetence...again. <b>Tadaah</b>! This is where the next phase of your sex life begins.</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div><span style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n</span>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<span style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n</span>\r\n<table style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" align=\"center\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/07/perte-2Blibido.jpg\"><img title=\"sexual desire sexologist\" src=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/07/perte-2Blibido.jpg\" alt=\"couple therapy, therapist, sexologist, sextherapist\" border=\"0\" /></a></td>\r\n</tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td style=\"font-size: 12.8px;\">Find the joy of sex again</td>\r\n</tr>\r\n</tbody>\r\n</table>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Changing the paradigm of sexuality</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">You certainly know what sexual performance is right? This is what makes sex satisfying and energizing. Being with a partner who knows what they are doing and has the proper techniques is a sure shot for success in bed. <b>This formula works for the first few months or years to increase sexual arousal at its highest and it is the quickest way possible to orgasm. </b>Although, it is exactly this way of having sex that kills sexual desire</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">When we aim for sexual performance, we do what we know works to reach orgasm. Touch here, touch there and BOOM, you get an orgasm. Other times, you retouch here, you retouch there...and peeewwww...Nothing really happens. This happens over months and years where there are ups and downs, but sexual satisfaction is on a constant drop.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This is where sexual routine starts in long term relationships. When the objective is to sexually arouse yourself and your partner, we use formulaic approaches in a repetitive manner with small variations that slowly but surely work less over time. <b>This creates anxiety and insecurities because we feel incompetent, undesirable and nervous when we have sex. Nothing to get your sex drive high.</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Erections are harder to obtain or are half soft, lubrification is less abundant, orgasms are rarer or none existent. Desire and passion are being drained out of the relationship because sexual satisfaction isn\'t part of sex anymore. Spontaneity and surprises are far and few and seduction is very rare. We sometimes desperately try again with the same formula hoping to get different results.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Sexual connexion &amp; presence</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">What really brings change and variation to sex is your capacity to change the tone and dynamic of the relationship during your lovemaking. I<b>f we introduce sex toys but we keep the same attitude, with the same anxieties and our sexual performance mantra; we are making love the same way, except that we have a piece of plastic in our hands.</b> If you change the eye contact you have, your touch, your intention and the manner in which you flirt with the other person you are bringing sex to another level. You are changing the relationship you have with your partner!</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Do you look your partner in the eyes during sex? (1 minute or more)</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">How do you feel connected to your partner during sex?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">What do you think about while having sex? What is your internal dialogue during sex, from start to finish?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">When does sex start for you? (Flirting, kissing, being naked, penetration, oral sex)</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">When does it end?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">How do you flirt and create sexual desire in yourself and your partner?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">What type of variations do you bring while flirting? While having sex?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">How would you describe your sexual style? (intense, horny, soft, tender, affectionate, funny, playful, genitally oriented, passionate, emotional, loving, flamboyant, etc.)</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">How would you describe your partner\'s style?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\"> What makes sex satisfying according to you? ( orgasm, presence with the other person, length, rigidity of the penis, intensity of the connexion, letting go, emotional fusion with the other, etc.)</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">What makes sex satisfying according to your partner?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">What makes you sexually attractive as a sexual partner? (Why would people want to have sex with you?)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">What do you like in your partner sexually?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">What do they like about you sexually?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">What do you like the least?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Do you ever talk about it? Why or why not?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">What do they least prefer about you during sex?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Have you ever talked about it? Why or why not?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3>Killing the routine!</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sexuality isn\'t just a question of backflips and introducing the funkiest of behaviours, although it can be very interesting at times. <b>It is a sexual RELATIONSHIP with the other person.</b> This connexion can be affectionate and/or sexual. When we take the time to feel and take pleasure to all our sensations of our bodies, our connexion and presence to the other person rather than trying to perform...variety becomes easier to integrate into sex.</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois-278x300.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Getting stuck in a sexual routine', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine', '', '', '2017-06-06 01:04:29', '2017-06-05 23:04:29', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 2),
(83, 1, '2016-07-13 21:49:00', '2016-07-13 19:49:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large\"> Where did my libido go?</span></h2><br /><h3>The routine that kills!</h3><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\">We all know it, sexual routine tends to kill desire. After a few years, we get tired of having sex with the same person, the same way &amp; being able to predict the next move from your partner. We all know the mantra: \"We must add variety to our sex life if we want to continue having it\"</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\"><br />What does it mean to add variety to our sex life?</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Yeah...that isn\'t very clear for a lot of people. Do we have to buy sex toys or do Christian Grey stuff (50 shades of Grey)? Buy a Kama Sutra book and stretch before sex? Do we change rooms? Do it in public or get out the whipped cream? And what if you don\'t want to do any of those things? Are we doomed to never have sex again?</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">We can certainly do some of those things to get our genitals going a bit in the bedroom. Although, &nbsp;that is like turning the TV on its side and watching a movie for the 250th time...we can all understand that it is the same film on the screen. <b>We know the ending, the surprises, the jokes and the explosions before they even happen. Nothing surprises us or gives us real joy for what is coming next.</b><br /><br />Changing rooms or adding sexual positions to your repertoire or integrating sex toys to your sex life will not make it more passionate and enjoyable. It can bring a bit of variety, but it will not last long over time if it is the only thing you do to add variety.<br /><br /><br /><br /><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">So, what are we suppose to do?</h4><div><br /></div><div>Too many times in my office, I see couples who throw themselves at changing things rapidly in their sexual behaviour, that has little to no significance in depth. They want quick and effective solutions without the effort on their part. <b>But, isn\'t that where you would want to put some effort? Isn\'t it important to give importance and time to your partner if you don\'t want to take them for granted? Would you not want them to take care of you, your relationship and your sexuality together?</b></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">But, sex and desire are supposed to be natural!</h4><div><br /></div><div>Well, not really actually! There is nothing natural about sex. We are not born \"<a href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkFfK-mh1kQ\" target=\"_blank\">Sex Bombs</a>\" (as Tom Jones used to say), we become one. <b>Think about your first sexual relationship. Were you confident, charming, competent, natural and seductive the first time? Did you know how to kiss properly in your teen years? Probably not!</b> Our first times are awkward, embarrassing, full of uncertainties and insecurities. Over time, we become better at it and gain confidence. Eventually, we hit the wall of sexual incompetence...again. <b>Tadaah</b>! This is where the next phase of your sex life begins.</div><br /></div><div><span style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></span><span style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></span><br /><table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;text-align: center\"><tbody><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XCTXuT6NtAQ/V1b39MGhhII/AAAAAAAAA30/iBwUXyQdtGMqYwdr2tiFOTpm-2grKaRqwCLcB/s1600/perte%2Blibido.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto\"><img alt=\"couple therapy, therapist, sexologist, sextherapist\" border=\"0\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XCTXuT6NtAQ/V1b39MGhhII/AAAAAAAAA30/iBwUXyQdtGMqYwdr2tiFOTpm-2grKaRqwCLcB/s1600/perte%2Blibido.jpg\" title=\"sexual desire sexologist\" /></a></td></tr><tr><td style=\"font-size: 12.8px\">Find the joy of sex again</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\">Changing the paradigm of sexuality</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">You certainly know what sexual performance is right? This is what makes sex satisfying and energizing. Being with a partner who knows what they are doing and has the proper techniques is a sure shot for success in bed. <b>This formula works for the first few months or years to increase sexual arousal at its highest and it is the quickest way possible to orgasm. </b>Although, it is exactly this way of having sex that kills sexual desire</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">When we aim for sexual performance, we do what we know works to reach orgasm. Touch here, touch there and BOOM, you get an orgasm. Other times, you retouch here, you retouch there...and peeewwww...Nothing really happens. This happens over months and years where there are ups and downs, but sexual satisfaction is on a constant drop. &nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">This is where sexual routine starts in long term relationships. When the objective is to sexually arouse yourself and your partner, we use formulaic approaches in a repetitive manner with small variations that slowly but surely work less over time. <b>This creates anxiety and insecurities&nbsp;because we feel incompetent, undesirable and nervous when we have sex. Nothing to get your sex drive high.</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Erections are harder to obtain or are half soft, lubrification is less abundant, orgasms are rarer or none existent. Desire and passion are being drained out of the relationship because sexual satisfaction isn\'t part of sex anymore. Spontaneity and surprises are far and few and seduction is very rare. We sometimes desperately try again with the same formula hoping to get different results.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Sexual connexion &amp; presence&nbsp;</h4><div><br /></div><div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">What really brings change and variation to sex is your capacity to change the tone and dynamic of the relationship during your lovemaking. I<b>f we introduce sex toys but we keep the same attitude, with the same anxieties and our sexual performance mantra; we are making love the same way, except that we have a piece of plastic in our hands.</b> If you change the eye contact you have, your touch, your intention and the manner in which you flirt with the other person you are bringing sex to another level. You are changing the relationship you have with your partner!</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"></div><ul><li style=\"text-align: justify\">Do you look your partner in the eyes during sex? (1 minute or more)</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">How do you feel connected to your partner during sex?</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">What do you think about while having sex? What is your internal dialogue during sex, from start to finish?</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">When does sex start for you? (Flirting, kissing, being naked, penetration, oral sex)</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">When does it end?</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">How do you flirt and create sexual desire in yourself and your partner?</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">What type of variations do you bring while flirting? While having sex?</li></ul><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><ul><li style=\"text-align: justify\">How would you describe your sexual style? (intense, horny, soft, tender, affectionate, funny, playful, genitally oriented, passionate, emotional, loving, flamboyant, etc.)</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">How would you describe your partner\'s style?</li></ul><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><ul><li style=\"text-align: justify\">&nbsp;What makes sex satisfying according to you? ( orgasm, presence with the other person, length, rigidity of the penis, intensity of the connexion, letting go, emotional fusion with the other, etc.)</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">What makes sex satisfying according to your partner?</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">What makes you sexually attractive as a sexual partner? (Why would people want to have sex with you?)&nbsp;</li></ul><div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div></div><div><ul><li style=\"text-align: justify\">What do you like in your partner sexually?</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">What do they like about you sexually?</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">What do you like the least?</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">Do you ever talk about it? Why or why not?</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">What do they least prefer in you during sex?</li><li style=\"text-align: justify\">Have you ever talked about it? Why or why not?</li></ul><div><br /></div></div><h3>Killing the routine!</h3><div><br /></div><div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sexuality isn\'t just a question of backflips and introducing the funkiest of behaviours, although it can be very interesting at times. <b>It is a sexual RELATIONSHIP with the other person.</b> This connexion can be affectionate and/or sexual. When we take the time to feel and take pleasure to all our sensations of our bodies, our connexion and presence to the other person rather than trying to perform...variety becomes easier to integrate into sex.&nbsp;</div></div><div><br /></div></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"></div><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div style=\"color: black;font-family: Times;font-size: medium;font-style: normal;font-variant: normal;font-weight: normal;letter-spacing: normal;line-height: normal;text-align: start;text-indent: 0px\"><div style=\"margin: 0px\"><br /></div></div></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\" style=\"clear: left;float: left;margin-bottom: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Learn more about the author<br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><br /><div></div><div></div></div></div><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>', 'Getting stuck in a sexual routine', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '25-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-07-13 21:49:00', '2016-07-13 19:49:00', '', 25, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2016/07/25-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `sle_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(26, 1, '2016-02-10 20:34:00', '2016-02-10 19:34:00', '&nbsp;\r\n<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">What brings out the worst in people</span></h2>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"> </span></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-size: large;\">What can having an affair mean about a relationship</span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: small;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\">In my last article, we talked about <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/02/infidelity-is-it-really-the-worst-thing-that-can-happen-to-a-couple.html\">learning from an infidelity</a>, which looked at understanding what had brought on the affair in the first place and how it was related to the relationship. When you take the time to question yourself on how you contributed to the relationship issues, whether you cheated on your spouse or you were cheated on, you can start repairing what had already been broken.</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: small;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It was briefly mentioned how partners can neglect and betray each other in a relationship in other ways than being unfaithful. <b>In a relationship, we have unwritten rules and expectations from each other that we rarely if ever talk about.</b> When they are not clear, it can lead to many dissatisfactions surrounding the relationship and then partners tend to take it out on their spouse\'s when they feel that they\'ve been wronged concerning their expectations.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Take the time to reflect on what exactly were yours at the beginning of the relationship and what are they now. Have they changed? Does your partner know about them? Do you know and understand theirs? Did you just assume they had the same as yours? Do you feel you have been taking care of them? If not, why did you neglect them? Does your partner take care of yours?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Entitlement</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">As humans, people tend to feel entitled to certain things in a relationship even though they don\'t even do their own part. When we feel that our partner must answer certain demands of ours without even considering if they want to or can, this creates a lot of frustration. <b>When we feel that our partner has neglected some of our expectations, we can sometimes be compelled to get revenge and just be mean to each other. </b>Sometimes, we will neglect their expectations and demands because we want to punish them. Eventually, you end up with 2 people constantly punishing each other for the lack of effort each of them puts into the relationship.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Wanting sex and not getting any</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Let\'s give an example of how entitlement and our expectations lead to hurt feelings and bruised egos. Sally wants more sex than Kim who has always been the partner with lower sexual desire. Sally feels that sex is something that couples are supposed to do in order to be happy. Kim wants quality time and to have shared responsibility concerning the kids and the housework. When one of them doesn\'t get what they want, they don\'t give back what the other one expects. <b>Eventually, each partner builds up frustrations, feelings of entitlement, resentment and the seed of revenge is slowly and painfully making its way into the core of the relationship dynamic. </b>Both partners feel hurt that the other one isn\'t taking care of them, but neither is willing to give out first because their egos would have to take a hit.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Revenge is sweet but ultimately bitter</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Even though revenge for most people is seen as a bad thing, it doesn\'t take away the instant satisfaction you get out of doing it. <b>Most people will deny that they have this tendency but rarely do people not have the knee-jerk reaction to use it when they feel they\'ve been taken advantage of. </b>Admitting that we do this in our relationship with our spouse is what most people would consider relationship suicide and the cause of an instant separation. If you ever do admit to it, do yourself and your relationship a favour: <u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\">Do NOT pretend this is an unconscious thing!</a></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The thing that is hard about stopping revenge is that we actually truly enjoy it. We feel entitled to it even! When you get two spouses playing the revenge and entitlement game, you end up with a lot of hurt feelings and a very unhappy relationship. This relationship dynamic isn\'t always so obvious, as it can be very subtle and ultimately very hard to even perceive.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Being vengeful by having an affair</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The subtleness of entitlement and revengefulness in couples is what can lead sometimes to be unfaithful. One partner might just use this reasoning to go seek elsewhere what they wanted from their relationship all along and that they feel has been neglected. All the while knowing, that it was done out of spite to their partner. You might be thinking that this is a monstrous way to look at relationships and people. I would absolutely agree, but it is also the way you can bring the best out of people. As David Schnarch, so clearly says: \"the best in us brings out the worst in us because the worst in us denies its own existence\".</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Confronting our own inner demons</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">When partners in a relationship individually decide to face the horrors they have been putting themselves and their spouse through is when the real change can begin. <b>When we deny what we purposely do to our spouse out of revenge and entitlement, we create an even worst dynamic where we perpetuate the myth that we are just not capable of being a better person. </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">ARE YOU WILLING TO FACE YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOU PARTNER?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Revenge: The Ugly Side of Infidelity', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'revenge-the-ugly-side-of-infidelity', '', '\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/02/infidelity-is-it-really-the-worst-thing-that-can-happen-to-a-couple.html', '2017-09-30 00:08:26', '2017-09-29 22:08:26', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 1),
(85, 1, '2016-02-10 20:34:00', '2016-02-10 19:34:00', '<br /><h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">What brings out the worst in people</span></h2><div><span style=\"font-size: x-large\"><br /></span></div><h3><span style=\"font-size: large\">What can having an affair mean about a relationship</span></h3><div><span style=\"font-size: small\"><br /></span></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">In my last article, we talked about <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/02/learning-from-infidelity.html\">learning from an infidelity</a>, which looked at understanding what had brought on the affair in the first place and how it was related to the relationship. When you take the time to question yourself on how you contributed to the relationship issues, whether you cheated on your spouse or you were cheated on, you can start repairing what had already been broken.</span></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><span style=\"font-size: small\"><br /></span></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">It was briefly mentioned how partners can neglect and betray each other in a relationship in other ways than being unfaithful. <b>In a relationship, we have unwritten rules and expectations from each other that we rarely if ever talk about.</b> When they are not clear, it can lead to many dissatisfactions surrounding the relationship and then partners tend to take it out on their spouse\'s when they feel that they\'ve been wronged concerning their expectations.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Take the time to reflect on what exactly were yours at the beginning of the relationship and what are they now. Have they changed? Does your partner know about them? Do you know and understand theirs? Did you just assume they had the same as yours? Do you feel you have been taking care of them? If not, why did you neglect them? Does your partner take care of yours?</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\">Entitlement</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">As humans, people tend to feel entitled to certain things in a relationship even though they don\'t even do their own part. When we feel that our partner must answer certain demands of ours without even considering if they want to or can, this creates a lot of frustration. <b>When we feel that our partner has neglected some of our expectations, we can sometimes be compelled to get revenge and just be mean to each other. </b>Sometimes, we will neglect their expectations and demands because we want to punish them. Eventually, you end up with 2 people constantly punishing each other for the lack of effort each of them puts into the relationship.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list to receive free videos and articles</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><br /><div></div><div></div></div></div><br /><h4 style=\"text-align: justify\">Wanting sex and not getting any</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Let\'s give an example of how entitlement and our expectations lead to hurt feelings and bruised egos. Sally wants more sex than Kim who has always been the partner with lower sexual desire. Sally feels that sex is something that couples are supposed to do in order to be happy. Kim wants quality time and to have shared responsibility concerning the kids and the housework. When one of them doesn\'t get what they want, they don\'t give back what the other one expects. <b>Eventually, each partner builds up frustrations, feelings of entitlement, resentment and the seed of revenge is slowly and painfully making its way into the core of the relationship dynamic. </b>Both partners feel hurt that the other one isn\'t taking care of them, but neither is willing to give out first because their egos would have to take a hit.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: justify\">Revenge is sweet&nbsp;but ultimately bitter</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Even though revenge for most people is seen as a bad thing, it doesn\'t take away the instant satisfaction you get out of doing it. <b>Most people will deny that they have this tendency&nbsp;but rarely do people not have the knee-jerk reaction to use it when they feel they\'ve been taken advantage of. </b>Admitting that we do this in our relationship with our spouse is what most people would consider relationship suicide and the cause of an instant separation. If you ever do admit to it, do yourself and your relationship a favour:&nbsp;<u><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\">Do NOT pretend this is an unconscious thing!</a></u>&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">The thing that is hard about stopping revenge is that we actually truly enjoy it. We feel entitled to it even! When you get two spouses playing the revenge and entitlement game, you end up with a lot of hurt feelings and a very unhappy relationship. This relationship dynamic isn\'t always so obvious, as it can be very subtle and ultimately very hard to even perceive.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yswW_-fBuyQ/Vr1YOm9tTtI/AAAAAAAAAzA/R_lAWNc9vdA/s1600/bad-relationships.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"280\" src=\"https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yswW_-fBuyQ/Vr1YOm9tTtI/AAAAAAAAAzA/R_lAWNc9vdA/s320/bad-relationships.jpg\" width=\"320\" /></a></div><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\">Being vengeful by having an affair</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">The subtleness of entitlement and revengefulness in couples is what can lead sometimes to be unfaithful. One partner might just use this reasoning to go seek elsewhere what they wanted from their relationship all along and that they feel has been neglected. All the while knowing, that it was done out of spite to their partner. You might be thinking that this is a monstrous way to look at relationships and people. I would absolutely agree, but it is also the way you can bring the best out of people. As David Schnarch, so clearly says: \"the best in us brings out the worst in us&nbsp;because the worst in us denies its own existence\".&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: justify\">Confronting our own inner demons</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">When partners in a relationship individually decide to face the horrors they have been putting themselves and their spouse through is when the real change can begin. <b>When we deny what we purposely do to our spouse out of revenge and entitlement, we create an even worst dynamic where we perpetuate the myth that we are just not capable of being a better person.&nbsp;</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">ARE YOU WILLING TO FACE YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOU PARTNER?</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\" style=\"clear: left;float: left;margin-bottom: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Learn more about the author<br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><br /><div></div><div></div></div></div><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>', 'Revenge: The Ugly Side of Infidelity', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '26-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-02-10 20:34:00', '2016-02-10 19:34:00', '', 26, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2016/02/26-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(27, 1, '2016-02-08 21:53:00', '2016-02-08 20:53:00', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">How to grow from an infidelity</span></h2>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>The deep trauma of infidelity</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">No one wants to experience infidelity from their partner. The hurt feelings, the betrayal, the hate, the resentment, the unanswered questions, the feeling of being undesirable in their eyes, the competitiveness from the other partner. Nothing from infidelity seems to be positive and the first thing we want to do is throw them to the curb. Which is what most of your friends and family will tell you to do. <b>For some reason, you aren\'t sure if you want to leave and you might even feel guilty about it. </b>What would explain such ambivalence towards someone who profoundly hurt your feelings and broke your trust. What if this infidelity was the best thing that could happen to your sex life and relationship?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Learning from the infidelity</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now don\'t get me wrong! I am not and never will be pro-infidelity. It can be compared to a traumatic experience to learn that your partner <b>betrayed you and chose egotistically</b> to satisfy their needs with another person. Infidelity is unfortunately not that uncommon and men as well as women do it for various reasons. Those reasons is what you can learn from this terrible experience. How they answer the questions and how your partner expresses their process of becoming unfaithful is a dialogue that can <b>bring you to have a deeper understanding of your relationship and possibly what was wrong with it. </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is possible that the answers you receive are going to be hard to hear or sometimes even untrue. Other times, they will never satisfy your curiosity about what went on, or how or when or how many times. But, they might also <b>make you realize that there was something lacking in the relationship</b> <b>or your sex life</b>. That you might have betrayed them in other ways and never gave it a second thought.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<b>Let\'s not start pointing the blame towards the person that was cheated on with this discussion</b>. The importance is to take the time to listen on both sides about how this came to be in the relationship and maybe, how you could even repair it.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\">What questions should you ask?</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The time of day, the number of calls, the where and the who are not questions that will alleviate the hurt feelings. <b>Actually, they might just make it worst as they don\'t really bring the answers to the questions you are probably not willing to hear.</b> A true dialogue on our partner\'s infidelity is one of the conversations that can be<b> extremely confrontational and requires that we truly listen</b>, even though, we might be the one that needs comfort and listening at that time. The questions that might bring light unto the situation are the following:</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>What did you get from having sex with the other person?</li>\r\n 	<li>Was there anything lacking from our relationship and/or sex life?</li>\r\n 	<li>Did you try to talk to me about it?</li>\r\n 	<li>Did I listen if you did?</li>\r\n 	<li>How come we never talked about this before?</li>\r\n 	<li>What brought you to do it?</li>\r\n 	<li>Were you thinking of me before, during or after?</li>\r\n 	<li>What are you remorseful for, if you feel it at all?</li>\r\n 	<li>How can we mend this situation from now on?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h4>What to do with the answers</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>The discussion with the questions above are most likely things you didn\'t want to hear about yourself or your partner. <b>You might realize how awful of a person your partner is or just how badly you\'ve ignored or hurt them as well</b>. Maybe, a little bit of both. You may want to decide that after the <u>numerous conversation on the issue</u>, that the best thing is to leave the relationship because that is how you will keep your integrity and self-respect. You might also consider that you had a part to play in this, even though you weren\'t the one who made the decision to be unfaithful.  You might have ignored the signs or your responsibilities towards maintaining a fulfilling relationship and sex life.</div>\r\n<div>\r\n<h3>Bringing back the trust</h3>\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h4>Jealousy and possessiveness</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>It is not uncommon that jealousy and possessiveness will rise up after being so badly wounded in our egos. We seek after being hurt, to feel secure and capable of having some form of control over the situation. It is important that <b>this jealousy and possessiveness don\'t overwhelm your new dynamic </b>after an infidelity. The partner who cheated can help by ensuring the boundaries of the relationship for a while and reassure the other on their actions. It is important though, ensuring does not become the new norm, nor that it binds you and your partner in a prison of insecurity.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>Jealousy and possessiveness are <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/08/jealousy-destroyer-of-couples.html\">common reasons why there is infidelity</a>. Feeling trapped in a relationship you can\'t get out of is sometimes what brings one partner to jump the fence. The partner who has been cheated on must find ways <b>to self-soothe their insecurity and build on a solid-flexible self that makes them a desirable partner to be with</b>. By changing the dynamic in ourselves from being validated by our partner to being self-validating and feeling self-desirable makes for a strong foundation in a couple.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h4>Recognizing the hurt and remorse</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>The partner who cheated is often times not remorseful of having been unfaithful, but of hurting their partner. When they were having the affair, they felt alive, desirable and awake. Rarely does someone regret that. <b>Showing true remorse for what we did, demonstrates that we still care about our partner even though we hurt them deeply</b>. The one who had the affair needs to now deal with being the one who has created such pain. You can\'t hurt someone by your actions that you knew would hurt if they found out and then asking them not to talk about it. <b>The person who cheated must face the consequences of his actions and have a mirror of the devastation they created.</b></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>It is important to note that the one of was cheated on must have the space to talk and process their pain and not just use that time to attack and play the victim towards the other. Coming to terms with such betrayal of what we once assumed was a safe and secure environment takes times. <b>Time that must be used appropriately by expressing and processing the mourning of what will never be the same again. </b></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>Learn more on infidelity</h3>\r\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/02/revenge-the-ugly-side-of-infidelity.html\">Revenge: The Ugly Side of Infidelity</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>', 'Infidelity: Is it really the worst thing that can happen to a couple?', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'infidelity-is-it-really-the-worst-thing-that-can-happen-to-a-couple', '', 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/02/revenge-the-ugly-side-of-infidelity.html\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/08/jealousy-destroyer-of-couples.html', '2017-09-30 00:11:04', '2017-09-29 22:11:04', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 1),
(87, 1, '2016-02-08 21:53:00', '2016-02-08 20:53:00', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">How to grow from an infidelity</span></h2><div><br /></div><h3>The deep trauma of infidelity</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">No one wants to experience infidelity from their partner. The hurt feelings, the betrayal, the hate, the resentment, the unanswered questions, the feeling of being undesirable in their eyes, the competitiveness from the other partner. Nothing from infidelity seems to be positive and the first thing we want to do is throw them to the curb. Which is what most of your friends and family will tell you to do. <b>For some reason, you aren\'t sure if you want to leave and you might even feel guilty about it. </b>What would explain such ambivalence towards someone who profoundly hurt your feelings and broke your trust. What if this infidelity was the best thing that could happen to your sex life and relationship?</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: justify\">Learning from the infidelity</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Now don\'t get me wrong! I am not and never will be pro-infidelity. It can be compared to a traumatic experience to learn that your partner <b>betrayed you and chose egotistically</b>&nbsp;to satisfy their needs with another person. Infidelity is unfortunately not that uncommon and men as well as women do it for various reasons. Those reasons is what you can learn from this terrible experience. How they answer the questions and how your partner expresses their process of becoming unfaithful is a dialogue that can <b>bring you to have a deeper understanding of your relationship and possibly what was wrong with it.&nbsp;</b></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">It is possible that the answers you receive are going to be hard to hear or sometimes even untrue. Other times, they will never satisfy your curiosity about what went on, or how or when or how many times. But, they might also <b>make you realize that there was something lacking in the relationship</b> <b>or your sex life</b>. That you might have betrayed them in other ways and never gave it a second thought.</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><b>Let\'s not start pointing the blame towards the person that was cheated on with this discussion</b>. The importance is to take the time to listen on both sides about how this came to be in the relationship and maybe, how you could even repair it.<br /><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;text-align: center\"><tbody><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DfEf7gBGtgs/VrlTCoL1BXI/AAAAAAAAAyc/DDuvBeZeWOI/s1600/Love-Triangle-infidelity.png\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto\"><img alt=\"sexual desire, infidelity\" border=\"0\" height=\"180\" src=\"https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DfEf7gBGtgs/VrlTCoL1BXI/AAAAAAAAAyc/DDuvBeZeWOI/s320/Love-Triangle-infidelity.png\" title=\"infidelity\" width=\"320\" /></a></td></tr><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\">Infidelity is a very complex process that couples need to explore deeply before taking a decision</td></tr></tbody></table><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: justify\">What questions should you ask?</h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">The time of day, the number of calls, the where and the who are not questions that will alleviate the hurt feelings. <b>Actually, they might just make it worst as they don\'t really bring the answers to the questions you are probably not willing to hear.</b>&nbsp;A true dialogue on our partner\'s infidelity is one of the conversations that can be<b> extremely confrontational and requires that we truly listen</b>, even though, we might be the one that needs comfort and listening at that time. The questions that might bring light unto the situation are the following:</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><ul><li>What did you get from having sex with the other person?</li><li>Was there anything lacking from our relationship and/or sex life?</li><li>Did you try to talk to me about it?</li><li>Did I listen if you did?</li><li>How come we never talked about this before?</li><li>What brought you to do it?</li><li>Were you thinking of me before, during or after?</li><li>What are you remorseful for, if you feel it at all?</li><li>How can we mend this situation from now on?</li></ul><div><br /></div> <br /><h4>What to do with the answers</h4><div><br /></div><div>The discussion with the questions above are most likely things you didn\'t want to hear about yourself or your partner. <b>You might realize how awful of a person your partner is or just how badly you\'ve ignored or hurt them as well</b>. Maybe, a little bit of both. You may want to decide that after the <u>numerous conversation on the issue</u>, that the best thing is to leave the relationship because that is how you will keep your integrity and self-respect. You might also consider that you had a part to play in this, even though you weren\'t the one who made the decision to be unfaithful. &nbsp;You might have ignored the signs or your responsibilities towards maintaining a fulfilling relationship and sex life.&nbsp;</div><div><br /><br /><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->  <br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list to receive FREE videos</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div> <!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><h3>Bringing back the trust</h3></div><div><br /></div><h4>Jealousy and possessiveness</h4><div><br /></div><div>It is not uncommon that jealousy and possessiveness will rise up after being so badly wounded in our egos. We seek after being hurt, to feel secure and capable of having some form of control over the situation. It is important that <b>this jealousy and possessiveness don\'t overwhelm your new dynamic </b>after an infidelity. The partner who cheated can help by insuring the boundaries of the relationship for a while and reassure the other on their actions. It is important though, that this does not become the new norm, nor that it binds you and your partner in a prison of insecurity.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>Jealousy and possessiveness are <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2015/08/jealousy-destroyer-of-couples.html\">common reasons why there is infidelity</a>. Feeling trapped in a relationship you can\'t get out of is sometimes what brings one partner to jump the fence. The partner who has been cheated on must find ways <b>to self-soothe their insecurity and build on a solid-flexible self that makes them a desirable partner to be with</b>. By changing the dynamic in ourselves from being validated by our partner to being self-validating and feeling self-desirable makes for a strong foundation in a couple.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><h4>Recognizing the hurt and remorse</h4><div><br /></div><div>The partner who cheated is often times not remorseful of having been unfaithful, but of hurting their partner. When they were having the affair, they felt alive, desirable and awake. Rarely does someone regret that. <b>Showing true remorse for what we did, demonstrates that we still care about our partner even though we hurt them deeply</b>. The one who had the affair needs to now deal with being the one who has created such pain. You can\'t hurt someone by your actions that you knew would hurt if they found out and then asking them not to talk about it. <b>The person who cheated must face the consequences of his actions and have a mirror of the devastation they created.</b>&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>It is important to note that the one of was cheated on must have the space to talk and process their pain and not just use that time to attack and play the victim towards the other. Coming to terms with such betrayal of what we once assumed was a safe and secure environment takes times. <b>Time that must be used appropriately by expressing and processing the mourning of what will never be the same again.&nbsp;</b></div><div><br /><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\" style=\"clear: left;float: left;margin-bottom: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Learn more about the author<br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->  <br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div> <!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><br /><br /><h3>Learn more on infidelity</h3><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2016/02/revenge-ugly-side-of-infidelity.html\">Revenge: The Ugly Side of Infidelity</a><br /><br /></div></div>', 'Infidelity: Is it really the worst thing that can happen to a couple?', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '27-revision-v1', '', '', '2016-02-08 21:53:00', '2016-02-08 20:53:00', '', 27, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2016/02/27-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `sle_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(28, 1, '2015-09-07 15:03:00', '2015-09-07 13:03:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large; letter-spacing: 0px;\">Put An End to the Suffering</span></h2>\r\n<div><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\">Jealousy is an emotion which we do not control, but that we have the power to manage. Some people have excessive jealousy that has important impacts in their different relationships whether they be professional, social, friendly or sexual. On the other hand, some only have issues in one of theses types of relationships. Since jealousy can influence multiple aspects of our lives and each have a variety of dynamics that differ, we will be focusing more on sexual and loving jealousy.</span></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3><b>Impacts of jealousy on couple\'s relationships</b></h3>\r\n<div><b> </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;\">It isn\'t necessary to have excessive jealousy for the couple to have difficulties with the matter. Jealousy always emanates from insecurities from the person who feels it, but will blame others to justify their behaviours. This creates conflicts about trust, unjustified accusations, interrogations, an excessive need to be reassured of the other persons loyalty and limiting someone\'s freedom. Certain people or couples will even go as far as try to limit the other persons thinking by demanding they do not fantasize about other people than them as they would consider it cheating or just feel bad about it. They can limit the other persons social activities and who they can hang out with to maintain the potential of infidelity as low as possible. Theses examples are even more frequent when both partners are jealous.</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;\"><b> </b></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">These restrictions demonstrate that their is a lack of self-esteem and trust towards one\'s partner that will have dire consequences in the long run if the couple remains together. Eventually, the partners don\'t feel they have freedom in the relationship and they eventually can\'t stand it anymore, even though they might both be imposing their jealousy on the other. Inevitably, fights will start to emerge more and more about this issue and others more or less related so as to jeopardize the false harmony they originally thought they had. There are couples who maintain a relationship in this type of dynamic. Although, you have to ask yourself if you are truly happy? How happy can you be when you are feeling constantly insecure about your partner\'s whereabouts and who they hang out with? Do you feel free to do what you would like, without having to ask your partner\'s permission? How do you appreciate the feeling of constantly being monitored by your partner and having to do the same?</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\">Jealousy will eventually create dissatisfaction for one or both partners. Jealousy can decrease one\'s sexual desire and affection for the other if the jealousy and the consequences pile up. The partner who isn\'t jealous will not want to reassure the other continuously, will get fed up about the interrogations, they will start lying to get the illusion that they have freedom. For most people, the feeling of constantly having to reassure the other person\'s insecurities takes a toll on the admiration of the other and pity tends to replace it.</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\">How to stop jealousy?</span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<b></b>Jealousy is an emotion that makes us suffer and it can be quite hard to manage. We more often prefer to get rid of it than to explore its origins, because the exploration of its origins leads to things that we prefer to remain blind to ourselves about our personalities. Jealousy is not only a destructive force for our relationships but also ourselves. It feeds on us from the inside to be exteriorized by nefarious behaviours in our relationship. First off, like any other interpersonal difficulty, we must take responsibility for what we contribute to the dynamic. We must stop putting the blame on our partner and confront our own fears and insecurities about the issue. We must accept and recognize our own personal value as a person and a partner in the relationship. We must learn to validate ourselves and self-soothe rather than constantly ask our partner to do it. This task is difficult and requires some time to master, especially since humans are more easily capable of being hurt and insulted, as well as rejected than remembering compliments and signs of affection and love. A jealous person tends to need to be constantly reassured and validated by their lover rather than doing it themselves.\r\n\r\nJealous behaviours exist primarily to seek out a sense of love from our partner. In fact, a person with low self-esteem needs to constantly be reassured of the love from others. They will sometimes use inadequate and harmful ways to obtain this false sense of love and affection from others. When we are validated and appreciated by others this temporarily soothes are insecurities. In the long run, this can have negative impacts on the couple who want to be satisfied on a personal, relational and sexual level. Couples where both partners are capable of validating themselves by acknowledging their own value, faults and their partner\'s will avoid the suffering emotion of jealousy.\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nRecognizing our strengths and accepting our weaknesses is a very hard task for some. It may sometimes require the help of a <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/index.php?/en/pages/contact\">sex therapist</a> in <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">therapy</a>. Here a few reflexions to have about your relationship dynamic:\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>What do you bring to your relationship and your partner?</li>\r\n 	<li>What does your partner appreciate from you?</li>\r\n 	<li>What makes you feel insecure and impacts your jealousy?</li>\r\n 	<li>What are the ways you self-validate to feel good about yourself?</li>\r\n 	<li>How could you better manage your jealousy?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\">Many false perceptions and beliefs about relationships can create difficulties with jealousy. First, we must understand that we cannot answer all our partner\'s needs and vice versa. It is unrealistic to believe that, as some needs must be fulfilled by oneself or other people such as family, friends, work, etc. This reality is hard for many as it requires that we are not the ONE &amp; ONLY, UNIQUE person in our partner\'s life. This search of feeling profoundly unique in someone else\'s eyes creates an expectation that is only bound to create frustration and resentment. In the case where this perception and expectation is destroyed by the realities of being in a relationship, behaviours of jealousy arise to try to maintain our false belief about being unique. People who are jealous have a hard time accepting this fact about relationships. It is undeniable that lovers do bring unique elements to each other, but it is an error to think that we can answer every single need our partner has as well as our own.</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n<h3><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\">What to remember</span></h3>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\">Jealousy brings lots of distress in a couple and endangers its stability as well as sexual and personal satisfaction. Jealous behaviours are to be avoided at all cost:</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n<h4><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\"><b>By recognizing our own qualities and accepting our shortcomings; </b></span></h4>\r\n<h4><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\"><b>By mainly validating ourselves rather wait for our partner to do it;</b></span></h4>\r\n<h4><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\"><b>By having realistic expectations and perceptions of our partner, ourselves and relationships. </b></span><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\"> </span></h4>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\">People who want to live a satisfying relationship and sex life must work on all aspects of their jealousy to overcome the inevitable downfall of the relationship. This self-healing will only make you feel better about yourself and to be more appreciated by your partner. </span>\r\n<span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\">\r\n</span> <span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\"><b>To be able to love another person, one must first learn how to love oneself in every aspect. </b><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like theses? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>', 'How to stop being jealous?', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'how-to-stop-being-jealous', '', '\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html', '2017-09-29 20:07:47', '2017-09-29 18:07:47', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(89, 1, '2015-09-07 15:03:00', '2015-09-07 13:03:00', '<h4><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><br class=\"Apple-interchange-newline\" /></span></h4><h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large;letter-spacing: 0px\">Put An End to the Suffering</span></h2><div><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><b><br /></b></span></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\">Jealousy is an emotion which we do not control, but that we have the power to manage. Some people have excessive jealousy that has important impacts in their different relationships whether they be professional, social, friendly or sexual. On the other hand, some only have issues in one of theses types of relationships. Since jealousy can influence multiple aspects of our lives and each have a variety of dynamics that differ, we will be focusing more on sexual and loving jealousy.</span></div><br /><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><b></b></span></div><h3><b>Impacts of jealousy on couple\'s relationships</b></h3><div><b><br /></b></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;min-height: 19px;text-align: justify\">It isn\'t necessary to have excessive jealousy for the couple to have difficulties with the matter. Jealousy always emanates from insecurities from the person who feels it, but will blame others to justify their behaviours. This creates conflicts about trust, unjustified accusations, interrogations, an excessive need to be reassured of the other persons loyalty and limiting someone\'s freedom. Certain people or couples will even go as far as try to limit the other persons thinking by demanding they do not fantasize about other people than them as they would consider it cheating or just feel bad about it. They can limit the other persons social activities and who they can hang out with to maintain the potential of infidelity as low as possible. Theses examples are even more frequent when both partners are jealous.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;min-height: 19px;text-align: justify\"><b><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"></span><br /></b></div><b></b><br /><div style=\"margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><span><span>These restrictions demonstrate that their is a lack of self-esteem and trust towards one\'s partner that will have dire consequences in the long run if the couple remains together. Eventually, the partners don\'t feel they have freedom in the relationship and they eventually can\'t stand it anymore, even though they might both be imposing their jealousy on the other. Inevitably, fights will start to emerge more and more about this issue and others more or less related so as to jeopardize the false harmony they originally thought they had. There are couples who maintain a relationship in this type of dynamic. Although, you have to ask yourself if you are truly happy? How happy can you be when you are feeling constantly insecure about your partner\'s whereabouts and who they hang out with? Do you feel free to do what you would like, without having to ask your partner\'s permission? How do you appreciate the feeling of constantly being monitored by your partner and having to do the same?</span></span></div></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold\"> </span></div><br /><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->  <br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div> <!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;min-height: 19px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"></span><br /></div><br /><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"><span> Jealousy will eventually create dissatisfaction for one or both partners. Jealousy can decrease one\'s sexual desire and affection for the other if the jealousy and the consequences pile up. The partner who isn\'t jealous will not want to reassure the other continuously, will get fed up about the interrogations, they will start lying to get the illusion that they have freedom.&nbsp;For most people, the feeling of constantly having to reassure the other persons insecurities takes a toll on the admiration of the other and pity tends to replace it. </span></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><br /></span></div><table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;text-align: center\"><tbody><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gqfY53eegbA/UYZf8aWRlxI/AAAAAAAAAIg/hMgI00yNT0U/s1600/irrational-jealousy.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto\"><img alt=\"Stop, jealousy, sexologist, psychotherapist, montreal\" border=\"0\" height=\"212\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gqfY53eegbA/UYZf8aWRlxI/AAAAAAAAAIg/hMgI00yNT0U/s320/irrational-jealousy.jpg\" title=\"jealous in couples\" width=\"320\" /></a></td></tr><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\">Stop the behaviour, to eventually stop the feelings of jealousy</td></tr></tbody></table><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><br /></span></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><br /></span></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;min-height: 19px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"></span><br /></div><h3><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\">How to stop jealousy?</span></h3><div><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><br /></span></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;min-height: 19px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><b></b></span>Jealousy is an emotion that makes us suffer and it can be quite hard to manage. We more often prefer to get rid of it than to explore its origins, because the exploration of its origins leads to things that we prefer to remain blind to ourselves about our personalities. Jealousy is not only a destructive force for our relationships, but also ourselves. It feeds on us from the inside to be exteriorized by nefarious behaviours in our relationship. First off, like any other interpersonal difficulty, we must take responsibility for what we contribute to the dynamic. We must stop putting the blame on our partner and confront our own fears and insecurities about the issue. We must accept and recognize our own personal value as a person and a partner in the relationship. We must learn to validate ourselves and self-soothe rather than constantly ask our partner to do it. This task is difficult and requires some time to master, especially since humans are more easily capable of being hurt and insulted, as well as rejected than remembering compliments and signs of affection and love. A jealous person tends to need to be constantly reassured and validated by their lover rather than doing it themselves.<br /><br />Jealous behaviours exist primarily to seek out a sense of love from our partner. In fact, a person with low self-esteem needs to constantly be reassured of the love from others. They will sometimes use inadequate and harmful ways to obtain this false sense of love and affection from others. When we are validated and appreciated by others this temporarily soothes are insecurities. In the long run, this can have negative impacts on the couple who want to be satisfied on a personal, relational and sexual level. Couples where both partners are capable of validating themselves by acknowledging their own value, faults and their partner\'s will avoid the suffering emotion of jealousy.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;min-height: 19px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"></span><br /></div><div style=\"margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"><span><span>Recognizing our strengths and accepting our weaknesses is a very hard task for some. It may sometimes require the help of a <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/index.php?/en/pages/contact\">sexologist</a> in <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-sex-therapist.html\">therapy</a>. Here a a fews reflexions to have about your relationship dynamic:</span></span><br /><span><span><br /></span></span><br /><ul><li><span><span>What do you bring to your relationship and your partner?</span></span></li><li><span><span>What does your partner appreciate from you?</span></span></li><li><span><span>What makes you feel insecure and impacts your jealousy?</span></span></li><li><span><span>What are the ways you self-valide to feel good about yourself?</span></span></li><li><span><span>How could you better manage your jealousy?</span></span></li></ul></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"><span><br /></span> <span>Many false perceptions and beliefs about relationships can create difficulties with jealousy. First, we must understand that we cannot answer all our partner\'s needs and vice versa. It is unrealistic to believe that, as some needs must be fulfilled by oneself or other people such as family, friends, work, etc. This reality is hard for many as it requires that we are not the ONE &amp; ONLY, UNIQUE person in our partner\'s life. This search of feeling profoundly unique in someone else\'s eyes creates an expectation that is only bound to create frustration and resentment. In the case where this perception and expectation is destroyed by the realities of being in a relationship, behaviours of jealousy arise to try to maintain our false belief about being unique. People who are jealous have a hard time accepting this fact about relationships. It is undeniable that lovers do bring unique elements to each other, but it is an error to think that we can answer every single need our partner has as well as our own. </span></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;min-height: 19px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"></span><br /></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"><h3><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\">What to remember</span></h3></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;min-height: 19px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><b></b></span><br /></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><span>Jealousy brings lots of distress in a couple, and endangers its stability as well as sexual and personal satisfaction. Jealous behaviours are to be avoided at all cost</span>:</span></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;min-height: 19px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"></span><br /></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"><h4><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><b>By recognizing our own qualities and accepting our shortcomings;&nbsp;</b></span></h4><h4><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><b>By mainly validating ourselves rather wait for our partner to do it;</b></span></h4><h4><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><b>By having realistic expectations and perceptions of our partner, ourselves and relationships.&nbsp;</b></span><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\">&nbsp;</span></h4></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;min-height: 19px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"></span><br /></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;text-align: justify\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><span>People who want to live a satisfying relationship and sex life must work on all aspects of their jealousy to overcome the inevitable downfall of the relationship. This self-healing will only make you feel better about yourself and to be more appreciated by your partner.&nbsp;</span></span><br /><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><span><br /></span></span> <span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"><span><b>To be able to love another person, one must first learn how to love oneself in every aspect. </b></span><b>&nbsp;</b></span></div><div style=\"font-family: Verdana;font-size: 16px;margin: 0px;min-height: 19px;text-align: justify\"><br /><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px\"></span></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\" style=\"clear: left;float: left;margin-bottom: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Learn more about the author<br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Want more articles like theses? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->  <br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div> <!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>', 'How to stop being jealous?', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '28-revision-v1', '', '', '2015-09-07 15:03:00', '2015-09-07 13:03:00', '', 28, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2015/09/28-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(29, 1, '2015-09-02 19:04:00', '2015-09-02 17:04:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">Importance of defining fidelity in your couple</span></h2>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div><span style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\">Fidelity is defined as the respect of an agreement with another person. In most loving relationships, there exist a form of fidelity between partners, even in polyamory. Although, what one person thinks is adultery, the other person might not, as the confines of fidelity are wide and large. We can even change our own perception of it as we grow older and we perceive alternate ways of being in our relationship. </span>\r\n<span style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"line-height: 24px;\">The continuum of behaviours that is considered adultery is long and the combinations are endless. Certain individuals consider that fantasizing on another person than their partner is cheating, while others require penetrative sex for it to be cheating. Others will need an emotional attachment, but sexual attraction is considered fine. Sometimes, fidelity isn\'t defined by one\'s behaviour but more about one\'s intentions. The examples that we could give are numerous and vary from one relationship to the next. </span></span>\r\n<span style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"line-height: 24px;\">\r\n</span></span><span style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"line-height: 24px;\">For that reason, it is very important for couples to exchange on their perception of fidelity. An indispensable discussion that is often forgotten in serious relationships. Some will even avoid having it by fear of having different opinions that could ultimately lead to not even starting the relationship or creating an awkward moment. This can demonstrate an <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\">uneasiness about intimacy</a>. It is also important to talk about what reactions and consequences when faced with one of the partners acting out and cheating on the other (couples therapy, break up, acceptance, reflecting on the continuation of the relation, etc.). We can even exchange on telling each other or not about the cheating and how you and your partner would want to find out about it. This clarifies each other\'s points of views on the matter and determines if we agree on the implications of committing to the relationship before hand. </span></span>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3><span lang=\"FR\">Hard discussion</span></h3>\r\n<div><span lang=\"FR\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nFidelity touches our most fundamental values as individuals. They can remind us of very painful memories of our past about being cheated on or if we cheated on someone. This can bring back feelings of betrayal, lost and major deceptions. We can also face very different point of views by having this discussion with a new flame at the beginning of the relationship about what fidelity entails. These differences can make one of the partners insecure, generally, the one that has the most restrictive definition of fidelity. It will also show how much respect each partner has towards the other person\'s opinion on the matter and how they will listen and understand. It shows as well, how flexible we are about our own perception of fidelity or rigidity on the matter.\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div>\r\n<h2></h2>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\nWe can also assume that most couples have very similar definitions of fidelity and the discussion doesn\'t really create any sort of conflict between them. In situations where limits are clear, jealousy has less chance of being prevalent in the couple\'s dynamic. If the perceptions, behaviours, intentions and acts are respected by both parties, trust normally takes precedence in the relationship. Even though jealousy is a universal human emotion, it doesn\'t have any use in a healthy relationship.</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3><span lang=\"FR\">How to manage differences about fidelity</span></h3>\r\n<div><span lang=\"FR\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"FR\">Nobody wants to be betrayed, especially by one\'s lover, and feel the horrible emotions that come with it. When there is a fundamental issue about what each considers fidelity, there is a real need to reflect on how the relationship will work under such conditions. Sometimes we have differences because our perception of fidelity are more based on our insecurities and lack of self-esteem than actual values. Therefore, it might be important to work on oneself about these issues. We may also want to look at what are those differences and think about which ones we can actually tolerate. What exactly are the differences? How do they make you feel? How will you react if they ever come to be? What is each partner ready to work on and change about the issue? What if you can\'t come to an understanding? How do you picture this relationship evolving with that reality?</span>\r\n<span lang=\"FR\">\r\n</span><span lang=\"FR\">Since fidelity is part of almost every loving relationship that is long term, it is of utmost importance to have a discussion on our intentions in the relationship. This discussion, even though it might be a hard one and even stop the relationship from flourishing even before it starts, often avoids meaningless fighting and feelings of jealousy. On top of that, it clarifies the commitment each partner is taking before embarking on the relationship. Unfortunately, some people may still feel jealousy even though, the partners had this discussion. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Fidelity &amp; Jealousy', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'fidelity-jealousy', '', '\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html', '2017-10-20 02:54:01', '2017-10-20 00:54:01', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0);
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(91, 1, '2015-09-02 19:04:00', '2015-09-02 17:04:00', '<br /><h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">Importance of defining fidelity in your couple</span></h2><div><br /></div><div><br /><span style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\">Fidelity is defined as the respect of an agreement with another person. In most loving relationships, there exist a form of fidelity between partners, even in polyamory. Although, what one person thinks is adultery, the other person might not, as the confines of fidelity are wide and large. We can even change our own perception of it as we grow older and we perceive alternate ways of being in our relationship.&nbsp;</span><br /><span style=\"text-align: justify\"><span style=\"line-height: 24px\">The continuum of behaviours that is considered adultery is long and the&nbsp;combinations&nbsp;are endless. Certain individuals consider that fantasizing on another person than their partner is cheating, while others require penetrative sex for it to be cheating. Others will need an emotional attachment, but sexual attraction is considered fine. Sometimes, fidelity isn\'t defined by one\'s behaviour but more about one\'s intentions. The examples that we could give are numerous and vary from one relationship to the next.&nbsp;</span></span><br /><span style=\"text-align: justify\"><span style=\"line-height: 24px\"><br /></span></span><span style=\"text-align: justify\"><span style=\"line-height: 24px\">For that reason, it is very important for couples to exchange on their perception of fidelity. An&nbsp;indispensable discussion that is often forgotten in serious relationships. Some will even avoid having it by fear of having different opinions that could ultimately lead to not even starting the relationship or creating an awkward moment. This can demonstrate an <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\">uneasiness about intimacy</a>. It is also important to talk about what reactions and consequences when faced with one of the partners acting out &nbsp;and cheating on the other (couples therapy, break up, acceptance, reflecting on the continuation of the relation, etc.). We can even exchange on telling each other or not about the cheating and how you and your partner would want to find out about it. This clarifies each other\'s points of views on the matter and determines if we agree on the implications of committing to the relationship before hand.&nbsp;</span></span><br /><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3><span lang=\"FR\">Hard discussion</span></h3><div><span lang=\"FR\"><b><br /></b></span></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\">Fidelity touches our most fundamental values as individuals. They can remind us of very painful memories of our past about being cheated on or if we cheated on someone. This can bring back feelings of betrayal, lost and major deceptions. We can also face very different point of views by having this discussion with a new flame at the beginning of the relationship about what fidelity entails. These differences can make one of the partners insecure, generally the one that has the most restrictive definition of fidelity. It will also show how much respect each partner has towards the other person\'s opinion on the matter and how they will listen and understand. It shows as well, how flexible we are about our own perception of fidelity or rigidity on the matter.<br /><br /></div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form --><br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address  <span>*</span></label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div><!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span></div><table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;text-align: center\"><tbody><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RoNvhM8uQ5M/UWTAWdrySkI/AAAAAAAAAHk/RtfhFDakRg0/s1600/jealous-man.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto\"><img alt=\"jealousy, couple therapy, sexologist, psychotherapist\" border=\"0\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RoNvhM8uQ5M/UWTAWdrySkI/AAAAAAAAAHk/RtfhFDakRg0/s1600/jealous-man.jpg\" title=\"jealous behavior\" /></a></td></tr><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\">Do you know what your agreement with your partner is?</td></tr></tbody></table><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span></div><div style=\"line-height: 150%;text-align: justify;text-indent: .5in\"><div style=\"text-align: justify\">We can also assume that most couples have very similar definitions of fidelity and the discussion doesn\'t really create any sort of conflict between them. In situations where limits are clear, jealousy has less chance of being prevalent in the couple\'s dynamic. If the perceptions, behaviours, intentions and acts are respected by both parties, trust normally takes precedence in the relationship. Even though jealousy is a universal human emotion, it doesn\'t have any use in a healthy relationship.&nbsp;</div></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3><span lang=\"FR\">How to manage differences about fidelity</span></h3><div><span lang=\"FR\"><b><br /></b></span></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\">Nobody wants to be betrayed, especially by one\'s lover, and feel the horrible emotions that come with it. When there is a fundamental issue about what each considers fidelity, there is a real need to reflect on how the relationship will work under such conditions. Sometimes we have differences because our perception of fidelity are more based on our insecurities and lack of self-esteem than actual values. Therefore, it might be important to work on oneself about these issues. We may also want to look at what are those differences and think about which ones we can actually tolerate. What exactly are the differences? How do they make you feel? How will you react if they ever come to be? What is each partner ready to work on and change about the issue? What if you can\'t come to an understanding? How do you picture this relationship evolving with that reality?</span><br /><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span><span lang=\"FR\">Since fidelity is part of almost every loving relationship that is long term, it is of utmost importance to have a discussion on our intentions in the relationship. This discussion, even though it might be a hard one and even stop the relationship from flourishing even before it starts, often avoids meaningless fighting and feelings of jealousy. On top of that, it clarifies the commitment each partner is taking before embarking on the relationship. Unfortunately, some people may still feel jealousy even though, the partners had this discussion.&nbsp;</span></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"></div></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\" style=\"clear: left;float: left;margin-bottom: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Learn more about the author<br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->  <br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label>  </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>  </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>  </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div> <!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>', 'Fidelity &amp; Jealousy', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '29-revision-v1', '', '', '2015-09-02 19:04:00', '2015-09-02 17:04:00', '', 29, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2015/09/29-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(30, 1, '2015-08-28 18:02:00', '2015-08-28 16:02:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">What is jealousy?</span></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Jealousy is define as an emotion that makes the person suffer when they are afraid that they will be replaced or cheated on by their partner when they seek exclusivity from that person. It is different than envy which is an emotion that demonstrates lust for someone else\'s happiness. In other words, jealousy is the fear of losing what we already have and envy is the wanting of things that we would want. The envious person is in state of lacking something who seeks to fulfill that need (envy of a kiss, a touch, of being love, of having sex, etc.). On the other hand, people who are jealous are fearful of losing a state of well being that they already have with another person.</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"FR\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"FR\"><b>\r\n</b><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<h3><span lang=\"FR\">A Universal Feeling but Ultimately Useless!</span></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"FR\">Jealousy is a universal emotion among human beings that we have all felt one day or another. That small or very big sensation in our stomach that makes us feel uneasy, even though sometimes we wish it wasn\'t there. Jealousy is extremely present in loving and sexual relationships, where it can even be glamorized as something good. Although even if it is universal, jealousy is completely useless in loving relationships. We can find that there is a difference in that aspect regarding genders (Harris, 2003; Weghosrt, 19882)</span><span style=\"line-height: 24px;\">. More specifically, men tend to be more threaten by sexual conquest of their partners, while women are more scared of losing their partner\'s to another lover. This tends to be changing in recent years with gender roles evolution. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3><span lang=\"FR\">Myths On Jealousy</span></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\">\r\n<h4><span lang=\"FR\"><u><span style=\"line-height: 24px;\">Proof of someone\'s love </span></u></span></h4>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"FR\">We often hear people justifying their jealousy by advocating it is a demonstration of one\'s love towards their partner\'s. First, we must make a point very clear:<u> jealousy is not a proof of love</u>. On the contrary, it is a lack of love for one\'s self. A person who feels jealous demonstrates a lack of self-confidence and imagines that they will or can be replaced when the opportunity might present itself. This implies that we consider others to be a menace to the stability of our couple. We show our worries, our fears and apprehensions when we express our jealousy in front of our partner. Inversely, a person with a high self-esteem (no-jealousy) has a feeling of security in their relationship and they demonstrate their love (seen by the satisfaction in the couple) rather than by jealousy (feeling of being insecure). </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: center;\" align=\"center\">\r\n<h4><span lang=\"FR\"><u>Being Jealous Protects me From Being Cheated On</u></span></h4>\r\n<div><span lang=\"FR\"><u> </u></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\">Some will explain that their jealousy protects them from been cheated on by their partners. Once again, this could not be further from the truth. Jealousy brings interrogations, unjustified suspicions, constant surveillance and a lack of trust between partners. A perfect recipe for an unsatisfying relationship and constant bickering and fighting! These behaviors tend to push away our partner towards another person because they become dissatisfied with the relationship with the jealous person. We can then attest that jealousy creates the worst fear and what they are trying to ultimately avoid: losing their partner to someone else. It is not unlikely that partners constantly barraged by the other\'s jealous behavior wants to leave the relationship and sometimes by cheating. Therefore, jealousy can sometimes cause someone to cheat. Of course, the decision remains in the hands of the one who committed the act, but nevertheless, jealous partners should consider how they might have pushed the other into their own worst fears.</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\">\r\n<h4><span lang=\"FR\"><u><span style=\"line-height: 24px;\">Complete absence of jealousy demonstrates a detachment and indifference </span></u></span></h4>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"FR\">« I love that my partner is jealous, it demonstrates how they are concerned about me». This typical citation is as false as saying jealousy is a proof of love. Couples who seek to make their partner\'s feel jealous are searching to be falsely reassured about their relationship. They seek attention when they feel there is a distance being created between them. We, therefore, believe that our partner showing their jealousy is demonstrating attachment towards the relationship and that they aren\'t indifferent to us. When we think about it, there are healthier ways of demonstrating our attachment towards each other. Considering that jealousy is a feeling that makes us suffer, why would we ever want our partner to feel it in any way, shape or form and more precisely in the name of love? Sounds contradictory doesn\'t it...well it is! In a stable and healthy relationship, we feel love and attachment towards each other in a good way, not by feeling insecure and scared of losing the other person, with destructive behaviors of jealousy. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: center;\" align=\"center\">\r\n<h4><span lang=\"FR\"><u>I trust my partner, I just don\'t trust other people</u></span></h4>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<span lang=\"FR\">A lot of jealous people will affirm that they trust their partner, but not the people surrounding him such as friends, colleagues and the like. We imagine that if someone flirts or tries anything with our partner, they have no other choice but to cheat. It is a strange way to think indeed. We must come quickly to the conclusion that we always have a choice in our lives to do or not to do something. If someone flirts, tries to kiss you or any other thing related to affection or sex, there is always the possibility of telling that person that we are in a committed relationship and ask them to stop. This responsibility is solely of the person who is engaged in a relationship. Our partner\'s are not territories we need to protect from outside intrusions. They can do that by themselves. </span>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"FR\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2015/08/jealous-couple-38384539557_xlarge.jpeg\"><img src=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2015/08/jealous-couple-38384539557_xlarge-300x200.jpeg\" width=\"320\" height=\"213\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"FR\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"FR\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px;\"><span lang=\"FR\">We must also consider that the commitment that two partners have taken together about being loyal in the relationship is only between those two people. First of all, others might not be aware of this loyalty between you and perceives your partner as free game. Secondly, they don\'t have the obligation to follow the loyalty you have put forward as they never committed to it, your partner did. Thirdly, we have no control over what others do, and that includes your partner. We must therefore trust your partner that he will put the limits required by your engagement to be loyal and not commit adultery. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px;\"><span lang=\"FR\">\r\n</span><span lang=\"FR\">If you don\'t trust your partner to put those limits, maybe you need to have a serious talk about it with them or reflect by yourself the importance of your commitment towards each other in that regard. A few questions to ask yourself about this issue. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"line-height: 24px;\">How do you imagine your partner in a situation where they are being flirted with?</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"line-height: 24px;\">How do they react? Do they cheat?</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"line-height: 24px;\">How would you react in the same situation (you being flirted by someone)?</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"line-height: 24px;\">Do you put your limits or would you cheat?</span></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"FR\">Depending on your answers to theses questions, you might have realized that you would have cheated if placed in a situation where you could do it. Sometimes, the person that is jealous is actually projecting on their partner their own desire to cheat and they need others to put limits on them so they don\'t cross the line. But most of the time, they restrict their partners instead to soothe their own anxieties, rather than learning to establish their limits in similar situations. </span></div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3><span lang=\"FR\">What you need to remember</span></h3>\r\n<div><span lang=\"FR\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\">In conclusion, it is important to understand that feelings of jealousy will probably always be present in one way or another. Rarely will we see a person that is entirely confident in every aspect of their lives and never feel jealous. We all have experiences where we were hurt and made us feel bad about ourselves and it created jealousy.</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"FR\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2015/08/break_up_relationship.jpg\"><img src=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2015/08/break_up_relationship-300x200.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"212\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<span lang=\"FR\"><span lang=\"FR\"> </span></span>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"FR\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"FR\">Although, what is also very important to understand is that our feelings must not decrease our relationship satisfaction because we feel insecure about ourselves. We must all learn to self-sooth our feelings and let our partner be who they are, rather than limiting each other in different aspects of your lives together. It is fundamental that you work on these issues rather than justify your jealousy as being a good thing for the stability of your couple, as it does the complete opposite of that. </span>\r\n<span lang=\"FR\">\r\n</span><span lang=\"FR\">\r\n</span><span lang=\"FR\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois-278x300.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Harris, Christine. 2003. A Review of Sex Differences in Sexual Jealousy, Including Self-Report Data, Psychophysiological Responses, Interpersonal Violence, and Morbid Jealousy <i>Personality and Social Psychology Review</i>. Vol. 7. No. 2, 102-128.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 6pt;\"><span style=\"font-size: 10pt;\">Weghorst, Suzanne. 1982. Male Sexual Jealousy. <span style=\"color: black;\">Ethology &amp; Sociobiology Volume 3, Issue 1, 11-27.</span></span></div>', 'Jealousy: Destroyer of couples', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'jealousy-destroyer-of-couples', '', '', '2017-09-30 00:12:34', '2017-09-29 22:12:34', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 1),
(95, 1, '2015-08-28 18:02:00', '2015-08-28 16:02:00', '<br /><h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">What is jealousy?</span></h2><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Jealousy is define as an emotion that makes the person suffer when they are afraid that they will be replaced or cheated on by their partner when they seek exclusivity from that person. It is different than envy which is an emotion that demonstrates lust for someone else\'s happiness. In other words, jealousy is the fear of losing what we already have and envy is the wanting of things that we would want. The envious person is in state of lacking something who seeks to fulfill that need (envy of a kiss, a touch, of being love, of having sex, etc.). On the other hand, people who are jealous are fearful of losing a state of well being that they already have with another person.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\"><b><br /></b></span></div><table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;text-align: center\"><tbody><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-StET71ghANU/UWHwr43B0eI/AAAAAAAAAHA/617w4jO_1sM/s1600/Jealousy_With_Toys_by_Kairi_Danjo_Sanjo.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto\"><img alt=\"sexual, jealousy, relationship, jealous\" border=\"0\" height=\"279\" src=\"https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-StET71ghANU/UWHwr43B0eI/AAAAAAAAAHA/617w4jO_1sM/s320/Jealousy_With_Toys_by_Kairi_Danjo_Sanjo.jpg\" title=\"jealousy\" width=\"320\" /></a></td></tr><tr><td style=\"text-align: center\">We all feel it, but we all need to deal with it</td></tr></tbody></table><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\"><b><br /></b></span></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\"><b><br /></b></span></div><h3><span lang=\"FR\">A Universal Feeling but Ultimately Useless!</span></h3><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\">Jealousy is a universal emotion among human beings that we have all felt one day or another. That small or very big sensation in our stomach that makes us feel uneasy, even though sometimes we wish it wasn\'t there. Jealousy is extremely present in loving and sexual relationships, where it can even be glamorized as something good. Although even if it is universal, jealousy is completely useless in loving relationships. We can find that there is a difference in that aspect regarding genders (Harris, 2003; Weghosrt, 19882)</span><span style=\"line-height: 24px\">. More specifically, men tend to be more threaten by sexual conquest of their partners, while women are more scared of losing their partner\'s to another lover. This tends to be changing in recent years with gender roles evolution.&nbsp;</span></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3><span lang=\"FR\">Myths On Jealousy</span></h3><div align=\"center\" style=\"text-align: center\"><h4><span lang=\"FR\"><u><span style=\"line-height: 24px\">Proof of someone\'s&nbsp;love&nbsp;</span></u></span></h4></div><div align=\"center\" style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\">We often hear people justifying their jealousy by advocating it is a demonstration of one\'s love towards their partner\'s. First, we must make a point very clear:<u> jealousy is not a proof of love</u>. On the contrary, it is a lack of love for one\'s self. A person who feels jealous demonstrates a lack of self-confidence and imagines that they will or can be replaced when the opportunity might present itself. This implies that we consider others to be a menace to the stability of our couple. We show our worries, our fears and apprehensions when we express our jealousy in front of our partner. Inversely, a person with a high self-esteem (no-jealousy) has a feeling of security in their relationship and they demonstrate their love (seen by the satisfaction in the couple) rather than by jealousy (feeling of being insecure).&nbsp;</span></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div align=\"center\" style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: center\"><h4><span lang=\"FR\"><u>Being Jealous Protects me From Being Cheated On</u></span></h4><div><span lang=\"FR\"><u><br /></u></span></div></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\">Some will explain that their jealousy protects them from been cheated on by their partners. Once again, this could not be more further from the truth. Jealousy brings interrogations, unjustified suspicions, constant surveillance and a lack of trust between partners. A perfect recipe for an unsatisfying relationship and constant bickering and fighting! These behaviors tend to push away our partner towards another person, because they become dissatisfied with the relationship with the jealous person. We can than attest that jealousy creates the worst fear and what they are trying to ultimately avoid: losing their partner to someone else. It is not unlikely that partners constantly barraged by the other\'s jealous behavior wants to leave the relationship and sometimes by cheating. Therefore, jealousy can sometimes cause someone to cheat. Of course, the decision remains in the hands of the one who committed the act, but nevertheless, jealous partners should consider how they might have pushed the other into their own worst fears.&nbsp;</div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form --><br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address  <span>*</span></label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div><!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><div align=\"center\" style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: center\"><br /></div><div align=\"center\" style=\"text-align: center\"><h4><span lang=\"FR\"><u><span style=\"line-height: 24px\">Complete absence of jealousy demonstrates a&nbsp;detachment&nbsp;and indifference&nbsp;</span></u></span></h4></div><div align=\"center\" style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\">« I love that my partner is jealous, it demonstrates how they are concerned about me». This typical citation is as false as saying jealousy is a proof of love. Couples who seek to make their partner\'s feel jealous are searching to be falsely reassured about their relationship. They seek attention when they feel there is a distance being created between them. We therefore believe that our partner showing their jealousy is demonstrating attachment towards the relationship and that they aren\'t indifferent to us. When we think about it, there are healthier ways of demonstrating our attachment towards each other. Considering that jealousy is a feeling that makes us suffer, why would we ever want our partner to feel it in any way, shape or form and more precisely in the name of love? Sounds contradictory doesn\'t it...well it is! In a stable and and healthy relationship, we feel love and attachment towards each other in a good way, not by feeling insecure and scared of losing the other person, with destructive behaviors of jealousy.&nbsp;</span><br /><span lang=\"FR\"></span></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div align=\"center\" style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: center\"><h4><span lang=\"FR\"><u>I trust my partner, I just don\'t trust other people</u></span></h4></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\"><span>A lot of jealous people will affirm that they trust their partner, but not the people surrounding him such as friends, colleagues and the like. We imagine that our partner, if someone flirts or tries anything with them, have no other choice but to cheat. It is a strange way to think indeed. We must come quickly to the conclusion that we always have a choice in our lives to do or not to do something. If someone flirts, tries to kiss you or any other thing related to affection or sex, there is always the possibility of telling that person that we are in a committed relationship and ask them to stop. This responsibility is solely of the person who is engaged in a relationship. Our partner\'s are not territories we need to protect from outside intrusions. They can do that by themselves.&nbsp;</span></span><br /><br /></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2qyvfu_dLUo/UWHw9RQWDxI/AAAAAAAAAHI/P1P_T8qTMnU/s1600/jealous-couple-38384539557_xlarge.jpeg\" style=\"margin-left: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"213\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2qyvfu_dLUo/UWHw9RQWDxI/AAAAAAAAAHI/P1P_T8qTMnU/s320/jealous-couple-38384539557_xlarge.jpeg\" width=\"320\" /></a></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"line-height: 24px\"><span lang=\"FR\">We must also consider that the commitment that two partners have taken together about being loyal in the relationship is only between those two people. First of all, others might not be aware of this loyalty between you and perceives your partner as free game. Secondly, they don\'t have the obligation to follow the loyalty you have put forward as they never committed to it, your partner did. Thirdly, we have no control over what others do, and that includes your partner. We must therefore trust your partner that he will put the limits required by your engagement to be loyal and not commit adultery.&nbsp;</span></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px\"><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span><span lang=\"FR\">If you don\'t trust your partner to put those limits, maybe you need to have a serious talk about it with them or reflect by yourself the importance of your commitment towards each other on that regard. A few questions to ask yourself about this issue.&nbsp;</span></div><br /><ul><li><span style=\"line-height: 24px\">How do you imagine your partner in a situation where they are being flirted with?</span></li><li><span style=\"line-height: 24px\">How do they react? Do they cheat?</span></li><li><span style=\"line-height: 24px\">How would you react in the same situation (you being flirted by someone)?</span></li><li><span style=\"line-height: 24px\">Do you put your limits or would you cheat?</span></li></ul></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\">Depending on your answers to theses questions, you might have realized that you would have cheated if placed in a situation where you could do it. Sometimes, the person that is jealous is actually projecting on their partner their own desire to cheat and they need others to put limits on them so they don\'t cross the line. But most of the time, they restrict their partners instead to soothe their own anxieties, rather than learning to establish their limits in similar situations.&nbsp;</span></div><h3><span lang=\"FR\">What you need to remember</span></h3><div><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\">In conclusion, it is important to understand that feelings of jealousy will probably always be present in one way or another. Rarely will we see a person that is entirely confident in every aspect of their lives and never feel jealous. We all have experiences where we were hurt and made us feel bad about ourselves and it created jealousy.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3H2RKyMYfCc/UWHxILEJslI/AAAAAAAAAHQ/CkJv35QnfQI/s1600/break_up_relationship.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"212\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3H2RKyMYfCc/UWHxILEJslI/AAAAAAAAAHQ/CkJv35QnfQI/s320/break_up_relationship.jpg\" width=\"320\" /></a></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"><span lang=\"FR\">Although, what is also very important to understand is that our feelings must not decrease our relationship satisfaction because we feel insecure about ourselves. We must all learn to self-sooth our feelings and let our partner be who they are, rather than limiting each other in different aspects of your lives together. It is fundamental that you work on these issues rather than justify your jealousy as being a good thing for the stability of your couple, as it does the complete opposite of that.&nbsp;</span><br /><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span><span lang=\"FR\"><br /></span><br /><br /></div><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\" style=\"clear: left;float: left;margin-bottom: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Learn more about the author<br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->  <br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label>  </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>  </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>  </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div> <!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><span>Harris, Christine. 2003. A Review of Sex Differences in Sexual Jealousy, Including Self-Report Data, Psychophysiological Responses, Interpersonal Violence, and Morbid Jealousy&nbsp;<i>Personality and Social Psychology Review</i></span><span>. Vol. 7. No. 2, 102-128.</span></div><div><br /></div><span lang=\"FR\"></span><br /><div style=\"line-height: normal;margin-bottom: 6pt\"><span><span style=\"font-size: 10pt\">Weghorst, Suzanne. 1982. Male Sexual Jealousy.&nbsp;<span style=\"color: black\">Ethology &amp; Sociobiology Volume 3, Issue 1, 11-27.</span></span></span></div>', 'Jealousy: Destroyer of couples', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '30-revision-v1', '', '', '2015-08-28 18:02:00', '2015-08-28 16:02:00', '', 30, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2015/08/30-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
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(31, 1, '2015-08-26 20:22:00', '2015-08-26 18:22:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">One giant leap backwards for female sexuality...</span></h2>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>Women are perceived as the problem</h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nThere exist numerous reasons as to why a person would have a lower sexual desire in a relationship. They are actually multiple in most cases and they necessitate a variety of interventions to find a solution to the situation. For a long time now, we have categorized women as the partner who loses sexual desire (libido) in a couple because men are the high desire partners due to their hormones, more specifically testosterone. We tend to notice that in sexologist offices we find as many men being the low desire partner in the couple. In fact, we even see many gay couples where either one or both partner has a lower sexual desire.\r\n\r\nFor some reason, we continue to perceive women as the gender who loses sexual desire or has less than men as a general rule in long term relationships. The reason why men and women lose their sexual desire does tend to differ though. What we are noticing more in female sexuality is a lack of interest for sexual activity, not because they have deregulated hormones or neurotransmitters or that women just have less sexual drive than men, but it is because they are sexually bored with their partner\'s. Women seek variety, spontaneity, newness, a sense of adventure and exploration and a context to their sex life, as well as a<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/09/webserie-02-sexual-presence-sexual-performance.html\"> sexual connection</a> (not necessarily an emotional one, but a sexual one)\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">When we are with the same partner for many years, it is only <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/12/webserie-03-maintaining-sexual-desire-in-long-term-relationships.html\">natural and normal to have a decrease in sexual desire</a>, if our sexuality is redundant, routine, predictable and with a lack of effort from both partners. A decrease in sexual desire is often not the problem, but more of a symptom of our <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\">sexual and relationship dynamic</a> that needs to be worked at.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">For what reason this new medication won\'t help the majority of <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/womens-fierce-sexuality.html\">women who have a decrease in sexual desire?</a> The simple answer is: it doesn\'t take care of the cause, buy only the symptoms. By taking this pill, that has important side effects, will only give false hope to couples that should be analysing their relationship dynamic and their sexual satisfaction. The medication might have an impact for a certain time where the motivation to have sex will increase, but the couple\'s sex life will remain the same. Therefore, the problem will most likely resurface in a short amount of time. No medication can help boring sex for a prolonged period of time in long term relationships.What about female Viagra?</h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nToo often, one of the partners, most of the time women, perceive sex with their partner as an obligation of the relationship to maintain the couple or to avoid conflicts. After giving and receiving multiple times <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\">pity sex</a>, it is inevitable that the sex life of the couple will deteriorate and the relationship will also take a hard hit.\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Video about female Viagra (French)</h4>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">\r\n\r\n<iframe src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/sk8tg5i0GCw\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"></iframe>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3>Does this medication apply to certain women at least?</h3>\r\n<div>The short answer is yes...but with the following criteria:</div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: medium; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<ul style=\"font-style: normal;\">\r\n 	<li>Stable relationship for at least a year with a man (exclusions of lesbian couples)</li>\r\n 	<li>Loss of sexual desire must have been obtained during the relationship</li>\r\n 	<li>Complete loss of sexual desire (no erotic dreams or fantasies, no desire to masturbate)</li>\r\n 	<li>Sexual response must be functional capacity to lubricate and reach orgasm following stimulation</li>\r\n 	<li>+ 18 years old but not year having menopause</li>\r\n 	<li>Not be pregnant or breast feeding</li>\r\n 	<li>No psychotherapy in the last 3 months</li>\r\n 	<li>No medication related to mood disorders</li>\r\n 	<li>No suicidal thought ever in life</li>\r\n 	<li>No relationship difficulties</li>\r\n 	<li>Good reaction from partner about the decrease in sexual desire</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div style=\"font-style: normal;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-style: normal;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">These criteria are not about the medication that will be released in October, but of the research that studied the medication Although, we can clearly see that this medication was aimed a very few women with a particular profile with this difficulty.</div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-style: normal;\"></div>\r\n<div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therefore, this pill might <i>«potentially» </i>help certain women and couples in dealing with this<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for-your-couple.html\"> sexual difficulty that we find in the majority of relationships</a>, if and only if, the cause for the decrease in sexual desire is related to a deregulation of neurotransmitters in the female partner.</div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-style: normal;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"font-style: normal;\">Finally!</h3>\r\n<div style=\"font-style: normal;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">If you or your partner is having a decrease or lack of sexual desire, take the time to really analyse your situation and determine if you need help from a sexologist &amp; psychotherapist or the medication or a combination of both.</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><b>Francois Renaud M.A.</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><b>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</b></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-style: normal;\"></div>\r\n</div>', 'Female Viagra: Addyi', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'female-viagra-addyi', '', 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/womens-fierce-sexuality.html\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html', '2017-09-30 00:14:24', '2017-09-29 22:14:24', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(97, 1, '2015-08-26 20:22:00', '2015-08-26 18:22:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">One giant leap backwards for female sexuality...</span></h2><div><br /></div><h3>Women are perceived as the problem&nbsp;</h3><div style=\"text-align: justify\">There exist numerous reasons as to why a person would have a lower sexual desire in a relationship. They are actually multiple in most cases and they necessitate a variety of interventions to find a solution to the situation. For a long time now, we have categorized women as the partner who loses sexual desire (libido) in a couple because men are the high desire partners due to their hormones, more specifically testosterone. We tend to notice that in sexologist offices we find as much men being the low desire partner in the couple. In fact, we even see many gay couples where either one or both partner has a lower sexual desire.<br /><br />For some reason, we continue to perceive women as the gender who loses sexual desire or has less than men as a general rule in long term relationships. The reason why men and women lose their sexual desire does tend to differ though. What we are noticing more in female sexuality is a lack of interest for sexual activity, not because they have deregulated hormones or neurotransmitters or that women just have less sexual drive than men, but it is because they are sexually bored with their partner\'s. Women seek variety, spontaneity, newness, a sense of adventure and exploration and a context to their sex life, as well as a<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/09/webserie-sexual-presence-sexual.html\"> sexual connection</a> (not necessarily an emotional one, but a sexual one)</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br />When we are with the same partner for many years, it is only <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/12/maintaining-sexual-desire-in-longterm.html\">natural and normal to have a decrease in sexual desire</a>, if our sexuality is redundant, routine, predictable and with a lack of effort from both partners. A decrease in sexual desire is often not the problem, but more of a symptom of our <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\">sexual and relationship dynamic</a> that needs to be worked at.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto;text-align: center\"><tbody><tr><td><a href=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lLHRHDZh2xc/VdstIhaSviI/AAAAAAAAAtw/jgl3Ko3hS1A/s1600/couple-souffrant-de-problemes-sexuels-illustration_18931_w300.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: auto;margin-right: auto\"><img alt=\"decrease lack sexual female viagra\" border=\"0\" height=\"320\" src=\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lLHRHDZh2xc/VdstIhaSviI/AAAAAAAAAtw/jgl3Ko3hS1A/s320/couple-souffrant-de-problemes-sexuels-illustration_18931_w300.jpg\" title=\"Lack sexual desire\" width=\"284\" /></a></td></tr><tr><td style=\"font-size: 13px\">Sexual difficulties</td></tr></tbody></table><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: justify\">What about female Viagra?</h3><div style=\"text-align: justify\">For what reason this new medication won\'t help the majority of <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2015/03/womens-fierce-sexuality.html\">women who have a decrease in sexual desire?</a> The simple answer is: it doesn\'t take care of the cause, buy only the symptoms. By taking this pill, that has important side effects, will only give false hope to couples that should be analysing their relationship dynamic and their sexual satisfaction. The medication might have an impact for a certain time where the motivation to have sex will increase, but the couple\'s sex life will remain the same. Therefore, the problem will most likely resurface in a short amount of time. No medication can help boring sex for a prolong period of time in long term relationships.<br /><br />Too often, one of the partners, most of the time women, perceive sex with their partner as an obligation of the relationship to maintain the couple or to avoid conflicts. After giving and receiving multiple times <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\">pity sex</a>, it is inevitable that the sex life of the couple will deteriorate and the relationship will also take a hard hit.&nbsp;</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"text-align: center\">Video about female Viagra (French)</h4><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><br /></div><h3>Does this medication apply to certain women at least?</h3><div>The short answer is yes...but with the following criteria:</div><div><br /></div><div style=\"color: black;font-family: \'Times New Roman\';font-size: medium;font-variant: normal;font-weight: normal;letter-spacing: normal;line-height: normal;text-align: start;text-indent: 0px\"><ul style=\"font-style: normal\"><li>Stable relationship for at least a year with a man (exclusions of lesbian couples)</li><li>Loss of sexual desire must have been obtained during the relationship</li><li>Complete loss of sexual desire (no erotic dreams or fantasies, no desire to masturbate)</li><li>Sexual response must be functional capacity to lubricate and reach orgasm following stimulation</li><li>+ 18 years old but not year having menopause</li><li>Not be pregnant or breast feeding</li><li>No psychotherapy in the last 3 months</li><li>No medication related to mood disorders</li><li>No suicidal thought ever in life</li><li>No relationship difficulties</li><li>Good reaction from partner about the decrease in sexual desire</li></ul><div style=\"font-style: normal\"><br /></div><div style=\"font-style: normal\"><div style=\"margin: 0px\"><div style=\"text-align: justify\">These criteria are not about the medication that will be released in October, but of the research that studied the medication Although, we can clearly see that this medication was aimed a very few women with a particular profile with this difficulty.&nbsp;</div></div></div><div style=\"font-style: normal\"><div style=\"margin: 0px\"><br /></div></div><div><div style=\"margin: 0px\"><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Therefore, this pill might <i>«potentially» </i>help certain women and couples in dealing with this<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\"> sexual difficulty that we find in the majority of relationships</a>, if and only if, the cause for the decrease in sexual desire is related to a deregulation of neurotransmitters in the female partner.&nbsp;</div></div></div><div style=\"font-style: normal\"><div style=\"margin: 0px\"><br /></div></div><h3 style=\"font-style: normal\">Finally!</h3><div style=\"font-style: normal\"><div style=\"margin: 0px\"><div style=\"text-align: justify\">If you or your partner is having a decrease or lack of sexual desire, take the time to really analyse your situation and determine if you need help from a sexologist &amp; psychotherapist or the medication or a combination of both.&nbsp;</div></div><div style=\"margin: 0px\"><br /></div><div style=\"margin: 0px\"><b>Francois Renaud M.A.</b></div><div style=\"margin: 0px\"><b>Sexologist &amp; psychotherapist Montréal</b></div></div><div style=\"font-style: normal\"></div></div>', 'Female Viagra: Addyi', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '31-revision-v1', '', '', '2015-08-26 20:22:00', '2015-08-26 18:22:00', '', 31, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2015/08/31-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(32, 1, '2015-07-08 02:00:00', '2015-07-08 00:00:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">Preview for the upcoming season</span>&nbsp;</h2><div><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: center\">Introduction video</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">Subjects for this years webseries</span></h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">Jealousy</span></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">Infidelity &amp; fidelity</span></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">Different dynamics in sexuality</span></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">Various couples statuses: polyamourous, open couples, swingers, monogamist, etc.</span></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">Different types of sexual desire</span></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">What happens in you head when you are having sex with a partner?</span><br /><span style=\"font-size: large\">Bisexuality and sexual fluidity</span><br /><span style=\"font-size: large\">lack of communication in couples</span></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><br /></div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form --><br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list to receive notice of FREE videos on sexuality</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address  <span>*</span></label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div><!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><div style=\"text-align: center\"><br /><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">Purchase <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2014/07/purchase-webseries-of-sexual-erotic-education.html\">season 1</a> of Sensual &amp; Erotic Education</span><br /><span style=\"font-size: x-large\"><br /></span><span style=\"font-size: x-large\"><br /></span><br /><div style=\"text-align: left\">This year, I am hoping to integrate the viewers more into the webseries. I would love to hear your questions or subjects you would like me to get more information about and produce a video about it. Write it in the comment section at the bottom or send me an email at: sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</div><div style=\"text-align: left\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: left\"><br /></div></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><br /></div><div><br /></div>', 'Season 2: Sensual &amp; Erotic Education webseries', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'season-2-sensual-erotic-education-webseries', '', '', '2017-04-18 03:08:16', '2017-04-18 01:08:16', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(98, 1, '2015-07-08 02:00:00', '2015-07-08 00:00:00', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">Preview for the upcoming season</span>&nbsp;</h2><div><br /></div><h3 style=\"text-align: center\">Introduction video</h3><div><br /></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><br /></div><h4 style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">Subjects for this years webseries</span></h4><div><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">Jealousy</span></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">Infidelity &amp; fidelity</span></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">Different dynamics in sexuality</span></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">Various couples statuses: polyamourous, open couples, swingers, monogamist, etc.</span></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">Different types of sexual desire</span></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: large\">What happens in you head when you are having sex with a partner?</span><br /><span style=\"font-size: large\">Bisexuality and sexual fluidity</span><br /><span style=\"font-size: large\">lack of communication in couples</span></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><br /></div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form --><br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list to receive notice of FREE videos on sexuality</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address  <span>*</span></label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div><!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><div style=\"text-align: center\"><br /><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large\">Purchase <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/07/purchase-webseries-of-sexual-erotic.html\">season 1</a> of Sensual &amp; Erotic Education</span><br /><span style=\"font-size: x-large\"><br /></span><span style=\"font-size: x-large\"><br /></span><br /><div style=\"text-align: left\">This year, I am hoping to integrate the viewers more into the webseries. I would love to hear your questions or subjects you would like me to get more information about and produce a video about it. Write it in the comment section at the bottom or send me an email at: sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</div><div style=\"text-align: left\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: left\"><br /></div></div><div style=\"text-align: center\"><br /></div><div><br /></div>', 'Season 2: Sensual &amp; Erotic Education webseries', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '32-revision-v1', '', '', '2015-07-08 02:00:00', '2015-07-08 00:00:00', '', 32, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2015/07/32-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(499, 2, '2019-10-04 22:37:10', '2019-10-04 20:37:10', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">Justice in polyamoury, but in what context?</h1>\r\nSociety is becoming more open about the idea of polyamorous relationships, even though there is still quite a lot of polyamorophobia (a word I just invented). Therefore, I am getting more people in my office seeking help to negotiate the relationship contract. Every couple has some form of understanding about what they consider to be fidelity and hence a relationship contract.\r\n\r\nEven monogamous relationships have one, but they rarely actively discuss it, which can create issues down the line. Some contracts are explicitly talked about with clauses and articles while others are implicitly implied and assumed by one or both partners.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Sign with your blood here, please!</h2>\r\nSo you\'ve decided you wanted to open your relationships to the joys of multiple partners. This requires that the couple reflects on their individual needs and desires so that they can reach an agreement as to how this will unfold. We can open the relationship either sexually and/or emotionally and you and your partner may not necessarily agree on how open and what you want from this experience or lifestyle you are embarking on.\r\n\r\nContracts can be relatively simple to very complex and ongoing discussions are essential to maintain a healthy relationship and avoid jealousy and possessiveness down the road. Some take a \"Don\'t ask, don\'t tell\" approach which can greatly simplify the discussions but can eventually lead to some mishaps and misunderstandings.\r\n\r\nOne of the dilemmas I keep hitting with my couples in therapy is the debate about equality vs. equity in their agreements. One partner might want to open up only sexually and the other person needs some form of emotional intimacy to engage sexually with a new partner.  Certain couples aren\'t in the same context where one of them is more easily able to find new partners because of different circumstances such as being more desirable and excels in seduction or opportunities to meet new people is easier due to free time or hobbies they might have. There is also a gender difference to consider in heterosexual relationships where presenting to new partners an openness in their relationship might enact different reactions depending on the sexual orientation and gender of theses potential new partners.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>I\'m comfortable, but wait a minute</h3>\r\nAs needs and desires are different for everyone, this creates negotiations and discussions that aren\'t always easy. Some might want equality in their agreement and others are seeking equity and in some cases, they may want both. What exactly is the difference anyways between the two, you ask?\r\n<h4>Poly-gality</h4>\r\nThe notion that both partners must respect the same rules without taking into consideration individual needs and desires from each partner. For many, this rule allows feeling justice in the agreement. Everyone has the same number of partners, dates, style or acts of sex that can be shared and no one feels like they are getting less or more than the other. It avoids the complication of dealing with different needs that might create jealousy for one of the partners. The issue is that it might actually answer one of the partner\'s needs more than the other, which can feel unjust for some. This agreement works great especially if both partners are seeking very similar things in a non-monogamy arrangement.\r\n<h4>Poly-quity</h4>\r\nThe notion that every person\'s needs are taken into consideration during the negotiations even though they might differ or even contradict one another. This typically requires more complex negotiations because one partner may want to have only sexual partners, while the other wants more affection in their extra-conjugal relationships. The issue is that some needs might provoke jealousy or possessiveness or a loss of uniqueness and exclusivity in the relationship. Couples who choose poly-quity need to work more on their level of differentiation and tolerating the uniqueness of each partner\'s needs.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>So...poly-quity or poly-gality</h2>\r\nWell, that really depends on your situation and desires. Not one style is better than the other, but depending on your situation you might want to decide which one fits better. You and your partner may have different circumstances that don\'t allow for the same rules. While other couples will thrive in poly-gality because they both want similar things in their other relationships. We also have to ask ourselves why we instill certain rules and what are the motivations for them. Are we trying to protect the couple and our values by keeping our integrity or are we trying to avoid our insecurities and protecting our egos? Being honest with ourselves and our partners is key to making these negotiations and this life experience enjoyable for all.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>', 'Equity vs. Equality in polyamorous relationships', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '488-revision-v1', '', '', '2019-10-04 22:37:10', '2019-10-04 20:37:10', '', 488, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2019/10/488-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(498, 2, '2019-10-04 22:29:00', '2019-10-04 20:29:00', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">Justice in polyamoury, but in what context?</h1>\r\nSociety is becoming more open about the idea of polyamorous relationships, even though there is still quite a lot of polyamorophobia (a word I just invented). Therefore, I am getting more people in my office seeking help to negotiate the relationship contract. Every couple has some form of understanding about what they consider to be fidelity and hence a relationship contract.\r\n\r\nEven monogamous relationships have one, but they rarely actively discuss it, which can create issues down the line. Some contracts are explicitly talked about with clauses and articles while others are implicitly implied and assumed by one or both partners.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Sign with your blood here, please!</h2>\r\nSo you\'ve decided you wanted to open your relationships to the joys of multiple partners. This requires that the couple reflects on their individual needs and desires so that they can reach an agreement as to how this will unfold. We can open the relationship either sexually and/emotionally and you and your partner may not necessarily agree on how open and what you want from this experience or lifestyle you are embarking on.\r\n\r\nContracts can be relatively simple to very complex and ongoing discussions to maintain a healthy relationship and avoid jealousy and possessiveness down the road. Some take a \"Don\'t ask, don\'t tell\" approach which can greatly simplify the discussions but can eventually lead to some mishaps and misunderstandings.\r\n\r\nOne of the dilemmas I keep hitting with my couples in therapy is the debate about equality vs. equity in their agreements. One partner might want to open up only sexually and the other person needs some form of emotional intimacy to engage sexually with a new partner.  Certain couples aren\'t in the same context where one of them is more easily able to find new partners because of different circumstances such as being more desirable and excels in seduction or opportunities to meet new people is easier due to free time or hobbies they might have. There is also a gender difference to consider in heterosexual relationships where presenting to new partners an openness in their relationship might enact different reactions depending on the sexual orientation and gender of theses potential new partners.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>I\'m comfortable, but wait a minute</h3>\r\nAs needs and desires are different for everyone, this creates negotiations and discussions that aren\'t always easy. Some might want equality in their agreement and others are seeking equity and in some cases, they may want both. What exactly is the difference anyways between the two, you ask?\r\n<h4>Poly-gality</h4>\r\nThe notion that both partners must respect the same rules without taking into consideration individual needs and desires from each partner. For many, this rule allows feeling justice in the agreement. Everyone has the same number of partners, dates, style or acts of sex that can be shared and no one feels like they are getting less or more than the other. It avoids the complication of dealing with different needs that might create jealousy for one of the partners. The issue is that it might actually answer one of the partner\'s needs more than the other, which can feel unjust for some. This agreement works great especially if both partners are seeking very similar things in a non-monogamy arrangement.\r\n<h4>Poly-quity</h4>\r\nThe notion that every person\'s needs are taken into consideration during the negotiations even though they might differ or even contradict one another. This typically requires more complex negotiations because one partner may want to have only sexual partners, while the other wants more affection in their extra-conjugal relationships. The issue is that some needs might provoke jealousy or possessiveness or a loss of uniqueness and exclusivity in the relationship. Couples who choose poly-quity need to work more on the level of differentiation and tolerating the uniqueness of each partner\'s needs.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>So...poly-quity or poly-gality</h2>\r\nWell, that really depends on your situation and desires. Not one style is better than the other, but depending on your situation you might want to decide which one fits better. You and your partner may have different circumstances that don\'t allow for the same rules. While other couples will thrive in poly-gality because they both want similar things in their other relationships. We also have to ask ourselves why we instill certain rules and what are the motivations for them. Are we trying to protect the couple and our values by keeping our integrity or are we trying to avoid our insecurities and protecting our egos? Being honest with ourselves and our partners is key to making these negotiations and this life experience enjoyable for all.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>', 'Equity vs. Equality in polyamorous relationships', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '488-revision-v1', '', '', '2019-10-04 22:29:00', '2019-10-04 20:29:00', '', 488, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2019/10/488-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(501, 2, '2019-10-15 17:34:57', '2019-10-15 15:34:57', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">Justice in polyamoury, but in what context?</h1>\r\nSociety is becoming more open about the idea of polyamorous relationships, even though there is still quite a lot of polyamorophobia (a word I just invented). Therefore, I am getting more people in my office seeking help to negotiate their relationship contract. Every couple has some form of understanding about what they consider to be fidelity and hence a relationship contract.\r\n\r\nEven monogamous relationships have one, but they rarely actively discuss it, which can create issues down the line. Some contracts are explicitly talked about with clauses and articles while others are implicitly implied and assumed by one or both partners.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Sign with your blood here, please!</h2>\r\nSo you\'ve decided you wanted to open your relationships to the joys of multiple partners. This requires that the couple reflects on their individual needs and desires so that they can reach an agreement as to how this will unfold. We can open the relationship either sexually and/or emotionally and you and your partner may not necessarily agree on how open and what you want from this experience or lifestyle you are embarking on.\r\n\r\nContracts can be relatively simple to very complex and ongoing discussions are essential to maintain a healthy relationship and avoid jealousy and possessiveness down the road. Some take a <strong>\"Don\'t ask, don\'t tell\"</strong> approach which can greatly simplify the discussions but can eventually lead to some mishaps and misunderstandings.\r\n\r\nOne of the dilemmas I keep hitting with my couples in therapy is the debate about equality vs. equity in their agreements. One partner might want to open up only sexually and the other person needs some form of emotional intimacy to engage sexually with a new partner.  Certain couples aren\'t in the same context where one of them is more easily able to find new partners because of different circumstances such as being more desirable and excels in seduction or opportunities to meet new people is easier due to free time or hobbies they might have. There is also a gender difference to consider in heterosexual relationships where presenting to new partners an openness in their relationship might enact different reactions depending on the sexual orientation and gender of these potential new partners.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>I\'m comfortable, but wait a minute</h3>\r\nAs needs and desires are different for everyone, this creates negotiations and discussions that aren\'t always easy. Some might want equality in their agreement and others are seeking equity and in some cases, they may want both. What exactly is the difference anyways between the two, you ask?\r\n<h4>Poly-gality</h4>\r\nThe notion that both partners must respect the same rules without taking into consideration individual needs and desires from each partner. For many, this rule allows feeling justice in the agreement. Everyone has the same number of partners, dates, style or acts of sex that can be shared and no one feels like they are getting less or more than the other. It avoids the complication of dealing with different needs that might create jealousy for one of the partners. The issue is that it might actually answer one of the partner\'s needs more than the other, which can feel unjust for some. This agreement works great especially if both partners are seeking very similar things in a non-monogamy arrangement.\r\n<h4>Poly-quity</h4>\r\nThe notion that every person\'s needs are taken into consideration during the negotiations even though they might differ or even contradict one another. This typically requires more complex negotiations because one partner may want to have only sexual partners, while the other wants more affection in their extra-conjugal relationships. The issue is that some needs might provoke jealousy or possessiveness or a loss of uniqueness and exclusivity in the relationship. Couples who choose poly-quity need to work more on their level of differentiation and tolerating the uniqueness of each partner\'s needs.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>So...poly-quity or poly-gality</h2>\r\nWell, that really depends on your situation and desires. Not one style is better than the other, but depending on your situation you might want to decide which one fits better. You and your partner may have different circumstances that don\'t allow for the same rules. While other couples will thrive in poly-gality because they both want similar things in their other relationships. We also have to ask ourselves why we instill certain rules and what are the motivations for them. Are we trying to protect the couple and our values by keeping our integrity or are we trying to avoid our insecurities and protecting our egos? Being honest with ourselves and our partners is key to making these negotiations and this life experience enjoyable for all.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>', 'Equity vs. Equality in polyamorous relationships', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '488-revision-v1', '', '', '2019-10-15 17:34:57', '2019-10-15 15:34:57', '', 488, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2019/10/488-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `sle_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(34, 1, '2015-03-21 22:01:00', '2015-03-21 21:01:00', '<h2 style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>How to Achieve Self-Validated Sexual Desire*</b></span></h2>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> There is a fundamental difference between self-validated intimacy and all the <span style=\"color: #00dcff;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/different-types-of-sexual-desire.html\">other types of desire</a></span> we mentioned in previous articles. It is on the level of <span style=\"color: #00dcff;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\">intimacy </a></span>that we can perceive it; more specifically the perception of ourselves and our authenticity. Feelings of being desirable are based for many people on the perception that their partner has of them. This way of functioning inevitably kills sexual desire in couples who have stayed at the <span style=\"color: #00dcff;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/different-types-of-sexual-desire-part-ii.html\">attachment phase of sexual desire</a></span>. At the beginning of a relationship, we seek to obtain others validation and approval, especially in sex. We want to be desirable in the eyes of our partner, we want to be able to offer sexual pleasure, to seduce and be loved at all cost. All of this is necessary and enjoyable in couples, although in long term relationships this dynamic weighs negatively on sexual desire. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Self-Validation</b></span></h3>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">There are four fundamental elements that play a role in sexual desire in long-term relationships. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><b>Our self-perception or self-esteem</b></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Our partner\'s perception of us </b></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>The perception we have of our partner</b></span></li>\r\n 	<li lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>The way we treat and are treated by our partner</b></span></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> These four aspects have an important impact on our own sense of being desirable and the desire we have for our lover. A person can have a high sexual desire, but it isn\'t necessarily aimed towards their partner\'s. For which they may have lost respect for during the long years of living and being together. Following a <span style=\"background-color: white;\">plethora </span>of numerous conflicts, deceptions, rejections, lost of integrity and low blows (<span style=\"color: #00dcff;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\">Normal Marital Sadism</a></span>) in their sex lives, they can diminish their admiration for their partner\'s and their own self-worth. This brings partners to seek for validation from others to feel desirable and desire. This dynamic can be translated in these terms: \'\'I want you to find me desirable because I can\'t find myself to be desirable\'\'.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> We often repeat that a good self-esteem, having confidence and being assertive is sexually desirable. The thing is, in long term relationships we get to see our partner in their most vulnerable states and glimpse at their insecurities. We know when they are seeking approval from us or others. This lowers sexual desire towards one or both partners. This is where <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\">alliances </span>between partners in a relationship becomes either <span style=\"color: #00dcff;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\">collusive,combative or non-existent</a></span>. This difficult transition for couples to past from a other validated intimacy to self-validated intimacy necessitates a commitment to ourselves and a <span style=\"color: #00dcff;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\">collaborative alliance</a></span> in the couple. Certain couples are capable of overcoming these normal hardships with their own <span style=\"background-color: white;\">volition</span>and <span style=\"color: #00dcff;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\">emotional balance</a></span>. On the other hand, many will need help from a sex-therapist who specializes in couples and sexual desire issues. This process with or without a professional obliges partners to self-confront about their anxieties, insecurities, short-comings and learn how to self-validate during periods of intense emotions and sexual intimacy. </span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><b style=\"font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;\">\r\n</b><b style=\"font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;\">Want to learn more?</b></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/webvideo_sexuality_sensuality_erotic/\">Watch Sensual &amp; Erotic Education webseries!</a></b></span></h4>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b> </b></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like theses? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Different Types of Sexual Desire Part III', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'different-types-of-sexual-desire-part-iii', '', 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/different-types-of-sexual-desire.html\nhttp://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/different-types-of-sexual-desire-part-ii.html', '2017-06-07 02:04:07', '2017-06-07 00:04:07', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(100, 1, '2015-03-21 22:01:00', '2015-03-21 21:01:00', '<h2 style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm;text-align: center\"><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"><b>How to Achieve Self-Validated Sexual Desire*</b></span></span></h2><div align=\"CENTER\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"><b><br /></b></span></span></div><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"> There is a fundamental difference between self-validated intimacy and all the <span style=\"color: #00dcff\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.com/2015/03/types-of-sexual-desire.html\">other types of desire</a></span> we mentioned in previous articles. It is on the level of <span style=\"color: #00dcff\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\">intimacy</a></span>that we can perceive it; more specifically the perception of ourselves and our authenticity. Feelings of being desirable are based for many people on the perception that their partner has of them. This way of functioning inevitably kills sexual desire in couples who have stayed at the <span style=\"color: #00dcff\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.com/2015/03/type-sexual-desire.html\">attachment phase of sexual desire</a></span>. At the beginning of a relationship, we seek to obtain  others validation and approval, especially in sex. We want to be desirable in the eyes of our partner, we want to be able to offer sexual pleasure, to seduce and be loved at all cost. All of this is necessary and enjoyable in couples, although in long term relationships this dynamic weighs negatively on sexual desire. </span></span></div><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><br /></div><h3 style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"><b>Self-Validation</b></span></span></h3><div><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"><b><br /></b></span></span></div><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\">There are four fundamental elements that play a role in sexual desire in long term relationships. </span></span></div><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><br /></div><ul><li><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"><b>Our  self-perception or self-esteem</b></span></span></div></li><li><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"><b>Our  partner\'s perception of us </b></span></span> </div></li><li><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"><b>The  perception we have of our partner</b></span></span></div></li><li><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"><b>The  way we treat and are treated by our partner</b></span></span></div></li></ul><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><br /></div><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"> These four aspects have an important impact on our own sense of being desirable and the desire we have for our lover. A person can have a high sexual desire, but it isn\'t necessarily aimed towards their partner\'s. For which they may have lost respect for during the long years of living and being together. Following a <span style=\"background-color: white\">plethora</span>of numerous conflicts, deceptions, rejections, lost of integrity and low blows (<span style=\"color: #00dcff\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\">Normal Marital Sadism</a></span>) in their sex lives, they can diminish their admiration for their partner\'s and their own self-worth. This bring partners to seek for validation from others to feel desirable and desire. This dynamic can be translated in these terms: \'\'I want you to find me desirable, because I can\'t find myself to be desirable\'\'.</span></span></div><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><br /></div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form --><br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list to receive notice of FREE videos on sexuality</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address  <span>*</span></label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label> </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label> </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div><br /><br /></div></div></div><!--End mc_embed_signup--> <br /><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"> We often repeat that a good self-esteem, having confidence and being assertive is sexually desirable. The thing is, in long term relationships we get to see our partner in their most vulnerable states and glimpse at their insecurities. We know when they are seeking approval from us or others. This lowers sexual desire towards one or both partners. This is where <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc\">alliances</span>between partners in a relationship becomes either <span style=\"color: #00dcff\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\">collusive,combative or non-existent</a></span>. This difficult transition for couples to past from a other validated intimacy to self-validated intimacy necessitates a commitment to ourselves and a <span style=\"color: #00dcff\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2014/04/construct-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\">collaborative alliance</a></span> in the couple. Certain couples are capable of overcoming these normal hardships with their own <span style=\"background-color: white\">volition</span>and <span style=\"color: #00dcff\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.blogspot.ca/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\">emotional balance</a></span>. On the other hand, many will need help from a sex-therapist who specializes in couples and sexual desire issues. This process with or without a professional obliges partners to self-confront about their anxieties, insecurities, short-comings and learn how to self-validate during periods of intense emotions and sexual intimacy. </span></span></div><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><br /></div><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><b style=\"font-family: verdana, sans-serif;font-size: 16pt;line-height: 150%\"><br /></b><b style=\"font-family: verdana, sans-serif;font-size: 16pt;line-height: 150%\">Want to learn more?</b></div><h4 style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"><b><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/video_sexuality\">Watch Sensual &amp; Erotic Education webseries!</a></b></span></span></h4><div><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt\"><b><br /></b></span></span></div><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><br /></div> <br /><div style=\"line-height: 24px;text-align: justify\"></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><div style=\"clear: both;text-align: center\"><a href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\" style=\"clear: left;float: left;margin-bottom: 1em;margin-right: 1em\"><img border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br />Learn more about the author<br /><br /><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div style=\"text-align: justify\">Want more articles like theses? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->  <br /><div><div><h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2><div><span>*</span> indicates required</div><div><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span>*</span> </label>  </div><div><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>  </div><div><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>  </div><div><div></div><div></div></div><!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->    <br /><div></div><div></div></div></div> <!--End mc_embed_signup--><br /><div style=\"text-align: justify\"><br /></div><div align=\"JUSTIFY\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><br /><br /><br /></div><div align=\"CENTER\" lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%;margin-bottom: 0cm\"><br /></div>', 'Different Types of Sexual Desire Part III', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '34-revision-v1', '', '', '2015-03-21 22:01:00', '2015-03-21 21:01:00', '', 34, 'http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2015/03/34-revision-v1.html?lang=fr', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(35, 1, '2015-03-16 16:42:00', '2015-03-16 15:42:00', '<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3518949513430806999#video16\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"> </span></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/webseries-maintaining-sexual-desire-part-3.html#video16\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">Patterns between Low Desire Partner &amp; High Desire Partner</span></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/webseries-maintaining-sexual-desire-part-3.html#video17\">Different types of alliances in couples</a></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/webseries-maintaining-sexual-desire-part-3.html#video18\">Do you really want to change?</a></span></div>\r\nThere will always be a partner who<big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big> has more sexual desire than the other. The way<big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big> <big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>you <big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>will manage that difference will have a tremendous impact on each partner’s desire and the pleasure you will get out of sex. Ch<big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>anging our <big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>relationship patterns is a hard thing to do. Nevertheless, the effort that is necessary to change can bring us great joy and closeness with our partner.\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"novalidate\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list to receive notice of FREE videos on sexuality</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"left: -5000px; position: absolute;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"video16\">Patterns between Low Desire Partner &amp; High Desire Partner </a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/I_2lkXybX7g\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"></iframe></p>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><form action=\"https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr\" method=\"post\" target=\"_top\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" />\r\n<input name=\"hosted_button_id\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"K4SLU4ZGSDUYL\" /></div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Change the way you perceive and manage different levels of sexual desire.</h4>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you the high desire partner or low desire partner?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">How are you handling that position in the couple?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you tired of not having your needs met?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you want your partner to stop pressuring you?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"video17\">Different types of alliances in couples</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/_RV1zy4LDO0\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"></iframe></p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" /></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Handle your relationship\'s conflict differently by viewing your partner and yourself in a more healthy manner.</h4>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">How do you handle differences?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you tend to avoid conflicts?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you argue a lot with your spouse, but nothing get\'s resolved?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you manipulative or easily change your mind, but regret it afterward?</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"video18\">Do you really want to change?</a></h3>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/L9pAribujug\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"></iframe></p>\r\n\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Changing is hard for anyone, no matter what.</h4>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you stuck in a situation that is dissatisfying yet the other outcome doesn\'t seem that great either?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you waiting for your partner to change rather than yourself?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">\r\n\r\nWhat are you willing to lose if you do change?\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></div>\r\n</div>', 'Webseries 05: Maintaining Sexual Desire: Managing different levels of Sexual Desire', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', 'W5MsDMdsD', 'webseries-maintaining-sexual-desire-part-3', '', '', '2019-12-11 14:57:23', '2019-12-11 13:57:23', '', 0, '', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(504, 2, '2019-12-11 14:53:34', '2019-12-11 13:53:34', '<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3518949513430806999#video16\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"> </span></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/webseries-maintaining-sexual-desire-part-3.html#video16\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">Patterns between Low Desire Partner &amp; High Desire Partner</span></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/webseries-maintaining-sexual-desire-part-3.html#video17\">Different types of alliances in couples</a></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/webseries-maintaining-sexual-desire-part-3.html#video18\">Do you really want to change?</a></span></div>\r\nThere will always be a partner who<big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big> has more sexual desire than the other. The way<big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big> <big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>you <big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>will manage that difference will have a tremendous impact on each partner’s desire and the pleasure you will get out of sex. Ch<big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>anging our <big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>relationship patterns is a hard thing to do. Nevertheless, the effort that is necessary to change can bring us great joy and closeness with our partner.\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"novalidate\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list to receive notice of FREE videos on sexuality</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"left: -5000px; position: absolute;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"video16\">Patterns between Low Desire Partner &amp; High Desire Partner </a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/I_2lkXybX7g\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"></iframe></p>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><form action=\"https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr\" method=\"post\" target=\"_top\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" />\r\n<input name=\"hosted_button_id\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"K4SLU4ZGSDUYL\" /></div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Change the way you perceive and manage different levels of sexual desire.</h4>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you the high desire partner or low desire partner?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">How are you handling that position in the couple?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you tired of not having your needs met?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you want your partner to stop pressuring you?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"video17\">Different types of alliances in couples</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/_RV1zy4LDO0\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"></iframe></p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" /></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Handle your relationship\'s conflict differently by viewing your partner and yourself in a more healthy manner.</h4>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">How do you handle differences?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you tend to avoid conflicts?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you argue a lot with your spouse, but nothing get\'s resolved?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you manipulative or easily change your mind, but regret it afterward?</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"video18\">Do you really want to change?</a></h3>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/L9pAribujug\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"></iframe>\r\n</p>\r\n\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Changing is hard for anyone, no matter what.</h4>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you stuck in a situation that is dissatisfying yet the other outcome doesn\'t seem that great either?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you waiting for your partner to change rather than yourself?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">\r\n\r\nWhat are you willing to lose if you do change?\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></div>\r\n</div>', 'Webseries 05: Maintaining Sexual Desire: Managing different levels of Sexual Desire', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '35-revision-v1', '', '', '2019-12-11 14:53:34', '2019-12-11 13:53:34', '', 35, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2019/12/35-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(337, 2, '2017-06-22 16:38:14', '2017-06-22 14:38:14', '<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3518949513430806999#video16\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"> </span></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2015/03/webseries-maintaining-sexual-desire-part-3.html#video16\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">16) Patterns between Low Desire Partner &amp; High Desire Partner</span></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2015/03/webseries-maintaining-sexual-desire-part-3.html#video17\">17) Different types of alliances in couples</a></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2015/03/webseries-maintaining-sexual-desire-part-3.html#video18\">18) Do you really want to change?</a></span></div>\r\nThere will always be a partner who<big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big> has more sexual desire than the other. The way<big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big> <big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>you <big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>will manage that difference will have tremendous impact on each partner’s desire and the pleasure you will get out of sex. Ch<big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>anging our <big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>relationship patterns is a hard thing to do. Nevertheless, the effort that is necessary to change can bring us great joy and closeness with our partner.\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"novalidate\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list to receive notice of FREE videos on sexuality</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"left: -5000px; position: absolute;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"video16\">Patterns between Low Desire Partner &amp; High Desire Partner </a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><iframe class=\"YOUTUBE-iframe-video\" src=\"http://www.youtube.com/embed/I_2lkXybX7g?feature=player_embedded\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\" data-thumbnail-src=\"https://i.ytimg.com/s_vi/I_2lkXybX7g/default.jpg?sqp=CLzPm6gF&amp;rs=AOn4CLCZnvKNiVYVs8IYIBMRTPp-IIeqqQ\"></iframe></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><form action=\"https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr\" method=\"post\" target=\"_top\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" />\r\n<input name=\"hosted_button_id\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"K4SLU4ZGSDUYL\" /></div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Change the way you perceive and manage different levels of sexual desire.</h4>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you the high desire partner or low desire partner?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">How are you handling that position in the couple?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you tired of not having your needs met?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you want your partner to stop pressuring you?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"video17\">Different types of alliances in couples</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><iframe class=\"YOUTUBE-iframe-video\" src=\"http://www.youtube.com/embed/_RV1zy4LDO0?feature=player_embedded\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\" data-thumbnail-src=\"https://i.ytimg.com/s_vi/_RV1zy4LDO0/default.jpg?sqp=CLzPm6gF&amp;rs=AOn4CLCyaC1vbEt_C4lQBUp_qRniILxYEw\"></iframe></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><form action=\"https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr\" method=\"post\" target=\"_top\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" /></div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Handle your relationship\'s conflict differently by viewing your partner and yourself in a more healthy manner.</h4>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">How do you handle differences?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you tend to avoid conflicts?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you argue a lot with your spouse, but nothing get\'s resolved?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you manipulative or easily change your mind, but regret it afterward?</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"video18\">Do you really want to change?</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><iframe class=\"YOUTUBE-iframe-video\" src=\"http://www.youtube.com/embed/L9pAribujug?feature=player_embedded\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\" data-thumbnail-src=\"https://i.ytimg.com/s_vi/L9pAribujug/default.jpg?sqp=CLzPm6gF&amp;rs=AOn4CLC1h2jPSBFGKXjePZD90BkZhwjPhA\"></iframe></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Changing is hard for anyone, no matter what.</h4>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you stuck in a situation that is dissatisfying yet the other outcome doesn\'t seem that great either?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you waiting for your partner to change rather than yourself?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">\r\n\r\nWhat are you willing to lose if you do change?\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></div>\r\n</div>', 'Webseries 05: Maintaining Sexual Desire: Managing different levels of Sexual Desire', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '35-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-06-22 16:38:14', '2017-06-22 14:38:14', '', 35, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/06/35-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
