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(375, 2, '2017-08-04 16:01:29', '2017-08-04 14:01:29', '<h1> Are you emotionally intelligent?</h1>\r\nHave you ever heard of emotional intelligence? You most likely are if you are capable of reading other people\'s emotions. Some people are just way better at it than others. This capacity is required if you want to have any type of profound or <strong>intimate moment</strong> with another person. It is required if you want to flirt or initiate sex with a partner. Without some form of emotional intelligence, our conversations would be completely rational and robotic, which is not the case for most people. Emotional intelligence is your capacity to <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-lack-of-communication.html\"><strong>mind-map</strong></a> a person and know their desires, intentions and emotions through their tone of voice, body language and facial expressions.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>The bad side of emotional intelligence</h2>\r\nUnfortunately, emotional intelligence isn\'t always a good thing to have. If you use it with bad intentions, you can really hurt someone else. People who are highly intelligent when it comes to emotions can easily detect other people\'s weak spots and use it against them. You either know a person like that or you are a person like that or both. Which one is it for you? Have you ever been really mean to someone by using their insecurities against them? Do you know someone who does do that? Politicians, therapist, lawyers, police interrogators, narcissist, salesmen and others excel at reading others. Some use their emotional intelligence to help others and maintain healthy relationships. While others use it to their advantage to the detriment of the person they are using it against.\r\n<h3>Emotional intelligence in a couple</h3>\r\nWe all have some form of emotional intelligence and we use it in our sex lives and romantic relationships with our spouse. Our emotional intelligence tends to be especially used when we are fighting or in a conflict with them. It allows us to understand how they feel when we say something that might be hurtful or nasty to them. They evaluate you and you evaluate them constantly while you are talking or arguing together. You can either use it to resolve the conflict and find a solution that works best for both or try to get your way and out-smart your lover. How do you use your emotional intelligence?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>What is emotional maturity, then?</h2>\r\nEmotional maturity is a choice, not a capacity. Either you choose to be mature or you don\'t. Emotional maturity is using your emotional intelligence to be a nice person. It is also your capacity to manage your own emotions without blaming others for them but owning your emotions. Only you get to decide how you express your emotions, not your spouse. We cannot control our emotions as they come as a reflex, but how you manage and express them is a choice you constantly make. If you are mad, you could punch someone in the face to alleviate the anger. You can also decide to verbally yell at your spouse or in a calm matter name what makes you angry.\r\n\r\nEmotional maturity, in a couple, is taking the time to consider your spouse\'s feelings and your own and acting in a manner that will help the situation and eventually solve it. Emotionally immature adults tend to victimize themselves and blame their partner for how they make them feel. They justify their actions by the action of the other. If both are doing the same, this can go in circles for quite a while. Let\'s give an example:\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A gives a snide remark to Spouse B, because they didn\'t do XYZ and they feel unimportant because of it.</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B yells out to the other to get off their backs.</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A critiques Spouse B of being self-centered and selfish all the time</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B critiques Spouse A of always criticizing them</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A bring out an old emotional wound of Spouse B in a deliberate manner to hurt them</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B brings back an old fight, completely changing the initial subject at hand</li>\r\n 	<li>Rince and repeat for 30 minutes to an hour</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\nThis can go on and on and on, while nothing gets resolved. Both partners in this situation are emotionally intelligent, but neither is emotionally mature. It would only take one of them to show some maturity and restraint themselves from trying to bring the other one down or try to win the argument to calm things down. How would you have reacted in a similar situation in your relationship? Would you have participated in staking up the emotional wounds and attacks to each other or would you have brought yourself to be a mature adult and decide to let go of winning the argument by trying to understand what was really going on in this context?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4> How to increase our emotional maturity?</h4>\r\nWhen you are faced with a conflict try to act in a <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\"><strong>collaborative manner</strong></a>. If you feel that what you are saying or doing isn\'t helping the dialogue:\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Take a step back and breathe</li>\r\n 	<li>Reflect on what the other is trying to tell you</li>\r\n 	<li>Add something that will make the conversation progress and not digress</li>\r\n 	<li>Remain calm and listen to each other</li>\r\n 	<li>Try not to argue or poke holes in what they are saying</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t change the subject, bring up old wounds or be mean to each other</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t be selfish and see yourself as the victim</li>\r\n 	<li>Avoid trying to WIN the argument, you\'ll both be losers at the end anyway if you do that</li>\r\n 	<li>Be respectful and apologize when you feel that you were in the wrong</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t pout or act like a child, be a mature adult</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"> <img class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-374\" src=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2017/06/sex-therapist-montreal--300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sex therapist montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" /></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form --></div>\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Emotional intelligence and emotional maturity', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '359-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-08-04 16:01:29', '2017-08-04 14:01:29', '', 359, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/08/359-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(372, 2, '2017-07-19 19:59:56', '2017-07-19 17:59:56', '<h1> Are you emotionally intelligent?</h1>\r\nHave you ever heard of emotional intelligence? You most likely are if you are capable of reading other people\'s emotions. Some people are just way better at it than others. This capacity is required if you want to have any type of profound or <strong>intimate moment</strong> with another person. It is required if you want to flirt or initiate sex with a partner. Without some form of emotional intelligence, our conversations would be completely rational and robotic, which is not the case for most people. Emotional intelligence is your capacity to <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-lack-of-communication.html\"><strong>mind-map</strong></a> a person and know their desires, intentions and emotions through their tone of voice, body language and facial expressions.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>The bad side of emotional intelligence</h2>\r\nUnfortunately, emotional intelligence isn\'t always a good thing to have. If you use it with bad intentions, you can really hurt someone else. People who are highly intelligent when it comes to emotions can easily detect other people\'s weak spots and use it against them. You either know a person like that or you are a person like that or both. Which one is it for you? Have you ever been really mean to someone by using their insecurities against them? Do you know someone who does do that? Politicians, therapist, lawyers, police interrogators, narcissist, salesmen and others excel at reading others. Some use their emotional intelligence to help others and maintain healthy relationships. While others use it to their advantage to the detriment of the person they are using it against.\r\n<h3>Emotional intelligence in a couple</h3>\r\nWe all have some form of emotional intelligence and we use it in our sex lives and romantic relationships with our spouse. Our emotional intelligence tends to be especially used when we are fighting or in a conflict with them. It allows us to understand how they feel when we say something that might be hurtful or nasty to them. They evaluate you and you evaluate them constantly while you are talking or arguing together. You can either use it to resolve the conflict and find a solution that works best for both or try to get your way and out-smart your lover. How do you use your emotional intelligence?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>What is emotional maturity, then?</h2>\r\nEmotional maturity is a choice, not a capacity. Either you choose to be mature or you don\'t. Emotional maturity is using your emotional intelligence to be a nice person. It is also your capacity to manage your own emotions without blaming others for them but owning your emotions. Only you get to decide how you express your emotions, not your spouse. We cannot control our emotions as they come as a reflex, but how you manage and express them is a choice you constantly make. If you are mad, you could punch someone in the face to alleviate the anger. You can also decide to verbally yell at your spouse or in a calm matter name what makes you angry.\r\n\r\nEmotional maturity, in a couple, is taking the time to consider your spouse\'s feelings and your own and acting in a manner that will help the situation and eventually solve it. Emotionally immature adults tend to victimize themselves and blame their partner for how they make them feel. They justify their actions by the action of the other. If both are doing the same, this can go in circles for quite a while. Let\'s give an example:\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A gives a snide remark to Spouse B, because they didn\'t do XYZ and they feel unimportant because of it.</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B yells out to the other to get off their backs.</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A critiques Spouse B of being self-centered and selfish all the time</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B critiques Spouse A of always criticizing them</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A bring out an old emotional wound of Spouse B in a deliberate manner to hurt them</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B brings back an old fight, completely changing the initial subject at hand</li>\r\n 	<li>Rince and repeat for 30 minutes to an hour</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\nThis can go on and on and on, while nothing gets resolved. Both partners in this situation are emotionally intelligent, but neither is emotionally mature. It would only take one of them to show some maturity and restraint themselves from trying to bring the other one down or try to win the argument to calm things down. How would you have reacted in a similar situation in your relationship? Would you have participated in staking up the emotional wounds and attacks to each other or would you have brought yourself to be a mature adult and decide to let go of winning the argument by trying to understand what was really going on in this context?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4> How to increase our emotional maturity?</h4>\r\nWhen you are faced with a conflict try to act in a <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\"><strong>collaborative manner</strong></a>. If you feel that what you are saying or doing isn\'t helping the dialogue:\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Take a step back and breathe</li>\r\n 	<li>Reflect on what the other is trying to tell you</li>\r\n 	<li>Add something that will make the conversation progress and not digress</li>\r\n 	<li>Remain calm and listen to each other</li>\r\n 	<li>Try not to argue or poke holes in what they are saying</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t change the subject, bring up old wounds or be mean to each other</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t be selfish and see yourself as the victim</li>\r\n 	<li>Avoid trying to WIN the argument, you\'ll both be losers at the end anyway if you do that</li>\r\n 	<li>Be respectful and apologize when you feel that you were in the wrong</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t pout or act like a child, be a mature adult</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois-278x300.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone\" src=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois-278x300.jpg\" alt=\"sex therapist montreal\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form --></div>\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Emotional intelligence and emotional maturity', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '359-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-07-19 19:59:56', '2017-07-19 17:59:56', '', 359, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/07/359-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(374, 2, '2017-08-04 16:00:27', '2017-08-04 14:00:27', '', 'sex therapist montreal', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'sex-therapist-montreal', '', '', '2017-08-04 16:00:39', '2017-08-04 14:00:39', '', 359, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2017/06/sex-therapist-montreal-.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(376, 2, '2017-08-07 14:59:33', '2017-08-07 12:59:33', '<h1> Are you emotionally intelligent?</h1>\r\nHave you ever heard of emotional intelligence? You most likely are if you are capable of reading other people\'s emotions. Some people are just way better at it than others. This capacity is required if you want to have any type of profound or <strong>intimate moment</strong> with another person. It is required if you want to flirt or initiate sex with a partner. Without some form of emotional intelligence, our conversations would be completely rational and robotic, which is not the case for most people. Emotional intelligence is your capacity to <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-lack-of-communication.html\"><strong>mind-map</strong></a> a person and know their desires, intentions and emotions through their tone of voice, body language and facial expressions.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>The bad side of emotional intelligence</h2>\r\nUnfortunately, emotional intelligence isn\'t always a good thing to have. If you use it with bad intentions, you can really hurt someone else. People who are highly intelligent when it comes to emotions can easily detect other people\'s weak spots and use it against them. You either know a person like that or you are a person like that or both. Which one is it for you? Have you ever been really mean to someone by using their insecurities against them? Do you know someone who does do that? Politicians, therapist, lawyers, police interrogators, narcissist, salesmen and others excel at reading others. Some use their emotional intelligence to help others and maintain healthy relationships. While others use it to their advantage to the detriment of the person they are using it against.\r\n<h3>Emotional intelligence in a couple</h3>\r\nWe all have some form of emotional intelligence and we use it in our sex lives and romantic relationships with our spouse. Our emotional intelligence tends to be especially used when we are fighting or in a conflict with them. It allows us to understand how they feel when we say something that might be hurtful or nasty to them. They evaluate you and you evaluate them constantly while you are talking or arguing together. You can either use it to resolve the conflict and find a solution that works best for both or try to get your way and out-smart your lover. How do you use your emotional intelligence?\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-364 size-medium\" src=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2017/06/emotional-intelligence-maturiy-300x190.jpg\" alt=\"emotional intelligence\" width=\"300\" height=\"190\" />\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h2>What is emotional maturity, then?</h2>\r\nEmotional maturity is a choice, not a capacity. Either you choose to be mature or you don\'t. Emotional maturity is using your emotional intelligence to be a nice person. It is also your capacity to manage your own emotions without blaming others for them but owning your emotions. Only you get to decide how you express your emotions, not your spouse. We cannot control our emotions as they come as a reflex, but how you manage and express them is a choice you constantly make. If you are mad, you could punch someone in the face to alleviate the anger. You can also decide to verbally yell at your spouse or in a calm matter name what makes you angry.\r\n\r\nEmotional maturity, in a couple, is taking the time to consider your spouse\'s feelings and your own and acting in a manner that will help the situation and eventually solve it. Emotionally immature adults tend to victimize themselves and blame their partner for how they make them feel. They justify their actions by the action of the other. If both are doing the same, this can go in circles for quite a while. Let\'s give an example:\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A gives a snide remark to Spouse B, because they didn\'t do XYZ and they feel unimportant because of it.</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B yells out to the other to get off their backs.</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A critiques Spouse B of being self-centered and selfish all the time</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B critiques Spouse A of always criticizing them</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A bring out an old emotional wound of Spouse B in a deliberate manner to hurt them</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B brings back an old fight, completely changing the initial subject at hand</li>\r\n 	<li>Rince and repeat for 30 minutes to an hour</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\nThis can go on and on and on, while nothing gets resolved. Both partners in this situation are emotionally intelligent, but neither is emotionally mature. It would only take one of them to show some maturity and restraint themselves from trying to bring the other one down or try to win the argument to calm things down. How would you have reacted in a similar situation in your relationship? Would you have participated in staking up the emotional wounds and attacks to each other or would you have brought yourself to be a mature adult and decide to let go of winning the argument by trying to understand what was really going on in this context?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4> How to increase our emotional maturity?</h4>\r\nWhen you are faced with a conflict try to act in a <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\"><strong>collaborative manner</strong></a>. If you feel that what you are saying or doing isn\'t helping the dialogue:\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Take a step back and breathe</li>\r\n 	<li>Reflect on what the other is trying to tell you</li>\r\n 	<li>Add something that will make the conversation progress and not digress</li>\r\n 	<li>Remain calm and listen to each other</li>\r\n 	<li>Try not to argue or poke holes in what they are saying</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t change the subject, bring up old wounds or be mean to each other</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t be selfish and see yourself as the victim</li>\r\n 	<li>Avoid trying to WIN the argument, you\'ll both be losers at the end anyway if you do that</li>\r\n 	<li>Be respectful and apologize when you feel that you were in the wrong</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t pout or act like a child, be a mature adult</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"> <img class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-374\" src=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2017/06/sex-therapist-montreal--300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sex therapist montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" /></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form --></div>\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Emotional intelligence and emotional maturity', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '359-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-08-07 14:59:33', '2017-08-07 12:59:33', '', 359, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/08/359-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(389, 2, '2017-09-29 23:41:24', '2017-09-29 21:41:24', '<h1> Are you emotionally intelligent?</h1>\r\nHave you ever heard of emotional intelligence? You most likely are if you are capable of reading other people\'s emotions. Some people are just way better at it than others. This capacity is required if you want to have any type of profound or <strong>intimate moment</strong> with another person. It is required if you want to flirt or initiate sex with a partner. Without some form of emotional intelligence, our conversations would be completely rational and robotic, which is not the case for most people. Emotional intelligence is your capacity to <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-lack-of-communication.html\"><strong>mind-map</strong></a> a person and know their desires, intentions and emotions through their tone of voice, body language and facial expressions.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>The bad side of emotional intelligence</h2>\r\nUnfortunately, emotional intelligence isn\'t always a good thing to have. If you use it with bad intentions, you can really hurt someone else. People who are highly intelligent when it comes to emotions can easily detect other people\'s weak spots and use it against them. You either know a person like that or you are a person like that or both. Which one is it for you? Have you ever been really mean to someone by using their insecurities against them? Do you know someone who does do that? Politicians, therapist, lawyers, police interrogators, narcissist, salesmen and others excel at reading others. Some use their emotional intelligence to help others and maintain healthy relationships. While others use it to their advantage to the detriment of the person they are using it against.\r\n<h3>Emotional intelligence in a couple</h3>\r\nWe all have some form of emotional intelligence and we use it in our sex lives and romantic relationships with our spouse. Our emotional intelligence tends to be especially used when we are fighting or in a conflict with them. It allows us to understand how they feel when we say something that might be hurtful or nasty to them. They evaluate you and you evaluate them constantly while you are talking or arguing together. You can either use it to resolve the conflict and find a solution that works best for both or try to get your way and out-smart your lover. How do you use your emotional intelligence?\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h2>What is emotional maturity, then?</h2>\r\nEmotional maturity is a choice, not a capacity. Either you choose to be mature or you don\'t. Emotional maturity is using your emotional intelligence to be a nice person. It is also your capacity to manage your own emotions without blaming others for them but owning your emotions. Only you get to decide how you express your emotions, not your spouse. We cannot control our emotions as they come as a reflex, but how you manage and express them is a choice you constantly make. If you are mad, you could punch someone in the face to alleviate the anger. You can also decide to verbally yell at your spouse or in a calm matter name what makes you angry.\r\n\r\nEmotional maturity, in a couple, is taking the time to consider your spouse\'s feelings and your own and acting in a manner that will help the situation and eventually solve it. Emotionally immature adults tend to victimize themselves and blame their partner for how they make them feel. They justify their actions by the action of the other. If both are doing the same, this can go in circles for quite a while. Let\'s give an example:\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A gives a snide remark to Spouse B, because they didn\'t do XYZ and they feel unimportant because of it.</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B yells out to the other to get off their backs.</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A critiques Spouse B of being self-centered and selfish all the time</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B critiques Spouse A of always criticizing them</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A bring out an old emotional wound of Spouse B in a deliberate manner to hurt them</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B brings back an old fight, completely changing the initial subject at hand</li>\r\n 	<li>Rince and repeat for 30 minutes to an hour</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\nThis can go on and on and on, while nothing gets resolved. Both partners in this situation are emotionally intelligent, but neither is emotionally mature. It would only take one of them to show some maturity and restraint themselves from trying to bring the other one down or try to win the argument to calm things down. How would you have reacted in a similar situation in your relationship? Would you have participated in staking up the emotional wounds and attacks to each other or would you have brought yourself to be a mature adult and decide to let go of winning the argument by trying to understand what was really going on in this context?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4> How to increase our emotional maturity?</h4>\r\nWhen you are faced with a conflict try to act in a <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\"><strong>collaborative manner</strong></a>. If you feel that what you are saying or doing isn\'t helping the dialogue:\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Take a step back and breathe</li>\r\n 	<li>Reflect on what the other is trying to tell you</li>\r\n 	<li>Add something that will make the conversation progress and not digress</li>\r\n 	<li>Remain calm and listen to each other</li>\r\n 	<li>Try not to argue or poke holes in what they are saying</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t change the subject, bring up old wounds or be mean to each other</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t be selfish and see yourself as the victim</li>\r\n 	<li>Avoid trying to WIN the argument, you\'ll both be losers at the end anyway if you do that</li>\r\n 	<li>Be respectful and apologize when you feel that you were in the wrong</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t pout or act like a child, be a mature adult</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"> <img class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-374\" src=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2017/06/sex-therapist-montreal--300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sex therapist montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" /></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form --></div>\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Emotional intelligence and emotional maturity', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '359-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-09-29 23:41:24', '2017-09-29 21:41:24', '', 359, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/09/359-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(377, 2, '2017-08-07 15:00:38', '2017-08-07 13:00:39', '<h1> Are you emotionally intelligent?</h1>\r\nHave you ever heard of emotional intelligence? You most likely are if you are capable of reading other people\'s emotions. Some people are just way better at it than others. This capacity is required if you want to have any type of profound or <strong>intimate moment</strong> with another person. It is required if you want to flirt or initiate sex with a partner. Without some form of emotional intelligence, our conversations would be completely rational and robotic, which is not the case for most people. Emotional intelligence is your capacity to <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-lack-of-communication.html\"><strong>mind-map</strong></a> a person and know their desires, intentions and emotions through their tone of voice, body language and facial expressions.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>The bad side of emotional intelligence</h2>\r\nUnfortunately, emotional intelligence isn\'t always a good thing to have. If you use it with bad intentions, you can really hurt someone else. People who are highly intelligent when it comes to emotions can easily detect other people\'s weak spots and use it against them. You either know a person like that or you are a person like that or both. Which one is it for you? Have you ever been really mean to someone by using their insecurities against them? Do you know someone who does do that? Politicians, therapist, lawyers, police interrogators, narcissist, salesmen and others excel at reading others. Some use their emotional intelligence to help others and maintain healthy relationships. While others use it to their advantage to the detriment of the person they are using it against.\r\n<h3>Emotional intelligence in a couple</h3>\r\nWe all have some form of emotional intelligence and we use it in our sex lives and romantic relationships with our spouse. Our emotional intelligence tends to be especially used when we are fighting or in a conflict with them. It allows us to understand how they feel when we say something that might be hurtful or nasty to them. They evaluate you and you evaluate them constantly while you are talking or arguing together. You can either use it to resolve the conflict and find a solution that works best for both or try to get your way and out-smart your lover. How do you use your emotional intelligence?\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n[caption id=\"attachment_364\" align=\"aligncenter\" width=\"300\"]<img class=\"wp-image-364 size-medium\" src=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2017/06/emotional-intelligence-maturiy-300x190.jpg\" alt=\"emotional intelligence\" width=\"300\" height=\"190\" /> How intelligent are you? Which intelligence do you have?[/caption]\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h2>What is emotional maturity, then?</h2>\r\nEmotional maturity is a choice, not a capacity. Either you choose to be mature or you don\'t. Emotional maturity is using your emotional intelligence to be a nice person. It is also your capacity to manage your own emotions without blaming others for them but owning your emotions. Only you get to decide how you express your emotions, not your spouse. We cannot control our emotions as they come as a reflex, but how you manage and express them is a choice you constantly make. If you are mad, you could punch someone in the face to alleviate the anger. You can also decide to verbally yell at your spouse or in a calm matter name what makes you angry.\r\n\r\nEmotional maturity, in a couple, is taking the time to consider your spouse\'s feelings and your own and acting in a manner that will help the situation and eventually solve it. Emotionally immature adults tend to victimize themselves and blame their partner for how they make them feel. They justify their actions by the action of the other. If both are doing the same, this can go in circles for quite a while. Let\'s give an example:\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A gives a snide remark to Spouse B, because they didn\'t do XYZ and they feel unimportant because of it.</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B yells out to the other to get off their backs.</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A critiques Spouse B of being self-centered and selfish all the time</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B critiques Spouse A of always criticizing them</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse A bring out an old emotional wound of Spouse B in a deliberate manner to hurt them</li>\r\n 	<li>Spouse B brings back an old fight, completely changing the initial subject at hand</li>\r\n 	<li>Rince and repeat for 30 minutes to an hour</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\nThis can go on and on and on, while nothing gets resolved. Both partners in this situation are emotionally intelligent, but neither is emotionally mature. It would only take one of them to show some maturity and restraint themselves from trying to bring the other one down or try to win the argument to calm things down. How would you have reacted in a similar situation in your relationship? Would you have participated in staking up the emotional wounds and attacks to each other or would you have brought yourself to be a mature adult and decide to let go of winning the argument by trying to understand what was really going on in this context?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4> How to increase our emotional maturity?</h4>\r\nWhen you are faced with a conflict try to act in a <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\"><strong>collaborative manner</strong></a>. If you feel that what you are saying or doing isn\'t helping the dialogue:\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Take a step back and breathe</li>\r\n 	<li>Reflect on what the other is trying to tell you</li>\r\n 	<li>Add something that will make the conversation progress and not digress</li>\r\n 	<li>Remain calm and listen to each other</li>\r\n 	<li>Try not to argue or poke holes in what they are saying</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t change the subject, bring up old wounds or be mean to each other</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t be selfish and see yourself as the victim</li>\r\n 	<li>Avoid trying to WIN the argument, you\'ll both be losers at the end anyway if you do that</li>\r\n 	<li>Be respectful and apologize when you feel that you were in the wrong</li>\r\n 	<li>Don\'t pout or act like a child, be a mature adult</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"> <img class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-374\" src=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2017/06/sex-therapist-montreal--300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sex therapist montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" /></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div><!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form --></div>\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Emotional intelligence and emotional maturity', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '359-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-08-07 15:00:38', '2017-08-07 13:00:39', '', 359, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/08/359-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(382, 2, '2017-09-29 20:34:14', '2017-09-29 18:34:14', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">Honey...I just don\'t understand you!</span></h2>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>Everyone says it, nobody gets its!</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">How many times have you said or heard couples or even therapists saying how communication in a relationship is key? A million times I suppose. <b>What if I told you communication is rarely if not ever the problem people face in relationships. </b>Would you be surprised? Confused? Intrigued? Angry?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Saying it isn\'t the problem</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">People have no issues communicating what they want,  even if they don\'t verbally say it out loud. Have you ever heard that communication passes mainly by body language and not verbal words? Communication without body language would be bland, boring and barely comprehensible.  Well, our capacity to read each other through body language is our ability to <b>mind-map each other</b>.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is a skill we all develop at the age of four years old in a spontaneous manner and it becomes mature at the age of eleven. It is our primal instincts to interpret and understand other people through body language, their tone of voice and their attitudes.  So even if your partner isn\'t verbally saying things, <b>you are still strongly capable of determining what their desires or intentions might be. </b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now, I am not saying we can mind read, but we have a lot of clues as to our spouse\'s moods of the moment. If we didn\'t have this skill, we would never have sex, flirting would be absolutely impossible and you would never be able to have any type of connection with other people.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Here are a couple of examples you might relate to:</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">1) Your spouse comes back from work and you feel that they are upset. Just image how that would look like without them even saying a word.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">2) Your partner is feeling flirtatious and they would like to have sex with you. Again, without saying anything, they are able to transmit to you their intentions and desires. What does that look to you if you picture it?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">3) You are at a family dinner and they say something embarrassing or inappropriate and you want to communicate to them to quit it, without saying a peep. How would you go along doing it?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Are you starting to catch my drift? Well, that is also your capacity to mind-map. We also have an ability to predict where people are going with what they are saying, even though it is written down. <b>Now I could give you some bogus explanation on human evolution and how it was used to save our butts from predators, but that is not important. </b>What is significant is that you have the ability to mind-map.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">So what am I suppose to do with this mind-mapping ability you say?</h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is pretty simple. STOP PRETENDING YOU DON\'T HAVE IT! So many couples come into my office saying that they don\'t understand each other and they lack communication skills or that they don\'t communicate. <b>That\'s when I have to refrain myself from having a little smile knowing full well that it isn\'t the case, yet they want to implement that idea in the therapy</b>. That is another mind-mapping ability called <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">implanting false beliefs.</a> Which we will get to in another article.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nMost people don\'t want their spouse to know that they can actually mind-map them. It allows them to pretend they don\'t know what the other wants or that they don\'t understand them when in reality they do. This serves many purposes in relationships that tend to be destructive. <b>When we pretend that we don\'t understand our partner\'s desires and intentions it gives us excuses to avoid doing things that we don\'t want to do.</b> Like having sex! Being nice or emotionally available for them.\r\n\r\nHave you ever kissed your partner wanting to show them you wanted to heat things up and get funky? Then only to receive those duck kisses that let you hang dry (the situation can also be reversed). That is when the partner later says: I didn\'t understand that you wanted sex, it wasn\'t clear! This allows avoiding the <b>\"I don\'t want sex with you\"</b> discussion and putting the blame on the other person for not communicating properly what they wanted. <b>If you had to choose between telling your partner you don\'t desire them or arguing about how you both communicate. Which one would you choose? Most people would take the latter option.</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>Mind-mapping also plays a huge role during sex. This sets the mood and tone of your sexual relationship that you are about to have. The way you kiss, touch and what you do will be determined by mind-mapping. Rethink about your last sexual encounter. <b>How did you know when to move on from kissing to touching genitals? How did you know it was time to penetrate or have oral sex? Have you ever felt that your partner wasn\'t that into it or really was hot for you? If you are capable of understanding the flow and movement of sexual activities, then you can mind-map. </b>Not that anyone doesn\'t have the ability anyways! Now, are you still going to pretend that your spouse and yourself don\'t communicate well?</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"> Understanding, just disagreeing</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>When people come in therapy saying they have \"communication issues\"; what they are really saying is: I don\'t agree with you and I want you to change your mind ASAP. Sometimes, they want the therapist to change their lover\'s mind. It is easier saying that we don\'t understand each other when in reality we perceive things differently from our spouse. <b>We have difficulty in our relationships when we are faced with a partner who doesn\'t want the same things as us.</b> We can take it personally and feel unimportant to them. It can break our perception of who they are as a person. It doesn\'t validate our point of view, which obliges us to confront them. It confronts us to make tough life decisions that we may not want to deal with.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Can we not agree to disagree?</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>Nope, you may not! When it comes to negotiating our values, our principles, and our integrity, we cannot agree to disagree. <b>You are faced with constant dilemmas in a relationship where you have to choose between what you want and what your partner wants which more often than not, will not necessarily be the same.</b> You cannot have sex and not have it at the same time. You cannot spend money and save it for later. You cannot clean the house and not clean it. You cannot go to your in-laws at the same time that you stay at home.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>When we tend to disagree on numerous things in relationships, that\'s when the infamous \"communication issues\" start to arise. Sex, cleaning, in-laws, money and educating the kids are the general subjects we argue the most about. Others are also possible. They touch our most profound values and integrity, which no one wants to lose.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">How to get out of this never-ending cycle?</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>Like I said earlier: \"STOP PRETENDING YOU DON\'T HAVE MIND-MAPPING ABILITIES\". <b>This will allow you and your partner to stop arguing about something that doesn\'t exist and discuss the real issues at hand.</b> Be honest about what you want and the fact that you know what your partner wants, but that you just don\'t want to give it to them. This will end the none sense bickering about the \"I already told you this before\" and the \"how come you still don\'t understand\". <b>Take into consideration that you are not the only one who has made sacrifices in the relationship.</b> That all your needs and desires will not and cannot all be answered. Stop avoiding the hard truths of your relationship and have the conversation with your partner. You will only appreciate each other more for being fully honest about who you are and what you want.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>This can lead you to separation, but mostly it makes you a better person by being more understanding which tends to bring people closer not further apart. Knowing you can mind-map and that you are being mind-map changes the game in a relationship. It is up to you to decide how you want to play from now on.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<u>Did you like this article? Don\'t hesitate to share it on FACEBOOK &amp; TWITTER</u>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Next article</h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: start;\"><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\r\n</a><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/pretending-to-have-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pretending to have communication issues: Types of mind-mapping</a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: start;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: start;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/08/getting-beyond-communication-issues.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Getting Beyond Communication Issues: How Mind-Mapping Makes Your Relationship and Sex Better</a></div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"></h4>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Recommended articles:</h4>\r\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\">Unhealthy couple dynamics: Normal Marital Sadism</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\">Emotional Gridlock: Underlying issues in relationships</a>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>', 'There is no such thing as a lack of communication', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '24-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-09-29 20:34:14', '2017-09-29 18:34:14', '', 24, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/09/24-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(415, 2, '2017-10-20 03:00:19', '2017-10-20 01:00:19', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>Overcoming The Fear of Rejection*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">No one likes to be rejected, especially by someone we care deeply about and that their opinion of us sometimes exceeds our own. In the dynamic of the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">H</span></b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) and <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>)</span></span></a> both partners feel rejected, but in different ways and for different reasons. This perpetual fear of rejection drives many couples’ dynamics and turns their <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">alliance into an unhealthy one</a>. Our sense of worth comes primarily from other people’s perception of us and the more important they are to us the more impact they have on us.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP Controls The HDP Sense of Worth</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Since the LDP controls sex in every way, shape and form, they tend to control how the HDP feels about themselves as well. Since most couples use <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\">other validated intimacy</a>, it is hard for the HDP to feel good about themselves and have the perception that they are desirable, when they are constantly rejected. When someone’s been rejected multiple times for sex, it\'s not uncommon to start thinking that there might be something wrong with them. When our sense of worth is based on what other people and most importantly our spouse thinks, then rejection is hard to deal with.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The doubt that the HDP feels about themselves makes them even less attractive. We\'ve all heard before that confidence is what makes someone attractive. Well, the rule still applies in long term committed relationships. So the HDP that has their self worth based on their spouses perception of them, rather than their own tend to be undesirable, because they act the part. When you don\'t feel confident; your way of being, of flirting and seducing demonstrates your lack thereof. HDP\'s start to want sex, not because they really truly have sexual desire for their partner, but because they want the other person to tell them their desirable. If you look at this situation more closely, the HDP is asking his LDP spouse to find them desirable and attractive when they can\'t even feel and see it for themselves.<b> It\'s a vicious cycle of undesirability</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>\r\nGetting Out of This Rut</b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This is where the hard work begins! In a relationship, where there probably isn\'t any <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/construct-a-healthier-couples-dynamic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">collaborative alliance</a>, there is Normal Marital Sadism and you are faced with <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\">emotional gridlock</a>, the first thing that tends to come to mind is to call it quits and leave the relationship. Thing is...you\'ve put so much time and commitment in it that you don\'t just want to throw it all away. Also, you are going to face the same issues eventually in your next relationship anyway.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It\'s at this point that you need to work on your <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\">emotional balance</a>, if you want to get through this. First, you need to start feeling and acting in a desirable way. Stop the blaming and confront yourself about your own short-comings and insecurities. Put some effort into the relationship and notice where you have been slacking off. Reinvent yourself, be spontaneous and adventurous at how you are going to be with your partner and yourself. Get a life of your own, go out, try new things and start building your confidence through experiences other than with your spouse (non-sexual ones). It\'s important not to perceive this as taking a break or avoiding the issue. It\'s a time of self-reflection where you build yourself and get to know who you truly are and who you want to be. Motivate and inspire yourself, it makes a person attractive and desirable. Lastly, stop taking things so personally! Some of it might be more about your partner than yourself. If it is about you then take a stand and become a better person, by seeing it as constructive criticism, even when it\'s not said that way.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nRome wasn\'t built in a day and neither will your self-esteem and sense of <b>self-</b><b>worth</b>. You need to learn to tolerate pain, anxiety, fear and frustration to grow and become a mature adult in a healthy relationship.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>READ NEXT CHAPTER</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b>I Don\'t Want Sex : </b>What Should I Do?</span></a></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Getting Yourself Together: Promotes Sexual Desire!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '53-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-20 03:00:19', '2017-10-20 01:00:19', '', 53, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/53-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(387, 2, '2017-09-29 20:53:10', '2017-09-29 18:53:10', '<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;\">How they intertwine together!</span></h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; Normal 0 0 1 381 2176 18 4 2672 11.1282 &lt;![endif]--><!-- [if gte mso 9]&gt; 0 0 0 &lt;![endif]--> <!--StartFragment-->\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Verdana; text-align: justify; margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana;\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\"> <span style=\"font-size: large;\">We all have patterns in our romantic relationships, which have variable impacts on our lives. They often change due to our personal development so they can better serve our needs according to our beliefs, experiences and values related to our perception of love. In other words, they are modifiable in order to protect us and help us grow as individuals. When patterns are unhealthy, they usually make us feel unhappy, lonely, mixed up, rejected and get us into problematic relationships We therefore find ourselves in a vicious cycle of bad choices when it comes to our love life with feelings of disappointment which subsequently affect us.</span></span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Verdana; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify; margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"> </span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Verdana; text-align: justify; margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana;\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0.0px;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"> Healthy patterns enable us to personally grow in our couple and the unhealthy ones are trying to protect us maladaptively. The latter are paradoxically comfortable in spite of the many problems they generate, because we can predict them and generate a sense of security. Changing patterns, all different circumstances put aside, causes anxiety for everyone. The feeling of anguish, when it comes to love, decreases motivation to modify patterns. Some people however are capable of changing them, which enables them to grow in the relationships they maintain.</span></span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Verdana; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify; margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0veTlRi6hGg/UQmBPtvuKqI/AAAAAAAAAFI/xyfF-aKplDY/s1600/305103_247437601975108_135306759854860_827389_573023551_n.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0veTlRi6hGg/UQmBPtvuKqI/AAAAAAAAAFI/xyfF-aKplDY/s320/305103_247437601975108_135306759854860_827389_573023551_n.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"213\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Verdana; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify; margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Verdana; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify; margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Verdana; text-align: justify; text-indent: 36px; margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0.0px;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\">Romantic patterns begin as soon as we meet another person for the first time In order to answer our pre-established criteria, we make a selection of whom we seduce and who is allowed to flirt with us. When we start to reflect on the people we choose to seduce and those we avoid, one can detect patterns of seduction. It is not rare to flirt with people who we feel at ease with , even if they aren’t always our first choice. We seldom approach individuals who  intimidate us or we do not feel equal to , because we assume, we will be rejected and inevitably hurt. We thus avoid changing our romantic patterns, in spite of the difficulties they create, in order to stay in our comfort zone. </span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Verdana; text-align: justify; margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0.0px;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\">  </span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Verdana; text-align: justify; margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0.0px;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\">   In short, when we find ourselves in an unhealthy pattern, we avoid situations where we feel discomfort, fear or ill at ease, However, when we allow ourselves to live moments and situations of seduction that provoke more anxiety, we discover new aspects of ourselves and unexplored relationships are now possible. Awkwardness and missteps should not discourage us because they are part of the process towards change and growth  as a person. Eventually, we find our middle ground and it allows us to become more natural and fluid in being who we are. The next time you find yourselves in a context of flirting, choose the person you are really interested in and approach the ones that intimidate you.</span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Verdana; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify; margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"> </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Verdana; text-align: justify; margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\">Dare to take chances and be happily surprised! </span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Verdana; text-align: justify; margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"> </span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Verdana; text-align: justify; margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"letter-spacing: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"> </span></span></div>\r\n<!--EndFragment-->\r\n\r\n</div>', 'Relationship patterns and seduction', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '65-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-09-29 20:53:10', '2017-09-29 18:53:10', '', 65, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/09/65-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(395, 2, '2017-09-30 00:13:55', '2017-09-29 22:13:55', '<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\">\r\n<h2><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Complexity of Our Relationship and The Influence on Our Sexual Desire</b></span></h2>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">For a long time, humans have tried to understand the mysteries of sexuality and more specifically how to create sexual desire in men and in women. There have been many debates, experiences, research, theories and hypotheses that came forth from the subject. To this day, there is still no consensus because the process of sexual desire is complex, variable, individual and also relational.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">The relationship aspect is probably what makes sexual desire in humans the more volatile and unpredictable. It has the capacity to create a very strong desire or it can completely and utterly shut it down. It is also for this reason that brings couples to <b><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/contact/\">consult a sex therapist in therapy</a>,</b> for difficulty with the level of sexual desire in men and in women. It is actually one of the most difficult issues to treat, but not impossible.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for-your-couple.html\">Sexual desire issues are common in relationships for either one or both partners and even a positive thing!</a> Although it is normal, it doesn\'t make things easier to handle. In fact, contrary to the other categories (physiological and emotional), relational sexual desire follows a linear path. On top of that, it is often associated with one or more of the other types of desires that we described in the previous article. Let us start by describing the different types of sexual desire in the relationship category.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\">\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Sexual desire related to relationship dynamics</b></span></h3>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<h4><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u>Passion Phase</u></span></h4>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u> </u></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">The beginning of a relationship is often a mixed spiral of euphoria, passion and novelty that instantly creates in a person sexual desire towards their partner. This step in a relationship is normally satisfying when it comes to sex because both partners feel desirable, desired and desire towards each other. The smallest amount of stimulation or thought that comes from the other person creates sexual arousal and a desire to have sexual activities with that person. It is a desire primarily based on the exploration of the other person which for many cultivates their adventurous and creative side of sexuality.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<h4><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u>Romantic &amp; sexual desire</u></span></h4>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u> </u></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">The second step can quickly happen when both partners fall in love for each other and emotional aspects start to play in the sexual desire. This sexual desire is characterised by the presence of love between partners. They start to know more things about each other and they share a form of intimacy that feels unique to them. A form of admiration starts to settle in which energy motivates and creates sexual desire between the spouses. This drive is often more affectionate, mixed in with sexual and sensual aspects. This desire can be motivated by the want of making a family together and to get closer on an emotional level. At this phase, we tend to find a sexual desire of emotional fusion with the other. This creates the feeling of being unique in the other persons eyes during sex and especially when there is penetration (vaginal, oral or anal). This phase lasts 1 to 3 years, but rarely longer.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<h4><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u>Attachment Phase</u></span></h4>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u> </u></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">If a couple is capable of developing feelings of attachment and commitment towards each other, they move on to the next phase of sexual desire. This type of desire has often lost its sexual component and it is replaced with a profound sense of reciprocity and affection. We know our partner better, which also entails knowing the less admirable and desirable traits they have. This weighs heavily on the sexual desire that we have towards them in a negative way. Therefore, there is a decrease in sexual creativity in the couple, a routine is constructed, we start taking our partner for granted, we don\'t seduce them anymore, sensuality and eroticism disappears. This is especially common in couples who start having children. Unfortunately for some, the length of this phase makes it hard for them to overcome it once the family situation has become more stable.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Generally, much frustration, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\"><span style=\"color: #00dcff;\">repetitive conflicts</span> and <span style=\"color: #00dcff;\">rejection</span></a> has created a distance on the sexual aspect of the relationship between the partners. Major differences are made apparent between them, which makes it hard to have sexual desire towards each other. The <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\">difference between the levels of sexual desire</a></span> is something that also comes to be more problematic. This is where we notice that there is a <span style=\"background-color: white;\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\"><b>HDP</b> (<b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner)</a></span></span> and a <span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\"><b>LDP</b> (<b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner)</a></span>. This dynamic of difference between the levels of sexual desire will test <span style=\"color: #00dcff;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\">the alliance that the couple has built</a></span> during their years of the relationship.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<h4><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u>Self-Validated Desire phase</u></span></h4>\r\n<div><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><u> </u></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">This fourth and last phase of sexual desire is a tough patch to get through, as it requires work on ourselves and the couple. Many couples decide to stagnate at the previous phase of attachment and the lovers will stay unsatisfied on the sexual level. Others will consider terminating their relationship to solve their sexual and relational difficulties. Some may choose infidelity to satisfy their sexual needs that their partner can\'t or won\'t answer. There are others who choose to have an open relationship where one or both partners have sex with other people. The two last options don\'t truly resolve the dilemmas in the couple. Learn how to get pass this normal phase of your relationship.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><b>Next article:</b></span></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"color: black; font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-indent: 0px;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/different-types-of-sexual-desire-part-iii.html\">How to Achieve Self-Validated Sexual Desire</a> </span>\r\n<span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">\r\n</span><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">\r\n</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s1600/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hkwcEustEO4/V6VEeliMAwI/AAAAAAAAA7Y/AJwphVNSI9MePYpL7j2GMkYPfl---AruACLcB/s200/francois.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like theses? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div>\r\n<div>\r\n<h2></h2>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Different Types of Sexual Desire Part II', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '36-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-09-30 00:13:55', '2017-09-29 22:13:55', '', 36, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/09/36-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(396, 2, '2017-09-30 00:14:24', '2017-09-29 22:14:24', '<h2><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">One giant leap backwards for female sexuality...</span></h2>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>Women are perceived as the problem</h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nThere exist numerous reasons as to why a person would have a lower sexual desire in a relationship. They are actually multiple in most cases and they necessitate a variety of interventions to find a solution to the situation. For a long time now, we have categorized women as the partner who loses sexual desire (libido) in a couple because men are the high desire partners due to their hormones, more specifically testosterone. We tend to notice that in sexologist offices we find as many men being the low desire partner in the couple. In fact, we even see many gay couples where either one or both partner has a lower sexual desire.\r\n\r\nFor some reason, we continue to perceive women as the gender who loses sexual desire or has less than men as a general rule in long term relationships. The reason why men and women lose their sexual desire does tend to differ though. What we are noticing more in female sexuality is a lack of interest for sexual activity, not because they have deregulated hormones or neurotransmitters or that women just have less sexual drive than men, but it is because they are sexually bored with their partner\'s. Women seek variety, spontaneity, newness, a sense of adventure and exploration and a context to their sex life, as well as a<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/09/webserie-02-sexual-presence-sexual-performance.html\"> sexual connection</a> (not necessarily an emotional one, but a sexual one)\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">When we are with the same partner for many years, it is only <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/12/webserie-03-maintaining-sexual-desire-in-long-term-relationships.html\">natural and normal to have a decrease in sexual desire</a>, if our sexuality is redundant, routine, predictable and with a lack of effort from both partners. A decrease in sexual desire is often not the problem, but more of a symptom of our <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\">sexual and relationship dynamic</a> that needs to be worked at.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">For what reason this new medication won\'t help the majority of <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/womens-fierce-sexuality.html\">women who have a decrease in sexual desire?</a> The simple answer is: it doesn\'t take care of the cause, buy only the symptoms. By taking this pill, that has important side effects, will only give false hope to couples that should be analysing their relationship dynamic and their sexual satisfaction. The medication might have an impact for a certain time where the motivation to have sex will increase, but the couple\'s sex life will remain the same. Therefore, the problem will most likely resurface in a short amount of time. No medication can help boring sex for a prolonged period of time in long term relationships.What about female Viagra?</h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\nToo often, one of the partners, most of the time women, perceive sex with their partner as an obligation of the relationship to maintain the couple or to avoid conflicts. After giving and receiving multiple times <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\">pity sex</a>, it is inevitable that the sex life of the couple will deteriorate and the relationship will also take a hard hit.\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Video about female Viagra (French)</h4>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">\r\n\r\n<iframe src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/sk8tg5i0GCw\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"></iframe>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3>Does this medication apply to certain women at least?</h3>\r\n<div>The short answer is yes...but with the following criteria:</div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; font-size: medium; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<ul style=\"font-style: normal;\">\r\n 	<li>Stable relationship for at least a year with a man (exclusions of lesbian couples)</li>\r\n 	<li>Loss of sexual desire must have been obtained during the relationship</li>\r\n 	<li>Complete loss of sexual desire (no erotic dreams or fantasies, no desire to masturbate)</li>\r\n 	<li>Sexual response must be functional capacity to lubricate and reach orgasm following stimulation</li>\r\n 	<li>+ 18 years old but not year having menopause</li>\r\n 	<li>Not be pregnant or breast feeding</li>\r\n 	<li>No psychotherapy in the last 3 months</li>\r\n 	<li>No medication related to mood disorders</li>\r\n 	<li>No suicidal thought ever in life</li>\r\n 	<li>No relationship difficulties</li>\r\n 	<li>Good reaction from partner about the decrease in sexual desire</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div style=\"font-style: normal;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-style: normal;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">These criteria are not about the medication that will be released in October, but of the research that studied the medication Although, we can clearly see that this medication was aimed a very few women with a particular profile with this difficulty.</div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-style: normal;\"></div>\r\n<div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therefore, this pill might <i>«potentially» </i>help certain women and couples in dealing with this<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for-your-couple.html\"> sexual difficulty that we find in the majority of relationships</a>, if and only if, the cause for the decrease in sexual desire is related to a deregulation of neurotransmitters in the female partner.</div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-style: normal;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"font-style: normal;\">Finally!</h3>\r\n<div style=\"font-style: normal;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">If you or your partner is having a decrease or lack of sexual desire, take the time to really analyse your situation and determine if you need help from a sexologist &amp; psychotherapist or the medication or a combination of both.</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><b>Francois Renaud M.A.</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><b>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</b></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"font-style: normal;\"></div>\r\n</div>', 'Female Viagra: Addyi', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '31-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-09-30 00:14:24', '2017-09-29 22:14:24', '', 31, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/09/31-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(399, 2, '2017-10-14 02:13:25', '2017-10-14 00:13:25', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">Tools to have a satisfying sex life</span></h2>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>Typical reaction to sexual problems</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Most couple therapies will focus to a certain degree on giving the tools to react productively to a sexual difficulty. A lot of the times, the couple comes in with one of them being the \"patient\" and the other will be tagging along. Sometimes, the partners agree on those positions initially given and other times it is a point of conflict between them.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Who really has a problem?</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Frequently the person who tags along during the therapy has strongly reacted to the problem by feeling culpable and blame themselves for it. For example, a man will have difficulty with his erection and the partner will think that they are either unattractive or incompetent in bed. This puts pressure on the partner to reassure their spouse\'s low self-esteem. Inevitably, this creates performance anxiety for the next sexual encounter which diminishes sexual arousal and pleasure, thus perpetuating a vicious cycle.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The person who tags along can also have frustration towards the designated \"patient\". If one partner has lower sexual desire than the other, this builds up over time as their sexual needs are not met as they wish. Often, the initial reaction of blaming oneself turns towards the other when the situation doesn\'t change. <b>Unfortunately, these negative reactions only hinder the issue further down more difficulties.</b></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Co-constructing a sexual problem</h4>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>When couples perceive sexual issues as sporadic and temporary in time, this can reduce the factors that maintain the problem in the first place.  </b>A defeatist attitude or dramatizing the sexual difficulty generally increases the problem. The partners don\'t see each other as collaborating but combative.  One\'s behavior creates a bad reaction in the other, especially in emotionally fused couples.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">For many people, sexuality is an aspect of their life where they are fragile and vulnerable. When there is a sexual issue that doesn\'t rub their ego the right way by feeling incompetent and less desirable; it generates a reaction that threatens the well-being of the relationship.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>How do you feel when your partner isn\'t as sexually aroused as you want them to be?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>How do you react when the other refuses your sexual advances?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>Do you believe that sex should be natural and simple?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/Keep-2Bcalm-2Band-2Bsex.png\"><img src=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/Keep-2Bcalm-2Band-2Bsex-257x300.png\" width=\"274\" height=\"320\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>How do you perceive sexual issues in a relationship?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>How important do you consider sexuality when evaluating the satisfaction of your relationship?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>Do you consider yourself responsible for your partner\'s sexual pleasure?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<b>\r\n</b>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><b>Who is responsible for YOUR sexual pleasure during sex?</b></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>The answers that you give to the questions above strongly correlate with your reaction to sexual difficulties. People who take sexual problems as a personal attack or blame the other for the issue only fuel the problem.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3>Productively managing sexual difficulties</h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li>We try to understand OUR part of responsibility in the issue, without taking all the blame or devaluing ourselves.</li>\r\n 	<li>We ask questions to our partner about their perception and how they feel about the situation.</li>\r\n 	<li>We manage our emotions and reflect on what the other person tells us.</li>\r\n 	<li>We maintain an open and HONEST discussion about the issue.</li>\r\n 	<li>We collaborate together rather than attack each other in our insecurities and fears.</li>\r\n 	<li>We talk about it with lightness and humour by seeing it as an opportunity to make our relationship and sexuality better.</li>\r\n 	<li>We consult a health care professional such as a sexologist &amp; psychotherapist when we aren\'t capable of dealing with the issue ourselves.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n<div></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois.jpg\"><img src=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.agence360.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2016/11/francois-278x300.jpg\" width=\"185\" height=\"200\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\nLearn more about the author\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Want more articles like these? Subscribe to our monthly newsletter</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Sexual issues: How to manage', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '19-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-14 02:13:25', '2017-10-14 00:13:25', '', 19, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/19-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(406, 2, '2017-10-25 21:59:36', '2017-10-25 19:59:36', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">I Feel More Emotionally Mature Than my Partner</h1>\r\nIn many instances in a relationship, we can feel that one of us is more emotionally mature than the other person. In couple\'s therapy, we actually get that a lot. One of the partners seems more stable and has his s**t together while the other seems distraught and dysfunctional. This can last for many years where one partner takes care of the other on numerous aspects of the relationship.\r\n<h2>Typical examples of different levels of maturity</h2>\r\n<h4>Case #1: The organizer and disorganized couple</h4>\r\nPartner one is really organized. So much so, that they do and plan everything from the cooking to the cleaning and getting the kids ready. They make all the appointments and gets everyone lined up with their schedule. They are balanced and always ready to serve others. They have little time for themselves, but that is okay because they don\'t need it. They are made strong and they impress their friends and family with the devotion and motivation to do it all.\r\n\r\nTheir partner, on the other hand, is always forgetting things and getting mixed up. They don\'t really know what to do with the kids or organize any type of social gathering. They are social people and can be the life of the party, but when it comes to planing they are nowhere to be seen. When they do try to help out or plan something, it tends to be a disappointment. They can also be needy towards their partner when it comes to sex and they tend to want it a lot.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #2: The rational and emotional partners</h4>\r\nOne partner is extremely emotional and the other is rational/intellectual. The latter is frequently calm and zen while the former cannot manage their emotions. The emotional partner wants the other to open up about their feelings and talk about themselves so they can share intimacy together. They need their partner to comfort and reassure them on a constant basis. The rational one feels the partner is a minefield of frustrations, sadness, and warmth all at the same time. They always feel like they are walking on eggshells and they are not unhappy with the relationship except for the emotional instability of their partner.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #3: The sex craving and the prude</h4>\r\nOne partner is really open about sex and the other is more prudish. They can\'t seem to find a common ground on what each of them wants in sex. One is very curious and adventurous as they want to try lots of things in sex such as positions and practices to playing with sex toys. The more prudish partner is considered shy or stuck up. They like emotional and romantic sex and not much else. The open partner is <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\"><strong>always ready for sex at any given time and any opportunity that their spouse is potentially willing to have sex</strong></a>, they will jump on the occasion.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Which couple are you?</h3>\r\nYou may recognize yourself in one of these couples or have your own variation of dynamic where you feel or your lover feels more mature than you do. The thing is that <strong>neither of you is more mature than the other</strong>. As a rule of thumb, partners in a long-term relationship tend to have the same emotional maturity. The balance in the relationship is kept by having one partner being the emotionally unbalanced person. This dynamic is called burrowed functioning*.\r\n<h4>Burrowed functioning</h4>\r\nAs we learn and explore our relationship we tend to develop systems with our partner. They help us cope with our insecurities and short-comings and vice-versa. This is called <strong>burrowed functioning</strong>, where the couple functions when one partner is, in appearance, more stable while the other tends to depend on the other. The partner who looks more mature <strong>needs their partner to be dysfunctional</strong> so that they can actually function.\r\n\r\nWe tend to see this a lot in therapy, where the partner who has more difficulty starts to grow and this destabilizes the more \"mature\" partner. They are <strong>used to having this one-up position in the relationship</strong> and now that they have lost it, they start questioning their role. They don\'t have their points of reference anymore and they start struggling with their self. They don\'t have the validation they once used to have and their worth as a person has diminished.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>How does it play out?</h4>\r\nLet\'s go back to our previous examples that we talked about earlier. The <strong>partner who is organized</strong> isn\'t needed anymore when their lover starts to be less dependant on them. They gained a lot of recognition from others and their spouse about being very reliant and dependable. Secretly, they feel that people would not like them if they were not needed. They keep people in this dynamic so they can feed on it, all the while complaining about their partner\'s lack of initiative.\r\n\r\nThe <strong>rational/emotional relationship</strong> is destabilized when one of them changes the dynamic. If the rational partner starts to be more emotional and opens up, it tends to create discomfort for their partner. They are so used to having an intellectual and rational partner that this new version of their spouse isn\'t natural. They chose this partner because it <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><strong>allowed them to hide their own incapabilities of being intimate on a profound level</strong></a>. They had a barrier that protected them all along. The opposite is also possible whereas the more emotional partner who constantly sought to be reassured doesn\'t need their partner to do so, the rational partner loses his role of the protector/comforter in the relationship and is scared that they will find someone better.\r\n\r\nSexual differences in couples also play a huge role in burrowed functioning. If the partner who is more sexually oriented stops demanding sex and loses interest in the partner who has never really been that interested in sex, it creates anxiety. The <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\">low desire partner</a> starts to feel undesired. They felt validated that their partner wanted them so badly. They could find it annoying or feel the pressure, but once those things are gone, you are left with another symptom. If my partner doesn\'t desire me as much, will they leave me? It is very comforting to know that your partner desires you.\r\n\r\nIf the more prudish partner becomes more sexually active, the sex craving partner loses his position as the sexual one (<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\">high desire partner</a>). They are not the teacher or the leader of sex but become a follower. This is a position they are normally not comfortable with. They liked having a position of authority and would always be in their comfort zone because they took the sexual dynamic where they wanted it to go. When the other partner takes charge, they have to be in elements they are not used to or are unknown to them.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Getting out of a dysfunctional relationship</h2>\r\nAre you willing to see your partner as an equal to yourself? Can you see yourself as an equal to them? How much value do you attribute to your partner\'s perception of yourself? Are you willing to be less dependent on your role in the relationship?\r\n\r\nThese questions are fundamental if you want to change in your relationship. If you are not willing to put the effort to better yourself and confront your own insecurities, the chances of making a better relationship are slim. Take into account how you act and behave with your partner by realizing how you benefit from the current dynamic. Truly ask yourself if you are ready to let go of those advantages and accept a new model in your dynamic that will allow you to GROW with your partner. Rather than STAGNATE in a routine of frustration and conflict.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n* Concept created by David Schnarch in his book: Intimacy and Desire', 'I Function Because my Partner is Dysfunctional', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'function-partner-dysfunctional', '', '', '2017-10-30 14:57:50', '2017-10-30 13:57:50', '', 0, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/?p=406', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(407, 2, '2017-10-16 20:29:28', '2017-10-16 18:29:28', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">I feel more emotionally mature than my partner</h1>\r\n<h2></h2>', 'I function because my partner is dysfunctional', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '406-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-16 20:29:28', '2017-10-16 18:29:28', '', 406, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/406-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(408, 2, '2017-10-16 20:52:30', '2017-10-16 18:52:30', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">I feel more emotionally mature than my partner</h1>\r\nIn many instances in a relationship, we can feel that one of us is more emotionally mature than the other person. In couple\'s therapy, we actually get that a lot. One of the partners seems more stable and has his s**t together while the other seems distraught and unbalanced. This can last for many years where one partner takes care of the other on numerous aspects of the relationship.\r\n<h2>Typical examples of different levels of maturity</h2>\r\n<h4>Case #1: The organizer and disorganized couple</h4>\r\nPartner one is really organized. So much that they do and plan everything from the cooking to the cleaning and getting the kids ready. They make all the appointments and get\'s everyone lined up with their schedule. They are balanced and always ready to serve others. They have little time for themselves, but that is okay because they don\'t need it. They are made strong and they impress their friends and family with the devotion and motivation to do it all.\r\n\r\nTheir partner, on the other hand, is always forgetting things and getting mixed up. They don\'t really know what to do with the kids or organize any type of social gathering. They are social people and can be the life of the party, but when it comes to planing they are nowhere to be seen. When they do try to help out or plan something, it tends to be a disappointment. They can also be needy towards their partner when it comes to sex and they tend to want it a lot.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #2: The rational and emotional partners</h4>\r\nOne partner is extremely emotional and the other is rational. One is frequently calm and zen while the other one cannot manage their emotions. The emotional partner wants the other to open up about their feelings and talk about themselves so they can share intimacy together. The rational one feels the partner is a minefield of frustrations, sadness, and warmth all at the same time. They always feel like they are walking on eggshells and they are not unhappy with the relationship except for their emotionally unstable partner.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #3: The sex craving and the prude</h4>\r\nOne partner is really open about sex and the other is more prudish. They can\'t seem to find a common ground on what each of them wants in sex. One is very curious and adventurous as they want to try lots of things in sex such as positions and practices to playing with sex toys. The more prudish partner is considered shy or stuck up. They like emotional and romantic sex and not much else. The open partner is always ready for sex at any given time and any opportunity that their spouse is potentially willing to have sex they will jump on it.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'I function because my partner is dysfunctional', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '406-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-16 20:52:30', '2017-10-16 18:52:30', '', 406, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/406-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(409, 2, '2017-10-16 20:59:08', '2017-10-16 18:59:08', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">I feel more emotionally mature than my partner</h1>\r\nIn many instances in a relationship, we can feel that one of us is more emotionally mature than the other person. In couple\'s therapy, we actually get that a lot. One of the partners seems more stable and has his s**t together while the other seems distraught and unbalanced. This can last for many years where one partner takes care of the other on numerous aspects of the relationship.\r\n<h2>Typical examples of different levels of maturity</h2>\r\n<h4>Case #1: The organizer and disorganized couple</h4>\r\nPartner one is really organized. So much that they do and plan everything from the cooking to the cleaning and getting the kids ready. They make all the appointments and get\'s everyone lined up with their schedule. They are balanced and always ready to serve others. They have little time for themselves, but that is okay because they don\'t need it. They are made strong and they impress their friends and family with the devotion and motivation to do it all.\r\n\r\nTheir partner, on the other hand, is always forgetting things and getting mixed up. They don\'t really know what to do with the kids or organize any type of social gathering. They are social people and can be the life of the party, but when it comes to planing they are nowhere to be seen. When they do try to help out or plan something, it tends to be a disappointment. They can also be needy towards their partner when it comes to sex and they tend to want it a lot.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #2: The rational and emotional partners</h4>\r\nOne partner is extremely emotional and the other is rational. One is frequently calm and zen while the other one cannot manage their emotions. The emotional partner wants the other to open up about their feelings and talk about themselves so they can share intimacy together. They need their partner to comfort and reassure them on a constant basis. The rational one feels the partner is a minefield of frustrations, sadness, and warmth all at the same time. They always feel like they are walking on eggshells and they are not unhappy with the relationship except for their emotionally unstable partner.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #3: The sex craving and the prude</h4>\r\nOne partner is really open about sex and the other is more prudish. They can\'t seem to find a common ground on what each of them wants in sex. One is very curious and adventurous as they want to try lots of things in sex such as positions and practices to playing with sex toys. The more prudish partner is considered shy or stuck up. They like emotional and romantic sex and not much else. The open partner is always ready for sex at any given time and any opportunity that their spouse is potentially willing to have sex they will jump on it.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Which couple are you?</h3>\r\nYou may recognize yourself in one of these couples or have your own variation of dynamic where you feel or your lover feels more mature than you do. The thing is that neither of you is more mature than the other. As a rule of thumb, partners in a long-term relationship tend to have the same emotional maturity.', 'I function because my partner is dysfunctional', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '406-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-16 20:59:08', '2017-10-16 18:59:08', '', 406, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/406-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
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(410, 2, '2017-10-17 15:55:29', '2017-10-17 13:55:29', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">I feel more emotionally mature than my partner</h1>\r\nIn many instances in a relationship, we can feel that one of us is more emotionally mature than the other person. In couple\'s therapy, we actually get that a lot. One of the partners seems more stable and has his s**t together while the other seems distraught and unbalanced. This can last for many years where one partner takes care of the other on numerous aspects of the relationship.\r\n<h2>Typical examples of different levels of maturity</h2>\r\n<h4>Case #1: The organizer and disorganized couple</h4>\r\nPartner one is really organized. So much that they do and plan everything from the cooking to the cleaning and getting the kids ready. They make all the appointments and get\'s everyone lined up with their schedule. They are balanced and always ready to serve others. They have little time for themselves, but that is okay because they don\'t need it. They are made strong and they impress their friends and family with the devotion and motivation to do it all.\r\n\r\nTheir partner, on the other hand, is always forgetting things and getting mixed up. They don\'t really know what to do with the kids or organize any type of social gathering. They are social people and can be the life of the party, but when it comes to planing they are nowhere to be seen. When they do try to help out or plan something, it tends to be a disappointment. They can also be needy towards their partner when it comes to sex and they tend to want it a lot.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #2: The rational and emotional partners</h4>\r\nOne partner is extremely emotional and the other is rational. One is frequently calm and zen while the other one cannot manage their emotions. The emotional partner wants the other to open up about their feelings and talk about themselves so they can share intimacy together. They need their partner to comfort and reassure them on a constant basis. The rational one feels the partner is a minefield of frustrations, sadness, and warmth all at the same time. They always feel like they are walking on eggshells and they are not unhappy with the relationship except for their emotionally unstable partner.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #3: The sex craving and the prude</h4>\r\nOne partner is really open about sex and the other is more prudish. They can\'t seem to find a common ground on what each of them wants in sex. One is very curious and adventurous as they want to try lots of things in sex such as positions and practices to playing with sex toys. The more prudish partner is considered shy or stuck up. They like emotional and romantic sex and not much else. The open partner is always ready for sex at any given time and any opportunity that their spouse is potentially willing to have sex they will jump on it.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Which couple are you?</h3>\r\nYou may recognize yourself in one of these couples or have your own variation of dynamic where you feel or your lover feels more mature than you do. The thing is that neither of you is more mature than the other. As a rule of thumb, partners in a long-term relationship tend to have the same emotional maturity.\r\n<h4>Burrowed functioning</h4>\r\nAs we learn and explore our relationship we tend to develop systems with our partner. They help us cope our insecurities and short-comings and vice-versa. This is called <strong>burrowed functioning</strong>, where the couple functions when one partner is, in appearance, more stable while the other tends to depend on the other. The partner who looks more mature needs their partner to be dysfunctional so that they can actually function.\r\n\r\nWe tend to see this a lot in therapy, where the partner who has more difficulty starts to grow and this destabilizes the more mature partner. They are used to having this one-up position in the relationship and now that they have lost it, they start questioning their role. They don\'t have their points of reference anymore and they start struggling with their self. They don\'t have the validation they once use to have and their worth as a person has diminished.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>How does it play out?</h4>\r\nLet\'s go back to our previous examples that we talked about earlier. The partner who is organized isn\'t needed anymore when their lover starts to be less dependant on them. They gained a lot of recognition from others and sometimes their spouse about being very reliant and dependable. Secretly, they feel that people would not like them if they were not needed. They keep people in this dynamic so they can feed on it, all the while complaining about their partner\'s lack of initiative.\r\n\r\nThe rational/emotional relationship is destabilized when one of them changes the dynamic. If the rational partners starts to be more emotional and opens up, it tends to create discomfort for their partner. They are so used to having an intellectual and rational partner that this new version of their spouse isn\'t natural. They choose this partner because it allowed them to hide their own incapabilities of being intimate on a profound level. They had a barrier that protected them all along. The opposite is also possible whereas the more emotional partner who constantly sought to be reassured doesn\'t need their partner to do so, the rational partner loses his role of the protector in the relationship and is scared that they will find someone better.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'I function because my partner is dysfunctional', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '406-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-17 15:55:29', '2017-10-17 13:55:29', '', 406, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/406-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(411, 2, '2017-10-17 17:01:17', '2017-10-17 15:01:17', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">I feel more emotionally mature than my partner</h1>\r\nIn many instances in a relationship, we can feel that one of us is more emotionally mature than the other person. In couple\'s therapy, we actually get that a lot. One of the partners seems more stable and has his s**t together while the other seems distraught and unbalanced. This can last for many years where one partner takes care of the other on numerous aspects of the relationship.\r\n<h2>Typical examples of different levels of maturity</h2>\r\n<h4>Case #1: The organizer and disorganized couple</h4>\r\nPartner one is really organized. So much that they do and plan everything from the cooking to the cleaning and getting the kids ready. They make all the appointments and get\'s everyone lined up with their schedule. They are balanced and always ready to serve others. They have little time for themselves, but that is okay because they don\'t need it. They are made strong and they impress their friends and family with the devotion and motivation to do it all.\r\n\r\nTheir partner, on the other hand, is always forgetting things and getting mixed up. They don\'t really know what to do with the kids or organize any type of social gathering. They are social people and can be the life of the party, but when it comes to planing they are nowhere to be seen. When they do try to help out or plan something, it tends to be a disappointment. They can also be needy towards their partner when it comes to sex and they tend to want it a lot.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #2: The rational and emotional partners</h4>\r\nOne partner is extremely emotional and the other is rational. One is frequently calm and zen while the other one cannot manage their emotions. The emotional partner wants the other to open up about their feelings and talk about themselves so they can share intimacy together. They need their partner to comfort and reassure them on a constant basis. The rational one feels the partner is a minefield of frustrations, sadness, and warmth all at the same time. They always feel like they are walking on eggshells and they are not unhappy with the relationship except for their emotionally unstable partner.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #3: The sex craving and the prude</h4>\r\nOne partner is really open about sex and the other is more prudish. They can\'t seem to find a common ground on what each of them wants in sex. One is very curious and adventurous as they want to try lots of things in sex such as positions and practices to playing with sex toys. The more prudish partner is considered shy or stuck up. They like emotional and romantic sex and not much else. The open partner is always ready for sex at any given time and any opportunity that their spouse is potentially willing to have sex they will jump on it.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Which couple are you?</h3>\r\nYou may recognize yourself in one of these couples or have your own variation of dynamic where you feel or your lover feels more mature than you do. The thing is that neither of you is more mature than the other. As a rule of thumb, partners in a long-term relationship tend to have the same emotional maturity.\r\n<h4>Burrowed functioning</h4>\r\nAs we learn and explore our relationship we tend to develop systems with our partner. They help us cope our insecurities and short-comings and vice-versa. This is called <strong>burrowed functioning</strong>, where the couple functions when one partner is, in appearance, more stable while the other tends to depend on the other. The partner who looks more mature needs their partner to be dysfunctional so that they can actually function.\r\n\r\nWe tend to see this a lot in therapy, where the partner who has more difficulty starts to grow and this destabilizes the more mature partner. They are used to having this one-up position in the relationship and now that they have lost it, they start questioning their role. They don\'t have their points of reference anymore and they start struggling with their self. They don\'t have the validation they once use to have and their worth as a person has diminished.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>How does it play out?</h4>\r\nLet\'s go back to our previous examples that we talked about earlier. The partner who is organized isn\'t needed anymore when their lover starts to be less dependant on them. They gained a lot of recognition from others and sometimes their spouse about being very reliant and dependable. Secretly, they feel that people would not like them if they were not needed. They keep people in this dynamic so they can feed on it, all the while complaining about their partner\'s lack of initiative.\r\n\r\nThe rational/emotional relationship is destabilized when one of them changes the dynamic. If the rational partners starts to be more emotional and opens up, it tends to create discomfort for their partner. They are so used to having an intellectual and rational partner that this new version of their spouse isn\'t natural. They choose this partner because it allowed them to hide their own incapabilities of being intimate on a profound level. They had a barrier that protected them all along. The opposite is also possible whereas the more emotional partner who constantly sought to be reassured doesn\'t need their partner to do so, the rational partner loses his role of the protector in the relationship and is scared that they will find someone better.\r\n\r\nSexual differences in couples also play a huge rule with burrowed functioning. If the partner who is more sexually oriented stops demanding sex and loses interest in the partner who has never really be that interested in sex, it creates anxiety. The low desire partner starts to feel undesired. They felt validated that they partner wanted them so badly. They could find it annoying or feel the pressure, but once those things are gone, you are left with another symptom. If my partner doesn\'t desire me as much, will they leave me? It is very comforting to know that your partner desires you.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'I function because my partner is dysfunctional', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '406-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-17 17:01:17', '2017-10-17 15:01:17', '', 406, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/406-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(414, 2, '2017-10-20 03:00:10', '2017-10-20 01:00:10', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">How to Construct and Maintain it</span></b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"center\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Once you’ve figured your </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">type of alliance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">, it is important to understand that it <b>only takes one partner</b> to change it so that it becomes collaborative.</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">What Is a Collaborative Alliance?</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">      A collaborative alliance works out and reinforces our </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">4 points of balance</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. This type of alliance requires that you see your couple as a team and that you are prepared to confront yourself and your partner when the time comes when they are not holding up to the collaborative alliance. It is the capacity for each individual to evaluate and self-criticize by taking your responsibility by promoting honesty with yourself and to your partner. </span></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Ingredients to a Good Collaborative Alliance</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;\"></div>\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\"> </span><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt; text-indent: -18pt;\">Taking the time to self-confront about our implication in the dynamic of the couple and your sexuality</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Not to distort the truth or retain information to manipulate our partner</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Being completely honest with our partner, even if it is at our disadvantage or difficult</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Maintain the alliance even though our partner is not</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Not letting our emotions take the best of us and focusing on what needs to be done</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Reconstructing the alliance is more important than the fact that you lost it</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Understand the reasons why and when we lose the alliance</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Confront our partner when they have dropped the alliance, by remaining open to our contribution to the loss of it</span></li>\r\n 	<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">A collaborative alliance tests your integrity</span></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n\r\n</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     A collaborative alliance is not a reflex most people will have in a conflict, because it isn’t always advantageous and comfortable to maintain it. Although, it does show our capacity to remain loyal and our level of integrity towards our partner and ourselves. It is based on a profound friendship that obliges us to become better people and become a better partner. It allows us to surpass our biggest obstacles and build a strong foundation for a couple. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     It is hard to keep a collaborative alliance, because it requires us to question ourselves at a profound level (</span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">solid-flexible self</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">). This reflection can cause an identity crisis where we must redefine ourselves without losing our integrity. It obliges us to make very difficult decisions that determine the nature of our relationship and our future with our spouse. A collaborative alliance throws us in a very uncomfortable zone where it is necessary to confront the question of: do we want to be in this relationship. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Collaborative alliance and our sex lives</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">      It is also present or absent from our sex life. If a person is paying attention to other things during sex and remains in that state, this person has dropped the alliance. If the other partner ignores the missing connexion, it is possible that they have a collusive alliance to avoid getting into a conflict or maybe there wasn’t even an alliance to begin with. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     In a collaborative alliance, we are ready to push our level of sexual maturity to develop our erotism and maximize the intimacy we share with our partner. One dares more in sexual behaviours, because we consider our couple and our sex life to be more important than our limitations and difficulties. We take a decision to be more mature sexually and truly enjoy what sex we can have with our lover. We value ourselves and inhibitions fall to make room for our most erotic self and reach our full potential. </span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Our emotions make us lose our collaborative alliance</span></b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">     To often we let ourselves drop the alliance due to our emotions. When we feel discomfort, uncomfortable, nervous, many will just to cope out and go into one of the </span><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\"><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">other types of alliances</span></a><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">. We can let our emotions dictate our behaviours and the future of our relationships. If we were to always base our decisions on our emotions, we wouldn’t go very far in life, because at every bad emotion we might feel, we would come back to our original place. We must learn to self-sooth our emotions and face our limits to be able to reach our full capacity.</span>\r\n<span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">\r\n</span>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sexologist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><u><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Also read:</span></u></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/04/unhealthy-couple-dynamics.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana;\">Normal Marital Sadism: </span></b></a></span><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Learn How to Hate Your Lover</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Emotional Gridlock:</span></b></a><b> </b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">The Underlying Issues in Couples</span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\"><b><span lang=\"EN-CA\" style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16.0pt;\">Series of articles on sexual intimacy</span></b></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'Construct a healthier couple’s dynamic', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '50-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-20 03:00:10', '2017-10-20 01:00:10', '', 50, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/50-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(419, 2, '2017-10-20 03:02:51', '2017-10-20 01:02:51', '&nbsp;\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>How Intimacy Effects Our Sexual Desire*</b></span></span></h4>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"CENTER\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b> </b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">When our relationship is based on <span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">other validated intimacy</a></span>, we inevitably hit an obstacle in our sexual maturity. If we are only willing to self-disclose a part of ourselves to our partner we\'re limiting the level of intimacy the couple can share. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Limiting our sexual maturity</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sexual desire</a></span> in a long-term relationship can be affected by a number of elements in the dynamic of a couple. First and foremost sexual desire stays alive in couples who are capable of reinventing themselves, trying new things, experimenting sexual fantasies and introducing a different dynamic in their sex lives. It\'s also people who are not afraid to look silly, laugh and can tolerate sexual awkwardness. When our couple uses other validated intimacy, we\'re afraid to do any of those things because they might bring rejection or judgment on the part of the partner, which other validated couples avoid at all cost because that hurts.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Avoid stagnation</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Consequently, we find couples who have stagnated in their capacity to mature sexually and a routine is instated. Nothing kills sexual desire more than being able to predict every aspect of how we are going to have sex with someone. Sexual desire exudes when there is adventure, newness, surprise and strong emotions. Routine sex is good to make you feel comfortable and loved, but it lacks the capacity to excite and bring desire towards our partners. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Admire to desire</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Another aspect that impacts sexual desire is our capacity to tolerate vulnerabilities in ourselves and in our partner. A component of sexual desire is admiration towards the other. If there is a lack thereof, then little desire can exist between two people. How can couples be vulnerable in front of each other by admitting their mistakes, showing their issues and faults without killing the admiration they have for each other? </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Admitting our limits takes a lot of personal strength which is admirable in itself, but there is still a step further people need to go through. After putting ourselves in that vulnerable state, it\'s important to learn from it and grow as a human being and a partner. When we witness our lover struggling at becoming a better person, we can take pride and admire being with such a man or woman. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<h3><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Get your sex appeal on!</b></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: #0084d1;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/relationship-patterns-and-seduction.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Seduction </a></span>is also an element that impacts sexual desire in couples. Most long-term couples tend to take for granted their partner after a while and they don\'t feel the need to seduce and flirt anymore. Seducing our partner is required if we want to keep the flames of passion between each other. Flirting allows the couple to have fun, laugh, play and sexualize their encounters, which grants the promise of sex in the near future. If we don\'t play the game, we can\'t expect to win the prize! </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">The downside of seducing our partner is that they may end up not wanting sex at the end, which can leave one partner frustrated or rejected at having put so much effort. People who <span style=\"background: transparent;\">cultivate </span>other validated intimacy will withdraw from flirting to avoid getting hurt again. Couples who are capable of validating themselves will try again and see it as a challenge to woo their partner next time. </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\">Hence, intimacy is intricately related to the level of sexual desire that will be shared between partners. We need to heighten our intimacy by cultivating our sexual development, seducing our partner and growing as a person! </span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>READ MORE  ON: <u>Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire</u></b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefine your Couple\'s Dynamic in Sexuality Part 1</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Two Very Different Types of Intimacy Part 2</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-4.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The 4 Points of Balance Part 4</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><b>Other related articles:</b></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/03/why-its-hard-to-truly-commit-to-our.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why It\'s Truly Hard to Commit to Our Relationships</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emotional Gridlock</a></u></span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><u><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/01/a-lack-of-sexual-desire-is-good-for.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Lack of Sexual Desire is Good for Your Couple!</a></span></span></span></u></span></span></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"color: black;\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2012/12/couples-communication-issues-or-unable.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Couple’s Communication Issues or Unable to Tolerate Intimacy?</a></span></span></span></span></span></h3>\r\n<div lang=\"en-US\" style=\"font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-decoration: none;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n<!-- Begin MailChimp Signup Form -->\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text/css\">\r\n	#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }<br />	/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.<br />	   We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */<br /></style>\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" class=\"\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"position: absolute; left: -5000px;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<script type=\'text/javascript\' src=\'//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js\'></script><script type=\'text/javascript\'>(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=\'EMAIL\';ftypes[0]=\'email\';fnames[1]=\'FNAME\';ftypes[1]=\'text\';fnames[2]=\'LNAME\';ftypes[2]=\'text\';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->', 'Sexual Intimacy &amp; Sexual Desire Part 3', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '60-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-20 03:02:51', '2017-10-20 01:02:51', '', 60, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/60-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(523, 2, '2020-10-12 03:05:44', '2020-10-12 01:05:44', '<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"><b>Steps to follow: </b></h3>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to use either <a href=\"http://www.skype.com/en/\">Skype,</a> <a href=\"https://www.apple.com/ca/mac/facetime/\">Facetime</a>, or <a href=\"http://zoom.us\">Zoom</a> as a program.</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n<ol>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We decide on a date and time by email or by phone.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">You fill out the registration form that you resend by email.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">We will need to add each other to the chosen program to be able to connect on the day of the session.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;\">At the time and date scheduled, I will send you a request to start the video session.</li>\r\n</ol>\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\"></h3>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\"><img src=\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tSMxUj3S4QM/VOs9zpUm1cI/AAAAAAAAAk0/RsbQvgi7gbI/s1600/online%2Bconsultation.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"177\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<b> </b>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b><b></b>\r\n<a name=\"more\"></a><b>\r\n</b><b>\r\n</b>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; margin: 0px;\">Method of payment: E-transfer Interac</h3>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">It is possible to pay by email bank transfer</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"> This requires that you log into your Internet bank account and send a fund transfer of the amount of 100$  at the following email address:</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\"><a style=\"color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"mailto:sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com\"><b>sexologue.f.renaud@gmail.com</b></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: #575757;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\nYou can follow the procedure depending on your bank:\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://www.desjardins.com/ca/personal/accounts-services/ways-to-bank/online/transfer-money-between-accounts/index.jsp\">Caisse Desjardins</a>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"><a href=\"http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,2820,00.html\">Scotia Bank</a></span>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"https://www.bmo.com/pccgprefix/olb/help-centre/en/my-payments/e-transfers/send-transfer.html\">BMO<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.tdcanadatrust.com/products-services/banking/electronic-banking/ways-to-send-money/email-transfer.jsp\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">TD</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"https://www.cibc.com/ca/student-life/products/email-money-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">CIBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n<span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">\r\n</span><a href=\"http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/deposits/interac-e-transfer.html\"><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\">RBC</span><span style=\"line-height: 24.2666683197022px;\"> Bank</span></a>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\">You are required to pay before the session that we have established together. If you have any other questions, don\'t hesitate to <a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/en/pages/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">contact me</a>.</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3><b>To learn more about the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/01/therapeutic-process-with-a-sex-therapist.html\">process and unfolding of a session</a> with a sex therapist or sexologist </b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 24.26666831970215px;\"></div>', 'Procedure for a webcam session', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '55-revision-v1', '', '', '2020-10-12 03:05:44', '2020-10-12 01:05:44', '', 55, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2020/10/55-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(417, 2, '2017-10-20 03:00:39', '2017-10-20 01:00:39', '<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><b>How to Overcome The Issue?*</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sexual desire is defined as a sexual attraction or drive towards another person with whom we want to share real or fantasized sexual activities with. There are also many different types of sexual desire that one can express. Each one brings a dynamic to the couple and each partner may not share the same types of sexual desires or even the frequency to which they want sex with their spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Rules of Couples</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">In every relationship, we find a <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) and a <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>). In other words, you always get one partner who wants more sex than the other one. These roles are interchangeable in a couple and varies during the relationship. Men and women can be in either roles and sexual orientation plays no effect on it. Normally at the beginning of a relationship, we don\'t really see any difference. As time goes by, we tend to pinpoint who initiates more often, who wants it more, who avoids or even pretends they like it. As a universal rule, the LDP is the one who controls sex, whether they want to or not. They control how, when, how often, and the why of having sex. They have this control because they are the person who wants it less, therefore they get to choose. Sometimes, this is where name calling begins between them:</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<ul type=\"disc\">\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You’re frigid!</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You never initiate.</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">You want it all the time!</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I don\'t have time to build it, because you\'re always groping me</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">It\'s because you don\'t love me anymore</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">I tried everything, but nothing seems to work</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your seeing someone else</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">…</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h2 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>We\'re in a Relationship, We Are Suppose to Have Sex</b></h2>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This dynamic is very frequent in couples who just don\'t know how to handle being rejected for sex. They think that after a while of being with a partner, that it sort of their partner\'s job or at least they own them some sex because they\'re a couple. Typically, the <b>H</b>igh <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>HDP</b>) will start initiating more often for sex and after being rejected a multitude of times they can then become even less desirable because they put all the blame on the partner. Some will go even further and stop putting any type of effort into seducing their lover when they want sex, yet still blame their spouse.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The HDP\'s Position</b></h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The HDP does this to protect himself from feeling the hurt of rejection. When we\'ve been rejected on numerous occasions for sex from our partner we start to doubt our desirability. We tend to choose to put less effort into flirting with our spouse, because when we give all that we\'ve got and they still turn us down, it hurts even more. So the standard outcome is to start asking for sex from the <b>L</b>ow <b>D</b>esire <b>P</b>artner (<b>LDP</b>) rather than creating sexual desire in them by being desirable ourselves.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The LDP\'s Position</b></h4>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Now at a first glance, we might think that the LDP has the better position right? They are satisfied and get the frequency of sex they want and they have the control. Which is what the HDP tells them frequently, sometimes. Not so fast! Neither position in the couple, really feels comfortable. The LDP constantly has to put their limits towards their partner and respect themselves even when sometimes being barraged with name calling. They can feel inadequate and afraid to lose their partner because of it. Sometimes, they don\'t like the sex they are having and don\'t want to hurt their partners feelings by telling them, so they try to avoid it. Most of the time, they don\'t feel they have control, because they are being bombarded by questions, accusations from their partner, which might lead them to offer <b>pity sex</b>.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\">Most couples will not want to admit they have pity sex, but it\'s probably the most common in long-term relationships where partners haven\'t dealt properly with their HDP and LDP dynamics. An unworked sexual desire issue between spouses brings <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/unhealthy-relationship-patterns.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">alliance issues</a> into the couple. Let us look more deeply into the pity sex dynamic. It is defined as offering sex we do not want to our partner because we are afraid of losing them or we just want them to stop asking profusely for sex or to avoid another conflict about the situation. As you might imagine, pity sex is the worst type of sex you can offer and get in a relationship. It is neither fun nor pleasurable for either people. The LDP is rarely if not at all participating in this type of sexual activity, which the HDP obviously sees or feels. The LDP might even make such remarks as: «let\'s get this over with» and the like.<b>Pity Sex</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">What is even more surprising in this situation, is not only does the LDP offer such awful sex, the HDP accepts it. Their way of thinking is: «well...if I don\'t take this...I won\'t get any at all». This is where they\'re shooting themselves in the foot. Not only is accepting pity sex from a spouse a lack of respect to themselves, it\'s a lack of respect to their partner as well. Think about it for a second: Why should your partner put any effort into sex if you\'re willing to take anything that is given to you. This lack of respect of self, makes a person truly undesirable. Second, if the partner doesn\'t feel like they\'re respected because they are seen as a piece of meat their spouse just wants to have sex with, don\'t expect them to do it for very long or even enjoy sex. This dynamic also makes the LDP feel undesirable to themselves, and therefore lacks sexual desire, because they lack integrity.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px;\">\r\n<div style=\"margin: 0px;\"><span style=\"font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; text-align: justify;\">* Inspired by the book Intimacy and Desire from David Schnarch</span></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">READ THE NEXT CHAPTER</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"color: #6fa8dc;\"><b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Getting Yourself Together, Promotes Sexual Desire!: </span></b><span style=\"font-family: Verdana; font-size: 16pt;\">Overcoming The Fear of Rejection</span></span></a>', 'Different Levels of Sexual Desire Between Partners in a Couple', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '54-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-20 03:00:39', '2017-10-20 01:00:39', '', 54, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/54-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(423, 2, '2017-10-25 20:32:30', '2017-10-25 18:32:30', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">I feel more emotionally mature than my partner</h1>\r\nIn many instances in a relationship, we can feel that one of us is more emotionally mature than the other person. In couple\'s therapy, we actually get that a lot. One of the partners seems more stable and has his s**t together while the other seems distraught and unbalanced. This can last for many years where one partner takes care of the other on numerous aspects of the relationship.\r\n<h2>Typical examples of different levels of maturity</h2>\r\n<h4>Case #1: The organizer and disorganized couple</h4>\r\nPartner one is really organized. So much that they do and plan everything from the cooking to the cleaning and getting the kids ready. They make all the appointments and get\'s everyone lined up with their schedule. They are balanced and always ready to serve others. They have little time for themselves, but that is okay because they don\'t need it. They are made strong and they impress their friends and family with the devotion and motivation to do it all.\r\n\r\nTheir partner, on the other hand, is always forgetting things and getting mixed up. They don\'t really know what to do with the kids or organize any type of social gathering. They are social people and can be the life of the party, but when it comes to planing they are nowhere to be seen. When they do try to help out or plan something, it tends to be a disappointment. They can also be needy towards their partner when it comes to sex and they tend to want it a lot.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #2: The rational and emotional partners</h4>\r\nOne partner is extremely emotional and the other is rational. One is frequently calm and zen while the other one cannot manage their emotions. The emotional partner wants the other to open up about their feelings and talk about themselves so they can share intimacy together. They need their partner to comfort and reassure them on a constant basis. The rational one feels the partner is a minefield of frustrations, sadness, and warmth all at the same time. They always feel like they are walking on eggshells and they are not unhappy with the relationship except for their emotionally unstable partner.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #3: The sex craving and the prude</h4>\r\nOne partner is really open about sex and the other is more prudish. They can\'t seem to find a common ground on what each of them wants in sex. One is very curious and adventurous as they want to try lots of things in sex such as positions and practices to playing with sex toys. The more prudish partner is considered shy or stuck up. They like emotional and romantic sex and not much else. The open partner is always ready for sex at any given time and any opportunity that their spouse is potentially willing to have sex, they will jump on the occasion.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Which couple are you?</h3>\r\nYou may recognize yourself in one of these couples or have your own variation of dynamic where you feel or your lover feels more mature than you do. The thing is that <strong>neither of you is more mature than the other</strong>. As a rule of thumb, partners in a long-term relationship tend to have the same emotional maturity. The balance in the relationship is kept by having one partner being the emotionally unbalanced person. This dynamic is called burrowed functioning*.\r\n<h4>Burrowed functioning</h4>\r\nAs we learn and explore our relationship we tend to develop systems with our partner. They help us cope with our insecurities and short-comings and vice-versa. This is called <strong>burrowed functioning</strong>, where the couple functions when one partner is, in appearance, more stable while the other tends to depend on the other. The partner who looks more mature <strong>needs their partner to be dysfunctional</strong> so that they can actually function.\r\n\r\nWe tend to see this a lot in therapy, where the partner who has more difficulty starts to grow and this destabilizes the more \"mature\" partner. They are used to having this one-up position in the relationship and now that they have lost it, they start questioning their role. They don\'t have their points of reference anymore and they start struggling with their self. They don\'t have the validation they once used to have and their worth as a person has diminished.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>How does it play out?</h4>\r\nLet\'s go back to our previous examples that we talked about earlier. The partner who is organized isn\'t needed anymore when their lover starts to be less dependant on them. They gained a lot of recognition from others and their spouse about being very reliant and dependable. Secretly, they feel that people would not like them if they were not needed. They keep people in this dynamic so they can feed on it, all the while complaining about their partner\'s lack of initiative.\r\n\r\nThe rational/emotional relationship is destabilized when one of them changes the dynamic. If the rational partner starts to be more emotional and opens up, it tends to create discomfort for their partner. They are so used to having an intellectual and rational partner that this new version of their spouse isn\'t natural. They choose this partner because it allowed them to hide their own incapabilities of being intimate on a profound level. They had a barrier that protected them all along. The opposite is also possible whereas the more emotional partner who constantly sought to be reassured doesn\'t need their partner to do so, the rational partner loses his role of the protector/comforter in the relationship and is scared that they will find someone better.\r\n\r\nSexual differences in couples also play a huge role in burrowed functioning couples. If the partner who is more sexually oriented stops demanding sex and loses interest in the partner who has never really been that interested in sex, it creates anxiety. The low desire partner starts to feel undesired. They felt validated that their partner wanted them so badly. They could find it annoying or feel the pressure, but once those things are gone, you are left with another symptom. If my partner doesn\'t desire me as much, will they leave me? It is very comforting to know that your partner desires you.\r\n\r\nIf the more prudish partner becomes more sexually active, they sex craving partner loses his position as the sexual one. They are not the teacher or the leader of sex but become a follower. This is a position they are normally not comfortable with. They liked having a position of authority and would always be in their comfort zone because they took the sexual dynamic where they wanted it to go. When the other partner takes charge, they have to be in elements they are not used to or are unknown to them.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Getting out of a dysfunctional relationship</h2>\r\nAre you willing to see your partner as an equal to yourself? Can you see yourself as an equal to them? How much value do you attribute to your partner\'s perception of yourself? Are you willing to be less dependent on your role in the relationship?\r\n\r\nThese questions are fundamental if you want to change in your relationship. If you are not willing to put the effort to better yourself and confront your own insecurities, the chances of making a better relationship are slim.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'I function because my partner is dysfunctional', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '406-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-25 20:32:30', '2017-10-25 18:32:30', '', 406, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/406-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(424, 2, '2017-10-25 20:33:27', '2017-10-25 18:33:27', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">I feel more emotionally mature than my partner</h1>\r\nIn many instances in a relationship, we can feel that one of us is more emotionally mature than the other person. In couple\'s therapy, we actually get that a lot. One of the partners seems more stable and has his s**t together while the other seems distraught and unbalanced. This can last for many years where one partner takes care of the other on numerous aspects of the relationship.\r\n<h2>Typical examples of different levels of maturity</h2>\r\n<h4>Case #1: The organizer and disorganized couple</h4>\r\nPartner one is really organized. So much that they do and plan everything from the cooking to the cleaning and getting the kids ready. They make all the appointments and get\'s everyone lined up with their schedule. They are balanced and always ready to serve others. They have little time for themselves, but that is okay because they don\'t need it. They are made strong and they impress their friends and family with the devotion and motivation to do it all.\r\n\r\nTheir partner, on the other hand, is always forgetting things and getting mixed up. They don\'t really know what to do with the kids or organize any type of social gathering. They are social people and can be the life of the party, but when it comes to planing they are nowhere to be seen. When they do try to help out or plan something, it tends to be a disappointment. They can also be needy towards their partner when it comes to sex and they tend to want it a lot.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #2: The rational and emotional partners</h4>\r\nOne partner is extremely emotional and the other is rational. One is frequently calm and zen while the other one cannot manage their emotions. The emotional partner wants the other to open up about their feelings and talk about themselves so they can share intimacy together. They need their partner to comfort and reassure them on a constant basis. The rational one feels the partner is a minefield of frustrations, sadness, and warmth all at the same time. They always feel like they are walking on eggshells and they are not unhappy with the relationship except for their emotionally unstable partner.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #3: The sex craving and the prude</h4>\r\nOne partner is really open about sex and the other is more prudish. They can\'t seem to find a common ground on what each of them wants in sex. One is very curious and adventurous as they want to try lots of things in sex such as positions and practices to playing with sex toys. The more prudish partner is considered shy or stuck up. They like emotional and romantic sex and not much else. The open partner is always ready for sex at any given time and any opportunity that their spouse is potentially willing to have sex, they will jump on the occasion.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Which couple are you?</h3>\r\nYou may recognize yourself in one of these couples or have your own variation of dynamic where you feel or your lover feels more mature than you do. The thing is that <strong>neither of you is more mature than the other</strong>. As a rule of thumb, partners in a long-term relationship tend to have the same emotional maturity. The balance in the relationship is kept by having one partner being the emotionally unbalanced person. This dynamic is called burrowed functioning*.\r\n<h4>Burrowed functioning</h4>\r\nAs we learn and explore our relationship we tend to develop systems with our partner. They help us cope with our insecurities and short-comings and vice-versa. This is called <strong>burrowed functioning</strong>, where the couple functions when one partner is, in appearance, more stable while the other tends to depend on the other. The partner who looks more mature <strong>needs their partner to be dysfunctional</strong> so that they can actually function.\r\n\r\nWe tend to see this a lot in therapy, where the partner who has more difficulty starts to grow and this destabilizes the more \"mature\" partner. They are used to having this one-up position in the relationship and now that they have lost it, they start questioning their role. They don\'t have their points of reference anymore and they start struggling with their self. They don\'t have the validation they once used to have and their worth as a person has diminished.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>How does it play out?</h4>\r\nLet\'s go back to our previous examples that we talked about earlier. The partner who is organized isn\'t needed anymore when their lover starts to be less dependant on them. They gained a lot of recognition from others and their spouse about being very reliant and dependable. Secretly, they feel that people would not like them if they were not needed. They keep people in this dynamic so they can feed on it, all the while complaining about their partner\'s lack of initiative.\r\n\r\nThe rational/emotional relationship is destabilized when one of them changes the dynamic. If the rational partner starts to be more emotional and opens up, it tends to create discomfort for their partner. They are so used to having an intellectual and rational partner that this new version of their spouse isn\'t natural. They choose this partner because it allowed them to hide their own incapabilities of being intimate on a profound level. They had a barrier that protected them all along. The opposite is also possible whereas the more emotional partner who constantly sought to be reassured doesn\'t need their partner to do so, the rational partner loses his role of the protector/comforter in the relationship and is scared that they will find someone better.\r\n\r\nSexual differences in couples also play a huge role in burrowed functioning couples. If the partner who is more sexually oriented stops demanding sex and loses interest in the partner who has never really been that interested in sex, it creates anxiety. The low desire partner starts to feel undesired. They felt validated that their partner wanted them so badly. They could find it annoying or feel the pressure, but once those things are gone, you are left with another symptom. If my partner doesn\'t desire me as much, will they leave me? It is very comforting to know that your partner desires you.\r\n\r\nIf the more prudish partner becomes more sexually active, they sex craving partner loses his position as the sexual one. They are not the teacher or the leader of sex but become a follower. This is a position they are normally not comfortable with. They liked having a position of authority and would always be in their comfort zone because they took the sexual dynamic where they wanted it to go. When the other partner takes charge, they have to be in elements they are not used to or are unknown to them.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Getting out of a dysfunctional relationship</h2>\r\nAre you willing to see your partner as an equal to yourself? Can you see yourself as an equal to them? How much value do you attribute to your partner\'s perception of yourself? Are you willing to be less dependent on your role in the relationship?\r\n\r\nThese questions are fundamental if you want to change in your relationship. If you are not willing to put the effort to better yourself and confront your own insecurities, the chances of making a better relationship are slim.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://www.lesexologue.ca\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sexologue psychothérapeute Montréal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://lesexologue.ca/therapie/therapie-de-couple/\">Spécialisé en thérapie de couple</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://lesexologue.ca/a-propos/\">À propos de l\'auteur</a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'I function because my partner is dysfunctional', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '406-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-25 20:33:27', '2017-10-25 18:33:27', '', 406, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/406-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(425, 2, '2017-10-25 20:35:52', '2017-10-25 18:35:52', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">I feel more emotionally mature than my partner</h1>\r\nIn many instances in a relationship, we can feel that one of us is more emotionally mature than the other person. In couple\'s therapy, we actually get that a lot. One of the partners seems more stable and has his s**t together while the other seems distraught and unbalanced. This can last for many years where one partner takes care of the other on numerous aspects of the relationship.\r\n<h2>Typical examples of different levels of maturity</h2>\r\n<h4>Case #1: The organizer and disorganized couple</h4>\r\nPartner one is really organized. So much that they do and plan everything from the cooking to the cleaning and getting the kids ready. They make all the appointments and get\'s everyone lined up with their schedule. They are balanced and always ready to serve others. They have little time for themselves, but that is okay because they don\'t need it. They are made strong and they impress their friends and family with the devotion and motivation to do it all.\r\n\r\nTheir partner, on the other hand, is always forgetting things and getting mixed up. They don\'t really know what to do with the kids or organize any type of social gathering. They are social people and can be the life of the party, but when it comes to planing they are nowhere to be seen. When they do try to help out or plan something, it tends to be a disappointment. They can also be needy towards their partner when it comes to sex and they tend to want it a lot.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #2: The rational and emotional partners</h4>\r\nOne partner is extremely emotional and the other is rational. One is frequently calm and zen while the other one cannot manage their emotions. The emotional partner wants the other to open up about their feelings and talk about themselves so they can share intimacy together. They need their partner to comfort and reassure them on a constant basis. The rational one feels the partner is a minefield of frustrations, sadness, and warmth all at the same time. They always feel like they are walking on eggshells and they are not unhappy with the relationship except for their emotionally unstable partner.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #3: The sex craving and the prude</h4>\r\nOne partner is really open about sex and the other is more prudish. They can\'t seem to find a common ground on what each of them wants in sex. One is very curious and adventurous as they want to try lots of things in sex such as positions and practices to playing with sex toys. The more prudish partner is considered shy or stuck up. They like emotional and romantic sex and not much else. The open partner is always ready for sex at any given time and any opportunity that their spouse is potentially willing to have sex, they will jump on the occasion.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Which couple are you?</h3>\r\nYou may recognize yourself in one of these couples or have your own variation of dynamic where you feel or your lover feels more mature than you do. The thing is that <strong>neither of you is more mature than the other</strong>. As a rule of thumb, partners in a long-term relationship tend to have the same emotional maturity. The balance in the relationship is kept by having one partner being the emotionally unbalanced person. This dynamic is called burrowed functioning*.\r\n<h4>Burrowed functioning</h4>\r\nAs we learn and explore our relationship we tend to develop systems with our partner. They help us cope with our insecurities and short-comings and vice-versa. This is called <strong>burrowed functioning</strong>, where the couple functions when one partner is, in appearance, more stable while the other tends to depend on the other. The partner who looks more mature <strong>needs their partner to be dysfunctional</strong> so that they can actually function.\r\n\r\nWe tend to see this a lot in therapy, where the partner who has more difficulty starts to grow and this destabilizes the more \"mature\" partner. They are used to having this one-up position in the relationship and now that they have lost it, they start questioning their role. They don\'t have their points of reference anymore and they start struggling with their self. They don\'t have the validation they once used to have and their worth as a person has diminished.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>How does it play out?</h4>\r\nLet\'s go back to our previous examples that we talked about earlier. The partner who is organized isn\'t needed anymore when their lover starts to be less dependant on them. They gained a lot of recognition from others and their spouse about being very reliant and dependable. Secretly, they feel that people would not like them if they were not needed. They keep people in this dynamic so they can feed on it, all the while complaining about their partner\'s lack of initiative.\r\n\r\nThe rational/emotional relationship is destabilized when one of them changes the dynamic. If the rational partner starts to be more emotional and opens up, it tends to create discomfort for their partner. They are so used to having an intellectual and rational partner that this new version of their spouse isn\'t natural. They choose this partner because it allowed them to hide their own incapabilities of being intimate on a profound level. They had a barrier that protected them all along. The opposite is also possible whereas the more emotional partner who constantly sought to be reassured doesn\'t need their partner to do so, the rational partner loses his role of the protector/comforter in the relationship and is scared that they will find someone better.\r\n\r\nSexual differences in couples also play a huge role in burrowed functioning couples. If the partner who is more sexually oriented stops demanding sex and loses interest in the partner who has never really been that interested in sex, it creates anxiety. The low desire partner starts to feel undesired. They felt validated that their partner wanted them so badly. They could find it annoying or feel the pressure, but once those things are gone, you are left with another symptom. If my partner doesn\'t desire me as much, will they leave me? It is very comforting to know that your partner desires you.\r\n\r\nIf the more prudish partner becomes more sexually active, they sex craving partner loses his position as the sexual one. They are not the teacher or the leader of sex but become a follower. This is a position they are normally not comfortable with. They liked having a position of authority and would always be in their comfort zone because they took the sexual dynamic where they wanted it to go. When the other partner takes charge, they have to be in elements they are not used to or are unknown to them.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Getting out of a dysfunctional relationship</h2>\r\nAre you willing to see your partner as an equal to yourself? Can you see yourself as an equal to them? How much value do you attribute to your partner\'s perception of yourself? Are you willing to be less dependent on your role in the relationship?\r\n\r\nThese questions are fundamental if you want to change in your relationship. If you are not willing to put the effort to better yourself and confront your own insecurities, the chances of making a better relationship are slim.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'I function because my partner is dysfunctional', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '406-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-25 20:35:52', '2017-10-25 18:35:52', '', 406, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/406-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(426, 2, '2017-10-25 20:39:55', '2017-10-25 18:39:55', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">I feel more emotionally mature than my partner</h1>\r\nIn many instances in a relationship, we can feel that one of us is more emotionally mature than the other person. In couple\'s therapy, we actually get that a lot. One of the partners seems more stable and has his s**t together while the other seems distraught and unbalanced. This can last for many years where one partner takes care of the other on numerous aspects of the relationship.\r\n<h2>Typical examples of different levels of maturity</h2>\r\n<h4>Case #1: The organizer and disorganized couple</h4>\r\nPartner one is really organized. So much that they do and plan everything from the cooking to the cleaning and getting the kids ready. They make all the appointments and get\'s everyone lined up with their schedule. They are balanced and always ready to serve others. They have little time for themselves, but that is okay because they don\'t need it. They are made strong and they impress their friends and family with the devotion and motivation to do it all.\r\n\r\nTheir partner, on the other hand, is always forgetting things and getting mixed up. They don\'t really know what to do with the kids or organize any type of social gathering. They are social people and can be the life of the party, but when it comes to planing they are nowhere to be seen. When they do try to help out or plan something, it tends to be a disappointment. They can also be needy towards their partner when it comes to sex and they tend to want it a lot.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #2: The rational and emotional partners</h4>\r\nOne partner is extremely emotional and the other is rational. One is frequently calm and zen while the other one cannot manage their emotions. The emotional partner wants the other to open up about their feelings and talk about themselves so they can share intimacy together. They need their partner to comfort and reassure them on a constant basis. The rational one feels the partner is a minefield of frustrations, sadness, and warmth all at the same time. They always feel like they are walking on eggshells and they are not unhappy with the relationship except for their emotionally unstable partner.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #3: The sex craving and the prude</h4>\r\nOne partner is really open about sex and the other is more prudish. They can\'t seem to find a common ground on what each of them wants in sex. One is very curious and adventurous as they want to try lots of things in sex such as positions and practices to playing with sex toys. The more prudish partner is considered shy or stuck up. They like emotional and romantic sex and not much else. The open partner is always ready for sex at any given time and any opportunity that their spouse is potentially willing to have sex, they will jump on the occasion.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Which couple are you?</h3>\r\nYou may recognize yourself in one of these couples or have your own variation of dynamic where you feel or your lover feels more mature than you do. The thing is that <strong>neither of you is more mature than the other</strong>. As a rule of thumb, partners in a long-term relationship tend to have the same emotional maturity. The balance in the relationship is kept by having one partner being the emotionally unbalanced person. This dynamic is called burrowed functioning*.\r\n<h4>Burrowed functioning</h4>\r\nAs we learn and explore our relationship we tend to develop systems with our partner. They help us cope with our insecurities and short-comings and vice-versa. This is called <strong>burrowed functioning</strong>, where the couple functions when one partner is, in appearance, more stable while the other tends to depend on the other. The partner who looks more mature <strong>needs their partner to be dysfunctional</strong> so that they can actually function.\r\n\r\nWe tend to see this a lot in therapy, where the partner who has more difficulty starts to grow and this destabilizes the more \"mature\" partner. They are used to having this one-up position in the relationship and now that they have lost it, they start questioning their role. They don\'t have their points of reference anymore and they start struggling with their self. They don\'t have the validation they once used to have and their worth as a person has diminished.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>How does it play out?</h4>\r\nLet\'s go back to our previous examples that we talked about earlier. The partner who is organized isn\'t needed anymore when their lover starts to be less dependant on them. They gained a lot of recognition from others and their spouse about being very reliant and dependable. Secretly, they feel that people would not like them if they were not needed. They keep people in this dynamic so they can feed on it, all the while complaining about their partner\'s lack of initiative.\r\n\r\nThe rational/emotional relationship is destabilized when one of them changes the dynamic. If the rational partner starts to be more emotional and opens up, it tends to create discomfort for their partner. They are so used to having an intellectual and rational partner that this new version of their spouse isn\'t natural. They choose this partner because it allowed them to hide their own incapabilities of being intimate on a profound level. They had a barrier that protected them all along. The opposite is also possible whereas the more emotional partner who constantly sought to be reassured doesn\'t need their partner to do so, the rational partner loses his role of the protector/comforter in the relationship and is scared that they will find someone better.\r\n\r\nSexual differences in couples also play a huge role in burrowed functioning couples. If the partner who is more sexually oriented stops demanding sex and loses interest in the partner who has never really been that interested in sex, it creates anxiety. The low desire partner starts to feel undesired. They felt validated that their partner wanted them so badly. They could find it annoying or feel the pressure, but once those things are gone, you are left with another symptom. If my partner doesn\'t desire me as much, will they leave me? It is very comforting to know that your partner desires you.\r\n\r\nIf the more prudish partner becomes more sexually active, they sex craving partner loses his position as the sexual one. They are not the teacher or the leader of sex but become a follower. This is a position they are normally not comfortable with. They liked having a position of authority and would always be in their comfort zone because they took the sexual dynamic where they wanted it to go. When the other partner takes charge, they have to be in elements they are not used to or are unknown to them.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Getting out of a dysfunctional relationship</h2>\r\nAre you willing to see your partner as an equal to yourself? Can you see yourself as an equal to them? How much value do you attribute to your partner\'s perception of yourself? Are you willing to be less dependent on your role in the relationship?\r\n\r\nThese questions are fundamental if you want to change in your relationship. If you are not willing to put the effort to better yourself and confront your own insecurities, the chances of making a better relationship are slim. Take into account how you act and behave with your partner by realizing how you benefit from the current dynamic. Truly ask yourself if you are ready to let go of those advantages and accept a new model in your dynamic that will allow you to GROW with your partner. Rather than STAGNATE in a routine of frustration and conflict.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'I function because my partner is dysfunctional', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '406-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-25 20:39:55', '2017-10-25 18:39:55', '', 406, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/406-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
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(428, 2, '2017-10-25 21:01:37', '2017-10-25 19:01:37', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">I feel more emotionally mature than my partner</h1>\r\nIn many instances in a relationship, we can feel that one of us is more emotionally mature than the other person. In couple\'s therapy, we actually get that a lot. One of the partners seems more stable and has his s**t together while the other seems distraught and unbalanced. This can last for many years where one partner takes care of the other on numerous aspects of the relationship.\r\n<h2>Typical examples of different levels of maturity</h2>\r\n<h4>Case #1: The organizer and disorganized couple</h4>\r\nPartner one is really organized. So much so, that they do and plan everything from the cooking to the cleaning and getting the kids ready. They make all the appointments and gets everyone lined up with their schedule. They are balanced and always ready to serve others. They have little time for themselves, but that is okay because they don\'t need it. They are made strong and they impress their friends and family with the devotion and motivation to do it all.\r\n\r\nTheir partner, on the other hand, is always forgetting things and getting mixed up. They don\'t really know what to do with the kids or organize any type of social gathering. They are social people and can be the life of the party, but when it comes to planing they are nowhere to be seen. When they do try to help out or plan something, it tends to be a disappointment. They can also be needy towards their partner when it comes to sex and they tend to want it a lot.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #2: The rational and emotional partners</h4>\r\nOne partner is extremely emotional and the other is rational/intellectual. The latter is frequently calm and zen while the former cannot manage their emotions. The emotional partner wants the other to open up about their feelings and talk about themselves so they can share intimacy together. They need their partner to comfort and reassure them on a constant basis. The rational one feels the partner is a minefield of frustrations, sadness, and warmth all at the same time. They always feel like they are walking on eggshells and they are not unhappy with the relationship except for the emotional instability of their partner.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #3: The sex craving and the prude</h4>\r\nOne partner is really open about sex and the other is more prudish. They can\'t seem to find a common ground on what each of them wants in sex. One is very curious and adventurous as they want to try lots of things in sex such as positions and practices to playing with sex toys. The more prudish partner is considered shy or stuck up. They like emotional and romantic sex and not much else. The open partner is <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\"><strong>always ready for sex at any given time and any opportunity that their spouse is potentially willing to have sex</strong></a>, they will jump on the occasion.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Which couple are you?</h3>\r\nYou may recognize yourself in one of these couples or have your own variation of dynamic where you feel or your lover feels more mature than you do. The thing is that <strong>neither of you is more mature than the other</strong>. As a rule of thumb, partners in a long-term relationship tend to have the same emotional maturity. The balance in the relationship is kept by having one partner being the emotionally unbalanced person. This dynamic is called burrowed functioning*.\r\n<h4>Burrowed functioning</h4>\r\nAs we learn and explore our relationship we tend to develop systems with our partner. They help us cope with our insecurities and short-comings and vice-versa. This is called <strong>burrowed functioning</strong>, where the couple functions when one partner is, in appearance, more stable while the other tends to depend on the other. The partner who looks more mature <strong>needs their partner to be dysfunctional</strong> so that they can actually function.\r\n\r\nWe tend to see this a lot in therapy, where the partner who has more difficulty starts to grow and this destabilizes the more \"mature\" partner. They are <strong>used to having this one-up position in the relationship</strong> and now that they have lost it, they start questioning their role. They don\'t have their points of reference anymore and they start struggling with their self. They don\'t have the validation they once used to have and their worth as a person has diminished.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>How does it play out?</h4>\r\nLet\'s go back to our previous examples that we talked about earlier. The <strong>partner who is organized</strong> isn\'t needed anymore when their lover starts to be less dependant on them. They gained a lot of recognition from others and their spouse about being very reliant and dependable. Secretly, they feel that people would not like them if they were not needed. They keep people in this dynamic so they can feed on it, all the while complaining about their partner\'s lack of initiative.\r\n\r\nThe <strong>rational/emotional relationship</strong> is destabilized when one of them changes the dynamic. If the rational partner starts to be more emotional and opens up, it tends to create discomfort for their partner. They are so used to having an intellectual and rational partner that this new version of their spouse isn\'t natural. They chose this partner because it <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><strong>allowed them to hide their own incapabilities of being intimate on a profound level</strong></a>. They had a barrier that protected them all along. The opposite is also possible whereas the more emotional partner who constantly sought to be reassured doesn\'t need their partner to do so, the rational partner loses his role of the protector/comforter in the relationship and is scared that they will find someone better.\r\n\r\nSexual differences in couples also play a huge role in burrowed functioning. If the partner who is more sexually oriented stops demanding sex and loses interest in the partner who has never really been that interested in sex, it creates anxiety. The <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\">low desire partner</a> starts to feel undesired. They felt validated that their partner wanted them so badly. They could find it annoying or feel the pressure, but once those things are gone, you are left with another symptom. If my partner doesn\'t desire me as much, will they leave me? It is very comforting to know that your partner desires you.\r\n\r\nIf the more prudish partner becomes more sexually active, the sex craving partner loses his position as the sexual one (<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\">high desire partner</a>). They are not the teacher or the leader of sex but become a follower. This is a position they are normally not comfortable with. They liked having a position of authority and would always be in their comfort zone because they took the sexual dynamic where they wanted it to go. When the other partner takes charge, they have to be in elements they are not used to or are unknown to them.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Getting out of a dysfunctional relationship</h2>\r\nAre you willing to see your partner as an equal to yourself? Can you see yourself as an equal to them? How much value do you attribute to your partner\'s perception of yourself? Are you willing to be less dependent on your role in the relationship?\r\n\r\nThese questions are fundamental if you want to change in your relationship. If you are not willing to put the effort to better yourself and confront your own insecurities, the chances of making a better relationship are slim. Take into account how you act and behave with your partner by realizing how you benefit from the current dynamic. Truly ask yourself if you are ready to let go of those advantages and accept a new model in your dynamic that will allow you to GROW with your partner. Rather than STAGNATE in a routine of frustration and conflict.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n* Concept created by David Schnarch in his book: Intimacy and Desire', 'I function because my partner is dysfunctional', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '406-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-25 21:01:37', '2017-10-25 19:01:37', '', 406, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/406-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(429, 2, '2017-10-30 14:57:30', '2017-10-30 13:57:30', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">I Feel More Emotionally Mature Than my Partner</h1>\r\nIn many instances in a relationship, we can feel that one of us is more emotionally mature than the other person. In couple\'s therapy, we actually get that a lot. One of the partners seems more stable and has his s**t together while the other seems distraught and dysfunctional. This can last for many years where one partner takes care of the other on numerous aspects of the relationship.\r\n<h2>Typical examples of different levels of maturity</h2>\r\n<h4>Case #1: The organizer and disorganized couple</h4>\r\nPartner one is really organized. So much so, that they do and plan everything from the cooking to the cleaning and getting the kids ready. They make all the appointments and gets everyone lined up with their schedule. They are balanced and always ready to serve others. They have little time for themselves, but that is okay because they don\'t need it. They are made strong and they impress their friends and family with the devotion and motivation to do it all.\r\n\r\nTheir partner, on the other hand, is always forgetting things and getting mixed up. They don\'t really know what to do with the kids or organize any type of social gathering. They are social people and can be the life of the party, but when it comes to planing they are nowhere to be seen. When they do try to help out or plan something, it tends to be a disappointment. They can also be needy towards their partner when it comes to sex and they tend to want it a lot.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #2: The rational and emotional partners</h4>\r\nOne partner is extremely emotional and the other is rational/intellectual. The latter is frequently calm and zen while the former cannot manage their emotions. The emotional partner wants the other to open up about their feelings and talk about themselves so they can share intimacy together. They need their partner to comfort and reassure them on a constant basis. The rational one feels the partner is a minefield of frustrations, sadness, and warmth all at the same time. They always feel like they are walking on eggshells and they are not unhappy with the relationship except for the emotional instability of their partner.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #3: The sex craving and the prude</h4>\r\nOne partner is really open about sex and the other is more prudish. They can\'t seem to find a common ground on what each of them wants in sex. One is very curious and adventurous as they want to try lots of things in sex such as positions and practices to playing with sex toys. The more prudish partner is considered shy or stuck up. They like emotional and romantic sex and not much else. The open partner is <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\"><strong>always ready for sex at any given time and any opportunity that their spouse is potentially willing to have sex</strong></a>, they will jump on the occasion.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Which couple are you?</h3>\r\nYou may recognize yourself in one of these couples or have your own variation of dynamic where you feel or your lover feels more mature than you do. The thing is that <strong>neither of you is more mature than the other</strong>. As a rule of thumb, partners in a long-term relationship tend to have the same emotional maturity. The balance in the relationship is kept by having one partner being the emotionally unbalanced person. This dynamic is called burrowed functioning*.\r\n<h4>Burrowed functioning</h4>\r\nAs we learn and explore our relationship we tend to develop systems with our partner. They help us cope with our insecurities and short-comings and vice-versa. This is called <strong>burrowed functioning</strong>, where the couple functions when one partner is, in appearance, more stable while the other tends to depend on the other. The partner who looks more mature <strong>needs their partner to be dysfunctional</strong> so that they can actually function.\r\n\r\nWe tend to see this a lot in therapy, where the partner who has more difficulty starts to grow and this destabilizes the more \"mature\" partner. They are <strong>used to having this one-up position in the relationship</strong> and now that they have lost it, they start questioning their role. They don\'t have their points of reference anymore and they start struggling with their self. They don\'t have the validation they once used to have and their worth as a person has diminished.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>How does it play out?</h4>\r\nLet\'s go back to our previous examples that we talked about earlier. The <strong>partner who is organized</strong> isn\'t needed anymore when their lover starts to be less dependant on them. They gained a lot of recognition from others and their spouse about being very reliant and dependable. Secretly, they feel that people would not like them if they were not needed. They keep people in this dynamic so they can feed on it, all the while complaining about their partner\'s lack of initiative.\r\n\r\nThe <strong>rational/emotional relationship</strong> is destabilized when one of them changes the dynamic. If the rational partner starts to be more emotional and opens up, it tends to create discomfort for their partner. They are so used to having an intellectual and rational partner that this new version of their spouse isn\'t natural. They chose this partner because it <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><strong>allowed them to hide their own incapabilities of being intimate on a profound level</strong></a>. They had a barrier that protected them all along. The opposite is also possible whereas the more emotional partner who constantly sought to be reassured doesn\'t need their partner to do so, the rational partner loses his role of the protector/comforter in the relationship and is scared that they will find someone better.\r\n\r\nSexual differences in couples also play a huge role in burrowed functioning. If the partner who is more sexually oriented stops demanding sex and loses interest in the partner who has never really been that interested in sex, it creates anxiety. The <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\">low desire partner</a> starts to feel undesired. They felt validated that their partner wanted them so badly. They could find it annoying or feel the pressure, but once those things are gone, you are left with another symptom. If my partner doesn\'t desire me as much, will they leave me? It is very comforting to know that your partner desires you.\r\n\r\nIf the more prudish partner becomes more sexually active, the sex craving partner loses his position as the sexual one (<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\">high desire partner</a>). They are not the teacher or the leader of sex but become a follower. This is a position they are normally not comfortable with. They liked having a position of authority and would always be in their comfort zone because they took the sexual dynamic where they wanted it to go. When the other partner takes charge, they have to be in elements they are not used to or are unknown to them.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Getting out of a dysfunctional relationship</h2>\r\nAre you willing to see your partner as an equal to yourself? Can you see yourself as an equal to them? How much value do you attribute to your partner\'s perception of yourself? Are you willing to be less dependent on your role in the relationship?\r\n\r\nThese questions are fundamental if you want to change in your relationship. If you are not willing to put the effort to better yourself and confront your own insecurities, the chances of making a better relationship are slim. Take into account how you act and behave with your partner by realizing how you benefit from the current dynamic. Truly ask yourself if you are ready to let go of those advantages and accept a new model in your dynamic that will allow you to GROW with your partner. Rather than STAGNATE in a routine of frustration and conflict.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n* Concept created by David Schnarch in his book: Intimacy and Desire', 'I Function Because my Partner is Dysfunctional', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '406-autosave-v1', '', '', '2017-10-30 14:57:30', '2017-10-30 13:57:30', '', 406, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/406-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(430, 2, '2017-10-30 14:56:45', '2017-10-30 13:56:45', '', 'relationship maturity', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'nathaniel-tetteh-395808-min', '', '', '2017-10-30 14:57:10', '2017-10-30 13:57:10', '', 406, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2017/10/nathaniel-tetteh-395808-min.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(431, 2, '2017-10-30 14:57:50', '2017-10-30 13:57:50', '<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">I Feel More Emotionally Mature Than my Partner</h1>\r\nIn many instances in a relationship, we can feel that one of us is more emotionally mature than the other person. In couple\'s therapy, we actually get that a lot. One of the partners seems more stable and has his s**t together while the other seems distraught and dysfunctional. This can last for many years where one partner takes care of the other on numerous aspects of the relationship.\r\n<h2>Typical examples of different levels of maturity</h2>\r\n<h4>Case #1: The organizer and disorganized couple</h4>\r\nPartner one is really organized. So much so, that they do and plan everything from the cooking to the cleaning and getting the kids ready. They make all the appointments and gets everyone lined up with their schedule. They are balanced and always ready to serve others. They have little time for themselves, but that is okay because they don\'t need it. They are made strong and they impress their friends and family with the devotion and motivation to do it all.\r\n\r\nTheir partner, on the other hand, is always forgetting things and getting mixed up. They don\'t really know what to do with the kids or organize any type of social gathering. They are social people and can be the life of the party, but when it comes to planing they are nowhere to be seen. When they do try to help out or plan something, it tends to be a disappointment. They can also be needy towards their partner when it comes to sex and they tend to want it a lot.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #2: The rational and emotional partners</h4>\r\nOne partner is extremely emotional and the other is rational/intellectual. The latter is frequently calm and zen while the former cannot manage their emotions. The emotional partner wants the other to open up about their feelings and talk about themselves so they can share intimacy together. They need their partner to comfort and reassure them on a constant basis. The rational one feels the partner is a minefield of frustrations, sadness, and warmth all at the same time. They always feel like they are walking on eggshells and they are not unhappy with the relationship except for the emotional instability of their partner.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Case #3: The sex craving and the prude</h4>\r\nOne partner is really open about sex and the other is more prudish. They can\'t seem to find a common ground on what each of them wants in sex. One is very curious and adventurous as they want to try lots of things in sex such as positions and practices to playing with sex toys. The more prudish partner is considered shy or stuck up. They like emotional and romantic sex and not much else. The open partner is <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\"><strong>always ready for sex at any given time and any opportunity that their spouse is potentially willing to have sex</strong></a>, they will jump on the occasion.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Which couple are you?</h3>\r\nYou may recognize yourself in one of these couples or have your own variation of dynamic where you feel or your lover feels more mature than you do. The thing is that <strong>neither of you is more mature than the other</strong>. As a rule of thumb, partners in a long-term relationship tend to have the same emotional maturity. The balance in the relationship is kept by having one partner being the emotionally unbalanced person. This dynamic is called burrowed functioning*.\r\n<h4>Burrowed functioning</h4>\r\nAs we learn and explore our relationship we tend to develop systems with our partner. They help us cope with our insecurities and short-comings and vice-versa. This is called <strong>burrowed functioning</strong>, where the couple functions when one partner is, in appearance, more stable while the other tends to depend on the other. The partner who looks more mature <strong>needs their partner to be dysfunctional</strong> so that they can actually function.\r\n\r\nWe tend to see this a lot in therapy, where the partner who has more difficulty starts to grow and this destabilizes the more \"mature\" partner. They are <strong>used to having this one-up position in the relationship</strong> and now that they have lost it, they start questioning their role. They don\'t have their points of reference anymore and they start struggling with their self. They don\'t have the validation they once used to have and their worth as a person has diminished.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>How does it play out?</h4>\r\nLet\'s go back to our previous examples that we talked about earlier. The <strong>partner who is organized</strong> isn\'t needed anymore when their lover starts to be less dependant on them. They gained a lot of recognition from others and their spouse about being very reliant and dependable. Secretly, they feel that people would not like them if they were not needed. They keep people in this dynamic so they can feed on it, all the while complaining about their partner\'s lack of initiative.\r\n\r\nThe <strong>rational/emotional relationship</strong> is destabilized when one of them changes the dynamic. If the rational partner starts to be more emotional and opens up, it tends to create discomfort for their partner. They are so used to having an intellectual and rational partner that this new version of their spouse isn\'t natural. They chose this partner because it <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><strong>allowed them to hide their own incapabilities of being intimate on a profound level</strong></a>. They had a barrier that protected them all along. The opposite is also possible whereas the more emotional partner who constantly sought to be reassured doesn\'t need their partner to do so, the rational partner loses his role of the protector/comforter in the relationship and is scared that they will find someone better.\r\n\r\nSexual differences in couples also play a huge role in burrowed functioning. If the partner who is more sexually oriented stops demanding sex and loses interest in the partner who has never really been that interested in sex, it creates anxiety. The <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\">low desire partner</a> starts to feel undesired. They felt validated that their partner wanted them so badly. They could find it annoying or feel the pressure, but once those things are gone, you are left with another symptom. If my partner doesn\'t desire me as much, will they leave me? It is very comforting to know that your partner desires you.\r\n\r\nIf the more prudish partner becomes more sexually active, the sex craving partner loses his position as the sexual one (<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\">high desire partner</a>). They are not the teacher or the leader of sex but become a follower. This is a position they are normally not comfortable with. They liked having a position of authority and would always be in their comfort zone because they took the sexual dynamic where they wanted it to go. When the other partner takes charge, they have to be in elements they are not used to or are unknown to them.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Getting out of a dysfunctional relationship</h2>\r\nAre you willing to see your partner as an equal to yourself? Can you see yourself as an equal to them? How much value do you attribute to your partner\'s perception of yourself? Are you willing to be less dependent on your role in the relationship?\r\n\r\nThese questions are fundamental if you want to change in your relationship. If you are not willing to put the effort to better yourself and confront your own insecurities, the chances of making a better relationship are slim. Take into account how you act and behave with your partner by realizing how you benefit from the current dynamic. Truly ask yourself if you are ready to let go of those advantages and accept a new model in your dynamic that will allow you to GROW with your partner. Rather than STAGNATE in a routine of frustration and conflict.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n* Concept created by David Schnarch in his book: Intimacy and Desire', 'I Function Because my Partner is Dysfunctional', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '406-revision-v1', '', '', '2017-10-30 14:57:50', '2017-10-30 13:57:50', '', 406, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2017/10/406-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(434, 2, '2018-02-17 17:34:16', '2018-02-17 16:34:16', '', 'OUR SEX THERAPISTS', '', 'publish', 'closed', 'closed', '', 'our-sex-therapists', '', '', '2018-05-15 22:34:25', '2018-05-15 20:34:25', '', 0, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/?p=434', 2, 'nav_menu_item', '', 0),
(436, 2, '2018-04-16 20:42:12', '2018-04-16 18:42:12', '<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Photo by <a href=\"http://arianneclement.com\">arianneclement.com</a></p>\r\n\r\n<h1>Great Sex Requires Effort</h1>\r\nNothing in life that is worth it comes easily. Sex might be natural, but it is not innate to humans...well not good sex anyways. We have to learn how to have sex by exploring ourselves and our partner to eventually become great lovers. When we have our first sexual encounters with a partner, it can be relatively simple, fluid and fun. We can quickly feel connected to that person and feel a rush of intense physical sensations. The newness of the experience is very thrilling as we discover bits and pieces of that other person\'s sexuality. Little effort is required as we get rapidly sexually aroused and sexual desire is spontaneous and frequent.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nSo why doesn\'t that last in long-term relationships? Why does it take so long to get sex started and so much effort to feel sexual desire after a few years? <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sexual redundancy</a>, predictability, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">recurring and unresolved conflicts</a> are the main reasons for such issues.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Your Sex Mountain and its Summit</h2>\r\nWe can compare sexuality of a couple to a mountain to explore. At first, we start at the bottom where it is relatively easy to explore and walk around. No altitude, no inclination, just easy breezy discovering of each other. We discover multiple paths, some of which are easy hikes and others that look treacherous to impossible to climb. The easy hikes are the ones we normally pick first. <strong>The path you choose determines what type of relationship and intimacy you will have. </strong>Some are differences and conflicts you perceive and avoid at the beginning of the relationship, which will inevitably come back. <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\">We also only let each other discover from one another what we are willing to show and see.</a> We want to avoid rejection, so we don\'t really risk being really known, especially when it comes to sex.\r\n\r\nThere comes a time where we have explored sexually the same hikes over and over again. <strong>We do what is familiar and safe when it comes to sex. </strong>Except doing the same hike (a.k.a. having sex the same way) always leads us to the same destination. We eventually get bored and tired of having the same end of the road. This might come sooner for one partner, normally the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">low desire partner</a>.  This is where sexual difficulties start popping up. It becomes increasingly difficult to feel sexual desire for one or both partners to redo the same hike one more time. This has consequences on sexual arousal (erection &amp; lubrification) over time, which creates impatience, frustration and displeasure from sex for most couples.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Wanting more from sex</h3>\r\nTo explore sex in different ways requires tackling a couple of obstacles to get where we want to. We must explore parts of the mountain that we thought we could avoid or hikes we didn\'t even think possible.  <strong>This pushes us out of our comfort zone because these paths are unknown and more dangerous to the relationship. We must learn and acquire new ways of having and being in sex. </strong><strong> </strong>Unfortunately, a lot of couples do not want to put the effort required to reach the summit of their (sexual) mountain.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" Feeling discomfort and sexuality normally don\'t make a great mix </strong><strong>for</strong><strong> satisfying sex. That is true, but nothing is really worth it if you don\'t push yourself a little and get out of your comfort zone.\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\">Tolerating discomfort to explore your sexual self</h3>\r\nSometimes, we don\'t even want to acknowledge our sexual self. We limit our behaviors based on our sexual education that integrated negative messages about it. We follow these unwritten rules without putting them into question and we fall short on our sexual evolution. We avoid the dark side of the mountain. <strong>Couples often report in couples therapy sessions, that what happens in their head is far more exciting than what is going on in bed with their spouse. </strong>When I ask the question why can\'t both be the same: they all fear their partner\'s reactions and judgment about their sexual preferences and who they are sexually.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Are you willing to discover your true sexual self?</h2>\r\nFeeling discomfort and sexuality normally don\'t make a great mix for satisfying sex. That is true, but nothing is really worth it if you don\'t push yourself a little and get out of your comfort zone. Taking the bulls by the horns and climbing those hikes on our sex-mountain that are more hazardous and tiresome will give us a way better viewpoint and understanding of our partner.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" It is important not to lose your integrity while attempting this exploration. It\'s to find new comfort zones and pleasures that used to be frightening or discomforting in the past\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\nIf you wish sex to remain easy and without effort, that is your choice to make. Although, you will have to stay at the bottom of the mountain and keep having the same sex redundantly. You will never get to achieve or obtain your full sexual potential nor reach the summit. #areallyniceview\r\n<h3>So, what is it that we have to do?</h3>\r\nLife as a couple is really hard, especially if you add kids to the mix (a.k.a. ball busters). Fortunately, it is not impossible of a challenge to overcome. <strong>#Challengeaccepted!</strong> First and foremost, you have to prioritize your relationship and sex as well as develop your sexual creativity. You will need to tolerate disclosing parts of your sexuality that you wanted to keep hidden even from your partner. Perseverance when facing these harsh times and even failures is key to success.\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Try new ways of flirting and seducing each other to initiate sex</li>\r\n 	<li>Experiment with different attitudes when having sex such as sexy, humorous, playful hard, soft, tender, loving, etc.</li>\r\n 	<li>If you tend to be the lovy dovy type, try a more dirty and ferocious sex type. The opposite is also true</li>\r\n 	<li>Open the lights and your eyes</li>\r\n 	<li>Look at your partner in the eyes for prolonged periods while having sex</li>\r\n 	<li>Focus on feeling connected to your partner, not just exchanging orgasms with them</li>\r\n 	<li>Take the time to pleasure and not just get sexually aroused by doing sexual techniques</li>\r\n 	<li>Share your sexual fantasies</li>\r\n 	<li>Be spontaneous and surprise your partner (it might be hard, but not impossible)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Increasing our intimacy is discomforting</h3>\r\nYou might have guessed it at this point that sex as an adult isn\'t always fun and pleasurable. You will have to live through the same discomfort that you had when you first had sex in your teenage years. Remember that feeling of being incompetent and uncomfortable with your partner. Remember the first time you got naked in front of them, that you gave them or received oral sex? Were you confident and fully relaxed? Probably not! <strong>Do you remember that you also got over it and started enjoying sex more over time and becoming better at it? It is now time to go through the process again with your erotism and sensuality. </strong>You will have to redefine yourself as a sexual person and your sexual preferences. It is important not to lose your integrity while attempting this exploration. It\'s to find new comfort zones and pleasures that used to be frightening or discomforting in the past.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Learning to manage discomfort</h4>\r\nTime and experimentation will attenuate your feelings of sexual incompetence and pleasure will <strong>slowly</strong> set in to replace it. Once again, it is important not to force the other person or not to respects one\'s self, but to requestion what blocks us from truly enjoying sex. Learning about our sexual self and our partner\'s sexuality is a process that is laborious and creates difficult emotions to manage. Just like the mountain metaphor, giving ourselves the chance to confront the obstacles on our paths gives us the opportunity to <strong>REACH NEW HEIGHTS</strong> we never thought possible.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'Sex is Like Climbing a Mountain Top', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'sex-like-climbing-mountain-top', '', '', '2018-05-09 19:50:34', '2018-05-09 17:50:34', '', 0, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/?p=436', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(438, 2, '2018-04-16 18:14:08', '2018-04-16 16:14:08', '', 'better sex', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', '28701619_10157709057519815_7228655826012312646_o-min', '', '', '2018-04-16 18:14:22', '2018-04-16 16:14:22', '', 436, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2018/04/28701619_10157709057519815_7228655826012312646_o-min.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(437, 2, '2018-04-16 18:12:50', '2018-04-16 16:12:50', '<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Photo by <a href=\"http://arianneclement.com\">arianneclement.com</a></p>\r\n\r\n<h1>Great sex requires effort</h1>\r\nNothing in life that is worth it comes easily. Sex might be natural, but it is not innate to humans...well not good sex anyways. We have to learn how to have sex by exploring ourselves and our partner to eventually become great lovers. When we have our first sexual encounters with a partner, it can be relatively simple, fluid and fun. We can quickly feel connected to that person and feel a rush of intense physical sensations. The newness of the experience is very thrilling as we discover bit and pieces of that other person\'s sexuality. Little effort is required as we get rapidly sexually aroused and sexual desire is spontaneous and frequent.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nSo why doesn\'t that last in long-term relationships? Why does it take so long to get sex started and so much effort to feel sexual desire? <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sexual redundancy</a>, predictability, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">recurring and unresolved conflicts</a> are the main reasons for such issues.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>The sex mountain and its summit</h2>\r\nWe can compare sexuality of a couple to a mountain to explore. At first, we start at the bottom where it is relatively easy to explore and walk around. No altitude, no inclination, just easy breezy discovering of each other. We discover multiple paths, some of which are easy hikes and others that look treacherous to impossible to climb. The easy hikes are the ones we normally pick first. <strong>The path you choose determines what type of relationship and intimacy you will have. </strong>Some are differences and conflicts you perceive and avoid at the beginning of the relationship, which will inevitably come back. We also only let each other discover from one another what we are willing to show and see. We want to avoid rejection, so we don\'t really risk being really known, especially when it comes to sex.\r\n\r\nThere comes a time where we have explored sexually the same hikes over and over again. <strong>We do what is familiar and safe when it comes to sex. </strong>Except doing the same hike (a.k.a. having sex the same way) always leads us to the same destination. We eventually get bored and tired of having the same end of the road. This might come sooner for one partner, normally the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">low desire partner</a>.  This is where sexual difficulties start popping up. It becomes increasingly difficult to feel sexual desire for one or both partners to redo the same hike one more time. This has consequences on sexual arousal (erection &amp; lubrification) over time, which creates impatience, frustration and displeasure from sex for most couples.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Wanting more from sex</h3>\r\nTo explore sex in different ways requires tackling a couple of obstacles to get where we want to. We must explore parts of the mountain that we thought we could avoid or hikes we didn\'t even think possible.  <strong>This pushes us out of our comfort zone because these paths are unknown and more dangerous to the relationship. We must learn and acquire new ways of having and being in sex. </strong><strong> </strong>Unfortunately, a lot of couples do not want to put the effort required to reach the summit of their (sexual) mountain.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" Feeling discomfort and sexuality normally don\'t make a great mix </strong><strong>for</strong><strong> satisfying sex. That is true, but nothing is really worth it if you don\'t push yourself a little and get out of your comfort zone.\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\">Tolerating discomfort to explore your sexual self</h3>\r\nSometimes, we don\'t even want to acknowledge our sexual self. We limit our behaviors based on our sexual education that integrated negatives messages about it. We follow these unwritten rules without putting them into question and we fall short on our sexual evolution. We avoid the dark side of the mountain. <strong>Couples often report in couples therapy sessions, that what happens in their head is far more exciting than what is going on in bed with their spouse. </strong>When I ask the question why can\'t both be the same: they all fear their partner\'s reactions and judgment about their sexual preferences and who they are sexually.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Are you willing to discover your true sexual self?</h2>\r\nFeeling discomfort and sexuality normally don\'t make a great mix for satisfying sex. That is true, but nothing is really worth it if you don\'t push yourself a little and get out of your comfort zone. Taking the bulls by the horn and climbing those hikes on our mountain that hare more hazardous and tiresome will give us a way better viewpoint and understanding of our partner.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" It is important not to lose your integrity while attempting this exploration. It\'s to find new comfort and pleasure zones that used to be frightening or discomforting in the past\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\nIf you wish sex to remain easy and without effort, that is your choice to make. Although, you will have to stay at the bottom of the mountain and keep having the same sex redundantly. You will never get to achieve or obtain your full sexual potential nor reach the summit. #areallyniceview\r\n<h3>So, what is it that we have to do?</h3>\r\nLife as a couple is really hard, especially if you add kids to the mix (a.k.a. ball busters). Fortunately, it is not impossible of a challenge to overcome #challengeaccepted! First and foremost, you have to prioritize your relationship and sex as well as develop your sexuality creativity. You will need to tolerate disclosing parts of your sexuality that you wanted to keep hidden even from your partner. Perseverance when facing these harsh times and even failures is key to success.\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Try new ways of flirting and seducing each other to initiate sex</li>\r\n 	<li>Experiment with different attitudes when having sex such as sexy, humor, hard, soft, tender, loving, etc.</li>\r\n 	<li>If you tend to be the lovy dovy type, try a more dirty and ferocious sex type. The opposite is also true</li>\r\n 	<li>Open the lights and your eyes</li>\r\n 	<li>Look at your partner for prolonged periods while having sex</li>\r\n 	<li>Focus on feeling connected to your partner, not just exchanging orgasms with them</li>\r\n 	<li>Take the time to pleasure and not just get sexually aroused by doing sexual techniques</li>\r\n 	<li>Share your sexual fantasies</li>\r\n 	<li>Be spontaneous and surprise your partner (it might be hard, but not impossible)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Increasing our intimacy is discomforting</h3>\r\nYou might have guessed it at this point that sex as an adult isn\'t always fun and pleasurable. You will have to live through the same discomfort that you had when you first had sex in your teenage years. Remember that feeling of being incompetent and uncomfortable with your partner. Remember the first time you got naked in front of them, that you gave them or received oral sex? Were your confident and fully relaxed? Probably not! <strong>Do you remember that you also got over it and started enjoying sex more over time and becoming better at it? It is now time to go through the process again with your erotism and sensuality. </strong>You will have to redefine yourself as a sexual person and your sexual preferences. It is important not to lose your integrity while attempting this exploration. It\'s to find new comfort zones and pleasure that used to be frightening or discomforting in the past.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Learning to manage discomfort</h4>\r\nTime and experimentation will attenuate your feelings of sexual incompetence and pleasure will <strong>slowly</strong> set in to replace it. Once again, it is important not to force the other person or not to respects one\'s self, but to requestion what blocks us from truly enjoying sex. Learning about our sexual self and our partner\'s sexuality is a process that is laborious and creates difficult emotions to manage. Just like the mountain metaphor, giving ourselves the chance to confront the obstacles on our paths gives us the opportunity to <strong>REACH NEW HEIGHTS</strong> we never thought possible.', 'Sex is like climbing a mountain top', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '436-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-04-16 18:12:50', '2018-04-16 16:12:50', '', 436, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/04/436-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
INSERT INTO `wpsa0_3_posts` (`ID`, `post_author`, `post_date`, `post_date_gmt`, `post_content`, `post_title`, `post_excerpt`, `post_status`, `comment_status`, `ping_status`, `post_password`, `post_name`, `to_ping`, `pinged`, `post_modified`, `post_modified_gmt`, `post_content_filtered`, `post_parent`, `guid`, `menu_order`, `post_type`, `post_mime_type`, `comment_count`) VALUES
(439, 2, '2018-04-16 18:46:06', '2018-04-16 16:46:06', '<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Photo by <a href=\"http://arianneclement.com\">arianneclement.com</a></p>\r\n\r\n<h1>Great sex requires effort</h1>\r\nNothing in life that is worth it comes easily. Sex might be natural, but it is not innate to humans...well not good sex anyways. We have to learn how to have sex by exploring ourselves and our partner to eventually become great lovers. When we have our first sexual encounters with a partner, it can be relatively simple, fluid and fun. We can quickly feel connected to that person and feel a rush of intense physical sensations. The newness of the experience is very thrilling as we discover bit and pieces of that other person\'s sexuality. Little effort is required as we get rapidly sexually aroused and sexual desire is spontaneous and frequent.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nSo why doesn\'t that last in long-term relationships? Why does it take so long to get sex started and so much effort to feel sexual desire? <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sexual redundancy</a>, predictability, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">recurring and unresolved conflicts</a> are the main reasons for such issues.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>The sex mountain and its summit</h2>\r\nWe can compare sexuality of a couple to a mountain to explore. At first, we start at the bottom where it is relatively easy to explore and walk around. No altitude, no inclination, just easy breezy discovering of each other. We discover multiple paths, some of which are easy hikes and others that look treacherous to impossible to climb. The easy hikes are the ones we normally pick first. <strong>The path you choose determines what type of relationship and intimacy you will have. </strong>Some are differences and conflicts you perceive and avoid at the beginning of the relationship, which will inevitably come back. We also only let each other discover from one another what we are willing to show and see. We want to avoid rejection, so we don\'t really risk being really known, especially when it comes to sex.\r\n\r\nThere comes a time where we have explored sexually the same hikes over and over again. <strong>We do what is familiar and safe when it comes to sex. </strong>Except doing the same hike (a.k.a. having sex the same way) always leads us to the same destination. We eventually get bored and tired of having the same end of the road. This might come sooner for one partner, normally the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">low desire partner</a>.  This is where sexual difficulties start popping up. It becomes increasingly difficult to feel sexual desire for one or both partners to redo the same hike one more time. This has consequences on sexual arousal (erection &amp; lubrification) over time, which creates impatience, frustration and displeasure from sex for most couples.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Wanting more from sex</h3>\r\nTo explore sex in different ways requires tackling a couple of obstacles to get where we want to. We must explore parts of the mountain that we thought we could avoid or hikes we didn\'t even think possible.  <strong>This pushes us out of our comfort zone because these paths are unknown and more dangerous to the relationship. We must learn and acquire new ways of having and being in sex. </strong><strong> </strong>Unfortunately, a lot of couples do not want to put the effort required to reach the summit of their (sexual) mountain.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" Feeling discomfort and sexuality normally don\'t make a great mix </strong><strong>for</strong><strong> satisfying sex. That is true, but nothing is really worth it if you don\'t push yourself a little and get out of your comfort zone.\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\">Tolerating discomfort to explore your sexual self</h3>\r\nSometimes, we don\'t even want to acknowledge our sexual self. We limit our behaviors based on our sexual education that integrated negatives messages about it. We follow these unwritten rules without putting them into question and we fall short on our sexual evolution. We avoid the dark side of the mountain. <strong>Couples often report in couples therapy sessions, that what happens in their head is far more exciting than what is going on in bed with their spouse. </strong>When I ask the question why can\'t both be the same: they all fear their partner\'s reactions and judgment about their sexual preferences and who they are sexually.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Are you willing to discover your true sexual self?</h2>\r\nFeeling discomfort and sexuality normally don\'t make a great mix for satisfying sex. That is true, but nothing is really worth it if you don\'t push yourself a little and get out of your comfort zone. Taking the bulls by the horn and climbing those hikes on our mountain that hare more hazardous and tiresome will give us a way better viewpoint and understanding of our partner.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" It is important not to lose your integrity while attempting this exploration. It\'s to find new comfort and pleasure zones that used to be frightening or discomforting in the past\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\nIf you wish sex to remain easy and without effort, that is your choice to make. Although, you will have to stay at the bottom of the mountain and keep having the same sex redundantly. You will never get to achieve or obtain your full sexual potential nor reach the summit. #areallyniceview\r\n<h3>So, what is it that we have to do?</h3>\r\nLife as a couple is really hard, especially if you add kids to the mix (a.k.a. ball busters). Fortunately, it is not impossible of a challenge to overcome #challengeaccepted! First and foremost, you have to prioritize your relationship and sex as well as develop your sexuality creativity. You will need to tolerate disclosing parts of your sexuality that you wanted to keep hidden even from your partner. Perseverance when facing these harsh times and even failures is key to success.\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Try new ways of flirting and seducing each other to initiate sex</li>\r\n 	<li>Experiment with different attitudes when having sex such as sexy, humor, hard, soft, tender, loving, etc.</li>\r\n 	<li>If you tend to be the lovy dovy type, try a more dirty and ferocious sex type. The opposite is also true</li>\r\n 	<li>Open the lights and your eyes</li>\r\n 	<li>Look at your partner for prolonged periods while having sex</li>\r\n 	<li>Focus on feeling connected to your partner, not just exchanging orgasms with them</li>\r\n 	<li>Take the time to pleasure and not just get sexually aroused by doing sexual techniques</li>\r\n 	<li>Share your sexual fantasies</li>\r\n 	<li>Be spontaneous and surprise your partner (it might be hard, but not impossible)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Increasing our intimacy is discomforting</h3>\r\nYou might have guessed it at this point that sex as an adult isn\'t always fun and pleasurable. You will have to live through the same discomfort that you had when you first had sex in your teenage years. Remember that feeling of being incompetent and uncomfortable with your partner. Remember the first time you got naked in front of them, that you gave them or received oral sex? Were your confident and fully relaxed? Probably not! <strong>Do you remember that you also got over it and started enjoying sex more over time and becoming better at it? It is now time to go through the process again with your erotism and sensuality. </strong>You will have to redefine yourself as a sexual person and your sexual preferences. It is important not to lose your integrity while attempting this exploration. It\'s to find new comfort zones and pleasure that used to be frightening or discomforting in the past.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Learning to manage discomfort</h4>\r\nTime and experimentation will attenuate your feelings of sexual incompetence and pleasure will <strong>slowly</strong> set in to replace it. Once again, it is important not to force the other person or not to respects one\'s self, but to requestion what blocks us from truly enjoying sex. Learning about our sexual self and our partner\'s sexuality is a process that is laborious and creates difficult emotions to manage. Just like the mountain metaphor, giving ourselves the chance to confront the obstacles on our paths gives us the opportunity to <strong>REACH NEW HEIGHTS</strong> we never thought possible.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'Sex is like climbing a mountain top', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '436-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-04-16 18:46:06', '2018-04-16 16:46:06', '', 436, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/04/436-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(440, 2, '2018-04-16 20:42:12', '2018-04-16 18:42:12', '<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Photo by <a href=\"http://arianneclement.com\">arianneclement.com</a></p>\r\n\r\n<h1>Great Sex Requires Effort</h1>\r\nNothing in life that is worth it comes easily. Sex might be natural, but it is not innate to humans...well not good sex anyways. We have to learn how to have sex by exploring ourselves and our partner to eventually become great lovers. When we have our first sexual encounters with a partner, it can be relatively simple, fluid and fun. We can quickly feel connected to that person and feel a rush of intense physical sensations. The newness of the experience is very thrilling as we discover bits and pieces of that other person\'s sexuality. Little effort is required as we get rapidly sexually aroused and sexual desire is spontaneous and frequent.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nSo why doesn\'t that last in long-term relationships? Why does it take so long to get sex started and so much effort to feel sexual desire after a few years? <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sexual redundancy</a>, predictability, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">recurring and unresolved conflicts</a> are the main reasons for such issues.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Your Sex Mountain and its Summit</h2>\r\nWe can compare sexuality of a couple to a mountain to explore. At first, we start at the bottom where it is relatively easy to explore and walk around. No altitude, no inclination, just easy breezy discovering of each other. We discover multiple paths, some of which are easy hikes and others that look treacherous to impossible to climb. The easy hikes are the ones we normally pick first. <strong>The path you choose determines what type of relationship and intimacy you will have. </strong>Some are differences and conflicts you perceive and avoid at the beginning of the relationship, which will inevitably come back. <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\">We also only let each other discover from one another what we are willing to show and see.</a> We want to avoid rejection, so we don\'t really risk being really known, especially when it comes to sex.\r\n\r\nThere comes a time where we have explored sexually the same hikes over and over again. <strong>We do what is familiar and safe when it comes to sex. </strong>Except doing the same hike (a.k.a. having sex the same way) always leads us to the same destination. We eventually get bored and tired of having the same end of the road. This might come sooner for one partner, normally the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">low desire partner</a>.  This is where sexual difficulties start popping up. It becomes increasingly difficult to feel sexual desire for one or both partners to redo the same hike one more time. This has consequences on sexual arousal (erection &amp; lubrification) over time, which creates impatience, frustration and displeasure from sex for most couples.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Wanting more from sex</h3>\r\nTo explore sex in different ways requires tackling a couple of obstacles to get where we want to. We must explore parts of the mountain that we thought we could avoid or hikes we didn\'t even think possible.  <strong>This pushes us out of our comfort zone because these paths are unknown and more dangerous to the relationship. We must learn and acquire new ways of having and being in sex. </strong><strong> </strong>Unfortunately, a lot of couples do not want to put the effort required to reach the summit of their (sexual) mountain.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" Feeling discomfort and sexuality normally don\'t make a great mix </strong><strong>for</strong><strong> satisfying sex. That is true, but nothing is really worth it if you don\'t push yourself a little and get out of your comfort zone.\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\">Tolerating discomfort to explore your sexual self</h3>\r\nSometimes, we don\'t even want to acknowledge our sexual self. We limit our behaviors based on our sexual education that integrated negative messages about it. We follow these unwritten rules without putting them into question and we fall short on our sexual evolution. We avoid the dark side of the mountain. <strong>Couples often report in couples therapy sessions, that what happens in their head is far more exciting than what is going on in bed with their spouse. </strong>When I ask the question why can\'t both be the same: they all fear their partner\'s reactions and judgment about their sexual preferences and who they are sexually.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Are you willing to discover your true sexual self?</h2>\r\nFeeling discomfort and sexuality normally don\'t make a great mix for satisfying sex. That is true, but nothing is really worth it if you don\'t push yourself a little and get out of your comfort zone. Taking the bulls by the horns and climbing those hikes on our sex-mountain that are more hazardous and tiresome will give us a way better viewpoint and understanding of our partner.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" It is important not to lose your integrity while attempting this exploration. It\'s to find new comfort and pleasure zones that used to be frightening or discomforting in the past\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\nIf you wish sex to remain easy and without effort, that is your choice to make. Although, you will have to stay at the bottom of the mountain and keep having the same sex redundantly. You will never get to achieve or obtain your full sexual potential nor reach the summit. #areallyniceview\r\n<h3>So, what is it that we have to do?</h3>\r\nLife as a couple is really hard, especially if you add kids to the mix (a.k.a. ball busters). Fortunately, it is not impossible of a challenge to overcome. <strong>#Challengeaccepted!</strong> First and foremost, you have to prioritize your relationship and sex as well as develop your sexuality creativity. You will need to tolerate disclosing parts of your sexuality that you wanted to keep hidden even from your partner. Perseverance when facing these harsh times and even failures is key to success.\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Try new ways of flirting and seducing each other to initiate sex</li>\r\n 	<li>Experiment with different attitudes when having sex such as sexy, humorous, playful hard, soft, tender, loving, etc.</li>\r\n 	<li>If you tend to be the lovy dovy type, try a more dirty and ferocious sex type. The opposite is also true</li>\r\n 	<li>Open the lights and your eyes</li>\r\n 	<li>Look at your partner in the eyes for prolonged periods while having sex</li>\r\n 	<li>Focus on feeling connected to your partner, not just exchanging orgasms with them</li>\r\n 	<li>Take the time to pleasure and not just get sexually aroused by doing sexual techniques</li>\r\n 	<li>Share your sexual fantasies</li>\r\n 	<li>Be spontaneous and surprise your partner (it might be hard, but not impossible)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Increasing our intimacy is discomforting</h3>\r\nYou might have guessed it at this point that sex as an adult isn\'t always fun and pleasurable. You will have to live through the same discomfort that you had when you first had sex in your teenage years. Remember that feeling of being incompetent and uncomfortable with your partner. Remember the first time you got naked in front of them, that you gave them or received oral sex? Were you confident and fully relaxed? Probably not! <strong>Do you remember that you also got over it and started enjoying sex more over time and becoming better at it? It is now time to go through the process again with your erotism and sensuality. </strong>You will have to redefine yourself as a sexual person and your sexual preferences. It is important not to lose your integrity while attempting this exploration. It\'s to find new comfort zones and pleasure that used to be frightening or discomforting in the past.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Learning to manage discomfort</h4>\r\nTime and experimentation will attenuate your feelings of sexual incompetence and pleasure will <strong>slowly</strong> set in to replace it. Once again, it is important not to force the other person or not to respects one\'s self, but to requestion what blocks us from truly enjoying sex. Learning about our sexual self and our partner\'s sexuality is a process that is laborious and creates difficult emotions to manage. Just like the mountain metaphor, giving ourselves the chance to confront the obstacles on our paths gives us the opportunity to <strong>REACH NEW HEIGHTS</strong> we never thought possible.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'Sex is Like Climbing a Mountain Top', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '436-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-04-16 20:42:12', '2018-04-16 18:42:12', '', 436, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/04/436-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(441, 2, '2018-04-17 17:22:50', '2018-04-17 15:22:50', '<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Photo by <a href=\"http://arianneclement.com\">arianneclement.com</a></p>\n\n<h1>Great Sex Requires Effort</h1>\nNothing in life that is worth it comes easily. Sex might be natural, but it is not innate to humans...well not good sex anyways. We have to learn how to have sex by exploring ourselves and our partner to eventually become great lovers. When we have our first sexual encounters with a partner, it can be relatively simple, fluid and fun. We can quickly feel connected to that person and feel a rush of intense physical sensations. The newness of the experience is very thrilling as we discover bits and pieces of that other person\'s sexuality. Little effort is required as we get rapidly sexually aroused and sexual desire is spontaneous and frequent.\n\n&nbsp;\n\nSo why doesn\'t that last in long-term relationships? Why does it take so long to get sex started and so much effort to feel sexual desire after a few years? <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sexual redundancy</a>, predictability, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">recurring and unresolved conflicts</a> are the main reasons for such issues.\n\n&nbsp;\n<h2>Your Sex Mountain and its Summit</h2>\nWe can compare sexuality of a couple to a mountain to explore. At first, we start at the bottom where it is relatively easy to explore and walk around. No altitude, no inclination, just easy breezy discovering of each other. We discover multiple paths, some of which are easy hikes and others that look treacherous to impossible to climb. The easy hikes are the ones we normally pick first. <strong>The path you choose determines what type of relationship and intimacy you will have. </strong>Some are differences and conflicts you perceive and avoid at the beginning of the relationship, which will inevitably come back. <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\">We also only let each other discover from one another what we are willing to show and see.</a> We want to avoid rejection, so we don\'t really risk being really known, especially when it comes to sex.\n\nThere comes a time where we have explored sexually the same hikes over and over again. <strong>We do what is familiar and safe when it comes to sex. </strong>Except doing the same hike (a.k.a. having sex the same way) always leads us to the same destination. We eventually get bored and tired of having the same end of the road. This might come sooner for one partner, normally the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">low desire partner</a>.  This is where sexual difficulties start popping up. It becomes increasingly difficult to feel sexual desire for one or both partners to redo the same hike one more time. This has consequences on sexual arousal (erection &amp; lubrification) over time, which creates impatience, frustration and displeasure from sex for most couples.\n\n&nbsp;\n<h3>Wanting more from sex</h3>\nTo explore sex in different ways requires tackling a couple of obstacles to get where we want to. We must explore parts of the mountain that we thought we could avoid or hikes we didn\'t even think possible.  <strong>This pushes us out of our comfort zone because these paths are unknown and more dangerous to the relationship. We must learn and acquire new ways of having and being in sex. </strong><strong> </strong>Unfortunately, a lot of couples do not want to put the effort required to reach the summit of their (sexual) mountain.\n\n<hr />\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" Feeling discomfort and sexuality normally don\'t make a great mix </strong><strong>for</strong><strong> satisfying sex. That is true, but nothing is really worth it if you don\'t push yourself a little and get out of your comfort zone.\"</strong></p>\n\n\n<hr />\n\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\"></h3>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\">Tolerating discomfort to explore your sexual self</h3>\nSometimes, we don\'t even want to acknowledge our sexual self. We limit our behaviors based on our sexual education that integrated negative messages about it. We follow these unwritten rules without putting them into question and we fall short on our sexual evolution. We avoid the dark side of the mountain. <strong>Couples often report in couples therapy sessions, that what happens in their head is far more exciting than what is going on in bed with their spouse. </strong>When I ask the question why can\'t both be the same: they all fear their partner\'s reactions and judgment about their sexual preferences and who they are sexually.\n\n&nbsp;\n<h2>Are you willing to discover your true sexual self?</h2>\nFeeling discomfort and sexuality normally don\'t make a great mix for satisfying sex. That is true, but nothing is really worth it if you don\'t push yourself a little and get out of your comfort zone. Taking the bulls by the horns and climbing those hikes on our sex-mountain that are more hazardous and tiresome will give us a way better viewpoint and understanding of our partner.\n\n<hr />\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" It is important not to lose your integrity while attempting this exploration. It\'s to find new comfort zones and pleasures that used to be frightening or discomforting in the past\"</strong></p>\n\n\n<hr />\n\nIf you wish sex to remain easy and without effort, that is your choice to make. Although, you will have to stay at the bottom of the mountain and keep having the same sex redundantly. You will never get to achieve or obtain your full sexual potential nor reach the summit. #areallyniceview\n<h3>So, what is it that we have to do?</h3>\nLife as a couple is really hard, especially if you add kids to the mix (a.k.a. ball busters). Fortunately, it is not impossible of a challenge to overcome. <strong>#Challengeaccepted!</strong> First and foremost, you have to prioritize your relationship and sex as well as develop your sexual creativity. You will need to tolerate disclosing parts of your sexuality that you wanted to keep hidden even from your partner. Perseverance when facing these harsh times and even failures is key to success.\n<ul>\n 	<li>Try new ways of flirting and seducing each other to initiate sex</li>\n 	<li>Experiment with different attitudes when having sex such as sexy, humorous, playful hard, soft, tender, loving, etc.</li>\n 	<li>If you tend to be the lovy dovy type, try a more dirty and ferocious sex type. The opposite is also true</li>\n 	<li>Open the lights and your eyes</li>\n 	<li>Look at your partner in the eyes for prolonged periods while having sex</li>\n 	<li>Focus on feeling connected to your partner, not just exchanging orgasms with them</li>\n 	<li>Take the time to pleasure and not just get sexually aroused by doing sexual techniques</li>\n 	<li>Share your sexual fantasies</li>\n 	<li>Be spontaneous and surprise your partner (it might be hard, but not impossible)</li>\n</ul>\n&nbsp;\n<h3>Increasing our intimacy is discomforting</h3>\nYou might have guessed it at this point that sex as an adult isn\'t always fun and pleasurable. You will have to live through the same discomfort that you had when you first had sex in your teenage years. Remember that feeling of being incompetent and uncomfortable with your partner. Remember the first time you got naked in front of them, that you gave them or received oral sex? Were you confident and fully relaxed? Probably not! <strong>Do you remember that you also got over it and started enjoying sex more over time and becoming better at it? It is now time to go through the process again with your erotism and sensuality. </strong>You will have to redefine yourself as a sexual person and your sexual preferences. It is important not to lose your integrity while attempting this exploration. It\'s to find new comfort zones and pleasures that used to be frightening or discomforting in the past.\n\n&nbsp;\n<h4>Learning to manage discomfort</h4>\nTime and experimentation will attenuate your feelings of sexual incompetence and pleasure will <strong>slowly</strong> set in to replace it. Once again, it is important not to force the other person or not to respects one\'s self, but to requestion what blocks us from truly enjoying sex. Learning about our sexual self and our partner\'s sexuality is a process that is laborious and creates difficult emotions to manage. Just like the mountain metaphor, giving ourselves the chance to confront the obstacles on our paths gives us the opportunity to <strong>REACH NEW HEIGHTS</strong> we never thought possible.\n\n&nbsp;\n\n<hr />\n\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\n\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\n\n<hr />\n\n&nbsp;', 'Sex is Like Climbing a Mountain Top', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '436-autosave-v1', '', '', '2018-04-17 17:22:50', '2018-04-17 15:22:50', '', 436, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/04/436-autosave-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(442, 2, '2018-04-17 17:22:52', '2018-04-17 15:22:52', '<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Photo by <a href=\"http://arianneclement.com\">arianneclement.com</a></p>\r\n\r\n<h1>Great Sex Requires Effort</h1>\r\nNothing in life that is worth it comes easily. Sex might be natural, but it is not innate to humans...well not good sex anyways. We have to learn how to have sex by exploring ourselves and our partner to eventually become great lovers. When we have our first sexual encounters with a partner, it can be relatively simple, fluid and fun. We can quickly feel connected to that person and feel a rush of intense physical sensations. The newness of the experience is very thrilling as we discover bits and pieces of that other person\'s sexuality. Little effort is required as we get rapidly sexually aroused and sexual desire is spontaneous and frequent.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nSo why doesn\'t that last in long-term relationships? Why does it take so long to get sex started and so much effort to feel sexual desire after a few years? <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sexual redundancy</a>, predictability, <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/emotional-gridlock.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">recurring and unresolved conflicts</a> are the main reasons for such issues.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Your Sex Mountain and its Summit</h2>\r\nWe can compare sexuality of a couple to a mountain to explore. At first, we start at the bottom where it is relatively easy to explore and walk around. No altitude, no inclination, just easy breezy discovering of each other. We discover multiple paths, some of which are easy hikes and others that look treacherous to impossible to climb. The easy hikes are the ones we normally pick first. <strong>The path you choose determines what type of relationship and intimacy you will have. </strong>Some are differences and conflicts you perceive and avoid at the beginning of the relationship, which will inevitably come back. <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\">We also only let each other discover from one another what we are willing to show and see.</a> We want to avoid rejection, so we don\'t really risk being really known, especially when it comes to sex.\r\n\r\nThere comes a time where we have explored sexually the same hikes over and over again. <strong>We do what is familiar and safe when it comes to sex. </strong>Except doing the same hike (a.k.a. having sex the same way) always leads us to the same destination. We eventually get bored and tired of having the same end of the road. This might come sooner for one partner, normally the <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">low desire partner</a>.  This is where sexual difficulties start popping up. It becomes increasingly difficult to feel sexual desire for one or both partners to redo the same hike one more time. This has consequences on sexual arousal (erection &amp; lubrification) over time, which creates impatience, frustration and displeasure from sex for most couples.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Wanting more from sex</h3>\r\nTo explore sex in different ways requires tackling a couple of obstacles to get where we want to. We must explore parts of the mountain that we thought we could avoid or hikes we didn\'t even think possible.  <strong>This pushes us out of our comfort zone because these paths are unknown and more dangerous to the relationship. We must learn and acquire new ways of having and being in sex. </strong><strong> </strong>Unfortunately, a lot of couples do not want to put the effort required to reach the summit of their (sexual) mountain.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" Feeling discomfort and sexuality normally don\'t make a great mix </strong><strong>for</strong><strong> satisfying sex. That is true, but nothing is really worth it if you don\'t push yourself a little and get out of your comfort zone.\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\"></h3>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\">Tolerating discomfort to explore your sexual self</h3>\r\nSometimes, we don\'t even want to acknowledge our sexual self. We limit our behaviors based on our sexual education that integrated negative messages about it. We follow these unwritten rules without putting them into question and we fall short on our sexual evolution. We avoid the dark side of the mountain. <strong>Couples often report in couples therapy sessions, that what happens in their head is far more exciting than what is going on in bed with their spouse. </strong>When I ask the question why can\'t both be the same: they all fear their partner\'s reactions and judgment about their sexual preferences and who they are sexually.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Are you willing to discover your true sexual self?</h2>\r\nFeeling discomfort and sexuality normally don\'t make a great mix for satisfying sex. That is true, but nothing is really worth it if you don\'t push yourself a little and get out of your comfort zone. Taking the bulls by the horns and climbing those hikes on our sex-mountain that are more hazardous and tiresome will give us a way better viewpoint and understanding of our partner.\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" It is important not to lose your integrity while attempting this exploration. It\'s to find new comfort zones and pleasures that used to be frightening or discomforting in the past\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\nIf you wish sex to remain easy and without effort, that is your choice to make. Although, you will have to stay at the bottom of the mountain and keep having the same sex redundantly. You will never get to achieve or obtain your full sexual potential nor reach the summit. #areallyniceview\r\n<h3>So, what is it that we have to do?</h3>\r\nLife as a couple is really hard, especially if you add kids to the mix (a.k.a. ball busters). Fortunately, it is not impossible of a challenge to overcome. <strong>#Challengeaccepted!</strong> First and foremost, you have to prioritize your relationship and sex as well as develop your sexual creativity. You will need to tolerate disclosing parts of your sexuality that you wanted to keep hidden even from your partner. Perseverance when facing these harsh times and even failures is key to success.\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Try new ways of flirting and seducing each other to initiate sex</li>\r\n 	<li>Experiment with different attitudes when having sex such as sexy, humorous, playful hard, soft, tender, loving, etc.</li>\r\n 	<li>If you tend to be the lovy dovy type, try a more dirty and ferocious sex type. The opposite is also true</li>\r\n 	<li>Open the lights and your eyes</li>\r\n 	<li>Look at your partner in the eyes for prolonged periods while having sex</li>\r\n 	<li>Focus on feeling connected to your partner, not just exchanging orgasms with them</li>\r\n 	<li>Take the time to pleasure and not just get sexually aroused by doing sexual techniques</li>\r\n 	<li>Share your sexual fantasies</li>\r\n 	<li>Be spontaneous and surprise your partner (it might be hard, but not impossible)</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Increasing our intimacy is discomforting</h3>\r\nYou might have guessed it at this point that sex as an adult isn\'t always fun and pleasurable. You will have to live through the same discomfort that you had when you first had sex in your teenage years. Remember that feeling of being incompetent and uncomfortable with your partner. Remember the first time you got naked in front of them, that you gave them or received oral sex? Were you confident and fully relaxed? Probably not! <strong>Do you remember that you also got over it and started enjoying sex more over time and becoming better at it? It is now time to go through the process again with your erotism and sensuality. </strong>You will have to redefine yourself as a sexual person and your sexual preferences. It is important not to lose your integrity while attempting this exploration. It\'s to find new comfort zones and pleasures that used to be frightening or discomforting in the past.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h4>Learning to manage discomfort</h4>\r\nTime and experimentation will attenuate your feelings of sexual incompetence and pleasure will <strong>slowly</strong> set in to replace it. Once again, it is important not to force the other person or not to respects one\'s self, but to requestion what blocks us from truly enjoying sex. Learning about our sexual self and our partner\'s sexuality is a process that is laborious and creates difficult emotions to manage. Just like the mountain metaphor, giving ourselves the chance to confront the obstacles on our paths gives us the opportunity to <strong>REACH NEW HEIGHTS</strong> we never thought possible.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'Sex is Like Climbing a Mountain Top', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '436-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-04-17 17:22:52', '2018-04-17 15:22:52', '', 436, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/04/436-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(444, 2, '2018-05-17 17:41:17', '2018-05-17 15:41:17', '<h1>What gets you turned on during sex?</h1>\r\nIf you consult a <strong>sex therapist psychotherapist</strong>, chances are you are going to get that question asked. It might seem intrusive, intimidating, uncomfortable to answer this to someone you have barely known for a couple of hours. A lot of the times, we aren\'t quite sure what to answer or know what is the \"right\" answer that our sex therapist wants to hear to be considered normal.\r\n\r\nIt is often what I hear in my office: \"Well..euh! Not abnormal..euh. You know the traditional, typical things, but nothing too boring.\" Afraid of being judged about our sexual fantasies and preferences is a common thing in individuals. We fear what others might think about what gets us turned on.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Why even ask the question?</h2>\r\nSexual preferences say quite a lot about a person and their sexuality. It shows how you love and want to be loved. It gives a peek at some of your insecurities and emotional scars. It demonstrates your strengths and your difficulties in your sexuality as well as resistances. It gives hints on the sexual education you received while growing up.\r\n\r\nEverything that would put a person at ease to answer the question..right? Obviously, it is not meant to judge negatively a person but to point out where they might need help to have a more fulfilling sex life.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" Tell me how you make love and I will tell you how you were loved!\"</strong></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">-Ester Perel</p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">By itself, a sexual fantasy doesn\'t say much about a person. What is significant is how you contextualize the situation and what gets you specifically turned on. The <strong>sex therapist</strong> psychotherapist will give remarks and reflect certain observations that could potentially be detrimental to your sexual pleasure and satisfaction. Sexual fantasies and preferences are constructed with our sexual experiences and relationship dynamics we\'ve had in the past. We tend to erotize our emotional wounds and triumphs.</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Our sexual imagination is an area where we have total control over and get to freely explore all of our sexuality, without danger. A space that no one has access to unless we give it to them.</p>\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\">Should we share our sexual fantasies with our partner?</h3>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Even among <strong>sex therapist, </strong>we don\'t all agree on the answer to that question. Some will suggest keeping it a secret to instill mystery into the relationship. Others will suggest to only divulge the ones we are comfortable with our partner knowing. Which brings the following questions into play:</p>\r\n\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Can we really be honest and fully authentic if we refuse to disclose our sexual fantasies to our partner?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Can we really say that our partner truly knows us sexually if we hide or refrain from showing parts of our sexuality?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">What purpose does keeping these <strong>sexual fantasies</strong> to ourselves really do?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Could we potentially harm a relationship and our sex life if we do divulge the precious information?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\"A person who fully accepts and can assert freely their sexuality in all of its forms will prefer to be rejected than to live a life without being truly known\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">It is quite obvious that divulging our sexual fantasies can bring about a bundle of emotions as previously mentioned. Human beings have 2 fundamental desires that are opposites. We want to be known and share our most inner thoughts and feelings but we also want to be accepted and part of a group. Both of these desires can be congruent in certain aspects, but a lot of the times especially with fantasies it comes with a risk of not being accepted and loved. We want so much to share with our spouse who we are, but the risk of rejection is too great.</p>\r\n\r\n<h2 style=\"text-align: left;\">Intimacy at is most profound</h2>\r\nSharing a sexual fantasy is a moment of intimacy. Intimacy here is defined as person self-disclosing to a sexual partner and discovers a new information about us. When we disclose, we are always taking a risk that the other will appreciate us less, will reject us or refuse to accept this part of us.  <strong>A person who fully accepts and can assert freely their sexuality in all of its forms will prefer to be rejected than to live a life without being truly known!</strong>\r\n<h3>The image about ourselves that we project onto others</h3>\r\nTo feel accepted, we filter information that we offer to be seen in a positive light. We hide our faults or parts of our sexuality that create shame. We give more value to other peoples opinions about our personal worth than our own perception of our sexual fantasies and preferences. An <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\"><strong>intimacy that is validated by others</strong></a> forces us to share only the things that will be accepted and loved. This stagnates our sexuality as we are contrived by these false limitations we impose on ourselves and accept boundaries that hinder our pleasure.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Vomiting our intimacy</h3>\r\nSharing an intimate moment and being fully authentic isn\'t disclosing everything all at once to be accepted. That is what I call <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><strong>vomiting your intimacy</strong></a> rather than sharing yourself with someone. There are advantages to not sharing everything all at once, as it allows to maintain an aura of mystery and newness about our sexuality in a long-term relationship with a partner. <strong>Behind vomiting our intimacy, there is a hidden objective to be fully and completely accepted immediately from the other person.</strong> This allows avoiding committing and getting attached to someone who will reject us in the future.\r\n\r\nSharing a sexual fantasy should be seen as a moment of vulnerability where it will not necessarily be a <strong>safe space</strong>. Our partner can react joyfully about your sexual preference or they may not. You will only know if you take the risk to be known by them. We also have to understand that our partner\'s reaction to our sexual fantasies speaks more about them than our self-worth. It will speak more about there own sexual issues and blockage.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>So what do you like in bed?</h3>\r\nNext time someone asks you the question, how will you answer? Will you be able to appreciate your sexuality enough to feel completely free to divulge the most intimate parts of your sexuality? Will you continue to filter information to avoid rejection and try to maintain the image that others accept more easily?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\r\n\r\n<hr />', 'Share your fantasies with me my DARLING!', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'sexual-fantasies', '', '', '2018-05-18 16:39:12', '2018-05-18 14:39:12', '', 0, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/?p=444', 0, 'post', '', 0);
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(445, 2, '2018-05-15 20:53:32', '2018-05-15 18:53:32', '<h1>What gets your turn on during sex?</h1>\r\nIf you consult a <strong>sex therapist psychotherapist</strong>, chances are you are going to get that question asked. It might seem intrusive, intimidating, uncomfortable to answer this to someone you have barely known for a couple of hours. A lot of the times, we aren\'t quite sure what to answer or know what the \"right\" answer that our sex therapist wants to hear so be considered normal.\r\n\r\nIt is often what I hear in my office: \"Well..euh! Not abnormal..euh. You know the traditional, typical things, but nothing too boring. Being afraid of being judge about our sexual fantasies and preferences is a common thing in individuals. We fear what others might think about what gets us turned on.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Why even ask the question?</h2>\r\nSexual preferences say quite a lot about a person and their sexuality. It shows how you love and want to be loved. It gives a peek at some of your insecurities and emotional scars. It demonstrates your strengths and your difficulties in your sexuality as well as resistance. It gives hints on the sexual education you received while growing up. Everything that would put a person at ease to answer the question..right? Obviously, it is not meant to judge negatively a person but to point out where you might need help to have a more fulfilling sex life.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" Tell me how you make love and I will tell you how you were loved!\"</strong></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">-Ester Perel</p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">By itself, a sexual fantasy doesn\'t say much about a person. What is significant is how you contextualize the situation and what gets you specifically turned on. The <strong>sex therapist</strong> psychotherapist will give remarks and reflect certain observations that could potentially be detrimental to your sexual pleasure and satisfaction. Sexual fantasies and preferences are constructed on our sexual experiences and relationship dynamics we\'ve had in the past. We tend to erotize our emotional wounds and triumphs. Our sexual imagination is an area where we have total control over and get freely explore all of our sexuality, without danger. A space that no one has access to unless we give it to them.</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"></p>\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\">Should we share our sexual fantasies with our partner?</h3>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Even among <strong>sex therapist, </strong>we don\'t all agree on the answer to that question. Some will suggest keeping it a secret to instill mystery into the relationship. Others will suggest to only divulge the ones you are comfortable with your partner knowing.</p>\r\n\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Can we really be honest and fully authentic if we refuse to disclose our sexual fantasies to our partner?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Can we really say that our partner truly knows us sexually if we hide of refrain from showing part of our sexuality?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">What purpose does keeping these <strong>sexual fantasies</strong> to ourselves really do?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Could we potentially harm a relationship and our sex life if we do divulge the precious information?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\"A person who fully accepts and can assert freely their sexuality in all of its forms will prefer to be rejected than to live a life without being truly known\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">It is quite obvious that divulging our sexual fantasies can bring about a bundle of emotions as previously mentioned. Human beings have 2 fundamental desires that are opposites. We want to be known and share our most inner thoughts and feelings but we also want to be accepted and part of a group. Both of these desires can be congruent in certain aspects, but a lot of the times especially with fantasies it comes with a risk of not being accepted and loved. We want so much to share with our spouse who we are, but the risk of rejection is too great.</p>\r\n\r\n<h2 style=\"text-align: left;\">Intimacy at is most profound</h2>\r\nSharing a sexual fantasy is a moment of intimacy. Intimacy here is defined as person self-disclosing where our partner discovers a new information about us. When we disclose, we are always taking a risk that the other will appreciate us less, will reject us or refuse to accept this part of us.  A person who fully accepts and can assert freely their sexuality in all of its forms will prefer to be rejected than to live a life without being truly known!\r\n<h3>The image that we project onto others about ourselves</h3>\r\nTo feel accepted, we filter information that we offer to be seen in a positive light. We hide our faults or parts of our sexuality that create shame.\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"></p>', 'Share your fantasies with me my DARLING!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '444-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-05-15 20:53:32', '2018-05-15 18:53:32', '', 444, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/05/444-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(455, 2, '2018-09-18 19:58:14', '2018-09-18 17:58:14', '<h1>The politics of sexual desire</h1>\r\nEveryone wants to be and feel desired by others, as well as loved. Specifically by their spouses, but sometimes other people. <strong>Most people don\'t find themselves desirable unless someone or others agree with them about their level of desirability.</strong> It is even seen negatively to see oneself as desirable by our society. We perceive it as being full of our selves and vain to find oneself sexually desirable. We always talk that confidence is sexy and attractive, but when someone actually does say it, we always have that crooked look of questioning and judgment.\r\n\r\nOn the other hand, if we speak negatively of ourselves, friends will immediately reassure us that it isn\'t the case and that we are beautiful and loveable. This indirectly perpetuates that we should not talk positively about ourselves because people frown upon it while putting ourselves down brings validation from others.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Wanting to be wanted</h2>\r\nInevitably in a relationship, there will be a <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\">high desire partner (HDP)</a> and a l<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\">ow desire partner (LDP)</a>. These <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\">positions in the dynamic</a> play a role in the politics of sexual desire. The HDP has more sexual desire, but not necessarily towards their spouse or for sex. <strong>They might actually <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">want to be wanted</span> by their partner, more than desire sex per se.</strong> When we\'ve been refused sex multiple times, most people will start questioning their level of desirability. They might even ask their partners if they are still desirable to them.\r\n\r\nTo avoid any conflict or difficult discussions between partners, the LDP will reassure their HDP partner. This will push the HDP partner to show himself as undesirable so that they can get more validation from their LDP spouse. The lack of self-desirability keeps the HDP more and more undesirable and puts more pressure on the LDP to reassure them on a constant basis, outside and during sex.\r\n\r\nThe LDP basically controls their spouse\'s self-worth and level of desirability. That is because the HDP relies on their lover to give them that validation they so desperately seek. That validation might come from having sex with the HDP, so they actually believe them. <strong>This leads most often to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><em><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/04/sex-like-climbing-mountain-top.html\">pity sex</a>.</em></span> </strong>The more pity sex the couple has, the less the LDP desires sex and their spouse in return.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Not wanting to want</h2>\r\nPeople are generally scared of actually truly wanting their partner. Wanting puts you in a position of vulnerability where you can feel empty if your desire is rejected. Most often the LDP is in this position, but the HDP can also play this role. The LDP feels secured by their HDP partner desiring them more. It creates a sense of constant validation because they also want to be wanted, just like their spouse. <strong>They just don\'t want to want</strong>. When the HDP doesn\'t need to be wanted anymore, this creates anxiety and fears in the LDP that their lover will leave the relationship.\r\n\r\nSometimes the LDP will complain if the HDP doesn\'t initiate as often or has completely stopped, all the while refusing to initiate sex themselves and complaining that their partner initiates to often. To reel back the HDP into the dynamic, the LDP will start having sex. If the HDP hasn\'t gained enough maturity yet and is still needing to be wanted, the dynamic will start back again. The LDP will slowly lose their desire again because the HDP still needs to be wanted.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Wanting to want</h3>\r\nTruly having sexual desire comes from a space of fullness, not emptiness. Most people and our society talk about desire as though they are lacking something. That they need to take or be given something (e.g. the LDP gives sex to the HDP). Rarely do we hear people talk about desiring someone as giving to another. Sometimes spouses reward each other\'s good behavior with sex. If the HDP is nice enough, their spouse will give them the sex they want. <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\">It is an economic exchange in what people call a loving relationship.</a>\r\n<h3>How can you want to want and not just want to be wanted?</h3>\r\nWanting to want comes from giving yourself to the other, not being used, like a lot of LDP\'s do in their relationship. You self-disclosure during sex your emotions, your sexual fantasies, your fears, your insecurities and your hang-ups. You become authentic and maintain your integrity in the face of rejection and lack of validation from the other. You take the risk of wanting more than your partner. You don\'t seek sex to gain validation but to show who you are.\r\n\r\nWhen your spouse doesn\'t share the same desire then you, it doesn\'t feel like a rejection of self. You don\'t get angry or feel hurt, you accept that they don\'t share at that particular moment the same desire as you. If your partner doesn\'t want to eat the same food as you at the restaurant or watch the same movie or read the same book...do you feel rejected or hurt? Most likely not! So why get so upset that they don\'t want to have sex that night? Why is your partner\'s lack of sexual desire a reflection of your level of desirability?\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><strong>Do you feel that your sexual advances are inviting?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Are you offering something interesting or just taking?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Would you have sex with yourself?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Are you an enjoyable sexual partner?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Are you predictable or creative in your sexual overture and style?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>When is the last time you took a risk?</strong></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>What can I do if my partner doesn\'t want to want, but I do?</h3>\r\nAsk yourself this question before figuring it out: What does it say <em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>about you</strong> </span></em>that you chose to remain with a partner that doesn\'t want to want [you]? If you feel that you\'ve really put some effort into this relationship and you\'ve been acting like a desirable partner should, then maybe you should ask yourself if you still want this person and this relationship.\r\n\r\nThis is a very hard decision to put into action especially in certain circumstances and in very long-term relationships where you invested a lot. You may also choose to stay in the relationship knowing you are with a person who doesn\'t want to want. No matter what your choice is, you are the one who lives with the consequences and you can sometimes only choose one of the options.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>', 'I want to be wanted!', '', 'publish', 'open', 'open', '', 'i-want-to-be-wanted', '', '', '2018-09-18 19:58:14', '2018-09-18 17:58:14', '', 0, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/?p=455', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(447, 2, '2018-05-16 20:08:53', '2018-05-16 18:08:53', '', 'sexual fantasy', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'fantasme-homme-min', '', '', '2018-05-16 20:09:19', '2018-05-16 18:09:19', '', 444, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2018/05/fantasme-homme-min.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(448, 2, '2018-05-16 20:27:43', '2018-05-16 18:27:43', '<h1>What gets your turn on during sex?</h1>\r\nIf you consult a <strong>sex therapist psychotherapist</strong>, chances are you are going to get that question asked. It might seem intrusive, intimidating, uncomfortable to answer this to someone you have barely known for a couple of hours. A lot of the times, we aren\'t quite sure what to answer or know what the \"right\" answer that our sex therapist wants to hear so be considered normal.\r\n\r\nIt is often what I hear in my office: \"Well..euh! Not abnormal..euh. You know the traditional, typical things, but nothing too boring. Being afraid of being judge about our sexual fantasies and preferences is a common thing in individuals. We fear what others might think about what gets us turned on.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Why even ask the question?</h2>\r\nSexual preferences say quite a lot about a person and their sexuality. It shows how you love and want to be loved. It gives a peek at some of your insecurities and emotional scars. It demonstrates your strengths and your difficulties in your sexuality as well as resistance. It gives hints on the sexual education you received while growing up. Everything that would put a person at ease to answer the question..right? Obviously, it is not meant to judge negatively a person but to point out where you might need help to have a more fulfilling sex life.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" Tell me how you make love and I will tell you how you were loved!\"</strong></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">-Ester Perel</p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">By itself, a sexual fantasy doesn\'t say much about a person. What is significant is how you contextualize the situation and what gets you specifically turned on. The <strong>sex therapist</strong> psychotherapist will give remarks and reflect certain observations that could potentially be detrimental to your sexual pleasure and satisfaction. Sexual fantasies and preferences are constructed on our sexual experiences and relationship dynamics we\'ve had in the past. We tend to erotize our emotional wounds and triumphs. Our sexual imagination is an area where we have total control over and get freely explore all of our sexuality, without danger. A space that no one has access to unless we give it to them.</p>\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\">Should we share our sexual fantasies with our partner?</h3>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Even among <strong>sex therapist, </strong>we don\'t all agree on the answer to that question. Some will suggest keeping it a secret to instill mystery into the relationship. Others will suggest to only divulge the ones you are comfortable with your partner knowing.</p>\r\n\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Can we really be honest and fully authentic if we refuse to disclose our sexual fantasies to our partner?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Can we really say that our partner truly knows us sexually if we hide of refrain from showing part of our sexuality?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">What purpose does keeping these <strong>sexual fantasies</strong> to ourselves really do?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Could we potentially harm a relationship and our sex life if we do divulge the precious information?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\"A person who fully accepts and can assert freely their sexuality in all of its forms will prefer to be rejected than to live a life without being truly known\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">It is quite obvious that divulging our sexual fantasies can bring about a bundle of emotions as previously mentioned. Human beings have 2 fundamental desires that are opposites. We want to be known and share our most inner thoughts and feelings but we also want to be accepted and part of a group. Both of these desires can be congruent in certain aspects, but a lot of the times especially with fantasies it comes with a risk of not being accepted and loved. We want so much to share with our spouse who we are, but the risk of rejection is too great.</p>\r\n\r\n<h2 style=\"text-align: left;\">Intimacy at is most profound</h2>\r\nSharing a sexual fantasy is a moment of intimacy. Intimacy here is defined as person self-disclosing where our partner discovers a new information about us. When we disclose, we are always taking a risk that the other will appreciate us less, will reject us or refuse to accept this part of us.  A person who fully accepts and can assert freely their sexuality in all of its forms will prefer to be rejected than to live a life without being truly known!\r\n<h3>The image that we project onto others about ourselves</h3>\r\nTo feel accepted, we filter information that we offer to be seen in a positive light. We hide our faults or parts of our sexuality that create shame. We give more value to other peoples opinions about our personal worth than our own perception of our sexual fantasies and preferences. An <strong>intimacy that is validated by others</strong> forces us to share only the things that will be accepted and loved. This stagnates our sexuality as we are contrived by these false limitations we impose on ourselves and accept boundaries that hinder our pleasure.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Vomiting our intimacy</h3>\r\nSharing an intimate moment and being fully authentic isn\'t disclosing everything all at once to be accepted. That is what I call <strong>vomiting your intimacy</strong> rather than sharing yourself with someone. There are advantages to not sharing everything all at once, as it allows to maintain an aura of mystery and newness about our sexuality in a long-term relationship with a partner. Behind vomiting our intimacy, there is a hidden objective to be fully and completely accepted immediately from the other person. This allows avoiding committing and getting attached to someone who will reject us in the future.\r\n\r\nSharing a sexual fantasy should be seen as a moment of vulnerability where it will not necessarily be a safe space. Our partner can react joyfully about your sexual preference or they may not. You will only know if you take the risk to be known by them. We also have to understand that our partner\'s reaction to our sexual fantasies speaks more about them than our self-worth. It will speak more about there own sexual issues and blockage.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>So what do you like in bed?</h3>\r\nNext time someone asks you the question, how will you answer? Will you be able to appreciate your sexuality enought to feel completly free to divulge the most intimate parts of your sexuality? Will you continue to filter information to avoid rejection and try to maintain the image that others accept?', 'Share your fantasies with me my DARLING!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '444-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-05-16 20:27:43', '2018-05-16 18:27:43', '', 444, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/05/444-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(449, 2, '2018-05-16 20:56:30', '2018-05-16 18:56:30', '<h1>What gets your turn on during sex?</h1>\r\nIf you consult a <strong>sex therapist psychotherapist</strong>, chances are you are going to get that question asked. It might seem intrusive, intimidating, uncomfortable to answer this to someone you have barely known for a couple of hours. A lot of the times, we aren\'t quite sure what to answer or know what the \"right\" answer that our sex therapist wants to hear so be considered normal.\r\n\r\nIt is often what I hear in my office: \"Well..euh! Not abnormal..euh. You know the traditional, typical things, but nothing too boring. Afraid of being judged about our sexual fantasies and preferences is a common thing in individuals. We fear what others might think about what gets us turned on.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Why even ask the question?</h2>\r\nSexual preferences say quite a lot about a person and their sexuality. It shows how you love and want to be loved. It gives a peek at some of your insecurities and emotional scars. It demonstrates your strengths and your difficulties in your sexuality as well as resistance. It gives hints on the sexual education you received while growing up. Everything that would put a person at ease to answer the question..right? Obviously, it is not meant to judge negatively a person but to point out where you might need help to have a more fulfilling sex life.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" Tell me how you make love and I will tell you how you were loved!\"</strong></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">-Ester Perel</p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">By itself, a sexual fantasy doesn\'t say much about a person. What is significant is how you contextualize the situation and what gets you specifically turned on. The <strong>sex therapist</strong> psychotherapist will give remarks and reflect certain observations that could potentially be detrimental to your sexual pleasure and satisfaction. Sexual fantasies and preferences are constructed on our sexual experiences and relationship dynamics we\'ve had in the past. We tend to erotize our emotional wounds and triumphs. Our sexual imagination is an area where we have total control over and get freely explore all of our sexuality, without danger. A space that no one has access to unless we give it to them.</p>\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\">Should we share our sexual fantasies with our partner?</h3>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Even among <strong>sex therapist, </strong>we don\'t all agree on the answer to that question. Some will suggest keeping it a secret to instill mystery into the relationship. Others will suggest to only divulge the ones you are comfortable with your partner knowing.</p>\r\n\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Can we really be honest and fully authentic if we refuse to disclose our sexual fantasies to our partner?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Can we really say that our partner truly knows us sexually if we hide of refrain from showing part of our sexuality?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">What purpose does keeping these <strong>sexual fantasies</strong> to ourselves really do?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Could we potentially harm a relationship and our sex life if we do divulge the precious information?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\"A person who fully accepts and can assert freely their sexuality in all of its forms will prefer to be rejected than to live a life without being truly known\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">It is quite obvious that divulging our sexual fantasies can bring about a bundle of emotions as previously mentioned. Human beings have 2 fundamental desires that are opposites. We want to be known and share our most inner thoughts and feelings but we also want to be accepted and part of a group. Both of these desires can be congruent in certain aspects, but a lot of the times especially with fantasies it comes with a risk of not being accepted and loved. We want so much to share with our spouse who we are, but the risk of rejection is too great.</p>\r\n\r\n<h2 style=\"text-align: left;\">Intimacy at is most profound</h2>\r\nSharing a sexual fantasy is a moment of intimacy. Intimacy here is defined as person self-disclosing where our partner discovers a new information about us. When we disclose, we are always taking a risk that the other will appreciate us less, will reject us or refuse to accept this part of us.  A person who fully accepts and can assert freely their sexuality in all of its forms will prefer to be rejected than to live a life without being truly known!\r\n<h3>The image that we project onto others about ourselves</h3>\r\nTo feel accepted, we filter information that we offer to be seen in a positive light. We hide our faults or parts of our sexuality that create shame. We give more value to other peoples opinions about our personal worth than our own perception of our sexual fantasies and preferences. An <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\"><strong>intimacy that is validated by others</strong></a> forces us to share only the things that will be accepted and loved. This stagnates our sexuality as we are contrived by these false limitations we impose on ourselves and accept boundaries that hinder our pleasure.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Vomiting our intimacy</h3>\r\nSharing an intimate moment and being fully authentic isn\'t disclosing everything all at once to be accepted. That is what I call <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><strong>vomiting your intimacy</strong></a> rather than sharing yourself with someone. There are advantages to not sharing everything all at once, as it allows to maintain an aura of mystery and newness about our sexuality in a long-term relationship with a partner. Behind vomiting our intimacy, there is a hidden objective to be fully and completely accepted immediately from the other person. This allows avoiding committing and getting attached to someone who will reject us in the future.\r\n\r\nSharing a sexual fantasy should be seen as a moment of vulnerability where it will not necessarily be a safe space. Our partner can react joyfully about your sexual preference or they may not. You will only know if you take the risk to be known by them. We also have to understand that our partner\'s reaction to our sexual fantasies speaks more about them than our self-worth. It will speak more about there own sexual issues and blockage.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>So what do you like in bed?</h3>\r\nNext time someone asks you the question, how will you answer? Will you be able to appreciate your sexuality enought to feel completly free to divulge the most intimate parts of your sexuality? Will you continue to filter information to avoid rejection and try to maintain the image that others accept?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\r\n\r\n<hr />', 'Share your fantasies with me my DARLING!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '444-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-05-16 20:56:30', '2018-05-16 18:56:30', '', 444, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/05/444-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(450, 2, '2018-05-17 17:41:17', '2018-05-17 15:41:17', '<h1>What gets you turned on during sex?</h1>\r\nIf you consult a <strong>sex therapist psychotherapist</strong>, chances are you are going to get that question asked. It might seem intrusive, intimidating, uncomfortable to answer this to someone you have barely known for a couple of hours. A lot of the times, we aren\'t quite sure what to answer or know what is the \"right\" answer that our sex therapist wants to hear to be considered normal.\r\n\r\nIt is often what I hear in my office: \"Well..euh! Not abnormal..euh. You know the traditional, typical things, but nothing too boring.\" Afraid of being judged about our sexual fantasies and preferences is a common thing in individuals. We fear what others might think about what gets us turned on.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Why even ask the question?</h2>\r\nSexual preferences say quite a lot about a person and their sexuality. It shows how you love and want to be loved. It gives a peek at some of your insecurities and emotional scars. It demonstrates your strengths and your difficulties in your sexuality as well as resistances. It gives hints on the sexual education you received while growing up.\r\n\r\nEverything that would put a person at ease to answer the question..right? Obviously, it is not meant to judge negatively a person but to point out where they might need help to have a more fulfilling sex life.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\" Tell me how you make love and I will tell you how you were loved!\"</strong></p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">-Ester Perel</p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">By itself, a sexual fantasy doesn\'t say much about a person. What is significant is how you contextualize the situation and what gets you specifically turned on. The <strong>sex therapist</strong> psychotherapist will give remarks and reflect certain observations that could potentially be detrimental to your sexual pleasure and satisfaction. Sexual fantasies and preferences are constructed with our sexual experiences and relationship dynamics we\'ve had in the past. We tend to erotize our emotional wounds and triumphs.</p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Our sexual imagination is an area where we have total control over and get to freely explore all of our sexuality, without danger. A space that no one has access to unless we give it to them.</p>\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\">Should we share our sexual fantasies with our partner?</h3>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Even among <strong>sex therapist, </strong>we don\'t all agree on the answer to that question. Some will suggest keeping it a secret to instill mystery into the relationship. Others will suggest to only divulge the ones we are comfortable with our partner knowing. Which brings the following questions into play:</p>\r\n\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Can we really be honest and fully authentic if we refuse to disclose our sexual fantasies to our partner?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Can we really say that our partner truly knows us sexually if we hide or refrain from showing parts of our sexuality?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">What purpose does keeping these <strong>sexual fantasies</strong> to ourselves really do?</li>\r\n 	<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Could we potentially harm a relationship and our sex life if we do divulge the precious information?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>\"A person who fully accepts and can assert freely their sexuality in all of its forms will prefer to be rejected than to live a life without being truly known\"</strong></p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">It is quite obvious that divulging our sexual fantasies can bring about a bundle of emotions as previously mentioned. Human beings have 2 fundamental desires that are opposites. We want to be known and share our most inner thoughts and feelings but we also want to be accepted and part of a group. Both of these desires can be congruent in certain aspects, but a lot of the times especially with fantasies it comes with a risk of not being accepted and loved. We want so much to share with our spouse who we are, but the risk of rejection is too great.</p>\r\n\r\n<h2 style=\"text-align: left;\">Intimacy at is most profound</h2>\r\nSharing a sexual fantasy is a moment of intimacy. Intimacy here is defined as person self-disclosing to a sexual partner and discovers a new information about us. When we disclose, we are always taking a risk that the other will appreciate us less, will reject us or refuse to accept this part of us.  <strong>A person who fully accepts and can assert freely their sexuality in all of its forms will prefer to be rejected than to live a life without being truly known!</strong>\r\n<h3>The image about ourselves that we project onto others</h3>\r\nTo feel accepted, we filter information that we offer to be seen in a positive light. We hide our faults or parts of our sexuality that create shame. We give more value to other peoples opinions about our personal worth than our own perception of our sexual fantasies and preferences. An <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-sexual-desire-part-3.html\"><strong>intimacy that is validated by others</strong></a> forces us to share only the things that will be accepted and loved. This stagnates our sexuality as we are contrived by these false limitations we impose on ourselves and accept boundaries that hinder our pleasure.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Vomiting our intimacy</h3>\r\nSharing an intimate moment and being fully authentic isn\'t disclosing everything all at once to be accepted. That is what I call <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2013/06/sexual-intimacy-part-2.html\"><strong>vomiting your intimacy</strong></a> rather than sharing yourself with someone. There are advantages to not sharing everything all at once, as it allows to maintain an aura of mystery and newness about our sexuality in a long-term relationship with a partner. <strong>Behind vomiting our intimacy, there is a hidden objective to be fully and completely accepted immediately from the other person.</strong> This allows avoiding committing and getting attached to someone who will reject us in the future.\r\n\r\nSharing a sexual fantasy should be seen as a moment of vulnerability where it will not necessarily be a <strong>safe space</strong>. Our partner can react joyfully about your sexual preference or they may not. You will only know if you take the risk to be known by them. We also have to understand that our partner\'s reaction to our sexual fantasies speaks more about them than our self-worth. It will speak more about there own sexual issues and blockage.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>So what do you like in bed?</h3>\r\nNext time someone asks you the question, how will you answer? Will you be able to appreciate your sexuality enough to feel completely free to divulge the most intimate parts of your sexuality? Will you continue to filter information to avoid rejection and try to maintain the image that others accept more easily?\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>\r\n\r\n<hr />', 'Share your fantasies with me my DARLING!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '444-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-05-17 17:41:17', '2018-05-17 15:41:17', '', 444, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/05/444-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(456, 2, '2018-08-15 18:59:44', '2018-08-15 16:59:44', '<h1>The politics of sexual desire and the lack of it in long-term relationships</h1>\r\nEveryone wants to be and feel desired by others, as well as loved. Specifically by their spouses, but sometimes other people. Most people don\'t find themselves desirable unless someone or others agree with them about their level of desirability. It is even seen negatively to see oneself as desirable by our society. We perceive it as being full of our selves and vain to find oneself sexually desirable. We always talk that confidence is sexy and attractive, but when someone actually does say it, we always have that crooked look of questioning.\r\n\r\nOn the other hand, if we speak negatively of ourselves, friends will immediately reassure us that it isn\'t the case and that we are beautiful and loveable. This indirectly perpetuates that we should talk positively about ourselves because people frown upon it while putting ourselves down brings validations from other.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Wanting to be wanted</h2>\r\nInevitably in a relationship, there will be a high desire partner (HDP) and a low desire partner (LDP). This positions in the dynamic play a role in the politics of sexual desire. The HDP has more sexual desire, but not necessarily towards their spouse or for sex. They might actually want to be wanted by their partner, more than desire sex per se. When we\'ve been refused sex multiple times, most people will start questioning the level of desirability. They might even ask their partners if they are still desirable to them. To avoid any conflict or difficult discussions between partners, the LDP will reassure their HDP partner. This will push the HDP partner to show himself as undesirable so that they can get that validation from their LDP spouse. The lack of self-desirability keeps the HDP more and more undesirable and puts more pressure on the LDP to reassure them on a constant basis.\r\n\r\nThe LDP basically controls their spouse\'s self-worth and level of desirability. That is because the HDP relies on their lover to give them that validation they so desperately seek. That validation might come from having sex with the HDP, so they actually believe them. <strong>This leads most often to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><em>pity sex.</em></span> </strong>The more pity sex the couple has, the less the LDP desires sex and their spouse.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Not wanting to want</h2>\r\nPeople are generally scared of actually truly wanting their partner. Wanting puts you in a position of vulnerability where you can feel empty if your desire isn\'t answered or rejected. Most often the LDP is in this position, but the HDP can also play this role. The LDP feels secured by their HDP partner desiring them more. It creates a sense of constant validation because they also want to be wanted, just like their spouse. They just don\'t want to want. When the HDP doesn\'t need to be wanted anymore, this creates anxiety and fears that they will live the relationship.\r\n\r\nSometimes the LDP will complain if the HDP doesn\'t initiate as often or has completely stop, all the while refusing to initiate sex themselves and complaining that they initiate to often.', 'I want to be wanted!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '455-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-08-15 18:59:44', '2018-08-15 16:59:44', '', 455, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/08/455-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(457, 2, '2018-08-15 23:00:24', '2018-08-15 21:00:24', '<h1>The politics of sexual desire and the lack of it in long-term relationships</h1>\r\nEveryone wants to be and feel desired by others, as well as loved. Specifically by their spouses, but sometimes other people. <strong>Most people don\'t find themselves desirable unless someone or others agree with them about their level of desirability.</strong> It is even seen negatively to see oneself as desirable by our society. We perceive it as being full of our selves and vain to find oneself sexually desirable. We always talk that confidence is sexy and attractive, but when someone actually does say it, we always have that crooked look of questioning.\r\n\r\nOn the other hand, if we speak negatively of ourselves, friends will immediately reassure us that it isn\'t the case and that we are beautiful and loveable. This indirectly perpetuates that we should not talk positively about ourselves because people frown upon it while putting ourselves down brings validation from other.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Wanting to be wanted</h2>\r\nInevitably in a relationship, there will be a high desire partner (HDP) and a low desire partner (LDP). These positions in the dynamic play a role in the politics of sexual desire. The HDP has more sexual desire, but not necessarily towards their spouse or for sex. <strong>They might actually want to be wanted by their partner, more than desire sex per se.</strong> When we\'ve been refused sex multiple times, most people will start questioning their level of desirability. They might even ask their partners if they are still desirable to them. To avoid any conflict or difficult discussions between partners, the LDP will reassure their HDP partner. This will push the HDP partner to show himself as undesirable so that they can get validation from their LDP spouse. The lack of self-desirability keeps the HDP more and more undesirable and puts more pressure on the LDP to reassure them on a constant basis.\r\n\r\nThe LDP basically controls their spouse\'s self-worth and level of desirability. That is because the HDP relies on their lover to give them that validation they so desperately seek. That validation might come from having sex with the HDP, so they actually believe them. <strong>This leads most often to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><em>pity sex.</em></span> </strong>The more pity sex the couple has, the less the LDP desires sex and their spouse.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Not wanting to want</h2>\r\nPeople are generally scared of actually truly wanting their partner. Wanting puts you in a position of vulnerability where you can feel empty if your desire isn\'t answered or is rejected. Most often the LDP is in this position, but the HDP can also play this role. The LDP feels secured by their HDP partner desiring them more. It creates a sense of constant validation because they also want to be wanted, just like their spouse. They just don\'t want to want. When the HDP doesn\'t need to be wanted anymore, this creates anxiety and fears in the LDP that their lover will leave the relationship.\r\n\r\nSometimes the LDP will complain if the HDP doesn\'t initiate as often or has completely stop, all the while refusing to initiate sex themselves and complaining that they initiate to often.', 'I want to be wanted!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '455-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-08-15 23:00:24', '2018-08-15 21:00:24', '', 455, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/08/455-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(458, 2, '2018-08-17 20:54:33', '2018-08-17 18:54:33', '<h1>The politics of sexual desire and the lack of it</h1>\r\nEveryone wants to be and feel desired by others, as well as loved. Specifically by their spouses, but sometimes other people. <strong>Most people don\'t find themselves desirable unless someone or others agree with them about their level of desirability.</strong> It is even seen negatively to see oneself as desirable by our society. We perceive it as being full of our selves and vain to find oneself sexually desirable. We always talk that confidence is sexy and attractive, but when someone actually does say it, we always have that crooked look of questioning and judgment.\r\n\r\nOn the other hand, if we speak negatively of ourselves, friends will immediately reassure us that it isn\'t the case and that we are beautiful and loveable. This indirectly perpetuates that we should not talk positively about ourselves because people frown upon it while putting ourselves down brings validation from others.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Wanting to be wanted</h2>\r\nInevitably in a relationship, there will be a high desire partner (HDP) and a low desire partner (LDP). These positions in the dynamic play a role in the politics of sexual desire. The HDP has more sexual desire, but not necessarily towards their spouse or for sex. <strong>They might actually want to be wanted by their partner, more than desire sex per se.</strong> When we\'ve been refused sex multiple times, most people will start questioning their level of desirability. They might even ask their partners if they are still desirable to them. To avoid any conflict or difficult discussions between partners, the LDP will reassure their HDP partner. This will push the HDP partner to show himself as undesirable so that they can get more validation from their LDP spouse. The lack of self-desirability keeps the HDP more and more undesirable and puts more pressure on the LDP to reassure them on a constant basis, outside and during sex.\r\n\r\nThe LDP basically controls their spouse\'s self-worth and level of desirability. That is because the HDP relies on their lover to give them that validation they so desperately seek. That validation might come from having sex with the HDP, so they actually believe them. <strong>This leads most often to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><em>pity sex.</em></span> </strong>The more pity sex the couple has, the less the LDP desires sex and their spouse.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Not wanting to want</h2>\r\nPeople are generally scared of actually truly wanting their partner. Wanting puts you in a position of vulnerability where you can feel empty if your desire isn\'t answered or is rejected. Most often the LDP is in this position, but the HDP can also play this role. The LDP feels secured by their HDP partner desiring them more. It creates a sense of constant validation because they also want to be wanted, just like their spouse. They just don\'t want to want. When the HDP doesn\'t need to be wanted anymore, this creates anxiety and fears in the LDP that their lover will leave the relationship.\r\n\r\nSometimes the LDP will complain if the HDP doesn\'t initiate as often or has completely stopped, all the while refusing to initiate sex themselves and complaining that their partner initiates to often. To reel back the HDP into the dynamic, the LDP will start having sex. If the HDP hasn\'t gained enough maturity yet and is still needing to be wanted, the dynamic will start back again. The LDP will slowly lose their desire again because the HDP still needs to be wanted.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Wanting to want</h3>\r\nTruly having sexual desire comes from a space of fullness, not emptiness. Most people and our society talk about desire as though they are lacking something. That they need to take or be given something (e.g. the LDP gives sex to the HDP). Rarely do we hear people talk about it as giving to another. Sometimes spouses reward each other\'s good behavior with sex. If the HDP is nice enough, their spouse will give them the sex they want. It is an economic exchange in what people call a loving relationship.\r\n<h3>How do you want to want and not want to be wanted?</h3>\r\nWanting to want comes from giving yourself to the other, not being used, like a lot of LDP\'s do in their relationship. You self-disclosure during sex your emotions, your sexual fantasies, your fears, your insecurities and your hang-ups. You become authentic and maintain your integrity in the face of rejection and lack of validation from the other.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'I want to be wanted!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '455-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-08-17 20:54:33', '2018-08-17 18:54:33', '', 455, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/08/455-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
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(460, 2, '2018-09-17 18:59:03', '2018-09-17 16:59:03', '<h1>The politics of sexual desire</h1>\r\nEveryone wants to be and feel desired by others, as well as loved. Specifically by their spouses, but sometimes other people. <strong>Most people don\'t find themselves desirable unless someone or others agree with them about their level of desirability.</strong> It is even seen negatively to see oneself as desirable by our society. We perceive it as being full of our selves and vain to find oneself sexually desirable. We always talk that confidence is sexy and attractive, but when someone actually does say it, we always have that crooked look of questioning and judgment.\r\n\r\nOn the other hand, if we speak negatively of ourselves, friends will immediately reassure us that it isn\'t the case and that we are beautiful and loveable. This indirectly perpetuates that we should not talk positively about ourselves because people frown upon it while putting ourselves down brings validation from others.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Wanting to be wanted</h2>\r\nInevitably in a relationship, there will be a high desire partner (HDP) and a low desire partner (LDP). These positions in the dynamic play a role in the politics of sexual desire. The HDP has more sexual desire, but not necessarily towards their spouse or for sex. <strong>They might actually <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">want to be wanted</span> by their partner, more than desire sex per se.</strong> When we\'ve been refused sex multiple times, most people will start questioning their level of desirability. They might even ask their partners if they are still desirable to them. To avoid any conflict or difficult discussions between partners, the LDP will reassure their HDP partner. This will push the HDP partner to show himself as undesirable so that they can get more validation from their LDP spouse. The lack of self-desirability keeps the HDP more and more undesirable and puts more pressure on the LDP to reassure them on a constant basis, outside and during sex.\r\n\r\nThe LDP basically controls their spouse\'s self-worth and level of desirability. That is because the HDP relies on their lover to give them that validation they so desperately seek. That validation might come from having sex with the HDP, so they actually believe them. <strong>This leads most often to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><em>pity sex.</em></span> </strong>The more pity sex the couple has, the less the LDP desires sex and their spouse in return.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Not wanting to want</h2>\r\nPeople are generally scared of actually truly wanting their partner. Wanting puts you in a position of vulnerability where you can feel empty if your desire is rejected. Most often the LDP is in this position, but the HDP can also play this role. The LDP feels secured by their HDP partner desiring them more. It creates a sense of constant validation because they also want to be wanted, just like their spouse. <strong>They just don\'t want to want</strong>. When the HDP doesn\'t need to be wanted anymore, this creates anxiety and fears in the LDP that their lover will leave the relationship.\r\n\r\nSometimes the LDP will complain if the HDP doesn\'t initiate as often or has completely stopped, all the while refusing to initiate sex themselves and complaining that their partner initiates to often. To reel back the HDP into the dynamic, the LDP will start having sex. If the HDP hasn\'t gained enough maturity yet and is still needing to be wanted, the dynamic will start back again. The LDP will slowly lose their desire again because the HDP still needs to be wanted.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Wanting to want</h3>\r\nTruly having sexual desire comes from a space of fullness, not emptiness. Most people and our society talk about desire as though they are lacking something. That they need to take or be given something (e.g. the LDP gives sex to the HDP). Rarely do we hear people talk about desiring someone as giving to another. Sometimes spouses reward each other\'s good behavior with sex. If the HDP is nice enough, their spouse will give them the sex they want. It is an economic exchange in what people call a loving relationship.\r\n<h3>How can you want to want and not just want to be wanted?</h3>\r\nWanting to want comes from giving yourself to the other, not being used, like a lot of LDP\'s do in their relationship. You self-disclosure during sex your emotions, your sexual fantasies, your fears, your insecurities and your hang-ups. You become authentic and maintain your integrity in the face of rejection and lack of validation from the other. You take the risk of wanting more than your partner. You don\'t seek sex to gain validation but to show who you are.\r\n\r\nWhen your spouse doesn\'t share the same desire then you, it doesn\'t feel like a rejection of self. You don\'t get angry or feel hurt, you accept that they don\'t share at that particular moment the same desire as you. If your partner doesn\'t want to eat the same food as you at the restaurant or watch the same movie or read the same book...do you feel rejected or hurt? Most likely not! So why get so upset that they don\'t want to have sex that night? Why is your partner\'s lack of sexual desire a reflection of your level of desirability?\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li>Do you feel that your sexual advances are inviting?</li>\r\n 	<li>Are your offering something or just taking?</li>\r\n 	<li>Would you have sex with yourself?</li>\r\n 	<li>Are you an enjoyable sexual partner?</li>\r\n 	<li>Are you predictable or creative in your sexual overture and style?</li>\r\n 	<li>When is the last time you took a risk?</li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>What can I do if my partner doesn\'t want to want, but I do?</h3>\r\nAsk yourself this question before figuring it out: What does it say <em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>about you</strong> </span></em>that you chose to remain with a partner that doesn\'t want to want [you]? If you feel that you\'ve really put some effort into this relationship and you\'ve been acting like a desirable partner should, then maybe you have to ask yourself if you still want this person and this relationship.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'I want to be wanted!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '455-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-09-17 18:59:03', '2018-09-17 16:59:03', '', 455, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/09/455-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(461, 2, '2018-09-18 19:44:31', '2018-09-18 17:44:31', '', 'wanting to be desired', 'photographer: nathan-mcbride', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'nathan-mcbride-462758-unsplash-min', '', '', '2018-09-18 19:45:15', '2018-09-18 17:45:15', '', 455, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2018/09/nathan-mcbride-462758-unsplash-min.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(462, 2, '2018-09-18 19:45:19', '2018-09-18 17:45:19', '<h1>The politics of sexual desire</h1>\r\nEveryone wants to be and feel desired by others, as well as loved. Specifically by their spouses, but sometimes other people. <strong>Most people don\'t find themselves desirable unless someone or others agree with them about their level of desirability.</strong> It is even seen negatively to see oneself as desirable by our society. We perceive it as being full of our selves and vain to find oneself sexually desirable. We always talk that confidence is sexy and attractive, but when someone actually does say it, we always have that crooked look of questioning and judgment.\r\n\r\nOn the other hand, if we speak negatively of ourselves, friends will immediately reassure us that it isn\'t the case and that we are beautiful and loveable. This indirectly perpetuates that we should not talk positively about ourselves because people frown upon it while putting ourselves down brings validation from others.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Wanting to be wanted</h2>\r\nInevitably in a relationship, there will be a high desire partner (HDP) and a low desire partner (LDP). These positions in the dynamic play a role in the politics of sexual desire. The HDP has more sexual desire, but not necessarily towards their spouse or for sex. <strong>They might actually <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">want to be wanted</span> by their partner, more than desire sex per se.</strong> When we\'ve been refused sex multiple times, most people will start questioning their level of desirability. They might even ask their partners if they are still desirable to them.\r\n\r\nTo avoid any conflict or difficult discussions between partners, the LDP will reassure their HDP partner. This will push the HDP partner to show himself as undesirable so that they can get more validation from their LDP spouse. The lack of self-desirability keeps the HDP more and more undesirable and puts more pressure on the LDP to reassure them on a constant basis, outside and during sex.\r\n\r\nThe LDP basically controls their spouse\'s self-worth and level of desirability. That is because the HDP relies on their lover to give them that validation they so desperately seek. That validation might come from having sex with the HDP, so they actually believe them. <strong>This leads most often to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><em>pity sex.</em></span> </strong>The more pity sex the couple has, the less the LDP desires sex and their spouse in return.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Not wanting to want</h2>\r\nPeople are generally scared of actually truly wanting their partner. Wanting puts you in a position of vulnerability where you can feel empty if your desire is rejected. Most often the LDP is in this position, but the HDP can also play this role. The LDP feels secured by their HDP partner desiring them more. It creates a sense of constant validation because they also want to be wanted, just like their spouse. <strong>They just don\'t want to want</strong>. When the HDP doesn\'t need to be wanted anymore, this creates anxiety and fears in the LDP that their lover will leave the relationship.\r\n\r\nSometimes the LDP will complain if the HDP doesn\'t initiate as often or has completely stopped, all the while refusing to initiate sex themselves and complaining that their partner initiates to often. To reel back the HDP into the dynamic, the LDP will start having sex. If the HDP hasn\'t gained enough maturity yet and is still needing to be wanted, the dynamic will start back again. The LDP will slowly lose their desire again because the HDP still needs to be wanted.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Wanting to want</h3>\r\nTruly having sexual desire comes from a space of fullness, not emptiness. Most people and our society talk about desire as though they are lacking something. That they need to take or be given something (e.g. the LDP gives sex to the HDP). Rarely do we hear people talk about desiring someone as giving to another. Sometimes spouses reward each other\'s good behavior with sex. If the HDP is nice enough, their spouse will give them the sex they want. It is an economic exchange in what people call a loving relationship.\r\n<h3>How can you want to want and not just want to be wanted?</h3>\r\nWanting to want comes from giving yourself to the other, not being used, like a lot of LDP\'s do in their relationship. You self-disclosure during sex your emotions, your sexual fantasies, your fears, your insecurities and your hang-ups. You become authentic and maintain your integrity in the face of rejection and lack of validation from the other. You take the risk of wanting more than your partner. You don\'t seek sex to gain validation but to show who you are.\r\n\r\nWhen your spouse doesn\'t share the same desire then you, it doesn\'t feel like a rejection of self. You don\'t get angry or feel hurt, you accept that they don\'t share at that particular moment the same desire as you. If your partner doesn\'t want to eat the same food as you at the restaurant or watch the same movie or read the same book...do you feel rejected or hurt? Most likely not! So why get so upset that they don\'t want to have sex that night? Why is your partner\'s lack of sexual desire a reflection of your level of desirability?\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><strong>Do you feel that your sexual advances are inviting?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Are your offering something or just taking?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Would you have sex with yourself?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Are you an enjoyable sexual partner?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Are you predictable or creative in your sexual overture and style?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>When is the last time you took a risk?</strong></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>What can I do if my partner doesn\'t want to want, but I do?</h3>\r\nAsk yourself this question before figuring it out: What does it say <em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>about you</strong> </span></em>that you chose to remain with a partner that doesn\'t want to want [you]? If you feel that you\'ve really put some effort into this relationship and you\'ve been acting like a desirable partner should, then maybe you should ask yourself if you still want this person and this relationship.\r\n\r\nThis is a very hard decision to put into action especially in certain circumstances and in very long-term relationships where you invested a lot. You may also choose to stay in the relationship knowing you are with a person who doesn\'t want to want. No matter what your choice is, you are the one who lives with the consequences and you can sometimes only choose one of the options.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;', 'I want to be wanted!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '455-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-09-18 19:45:19', '2018-09-18 17:45:19', '', 455, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/09/455-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(463, 2, '2018-09-18 19:51:56', '2018-09-18 17:51:56', '<h1>The politics of sexual desire</h1>\r\nEveryone wants to be and feel desired by others, as well as loved. Specifically by their spouses, but sometimes other people. <strong>Most people don\'t find themselves desirable unless someone or others agree with them about their level of desirability.</strong> It is even seen negatively to see oneself as desirable by our society. We perceive it as being full of our selves and vain to find oneself sexually desirable. We always talk that confidence is sexy and attractive, but when someone actually does say it, we always have that crooked look of questioning and judgment.\r\n\r\nOn the other hand, if we speak negatively of ourselves, friends will immediately reassure us that it isn\'t the case and that we are beautiful and loveable. This indirectly perpetuates that we should not talk positively about ourselves because people frown upon it while putting ourselves down brings validation from others.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Wanting to be wanted</h2>\r\nInevitably in a relationship, there will be a <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\">high desire partner (HDP)</a> and a l<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\">ow desire partner (LDP)</a>. These <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\">positions in the dynamic</a> play a role in the politics of sexual desire. The HDP has more sexual desire, but not necessarily towards their spouse or for sex. <strong>They might actually <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">want to be wanted</span> by their partner, more than desire sex per se.</strong> When we\'ve been refused sex multiple times, most people will start questioning their level of desirability. They might even ask their partners if they are still desirable to them.\r\n\r\nTo avoid any conflict or difficult discussions between partners, the LDP will reassure their HDP partner. This will push the HDP partner to show himself as undesirable so that they can get more validation from their LDP spouse. The lack of self-desirability keeps the HDP more and more undesirable and puts more pressure on the LDP to reassure them on a constant basis, outside and during sex.\r\n\r\nThe LDP basically controls their spouse\'s self-worth and level of desirability. That is because the HDP relies on their lover to give them that validation they so desperately seek. That validation might come from having sex with the HDP, so they actually believe them. <strong>This leads most often to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><em><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/04/sex-like-climbing-mountain-top.html\">pity sex</a>.</em></span> </strong>The more pity sex the couple has, the less the LDP desires sex and their spouse in return.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Not wanting to want</h2>\r\nPeople are generally scared of actually truly wanting their partner. Wanting puts you in a position of vulnerability where you can feel empty if your desire is rejected. Most often the LDP is in this position, but the HDP can also play this role. The LDP feels secured by their HDP partner desiring them more. It creates a sense of constant validation because they also want to be wanted, just like their spouse. <strong>They just don\'t want to want</strong>. When the HDP doesn\'t need to be wanted anymore, this creates anxiety and fears in the LDP that their lover will leave the relationship.\r\n\r\nSometimes the LDP will complain if the HDP doesn\'t initiate as often or has completely stopped, all the while refusing to initiate sex themselves and complaining that their partner initiates to often. To reel back the HDP into the dynamic, the LDP will start having sex. If the HDP hasn\'t gained enough maturity yet and is still needing to be wanted, the dynamic will start back again. The LDP will slowly lose their desire again because the HDP still needs to be wanted.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Wanting to want</h3>\r\nTruly having sexual desire comes from a space of fullness, not emptiness. Most people and our society talk about desire as though they are lacking something. That they need to take or be given something (e.g. the LDP gives sex to the HDP). Rarely do we hear people talk about desiring someone as giving to another. Sometimes spouses reward each other\'s good behavior with sex. If the HDP is nice enough, their spouse will give them the sex they want. <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\">It is an economic exchange in what people call a loving relationship.</a>\r\n<h3>How can you want to want and not just want to be wanted?</h3>\r\nWanting to want comes from giving yourself to the other, not being used, like a lot of LDP\'s do in their relationship. You self-disclosure during sex your emotions, your sexual fantasies, your fears, your insecurities and your hang-ups. You become authentic and maintain your integrity in the face of rejection and lack of validation from the other. You take the risk of wanting more than your partner. You don\'t seek sex to gain validation but to show who you are.\r\n\r\nWhen your spouse doesn\'t share the same desire then you, it doesn\'t feel like a rejection of self. You don\'t get angry or feel hurt, you accept that they don\'t share at that particular moment the same desire as you. If your partner doesn\'t want to eat the same food as you at the restaurant or watch the same movie or read the same book...do you feel rejected or hurt? Most likely not! So why get so upset that they don\'t want to have sex that night? Why is your partner\'s lack of sexual desire a reflection of your level of desirability?\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><strong>Do you feel that your sexual advances are inviting?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Are your offering something or just taking?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Would you have sex with yourself?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Are you an enjoyable sexual partner?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Are you predictable or creative in your sexual overture and style?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>When is the last time you took a risk?</strong></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>What can I do if my partner doesn\'t want to want, but I do?</h3>\r\nAsk yourself this question before figuring it out: What does it say <em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>about you</strong> </span></em>that you chose to remain with a partner that doesn\'t want to want [you]? If you feel that you\'ve really put some effort into this relationship and you\'ve been acting like a desirable partner should, then maybe you should ask yourself if you still want this person and this relationship.\r\n\r\nThis is a very hard decision to put into action especially in certain circumstances and in very long-term relationships where you invested a lot. You may also choose to stay in the relationship knowing you are with a person who doesn\'t want to want. No matter what your choice is, you are the one who lives with the consequences and you can sometimes only choose one of the options.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>', 'I want to be wanted!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '455-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-09-18 19:51:56', '2018-09-18 17:51:56', '', 455, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/09/455-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(464, 2, '2018-09-18 19:58:14', '2018-09-18 17:58:14', '<h1>The politics of sexual desire</h1>\r\nEveryone wants to be and feel desired by others, as well as loved. Specifically by their spouses, but sometimes other people. <strong>Most people don\'t find themselves desirable unless someone or others agree with them about their level of desirability.</strong> It is even seen negatively to see oneself as desirable by our society. We perceive it as being full of our selves and vain to find oneself sexually desirable. We always talk that confidence is sexy and attractive, but when someone actually does say it, we always have that crooked look of questioning and judgment.\r\n\r\nOn the other hand, if we speak negatively of ourselves, friends will immediately reassure us that it isn\'t the case and that we are beautiful and loveable. This indirectly perpetuates that we should not talk positively about ourselves because people frown upon it while putting ourselves down brings validation from others.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Wanting to be wanted</h2>\r\nInevitably in a relationship, there will be a <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/getting-yourself-together-promotes-sexual-desire.html\">high desire partner (HDP)</a> and a l<a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/i-dont-want-sex.html\">ow desire partner (LDP)</a>. These <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/03/different-levels-of-sexual-desire-between-partners-in-a-couple.html\">positions in the dynamic</a> play a role in the politics of sexual desire. The HDP has more sexual desire, but not necessarily towards their spouse or for sex. <strong>They might actually <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">want to be wanted</span> by their partner, more than desire sex per se.</strong> When we\'ve been refused sex multiple times, most people will start questioning their level of desirability. They might even ask their partners if they are still desirable to them.\r\n\r\nTo avoid any conflict or difficult discussions between partners, the LDP will reassure their HDP partner. This will push the HDP partner to show himself as undesirable so that they can get more validation from their LDP spouse. The lack of self-desirability keeps the HDP more and more undesirable and puts more pressure on the LDP to reassure them on a constant basis, outside and during sex.\r\n\r\nThe LDP basically controls their spouse\'s self-worth and level of desirability. That is because the HDP relies on their lover to give them that validation they so desperately seek. That validation might come from having sex with the HDP, so they actually believe them. <strong>This leads most often to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><em><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/04/sex-like-climbing-mountain-top.html\">pity sex</a>.</em></span> </strong>The more pity sex the couple has, the less the LDP desires sex and their spouse in return.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h2>Not wanting to want</h2>\r\nPeople are generally scared of actually truly wanting their partner. Wanting puts you in a position of vulnerability where you can feel empty if your desire is rejected. Most often the LDP is in this position, but the HDP can also play this role. The LDP feels secured by their HDP partner desiring them more. It creates a sense of constant validation because they also want to be wanted, just like their spouse. <strong>They just don\'t want to want</strong>. When the HDP doesn\'t need to be wanted anymore, this creates anxiety and fears in the LDP that their lover will leave the relationship.\r\n\r\nSometimes the LDP will complain if the HDP doesn\'t initiate as often or has completely stopped, all the while refusing to initiate sex themselves and complaining that their partner initiates to often. To reel back the HDP into the dynamic, the LDP will start having sex. If the HDP hasn\'t gained enough maturity yet and is still needing to be wanted, the dynamic will start back again. The LDP will slowly lose their desire again because the HDP still needs to be wanted.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>Wanting to want</h3>\r\nTruly having sexual desire comes from a space of fullness, not emptiness. Most people and our society talk about desire as though they are lacking something. That they need to take or be given something (e.g. the LDP gives sex to the HDP). Rarely do we hear people talk about desiring someone as giving to another. Sometimes spouses reward each other\'s good behavior with sex. If the HDP is nice enough, their spouse will give them the sex they want. <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2016/07/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine.html\">It is an economic exchange in what people call a loving relationship.</a>\r\n<h3>How can you want to want and not just want to be wanted?</h3>\r\nWanting to want comes from giving yourself to the other, not being used, like a lot of LDP\'s do in their relationship. You self-disclosure during sex your emotions, your sexual fantasies, your fears, your insecurities and your hang-ups. You become authentic and maintain your integrity in the face of rejection and lack of validation from the other. You take the risk of wanting more than your partner. You don\'t seek sex to gain validation but to show who you are.\r\n\r\nWhen your spouse doesn\'t share the same desire then you, it doesn\'t feel like a rejection of self. You don\'t get angry or feel hurt, you accept that they don\'t share at that particular moment the same desire as you. If your partner doesn\'t want to eat the same food as you at the restaurant or watch the same movie or read the same book...do you feel rejected or hurt? Most likely not! So why get so upset that they don\'t want to have sex that night? Why is your partner\'s lack of sexual desire a reflection of your level of desirability?\r\n<ul>\r\n 	<li><strong>Do you feel that your sexual advances are inviting?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Are you offering something interesting or just taking?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Would you have sex with yourself?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Are you an enjoyable sexual partner?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>Are you predictable or creative in your sexual overture and style?</strong></li>\r\n 	<li><strong>When is the last time you took a risk?</strong></li>\r\n</ul>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3>What can I do if my partner doesn\'t want to want, but I do?</h3>\r\nAsk yourself this question before figuring it out: What does it say <em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>about you</strong> </span></em>that you chose to remain with a partner that doesn\'t want to want [you]? If you feel that you\'ve really put some effort into this relationship and you\'ve been acting like a desirable partner should, then maybe you should ask yourself if you still want this person and this relationship.\r\n\r\nThis is a very hard decision to put into action especially in certain circumstances and in very long-term relationships where you invested a lot. You may also choose to stay in the relationship knowing you are with a person who doesn\'t want to want. No matter what your choice is, you are the one who lives with the consequences and you can sometimes only choose one of the options.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<img class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"http://montreal.lesexologue.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/07/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"sexologue montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\" />\r\n<h5><a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com\">Francois Renaud M.A.</a></h5>\r\n<h6>Sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist Montreal</h6>\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/therapie/couple-therapy/\">Specialized in couple\'s and sex therapy</a>\r\n\r\n<a href=\"http://sexcoupletherapy.com/about/\">About the author</a>', 'I want to be wanted!', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '455-revision-v1', '', '', '2018-09-18 19:58:14', '2018-09-18 17:58:14', '', 455, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2018/09/455-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(468, 2, '2019-03-09 20:15:23', '2019-03-09 19:15:23', '', 'couple love', '', 'inherit', 'open', 'closed', '', 'couple-love', '', '', '2019-03-09 20:15:23', '2019-03-09 19:15:23', '', 0, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2019/03/couple-love.jpg', 0, 'attachment', 'image/jpeg', 0),
(471, 2, '2019-05-02 15:10:39', '2019-05-02 13:10:39', '<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>How does therapy work?</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The sessions are normally scheduled once every week, which allows gaining momentum in the therapy work you’ve begun.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The length of the therapy cannot be determined by your sexual, emotional or relationship difficulty since every individual has a different degree of motivation, complexity and their dynamic is unique to themselves.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therapy sessions can either be done individually or as a couple.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is also possible to do therapy <a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2014/02/procedure-for-a-webcam-session.html\">in the comfort of your home via webcam</a>.</div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<div>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Typically, sex therapy can last up to 10 to 15 sessions on a weekly basis. This can either be shorter or longer depending on the severity of the issue and your implication in the process. Frequency can be stretched out depending on the need, availability or financial resources of the person.</span></p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Sex therapy is similar to any other type of psychotherapy with a health professional. We explore in the first session the situation and access what are the underlying issues at hand and the objectives you want to achieve. We tend to go deeper into future sessions to really grasp and understand the issues that were targeted to eventually find solutions and remedy the situation.</span></p>\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>First session</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The first session allows evaluating your reason for consultation, your objectives and expectations. With this information, the sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist can clarify the manner in which the subsequent sessions will proceed according to your individual and/or couple needs.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This session is also essential in determining if you are comfortable with and trust your sex therapist. It is important to choose your sex therapist according to their personality, their approach and interactions between you and them during this initial encounter.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">It is important to consider that therapy can be confrontational and uncomfortable at times and that it will allow you to progress in your process.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\" href=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\"><img src=\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jyeOpeFJJY4/UtLQJ_8CN-I/AAAAAAAAALU/EapPVxf59ms/s1600/PA050001.JPG\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\" border=\"0\" /></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Following sessions</b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Your sex therapist will gather more detailed information concerning your sexual and/or relationship difficulty that brought you to consult in the first place. The goal is to determine and understand your dynamic and the reasons you are facing these difficulties. Following these hypotheses, you will be able to establish with the sex therapist your objectives and ways of overcoming your difficulties.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>After </b></h3>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Once the comprehension of the sexual problems is finished, the following sessions help you to achieve your goals by overcoming your limits. This step tends to be particularly difficult for some people and the results are determined by your motivation and resilience at tolerating the anxiety that is inevitable when it comes to change.</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"></div>\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>The last step</b></h3>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">This step consists of doing a summary of the results of sex therapy. Before ending the therapy, the sex therapist &amp; psychotherapist ensures that you have integrated all the therapeutic gains that have been worked on so that you can independently deal with future issues autonomously. It is always possible to slowly space out the sessions at the end to facilitate the process.</div>', 'Therapeutic process with a sex therapist', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '56-revision-v1', '', '', '2019-05-02 15:10:39', '2019-05-02 13:10:39', '', 56, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2019/05/56-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(505, 2, '2019-12-11 14:57:23', '2019-12-11 13:57:23', '<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3518949513430806999#video16\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"> </span></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/webseries-maintaining-sexual-desire-part-3.html#video16\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\">Patterns between Low Desire Partner &amp; High Desire Partner</span></a></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/webseries-maintaining-sexual-desire-part-3.html#video17\">Different types of alliances in couples</a></span></div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: x-large;\"><a href=\"http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2015/03/webseries-maintaining-sexual-desire-part-3.html#video18\">Do you really want to change?</a></span></div>\r\nThere will always be a partner who<big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big> has more sexual desire than the other. The way<big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big> <big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>you <big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big><big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>will manage that difference will have a tremendous impact on each partner’s desire and the pleasure you will get out of sex. Ch<big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>anging our <big style=\"background-color: white; color: #575757; font-family: verdana; line-height: 16.533332824707px; text-align: justify;\"></big>relationship patterns is a hard thing to do. Nevertheless, the effort that is necessary to change can bring us great joy and closeness with our partner.\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup\"><form id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" class=\"validate\" action=\"//sexcoupletherapy.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d&amp;id=fd88d57b31\" method=\"post\" name=\"mc-embedded-subscribe-form\" novalidate=\"novalidate\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n<div id=\"mc_embed_signup_scroll\">\r\n<h2>Subscribe to our mailing list to receive notice of FREE videos on sexuality</h2>\r\n<div class=\"indicates-required\"><span class=\"asterisk\">*</span> indicates required</div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-EMAIL\">Email Address <span class=\"asterisk\">*</span>\r\n</label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-EMAIL\" class=\"required email\" name=\"EMAIL\" type=\"email\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-FNAME\">First Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-FNAME\" name=\"FNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"mc-field-group\"><label for=\"mce-LNAME\">Last Name </label>\r\n<input id=\"mce-LNAME\" name=\"LNAME\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div id=\"mce-responses\" class=\"clear\"></div>\r\n<!-- real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups-->\r\n<div style=\"left: -5000px; position: absolute;\"><input tabindex=\"-1\" name=\"b_b99a753a12fded994c86ffc1d_fd88d57b31\" type=\"text\" value=\"\" /></div>\r\n<div class=\"clear\"><input id=\"mc-embedded-subscribe\" class=\"button\" name=\"subscribe\" type=\"submit\" value=\"Subscribe\" /></div>\r\n</div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<div></div>\r\n<!--End mc_embed_signup-->\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"video16\">Patterns between Low Desire Partner &amp; High Desire Partner </a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/I_2lkXybX7g\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"></iframe></p>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><form action=\"https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr\" method=\"post\" target=\"_top\">\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" />\r\n<input name=\"hosted_button_id\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"K4SLU4ZGSDUYL\" /></div>\r\n</form></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Change the way you perceive and manage different levels of sexual desire.</h4>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you the high desire partner or low desire partner?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">How are you handling that position in the couple?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you tired of not having your needs met?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you want your partner to stop pressuring you?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"video17\">Different types of alliances in couples</a></h3>\r\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"></div>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/_RV1zy4LDO0\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"></iframe></p>\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><input name=\"cmd\" type=\"hidden\" value=\"_s-xclick\" /></div>\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Handle your relationship\'s conflict differently by viewing your partner and yourself in a more healthy manner.</h4>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">How do you handle differences?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you tend to avoid conflicts?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Do you argue a lot with your spouse, but nothing get\'s resolved?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you manipulative or easily change your mind, but regret it afterward?</div>\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https://www.blogger.com/null\" name=\"video18\">Do you really want to change?</a></h3>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/L9pAribujug\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"></iframe></p>\r\n\r\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Changing is hard for anyone, no matter what.</h4>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you stuck in a situation that is dissatisfying yet the other outcome doesn\'t seem that great either?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">Are you waiting for your partner to change rather than yourself?</div>\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">\r\n\r\nWhat are you willing to lose if you do change?\r\n\r\n</div>\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\n<hr />\r\n\r\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\">Francois Renaud M.A.</span></div>\r\n<div lang=\"en-CA\" style=\"line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0cm;\" align=\"JUSTIFY\"><span style=\"font-size: 16pt;\"><a href=\"http://www.sexcoupletherapy.com/\">Sex therapist &amp; Psychotherapist Montreal</a></span></div>\r\n</div>', 'Webseries 05: Maintaining Sexual Desire: Managing different levels of Sexual Desire', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '35-revision-v1', '', '', '2019-12-11 14:57:23', '2019-12-11 13:57:23', '', 35, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2019/12/35-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0),
(506, 2, '2019-12-11 21:30:19', '0000-00-00 00:00:00', '', 'Pressure & rejection: The realities of being in a couple', '', 'draft', 'open', 'open', '', '', '', '', '2019-12-11 21:30:19', '2019-12-11 20:30:19', '', 0, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/?p=506', 0, 'post', '', 0),
(507, 2, '2019-12-11 21:30:19', '2019-12-11 20:30:19', '', 'Pressure & rejection: The realities of being in a couple', '', 'inherit', 'closed', 'closed', '', '506-revision-v1', '', '', '2019-12-11 21:30:19', '2019-12-11 20:30:19', '', 506, 'http://montreal.sexcoupletherapy.com/2019/12/506-revision-v1.html', 0, 'revision', '', 0);
